TOP TEN BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK (OCT 10-16)
10. Uncle Sandwitch--Fri & Sat at Prime Time South
9. Metaphysical Jones--Thu at Village Idiot
8. Bonkers--Fri & Sat at Break Room Lounge
7. The Wow Factor--Fri & Sat at Lighthouse
6. Fall Out Boy--Mon at Headliners
5. Chili Cat--Sat at Frog City
4. Clumsy Lovers--Mon at Mickey Finn's Pub
3. Shucking Bubba Deluxe--Sat at Bait Shop Bar and Grill
2. A Gruesome Find--Sun at Howards Club H
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week...
1. Big Al's Used Cars--Fri & Sat at Augie's
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
[CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP] DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXT MESSAGES
The following is a recent TM exchange between meself and Paulie, AKA Pablo, AKA Idiot Boy, AKA Spanky Pants, AKA Cheese Nipples, AKA Steak Nuts, AKA Bunsy Wunsy Monchichi. Enjoy.
D: "U make me cum"
D: "U make me complete"
D: "U make me completely miserable"
D: "Whos that by, I gota Napster it"
P: "Lit"
D: "Lit? So theyd fit in ur string of band names, betwn Lickety Split n Little Richie"
P: "::Loads a round in the chamber and prepares to cock the shotgun::"
P: "I love when I use predictive text and I type the word 'cock' it cycles me thru the word 'anal' first"
D: "So ur sayin you had 2 run ur cock thru the anal cycle?"
D: "BTW just in case I evr hav 2 get a nu fone #, remind me 2 get a 2625 #"
D: "Im callin dibs on 2625"
D: "That way I'll hav, like, 514-COCK and 514-ANAL with the same #"
P: "Will do"
D: "Then when sum1 wants my # I can say 'wud u prefer my cock # or my anal #?'"
P: "A perfect bisexual's phone number"
D: "Ya, n Im a perfect bisexual!"
And remember, I've called dibs on it, so you, reading this, don't you dare steal it! I'll hunt you down, fucker.
The following is a recent TM exchange between meself and Paulie, AKA Pablo, AKA Idiot Boy, AKA Spanky Pants, AKA Cheese Nipples, AKA Steak Nuts, AKA Bunsy Wunsy Monchichi. Enjoy.
D: "U make me cum"
D: "U make me complete"
D: "U make me completely miserable"
D: "Whos that by, I gota Napster it"
P: "Lit"
D: "Lit? So theyd fit in ur string of band names, betwn Lickety Split n Little Richie"
P: "::Loads a round in the chamber and prepares to cock the shotgun::"
P: "I love when I use predictive text and I type the word 'cock' it cycles me thru the word 'anal' first"
D: "So ur sayin you had 2 run ur cock thru the anal cycle?"
D: "BTW just in case I evr hav 2 get a nu fone #, remind me 2 get a 2625 #"
D: "Im callin dibs on 2625"
D: "That way I'll hav, like, 514-COCK and 514-ANAL with the same #"
P: "Will do"
D: "Then when sum1 wants my # I can say 'wud u prefer my cock # or my anal #?'"
P: "A perfect bisexual's phone number"
D: "Ya, n Im a perfect bisexual!"
And remember, I've called dibs on it, so you, reading this, don't you dare steal it! I'll hunt you down, fucker.
Friday, October 03, 2003
TOP TEN BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK (OCT. 3-9)
10. Stop, Drop and Roll--Sat at Bait Shop Bar and Grill
9. The Recipe--Tue at Headliners
8. Pal Joey and the Sicilian Playboys--Sat at Trotters Tavern
7. Glinda's Bubble--Sat at Mickey Finn's Pub
6. The Knobs--Fri & Sat at Rooster Inn
5. Chester the Pup--Fri at Bait Shop Bar and Grill
4. Herkimer Shagnasty--Fri & Sat at Prime Time North
3. Bunny Hug--Fri at Mickey Finn's Pub
2. Fetish Doll--Sat at Headliners
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week...
1. Mustard Plug--Sat at The Scene
10. Stop, Drop and Roll--Sat at Bait Shop Bar and Grill
9. The Recipe--Tue at Headliners
8. Pal Joey and the Sicilian Playboys--Sat at Trotters Tavern
7. Glinda's Bubble--Sat at Mickey Finn's Pub
6. The Knobs--Fri & Sat at Rooster Inn
5. Chester the Pup--Fri at Bait Shop Bar and Grill
4. Herkimer Shagnasty--Fri & Sat at Prime Time North
3. Bunny Hug--Fri at Mickey Finn's Pub
2. Fetish Doll--Sat at Headliners
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week...
1. Mustard Plug--Sat at The Scene
Friday, September 26, 2003
TOP TEN BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK (SEP 26-OCT 2)
10. Scoobie Snaks--Fri & Sat at Prime Time South
9. Beer Goggles--Fri & Sat at Frog City
8. The Ordinary Way--Fri at Howards Club H
7. Mad Cows--Sat at Grill
6. Reaganomics--Sat at Bait Shop Bar and Grill
5. The Sell Out Kings--Fri & Sat at Prime Time North
4. Watermelon Men--Sun at Secor Lanes
3. Geronimo's Cadilac--Fri at Village Idiot
2. Government Honey--Thu at Distillery
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week...
1. Tangerine Trousers--Fri at Diva
10. Scoobie Snaks--Fri & Sat at Prime Time South
9. Beer Goggles--Fri & Sat at Frog City
8. The Ordinary Way--Fri at Howards Club H
7. Mad Cows--Sat at Grill
6. Reaganomics--Sat at Bait Shop Bar and Grill
5. The Sell Out Kings--Fri & Sat at Prime Time North
4. Watermelon Men--Sun at Secor Lanes
3. Geronimo's Cadilac--Fri at Village Idiot
2. Government Honey--Thu at Distillery
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week...
1. Tangerine Trousers--Fri at Diva
Thursday, September 25, 2003
THE DOVE POND--READER'S DIGEST VERSION
Just 2 short items this time, to save space...
1. ASHCROFT'S LATEST WHOPPER
"Recently, some in Washington have created an hysteria that local libraries are under siege of the FBI, that we are somehow rifling through the reading records of Americans," Ashcroft said. But he said "not a single American's library records have been reviewed under the Patriot act."
http://startribune.com/stories/1576/4107876.html
Dear John:
You forgot to mention that the USA-PATRIOT Act MAKES IT A CRIME FOR ANYONE TO DISCLOSE THAT YOU HAVE REQUESTED ANYONE'S LIBRARY RECORDS. So, how may we conclude that you're telling us the truth? Would you tell us if you were wiretapping us and intercepting our emails?
--Terry Lodge
[My pal Terry, a lawyer and fellow NWOPC member, hits the nail on the head there I think.--DJP]
2. LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON...THINK ABOUT IT, WON'T YOU?
On September 11, 1990, President George H. W. Bush, addressing a joint session of Congress, claimed “120,000 Iraqi troops with 850 tanks have poured into Kuwait and moved south to threaten Saudi Arabia.” But an enterprising journalist, Jean Heller, reported in the St. Petersburg Times on January 6, 1991 (a bare ten days before the Gulf War began) that commercial satellite photos taken on September 11, the day the president spoke, showed no sign of a massive buildup of Iraqi forces in Kuwait. When the Pentagon was asked to provide evidence to support the president’s claim, it refused to do so—and continues to refuse to this day.
http://www.veteransforpeace.org/EX_CIA_professional_052503.htm
[Deja vu.--DJP]
PS: Apparently I've gotten away with posting the previous post. Then again, they might be trying to lull me into a false sense of security. Not a chance, I'm too paranoid! :)
Just 2 short items this time, to save space...
1. ASHCROFT'S LATEST WHOPPER
"Recently, some in Washington have created an hysteria that local libraries are under siege of the FBI, that we are somehow rifling through the reading records of Americans," Ashcroft said. But he said "not a single American's library records have been reviewed under the Patriot act."
http://startribune.com/stories/1576/4107876.html
Dear John:
You forgot to mention that the USA-PATRIOT Act MAKES IT A CRIME FOR ANYONE TO DISCLOSE THAT YOU HAVE REQUESTED ANYONE'S LIBRARY RECORDS. So, how may we conclude that you're telling us the truth? Would you tell us if you were wiretapping us and intercepting our emails?
--Terry Lodge
[My pal Terry, a lawyer and fellow NWOPC member, hits the nail on the head there I think.--DJP]
2. LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON...THINK ABOUT IT, WON'T YOU?
On September 11, 1990, President George H. W. Bush, addressing a joint session of Congress, claimed “120,000 Iraqi troops with 850 tanks have poured into Kuwait and moved south to threaten Saudi Arabia.” But an enterprising journalist, Jean Heller, reported in the St. Petersburg Times on January 6, 1991 (a bare ten days before the Gulf War began) that commercial satellite photos taken on September 11, the day the president spoke, showed no sign of a massive buildup of Iraqi forces in Kuwait. When the Pentagon was asked to provide evidence to support the president’s claim, it refused to do so—and continues to refuse to this day.
http://www.veteransforpeace.org/EX_CIA_professional_052503.htm
[Deja vu.--DJP]
PS: Apparently I've gotten away with posting the previous post. Then again, they might be trying to lull me into a false sense of security. Not a chance, I'm too paranoid! :)
Monday, September 22, 2003
LIQUOR, BUSH, AND RUBBER NIPPLES
So I'm searching for photos of some folks who might make my next Celeb Crush list, and a name pops into my head: Jenna Bush.
Then the inevitable questions start bouncing around in my brain: Would I, could I, should I include "Doughnut Girl" in the next list?
The plus is obvious: She's fuckin' hot. The minuses are plenty: For starters, does she even count as a celebrity? Well, she's really only famous for being famous, but it could be argued that she's made a name for herself, what with all the drinking and partying and making out with her gal pals.
Then there's the fact that I hate her along with her entire family. If you hate someone's guts but would still fuck them if given the chance, does that really constitute a 'crush' per se? Doesn't a crush imply some measure of affection/admiration for the crushee?
Then of course there's the ultimate plus/minus: She's a booze hound. And as a rule, drunk women don't turn me on. Never have. (Unless of course I'm also drunk. But obviously that doesn't count.) Now mind you, in light of recent events in my life I've come to much the same realization as many before me: Drunk women are easier. Duh.
So it would seem that all I have to do is either set aside my self-imposed rule or just get myself sufficiently soaked to the point where I don't give a shit. And I happen to know for a fact that this works in my case. (With disastrous results I might add.)
So if I were so inclined (and really horny) I'm sure I could on a regular basis put into practice the routine touted by the late Sam Kinison, which was this: A) Get her drunk, B) Get her in bed, C) Cum all over her back, D) Steal 30 or 40 bucks out of her purse, E) Crawl out the window, and F) Never call her again. "Let them wake up sticky, broke and confused...let's see how they like it."
The trick is (and believe me I will keep this foremost in my mind in future if/when necessary) to make sure that the drunk woman in question is NOT someone I love or care about, and is someone I WON'T miss terribly when we never speak again afterwards.
I hate Jenna Bush. Okay, so that solves that problem!
Which leaves only the biggest hurdle: the ironically increasing lack of freedom of speech in this, the age of the internet. With the U.S. of A. becoming more and more like Nazi Germany under the so-called leadership of Jenna's neo-Hitler daddy, can I really expect to be allowed to post this very entry on my blog without repercussions?
If I wished, could I, in fact, state here in The Pond that *if* I were given the chance, I *might* be inclined to give Jenna the Kinison-style "sticky, broke and confused" treatment? And could I make such a statement without having Secret Service agents breaking down my door tomorrow morning, seizing all my belongings, and shipping me off to Gitmo as a suspected terrorist?
This remains to be seen. If I post again in a few days, you can assume a yes. If not, hopefully one of you will be willing to post my bail.
P.S. In order to maintain the relevance of the title of this post, let me quickly address the topic of rubber nipples:
Rubber nipples--good. Fire--bad.
So I'm searching for photos of some folks who might make my next Celeb Crush list, and a name pops into my head: Jenna Bush.
Then the inevitable questions start bouncing around in my brain: Would I, could I, should I include "Doughnut Girl" in the next list?
The plus is obvious: She's fuckin' hot. The minuses are plenty: For starters, does she even count as a celebrity? Well, she's really only famous for being famous, but it could be argued that she's made a name for herself, what with all the drinking and partying and making out with her gal pals.
Then there's the fact that I hate her along with her entire family. If you hate someone's guts but would still fuck them if given the chance, does that really constitute a 'crush' per se? Doesn't a crush imply some measure of affection/admiration for the crushee?
Then of course there's the ultimate plus/minus: She's a booze hound. And as a rule, drunk women don't turn me on. Never have. (Unless of course I'm also drunk. But obviously that doesn't count.) Now mind you, in light of recent events in my life I've come to much the same realization as many before me: Drunk women are easier. Duh.
So it would seem that all I have to do is either set aside my self-imposed rule or just get myself sufficiently soaked to the point where I don't give a shit. And I happen to know for a fact that this works in my case. (With disastrous results I might add.)
So if I were so inclined (and really horny) I'm sure I could on a regular basis put into practice the routine touted by the late Sam Kinison, which was this: A) Get her drunk, B) Get her in bed, C) Cum all over her back, D) Steal 30 or 40 bucks out of her purse, E) Crawl out the window, and F) Never call her again. "Let them wake up sticky, broke and confused...let's see how they like it."
The trick is (and believe me I will keep this foremost in my mind in future if/when necessary) to make sure that the drunk woman in question is NOT someone I love or care about, and is someone I WON'T miss terribly when we never speak again afterwards.
I hate Jenna Bush. Okay, so that solves that problem!
Which leaves only the biggest hurdle: the ironically increasing lack of freedom of speech in this, the age of the internet. With the U.S. of A. becoming more and more like Nazi Germany under the so-called leadership of Jenna's neo-Hitler daddy, can I really expect to be allowed to post this very entry on my blog without repercussions?
If I wished, could I, in fact, state here in The Pond that *if* I were given the chance, I *might* be inclined to give Jenna the Kinison-style "sticky, broke and confused" treatment? And could I make such a statement without having Secret Service agents breaking down my door tomorrow morning, seizing all my belongings, and shipping me off to Gitmo as a suspected terrorist?
This remains to be seen. If I post again in a few days, you can assume a yes. If not, hopefully one of you will be willing to post my bail.
P.S. In order to maintain the relevance of the title of this post, let me quickly address the topic of rubber nipples:
Rubber nipples--good. Fire--bad.
Friday, September 19, 2003
TOP TEN BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK (SEP 19-25)
10. Zero Rain--Sat at Bait Shop Bar & Grill
9. Unglued--Fri & Sat at Papa And Drews
8. Static Rituals--Wed at Mickey Finn's Pub
7. Smoking--Sat at Lucky Louie's
6. Ten Inch Willy--Fri & Sat at L.A. Pit Stop
5. Musicians Night Out With Bathhouse Betty--Fri at Back Porch
4. D/A And The Prosecutors--Fri at Panama J's
3. Carbon Leaf--Mon at Howards Club H
2. Stacked Ham--Fri & Sat at Break Room Lounge
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week...
1. Creamy Goodness--Fri at Frog City Sports Pub
10. Zero Rain--Sat at Bait Shop Bar & Grill
9. Unglued--Fri & Sat at Papa And Drews
8. Static Rituals--Wed at Mickey Finn's Pub
7. Smoking--Sat at Lucky Louie's
6. Ten Inch Willy--Fri & Sat at L.A. Pit Stop
5. Musicians Night Out With Bathhouse Betty--Fri at Back Porch
4. D/A And The Prosecutors--Fri at Panama J's
3. Carbon Leaf--Mon at Howards Club H
2. Stacked Ham--Fri & Sat at Break Room Lounge
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week...
1. Creamy Goodness--Fri at Frog City Sports Pub
Friday, September 12, 2003
FIRST I RIP OFF THE STEVER, NOW BUZZ...WHAT'S NEXT, "LEAVING IDAHO"? ("CHAFING CHAFING CHAFING CHAFING...")
With all due props to Buzz Kilman, the time has come for me to kick off a new Pond feature:
TOP TEN BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK (SEP 12-18)
10. Paint Black Walrus--Fri at Fat Tuesdays, Sat at Bronze Boar
9. The Blue Kazoos--Fri at Morris'
8. The Griswolds--Mon at Casa Barron
7. Ninja And The Secret Rage--Sun at Music Suite
6. Froghead--Fri/Sat at M.T. Loonies
5. Don't Ask--Fri/Sat at Michigan Tavern
4. Goin' To Gramma's--Wed at Manhattan's
3. Ten Inch Willy--Fri/Sat at Checkers Pub, Wed/Thu at Club Attitudes
2. D/A And The Prosecutors--Fri at Panama J's
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week (and what a timely choice for today)...
1. The Bastard Sons Of Johnny Cash--Sat at Mickey Finn's Pub
Honorable Mention: Dirty Power--Tue at the High 5 Bar in Columbus
With all due props to Buzz Kilman, the time has come for me to kick off a new Pond feature:
TOP TEN BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK (SEP 12-18)
10. Paint Black Walrus--Fri at Fat Tuesdays, Sat at Bronze Boar
9. The Blue Kazoos--Fri at Morris'
8. The Griswolds--Mon at Casa Barron
7. Ninja And The Secret Rage--Sun at Music Suite
6. Froghead--Fri/Sat at M.T. Loonies
5. Don't Ask--Fri/Sat at Michigan Tavern
4. Goin' To Gramma's--Wed at Manhattan's
3. Ten Inch Willy--Fri/Sat at Checkers Pub, Wed/Thu at Club Attitudes
2. D/A And The Prosecutors--Fri at Panama J's
And the number one best band name playing the Toledo area this week (and what a timely choice for today)...
1. The Bastard Sons Of Johnny Cash--Sat at Mickey Finn's Pub
Honorable Mention: Dirty Power--Tue at the High 5 Bar in Columbus
Saturday, September 06, 2003
HELLO CLEVELAND HEIGHTS!
Wow.
What a blast I had in Cleveland Sunday night at the Pansy Division show. I needed until today to recover sufficiently to write this post. Where to begin? What can I tell you? More importantly, what CAN'T I tell you? ;)
Unlike Detroit last October, Paulie and I made sure we arrived at the Grog Shop early so as not to miss anything. And with three other bands opening for them (Three?!) there was plenty of time to spare. From the moment PD got there, we were privileged to spend mucho quality time with them.
After playing roadie and helping them carry their equipment inside, we got to tag along with Patrick, Jon and Luis as they went down the street for sandwiches. (Apparently Chris wasn't hungry.) I kicked myself for not having a tape recorder handy, but nonetheless I gently went into interview mode for the purpose of this here post.
One mystery was cleared up for me when I asked Jon about the song "Blurry Down Below" from the new album. Was it about STDs? Leprosy? Nukes? He explained that it was actually a sort of a sci-fi scenario, about waking up and finding your genitals blurred out much like televised nudity. Think Kafka meets Jackass, I guess.
Another revealing bit of info came as they passed around a write-up on the band in a local paper. The article made mention of Jon's "penis-shaped guitar", to which Jon responded (and I have to paraphrase) "What penis-shaped guitar? I don't have a guitar shaped like a penis. My penis IS shaped like a guitar, though."
Later, back at the Grog Shop, as the other acts played, a guy in the crowd came up to me and handed me a tiny light bulb and said "The tall blond guy [Chris] in your band was looking for a bulb, one of the other bands found it. You're in the band, right?" I told him no, but that I'm friends with them, so I'd see that he got it back. Little did I know how prophetic his question would prove.
Now, during the encore at the Detroit show, several of us requested the song "Flower". For those of you who haven't heard it, the song includes a run-on lyric that goes for about a minute and a half. On the record Jon obviously recorded it in sections which were then edited together. But he was unable to sing it live, so instead they played the song off the CD and lip-synched it as a joke. But since then, after a bit of practice I figured out how to breathe sufficiently to be able to sing it. I told Jon earlier in the evening that if they wanted me to, I could come up on stage and sing it. Jon said "We'll see," and I didn't really expect it to happen.
They played a 16-song set and came back for 2 songs as an encore. Next thing I know Jon tells the crowd "We have a friend here who says he can sing this one..." and before you can say "Star Search" I am on stage performing with Pansy Division!
I half-jokingly asked Jon earlier if they could slow it down for me if we do it. Big mistake. Normally I take 1 breath per line, but they slowed it down to the point where I had to take 2 breaths per line. I muddled through though, AND I stayed in key, something I've been conscious of since Paulie once told me I was off-key on it. I actually ran out of breath on the last two or three words of the very last line, but the crowd didn't seem to care. They went nuts, the band was pleasantly shocked and awed that I made it through, and Paulie was never more proud of me. He got pics of it too which I will scan and post online as soon as I possibly can.
So that was a dream fulfilled for me. Another one was sort of fulfilled as well, but discretion forbids me from writing about it here. Sorry, folks, you'll just have to use your imaginations. ;)
Anyway sorry for the delay of this recap but I'm still coming down off the high. Not to mention my voice is still recovering. But that's really from singing along and shouting throughout the show, not from singing "Flower". So I would imagine once my voice is back at 100% I'll be hitting the local karaoke scene. I really felt in my element up there on stage. Perhaps if PD ever needs a new vocalist...
P.S. One thing's for sure, PD needs a new lead guitarist. Patrick dropped the bombshell on us that this was his final tour with PD (his last show with them is tonight in fact) to concentrate on his own band, Dirty Power. I've added a link to the DP page at right. They've got a video premiering on MTV soon and it will also be viewable on their site soon. Check them out, they fuckin' kick some serious ass!
Wow.
What a blast I had in Cleveland Sunday night at the Pansy Division show. I needed until today to recover sufficiently to write this post. Where to begin? What can I tell you? More importantly, what CAN'T I tell you? ;)
Unlike Detroit last October, Paulie and I made sure we arrived at the Grog Shop early so as not to miss anything. And with three other bands opening for them (Three?!) there was plenty of time to spare. From the moment PD got there, we were privileged to spend mucho quality time with them.
After playing roadie and helping them carry their equipment inside, we got to tag along with Patrick, Jon and Luis as they went down the street for sandwiches. (Apparently Chris wasn't hungry.) I kicked myself for not having a tape recorder handy, but nonetheless I gently went into interview mode for the purpose of this here post.
One mystery was cleared up for me when I asked Jon about the song "Blurry Down Below" from the new album. Was it about STDs? Leprosy? Nukes? He explained that it was actually a sort of a sci-fi scenario, about waking up and finding your genitals blurred out much like televised nudity. Think Kafka meets Jackass, I guess.
Another revealing bit of info came as they passed around a write-up on the band in a local paper. The article made mention of Jon's "penis-shaped guitar", to which Jon responded (and I have to paraphrase) "What penis-shaped guitar? I don't have a guitar shaped like a penis. My penis IS shaped like a guitar, though."
Later, back at the Grog Shop, as the other acts played, a guy in the crowd came up to me and handed me a tiny light bulb and said "The tall blond guy [Chris] in your band was looking for a bulb, one of the other bands found it. You're in the band, right?" I told him no, but that I'm friends with them, so I'd see that he got it back. Little did I know how prophetic his question would prove.
Now, during the encore at the Detroit show, several of us requested the song "Flower". For those of you who haven't heard it, the song includes a run-on lyric that goes for about a minute and a half. On the record Jon obviously recorded it in sections which were then edited together. But he was unable to sing it live, so instead they played the song off the CD and lip-synched it as a joke. But since then, after a bit of practice I figured out how to breathe sufficiently to be able to sing it. I told Jon earlier in the evening that if they wanted me to, I could come up on stage and sing it. Jon said "We'll see," and I didn't really expect it to happen.
They played a 16-song set and came back for 2 songs as an encore. Next thing I know Jon tells the crowd "We have a friend here who says he can sing this one..." and before you can say "Star Search" I am on stage performing with Pansy Division!
I half-jokingly asked Jon earlier if they could slow it down for me if we do it. Big mistake. Normally I take 1 breath per line, but they slowed it down to the point where I had to take 2 breaths per line. I muddled through though, AND I stayed in key, something I've been conscious of since Paulie once told me I was off-key on it. I actually ran out of breath on the last two or three words of the very last line, but the crowd didn't seem to care. They went nuts, the band was pleasantly shocked and awed that I made it through, and Paulie was never more proud of me. He got pics of it too which I will scan and post online as soon as I possibly can.
So that was a dream fulfilled for me. Another one was sort of fulfilled as well, but discretion forbids me from writing about it here. Sorry, folks, you'll just have to use your imaginations. ;)
Anyway sorry for the delay of this recap but I'm still coming down off the high. Not to mention my voice is still recovering. But that's really from singing along and shouting throughout the show, not from singing "Flower". So I would imagine once my voice is back at 100% I'll be hitting the local karaoke scene. I really felt in my element up there on stage. Perhaps if PD ever needs a new vocalist...
P.S. One thing's for sure, PD needs a new lead guitarist. Patrick dropped the bombshell on us that this was his final tour with PD (his last show with them is tonight in fact) to concentrate on his own band, Dirty Power. I've added a link to the DP page at right. They've got a video premiering on MTV soon and it will also be viewable on their site soon. Check them out, they fuckin' kick some serious ass!
Thursday, August 28, 2003
EDIT
The purpose of this post is to help shorten the main page here at the Pond. Some recent items such as the "Dove Pond" were getting pretty lengthy, making it hard to load this page. I've managed to trim things down a bit by replacing some of the longer items with links to where they're posted elsewhere. I also republished the last post (Celeb Crushes/Smoking ban) as two separate posts, as I should have done in the first place.
I apologize for the inconvenience. (And nothing else!)
The purpose of this post is to help shorten the main page here at the Pond. Some recent items such as the "Dove Pond" were getting pretty lengthy, making it hard to load this page. I've managed to trim things down a bit by replacing some of the longer items with links to where they're posted elsewhere. I also republished the last post (Celeb Crushes/Smoking ban) as two separate posts, as I should have done in the first place.
I apologize for the inconvenience. (And nothing else!)
I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR THE POOR BASTIDS (NO I DON'T)
Well the smoking ban here in Toledo finally took effect this week, and I gotta tell ya, on the way to work last night I passed a couple of neighborhood bars and of course I got to see small packs of nicotine slaves puttering around out front puffing away. Luckily since I was on my way to work and didn't have the spare time, I was able to resist the temptation to pull the car over so I could laugh and point at them.
"Awww, poor little drug addicts. Wassa matter? Now you can only pollute your own lungs? Awww boo-gy boo-gy boo-gy! Poor things. There there, I know how you feel. Once I was in a McDonald's, and I was eating a Big Mac, and I started to go around to the other customers and spit what I'd chewed down their throats...and would you believe (sniff...sob) the store manager made me go outside! Boo-hoo-hoo! I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! Losers."
What a splendid site it was. Makes me proud to be a non-smoking Toledoan. Can't wait to go out on the weekends and actually have a social life. See you all on Karaoke night. :) I think I might go join a bowling league too! STEE-RIKE!
Well the smoking ban here in Toledo finally took effect this week, and I gotta tell ya, on the way to work last night I passed a couple of neighborhood bars and of course I got to see small packs of nicotine slaves puttering around out front puffing away. Luckily since I was on my way to work and didn't have the spare time, I was able to resist the temptation to pull the car over so I could laugh and point at them.
"Awww, poor little drug addicts. Wassa matter? Now you can only pollute your own lungs? Awww boo-gy boo-gy boo-gy! Poor things. There there, I know how you feel. Once I was in a McDonald's, and I was eating a Big Mac, and I started to go around to the other customers and spit what I'd chewed down their throats...and would you believe (sniff...sob) the store manager made me go outside! Boo-hoo-hoo! I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! Losers."
What a splendid site it was. Makes me proud to be a non-smoking Toledoan. Can't wait to go out on the weekends and actually have a social life. See you all on Karaoke night. :) I think I might go join a bowling league too! STEE-RIKE!
Friday, August 01, 2003
IN THIS INSTALLMENT OF THE DOVE POND:
1. AN ESSAY THAT GIVES ME HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
2. SUCK MY DECK
3. WE'RE HERE, WE'RE CANADIAN, GET USED TO IT, EH?
4. HELLO MUDDAH, HELLO FADDAH...GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
5. BOB HOPE MUST DIE, AND APPARENTLY SO MUST A LOT OF UNKNOWN DOGFACES
6. WOULD YOU HIRE THIS MAN?
***
1.
WHAT THE AMERICAN FLAG STANDS FOR
by Charlotte Aldebron
***
2.
You want a deck of cards? I got your deck of cards RIGHT HERE!
***
3.
IS THERE NO SHAME AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVE.?
After ABC News reporter Jeffrey Kofman did a story from Iraq recently detailing low morale among the troops serving there, the Bush administration reportedly sought to discredit the man rather than refute the message. Apparently someone inside the White House went to cybergossip Matt Drudge and leaked that Kofman was gay. Then, in its effort to further spin the news and muzzle the media, the administration rummaged through Kofman's closet and revealed him to be . . . a Canadian.
Put yourself in Kofman's shoes. What if he hadn't come out yet as a Canadian to his family and friends? There it was, on the Internet for everyone to see. Imagine how difficult it will be now for him at family gatherings or in the office. Awkward silences, punctuated by the occasional, "Boy, that William Shatner is an underrated actor."
It is nothing short of immoral to add to the burden that Kofman must feel as he lives his life as a Canadian. He probably realized at a young age that he was Canadian when, to his horror, it sank in that he was more attracted to hockey than baseball.
Our society already makes it difficult for people to live as Canadians.
Our football fields aren't 110 yards long, and hardly any Americans appreciate Gordon Lightfoot. Adding to their shame are the openly Canadian celebrities who turn their backs on their lifestyle. Peter Jennings became the poster child for ex-Canadians when he earlier this month swore an oath and became an American, and Wayne Gretzky -- Wayne Gretzky -- actually went so far as to marry an American.
The plight of Canadians isn't helped by flamboyant Canadians. We've all seen them marching in their Dominion Day parades, wearing their outrageously flaming red Mountie outfits, waving their Maple Leaf flags and pledging allegiance to their "queen."
To use Kofman's Canadianness as a slur shows how ignorant and intolerant this administration is. We know much more about being Canadian than we did just 10 years ago. For instance, many sociologists now believe that people don't choose to be Canadian, they're born that way.
Instead of deriding Kofman as a Canadian, President Bush should embrace him as being an integral part of the diverse fabric that makes up America.
All people have worth and can contribute to the American dream, even if they're Canadian.
But having the Supreme Court legalize Canadian sex, that's a whole different matter.
***
4.
Bring them on, my ass...BRING THEM HOME! Letter from a young soldier in Iraq
***
5.
Bob Hope died, and the multimillionaire semi-funny right-wing golf-loving non-combatant gets Federal flags at half staff (Bush's actual decree).
Meanwhile... another sweet son of America dies, far before his 100th birthday, without experiencing accolades, television lights, or golf games with Presidents. All he did was go to Iraq and get killed in a Humvee...anonymously.
Think about this: I mean it... THINK about this.
Ponder this.
What does THIS say about America? How painfully revealing is this about the "cult of personality" that we've become? What does this fawning and gushing over the timely and wholly expected death of an obscenely wealthy and well-connected entertainer say about the character of our President?
Bush did not declare that flags should fly reverentially at half-staff for any of the 68 non-celebrity American soldiers who have died since he decided the war was "over" on May 1st.
No. The Texas cheerleader decreed, instead, that the flags at Federal institutions shall fly at half staff for... the century-old wealthy comedian. Un huh.
After all, who in the hell was that poor schmoe dead Marine? And who in the hell cares?
Michael J. Young
San Diego CA
***
6.
WOULD YOU HIRE THIS MAN?
RESUME OF GEORGE W. BUSH
1. AN ESSAY THAT GIVES ME HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
2. SUCK MY DECK
3. WE'RE HERE, WE'RE CANADIAN, GET USED TO IT, EH?
4. HELLO MUDDAH, HELLO FADDAH...GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
5. BOB HOPE MUST DIE, AND APPARENTLY SO MUST A LOT OF UNKNOWN DOGFACES
6. WOULD YOU HIRE THIS MAN?
***
1.
WHAT THE AMERICAN FLAG STANDS FOR
by Charlotte Aldebron
***
2.
You want a deck of cards? I got your deck of cards RIGHT HERE!
***
3.
IS THERE NO SHAME AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVE.?
After ABC News reporter Jeffrey Kofman did a story from Iraq recently detailing low morale among the troops serving there, the Bush administration reportedly sought to discredit the man rather than refute the message. Apparently someone inside the White House went to cybergossip Matt Drudge and leaked that Kofman was gay. Then, in its effort to further spin the news and muzzle the media, the administration rummaged through Kofman's closet and revealed him to be . . . a Canadian.
Put yourself in Kofman's shoes. What if he hadn't come out yet as a Canadian to his family and friends? There it was, on the Internet for everyone to see. Imagine how difficult it will be now for him at family gatherings or in the office. Awkward silences, punctuated by the occasional, "Boy, that William Shatner is an underrated actor."
It is nothing short of immoral to add to the burden that Kofman must feel as he lives his life as a Canadian. He probably realized at a young age that he was Canadian when, to his horror, it sank in that he was more attracted to hockey than baseball.
Our society already makes it difficult for people to live as Canadians.
Our football fields aren't 110 yards long, and hardly any Americans appreciate Gordon Lightfoot. Adding to their shame are the openly Canadian celebrities who turn their backs on their lifestyle. Peter Jennings became the poster child for ex-Canadians when he earlier this month swore an oath and became an American, and Wayne Gretzky -- Wayne Gretzky -- actually went so far as to marry an American.
The plight of Canadians isn't helped by flamboyant Canadians. We've all seen them marching in their Dominion Day parades, wearing their outrageously flaming red Mountie outfits, waving their Maple Leaf flags and pledging allegiance to their "queen."
To use Kofman's Canadianness as a slur shows how ignorant and intolerant this administration is. We know much more about being Canadian than we did just 10 years ago. For instance, many sociologists now believe that people don't choose to be Canadian, they're born that way.
Instead of deriding Kofman as a Canadian, President Bush should embrace him as being an integral part of the diverse fabric that makes up America.
All people have worth and can contribute to the American dream, even if they're Canadian.
But having the Supreme Court legalize Canadian sex, that's a whole different matter.
***
4.
Bring them on, my ass...BRING THEM HOME! Letter from a young soldier in Iraq
***
5.
Bob Hope died, and the multimillionaire semi-funny right-wing golf-loving non-combatant gets Federal flags at half staff (Bush's actual decree).
Meanwhile... another sweet son of America dies, far before his 100th birthday, without experiencing accolades, television lights, or golf games with Presidents. All he did was go to Iraq and get killed in a Humvee...anonymously.
Think about this: I mean it... THINK about this.
Ponder this.
What does THIS say about America? How painfully revealing is this about the "cult of personality" that we've become? What does this fawning and gushing over the timely and wholly expected death of an obscenely wealthy and well-connected entertainer say about the character of our President?
Bush did not declare that flags should fly reverentially at half-staff for any of the 68 non-celebrity American soldiers who have died since he decided the war was "over" on May 1st.
No. The Texas cheerleader decreed, instead, that the flags at Federal institutions shall fly at half staff for... the century-old wealthy comedian. Un huh.
After all, who in the hell was that poor schmoe dead Marine? And who in the hell cares?
Michael J. Young
San Diego CA
***
6.
WOULD YOU HIRE THIS MAN?
RESUME OF GEORGE W. BUSH
Thursday, July 17, 2003
COMING SOON TO THE DUCKPOND: ALBUM REVIEWS!
With Arthur Kill's "Addiction" album being officially released August 1st (I've had it since March, because I'm cool), and with Pansy Division's "Total Entertainment" album being released August 12th (I've already ordered it), I'll be rolling out my new Pond side feature, Duck Pond Album Reviews.
Way cool. The new PD album comes out (pun intended) on the 12th. As if the day wasn't special enough. ALF's b-day, the Perseids, the 1-year anniversary of the infamous "Paula" pic, and now the brand thpanking new PD CD. Can 8/12 get any cooler?
With Arthur Kill's "Addiction" album being officially released August 1st (I've had it since March, because I'm cool), and with Pansy Division's "Total Entertainment" album being released August 12th (I've already ordered it), I'll be rolling out my new Pond side feature, Duck Pond Album Reviews.
Way cool. The new PD album comes out (pun intended) on the 12th. As if the day wasn't special enough. ALF's b-day, the Perseids, the 1-year anniversary of the infamous "Paula" pic, and now the brand thpanking new PD CD. Can 8/12 get any cooler?
Thursday, July 03, 2003
RANDOM ACTS OF GEAKISHNESS
R.A.O.G. was a regular (or should I say irregular?) feature in AG! The Geak Newsletter (of which the Duck Pond is obviously the reincarnation...of sorts...of) and since I'm still trying to cover up for a severe case of writer's block, what say we dust it off and give it a new life here on this newfangled internet thingy?
***
AWARD FOLLOW-UP
Um, you folks never did weigh in with your votes on the two undecided awards from 2002. So as usual I took matters into my own hands. Here's the winners. Don't like 'em? Tough. Next time, speak up.
Album Of The Year: "Absurd Pop Song Romance", Pansy Division
Music Video Of The Year: "Trouble", Coldplay
***
(The following item was emailed to me by my sis.)
MOUSE BALLS
***
HAVE YOU CLICKED THE PICK TO CLICK?
Because if you haven't, you really should. This Mark Morford dude writes some damn good stuff. Go. Click. Now. Read. Enjoy. Up and to the right. There ya go.
***
THWAP!
It fascinates me no end, it boggles my mind, it keeps me up days, the fact that no matter how many sprays and bug bombs and laser-guided insecticides the good people at Johnson Wax put on the market, the best way for me to kill off all these damn flies that, thanks to my bro opening a basement window he really shouldn't have opened, are now constantly invading my personal space, is with a cheap plastic flyswatter. Maybe the same technology would help solve our current George W. Bush infestation. "Hey Dubya!" "What?" *THWAP!* "Stop it."
R.A.O.G. was a regular (or should I say irregular?) feature in AG! The Geak Newsletter (of which the Duck Pond is obviously the reincarnation...of sorts...of) and since I'm still trying to cover up for a severe case of writer's block, what say we dust it off and give it a new life here on this newfangled internet thingy?
***
AWARD FOLLOW-UP
Um, you folks never did weigh in with your votes on the two undecided awards from 2002. So as usual I took matters into my own hands. Here's the winners. Don't like 'em? Tough. Next time, speak up.
Album Of The Year: "Absurd Pop Song Romance", Pansy Division
Music Video Of The Year: "Trouble", Coldplay
***
(The following item was emailed to me by my sis.)
MOUSE BALLS
***
HAVE YOU CLICKED THE PICK TO CLICK?
Because if you haven't, you really should. This Mark Morford dude writes some damn good stuff. Go. Click. Now. Read. Enjoy. Up and to the right. There ya go.
***
THWAP!
It fascinates me no end, it boggles my mind, it keeps me up days, the fact that no matter how many sprays and bug bombs and laser-guided insecticides the good people at Johnson Wax put on the market, the best way for me to kill off all these damn flies that, thanks to my bro opening a basement window he really shouldn't have opened, are now constantly invading my personal space, is with a cheap plastic flyswatter. Maybe the same technology would help solve our current George W. Bush infestation. "Hey Dubya!" "What?" *THWAP!* "Stop it."
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
SODA WARS 2003
Um, yeah. Yawn. Let's get ready to rumble. Ho hum.
MOUNTAIN DEW LIVEWIRE VS. TROPICAL SPRITE REMIX
Well, in the color department, it's no contest. TSR is clear and therefore no match for the overwhelming orangeness of MDL. In the flavor department, a similar result. TSR's light fruity bouquet gets completely bitch-slapped by ORANGE! ORANGE! ORANGE! Did I mention MDL is ORANGE?
Mind you, I love orange, the flavor as well as the color. It's the color of ALF, after all. But the problem is, MDL is so orange that there remains little if any detectable Mountain Dew flavor in it. It might just as well be plain and simple orange soda. And TSR is something completely, or at least distinctively, different from regular Sprite.
And it is on these grounds that, despite the fact that MDL made TSR its thoroughly submissive bitch in this contest, I must, in good conscience, disqualify MDL and declare TSR the winner, in much the same way that Andy Kaufman won his infamous wrestling match despite being mercilessly piledriven by Jerry Lawler.
THE WINNER AND 2003 SODA WARS CHAMPION, CURRENTLY BEING TRANSPORTED BY AMBULANCE TO FAYGO GENERAL HOSPITAL COMPLETE WITH A BIG NECK BRACE AROUND THE BOTTLE: TROPICAL SPRITE RRRRRRRRRREMIX!!!!!
Um, yeah. Yawn. Let's get ready to rumble. Ho hum.
MOUNTAIN DEW LIVEWIRE VS. TROPICAL SPRITE REMIX
Well, in the color department, it's no contest. TSR is clear and therefore no match for the overwhelming orangeness of MDL. In the flavor department, a similar result. TSR's light fruity bouquet gets completely bitch-slapped by ORANGE! ORANGE! ORANGE! Did I mention MDL is ORANGE?
Mind you, I love orange, the flavor as well as the color. It's the color of ALF, after all. But the problem is, MDL is so orange that there remains little if any detectable Mountain Dew flavor in it. It might just as well be plain and simple orange soda. And TSR is something completely, or at least distinctively, different from regular Sprite.
And it is on these grounds that, despite the fact that MDL made TSR its thoroughly submissive bitch in this contest, I must, in good conscience, disqualify MDL and declare TSR the winner, in much the same way that Andy Kaufman won his infamous wrestling match despite being mercilessly piledriven by Jerry Lawler.
THE WINNER AND 2003 SODA WARS CHAMPION, CURRENTLY BEING TRANSPORTED BY AMBULANCE TO FAYGO GENERAL HOSPITAL COMPLETE WITH A BIG NECK BRACE AROUND THE BOTTLE: TROPICAL SPRITE RRRRRRRRRREMIX!!!!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
I'M A VISIONARY! AND I DIDN'T EVEN NEED PEYOTE!
Below is the rough draft of the NWOPC Vision Statement and Points of Unity, which I helped craft. Thought you'd all find it interesting.
(P.S. Below is now the revised/codified version, which we now use as a flyer at our weekly demonstrations.)
***
NORTHWEST OHIO PEACE COALITION
Weekly meetings: Mondays 7pm, First Unitarian Church, Bancroft and Collingwood
Phone: 419-255-7552
Website: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nwopc
NWOPC Vision Statement
NWOPC continues in the building of a mass movement for peace, social justice and environmental responsibility. Our movement respects the self-determination, human rights and well-being of all people and promotes the ecologically responsible, just and equitable preservation and use of the earth's natural resources. We strive to embody the values we espouse in our day-to-day activities, in the coalitions we build, and in the world we are working to create. NWOPC will be vigilant in addressing oppression based on age, class, cultural heritage, disability, ethnicity, gender, nationality, race, religion, and sexual orientation.
As non-violent residents of the Northwest Ohio area and as citizens of the world, it is imperative that we monitor the actions and policies of our local and national communities, sovereign nations, and corporations, and we assert our right to hold them publicly accountable for their actions and policies.
We say NO to war in all its manifestations.
Points of Unity
1. We seek global peace through non-violent social, economic and environmental justice. Violence comes in many forms: from individuals as well as from nation-states and corporations. Violence only serves to perpetuate itself. We will work to understand the root causes of violence and we will work for global peace by assuring that all human beings on this earth attain social, economic and political equality.
2. We oppose militarism and war. The Bush administration's current policies encourage the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction. Countries labeled as part of the "axis of evil" will logically arm themselves to discourage the possibility of a U.S. attack. This will only cause more terrorism here and abroad. The U.S. "war against terrorism" cannot be won, it will only serve to turn us from a civil society into a military one for a long time to come. We oppose the current expansions on military spending and will expose the risks of such actions. If we continue to prioritize militarism, military spending, and corporate greed above the welfare of our communities, the quality of our public services and the education of our children will suffer.
3. We uphold the democratic and human rights of all people at all times. We will work to examine and reveal how U.S. foreign policy leads to a perception of arrogance globally and to racial and class discrimination in the United States, thereby challenging the security and well-being of all. For example, U.S. military involvement is on the rise in Latin America, Africa, and Asia. U.S. political, economic and military aid is fueling Israel's rise as an unchallengeable regional military power and sustains Israel's illegal occupation of the Palestinian West Bank, Gaza, and East Jerusalem. We oppose the drive to expand U.S. control over other nations and will work to rectify the situation.
4. Justice not vengeance: bring the perpetrators of violence to justice through established principles of international law. Only the U.S. and Australia refused to sign a treaty forming an international criminal court. This signals to the community of nations that the U.S. does not stand for the rule of law and refuses to be accountable for its actions. We will work to educate our community about the dangers of pre-emptive war and forced regime change.
5. We stand in defense of civil liberties. Although we mourn the victims and condemn the attacks of 9/11, we will not stand by and allow civil liberties and civil rights to be stripped away as a consequence. Since the 9/11 attacks, Congress has passed a new law entitled the U.S.A. P.A.T.R.I.O.T Act (Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act) which makes it possible for secret government searches of homes and offices, perpetual monitoring of telephones, e-mails, and library and credit card use, as well as the jailing of citizens and non-citizens on the basis of mere suspicion and without due process. All these trends represent a dangerous precedent for the people of this country.
Revised 7/21/03
Below is the rough draft of the NWOPC Vision Statement and Points of Unity, which I helped craft. Thought you'd all find it interesting.
(P.S. Below is now the revised/codified version, which we now use as a flyer at our weekly demonstrations.)
***
NORTHWEST OHIO PEACE COALITION
Weekly meetings: Mondays 7pm, First Unitarian Church, Bancroft and Collingwood
Phone: 419-255-7552
Website: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nwopc
NWOPC Vision Statement
NWOPC continues in the building of a mass movement for peace, social justice and environmental responsibility. Our movement respects the self-determination, human rights and well-being of all people and promotes the ecologically responsible, just and equitable preservation and use of the earth's natural resources. We strive to embody the values we espouse in our day-to-day activities, in the coalitions we build, and in the world we are working to create. NWOPC will be vigilant in addressing oppression based on age, class, cultural heritage, disability, ethnicity, gender, nationality, race, religion, and sexual orientation.
As non-violent residents of the Northwest Ohio area and as citizens of the world, it is imperative that we monitor the actions and policies of our local and national communities, sovereign nations, and corporations, and we assert our right to hold them publicly accountable for their actions and policies.
We say NO to war in all its manifestations.
Points of Unity
1. We seek global peace through non-violent social, economic and environmental justice. Violence comes in many forms: from individuals as well as from nation-states and corporations. Violence only serves to perpetuate itself. We will work to understand the root causes of violence and we will work for global peace by assuring that all human beings on this earth attain social, economic and political equality.
2. We oppose militarism and war. The Bush administration's current policies encourage the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction. Countries labeled as part of the "axis of evil" will logically arm themselves to discourage the possibility of a U.S. attack. This will only cause more terrorism here and abroad. The U.S. "war against terrorism" cannot be won, it will only serve to turn us from a civil society into a military one for a long time to come. We oppose the current expansions on military spending and will expose the risks of such actions. If we continue to prioritize militarism, military spending, and corporate greed above the welfare of our communities, the quality of our public services and the education of our children will suffer.
3. We uphold the democratic and human rights of all people at all times. We will work to examine and reveal how U.S. foreign policy leads to a perception of arrogance globally and to racial and class discrimination in the United States, thereby challenging the security and well-being of all. For example, U.S. military involvement is on the rise in Latin America, Africa, and Asia. U.S. political, economic and military aid is fueling Israel's rise as an unchallengeable regional military power and sustains Israel's illegal occupation of the Palestinian West Bank, Gaza, and East Jerusalem. We oppose the drive to expand U.S. control over other nations and will work to rectify the situation.
4. Justice not vengeance: bring the perpetrators of violence to justice through established principles of international law. Only the U.S. and Australia refused to sign a treaty forming an international criminal court. This signals to the community of nations that the U.S. does not stand for the rule of law and refuses to be accountable for its actions. We will work to educate our community about the dangers of pre-emptive war and forced regime change.
5. We stand in defense of civil liberties. Although we mourn the victims and condemn the attacks of 9/11, we will not stand by and allow civil liberties and civil rights to be stripped away as a consequence. Since the 9/11 attacks, Congress has passed a new law entitled the U.S.A. P.A.T.R.I.O.T Act (Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act) which makes it possible for secret government searches of homes and offices, perpetual monitoring of telephones, e-mails, and library and credit card use, as well as the jailing of citizens and non-citizens on the basis of mere suspicion and without due process. All these trends represent a dangerous precedent for the people of this country.
Revised 7/21/03
Friday, June 20, 2003
STOP THE GAY CANADIANS!
First icky legalized homosexual marriage, then the apocalypse. Conservative America trembles
By Mark Morford
First icky legalized homosexual marriage, then the apocalypse. Conservative America trembles
By Mark Morford
Monday, June 09, 2003
IN THIS INSTALLMENT OF "THE DOVE POND":
1. LIKE HITLER, LIKE BUSH...THINK ABOUT IT, WON'T YOU? (VEN GEORGE DUBYA SAYS 'VE IS ZE MASTER RACE...')
2. "THE MOST OBSCENE AND OFFENSIVE WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS SPELLED F-C-C."--YOURS TRULY ON THE ED TYLL SHOW, CIRCA 1990
3. WHY I DIG NEW ZEALAND (BTW DON'T TAKE THE BROWN ACID...OH NO, IT'S ANOTHER PLASTIC HATCHBACK!)
4. QUOTABLE QUOTE (BTW HOW CAN I NOT LIKE CLINTON? AFTER ALL, WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON! TEE-HEE!)
***
ITEM #1:
THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY -- AN INTERPRETATION OF BUSH'S CHARACTER
by John Chuckman, Counterpunch, May 27
***
ITEM #2:
DISNEYAOLVIACOM OWNS YOUR ASS
After all, who the hell wants diversity and choice in major media? Thanks, FCC!
by Mark Morford, June 4
***
WE'LL RETURN TO THE DOVE POND IN A MOMENT, BUT FIRST A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR...
***
YOU CAN BE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY - HERE'S HOW
***
AND NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ANARCHY...
***
ITEM #3:
PREPARE FOR MORE HALLUCINATIONS FROM THE GULF WAR SYNDROME
by Mark Steel, New Zealand Herald, May 30
I think I've detected a new type of Gulf War Syndrome, a shocking disease that attacks the nervous system.
It afflicts anyone defending the latest Gulf war, making them see piles of imaginary weapons.
For example, one American soldier, interviewed after his regiment shot dead 14 demonstrating Iraqis, said his regiment was under attack, adding: "It was like the Alamo out there."
Yet not a single US soldier or US thing of any nature was dented by a bullet.
But this is a mild attack compared with the delusions of those victims who, for a year before the war, were certain they were in the presence of weapons of mass destruction.
Now Donald Rumsfeld is suggesting the reason they cannot be found is because they were destroyed before the war started. So we went to war to rid Saddam of weapons that were already destroyed.
We had no choice in this, because the destroyed weapons could have been used against us, or fallen into the hands of al Qaeda, who would then have been able to take them down to the council dump or maybe sell them for scrap.
In any case, as he had destroyed them, this meant he couldn't hand any over to weapons inspectors, which was a flagrant breach of UN resolution 1441. If he wanted to comply with the UN he would have built a nuclear plant so he could hand it over but, typically, he had no interest in co-operating.
The lack of weapons is embarrassing for the British Government, so you get statements like that by Foreign Secretary Jack Straw when he said it didn't make much difference that there was no "literal" evidence.
If only we were happy to accept conceptual evidence or imaginary evidence or evidence in which Straw puts an ashtray on the table and says: "So let's say this is his bunker. Then this salt pot here is his anthrax. Well there you are, there's his weapons of mass destruction."
Then there's astrological evidence, documented evidence from tea leaves, evidence that Nostradamus predicted a man with a moustache would threaten the land of the eagle with deadly vapour, but knee-jerk anti-Americans persist in demanding the literal type.
And presumably, because Saddam only destroyed the weapons because the threat of war was real, once they had been destroyed we had to have the war anyway as otherwise the threat of war would have turned out not to have been real, creating an unsolvable philosophical puzzle.
The amazing part is the Americans aren't even trying to lie properly. They almost take enjoyment from implying, "So what if we made it up, what's anyone going to do about it?"
They're like someone having an affair with a married woman in the office, having to keep things secret but desperately wishing they could stand in the middle of the room yelling: "Guess what I've been doing".
In some ways you can almost respect them. They made no secret, before the twin towers were bombed, of their "Project for the New American Century" with its military aiming for "full-spectrum dominance".
The really annoying people are the politicians who still think the war was fought to make the world a safer place.
Ironically it seems that the anti-war movement in this country did more than anything to stem the growth of militant Islam. Several imams and Muslim leaders have stated how the scale of the movement made it hard for militant groups to argue that all Westerners were the enemy.
Even more infuriating is the certainty that the same people who fell for the lies will fall for them all over again.
Already Iran is turning out to be backing terrorists and producing weapons of mass destruction. You would think the Americans could at least be original and say they are breeding dinosaurs or have made contact with Voldemort or something.
And, almost inevitably, as we hear stories of how atrocious Iran is, we refuse to believe an asylum-seeker who has been tortured in Iran.
Then, when he sews up his eyes and mouth in protest, the attitude of those most enthusiastic about backing America is: "Well, where did he get the needle and thread from, eh? That's our taxes paying for that cotton. We're mugs I tell you, mugs."
Blair believed that his actions would be proved right. Instead we've become the country that has officially no friends.
But so wild are his Gulf war sickness hallucinations, it must be almost certain that his response will be to say: "I fully support the bid for America to have a regular entry in the Eurovision Song Contest."
***
ITEM #4:
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Once upon a time, we impeached a sitting President for lying under oath about sexual trysts. No one died, no one had their legs or arms or face or genitals blown off because of the lies of a President who had been caught with his pants down. Today in America, we endure a sitting President who lied for months about the threat posed by a sovereign nation. That nation was invaded and attacked, and thousands died because of it. The aftereffects of this action will be felt for generations to come. The very democracy which gives us meaning as a country has been put in peril by these deeds. When the smoke cleared, every reason for that war was proven to be a lie.
Of course, there will be no impeachment with a Republican Congress. This must not dissuade us from demanding satisfaction. Let the House be brought to order. Gavel the members to attention, and let the evidence be brought forth. Let there be justice for the living and the dead. Let this man Bush be impeached and cleansed from office for the lies he has told. These are not innocent lies. The dead remember."
--William Rivers Pitt, "We Used to Impeach Liars"
1. LIKE HITLER, LIKE BUSH...THINK ABOUT IT, WON'T YOU? (VEN GEORGE DUBYA SAYS 'VE IS ZE MASTER RACE...')
2. "THE MOST OBSCENE AND OFFENSIVE WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS SPELLED F-C-C."--YOURS TRULY ON THE ED TYLL SHOW, CIRCA 1990
3. WHY I DIG NEW ZEALAND (BTW DON'T TAKE THE BROWN ACID...OH NO, IT'S ANOTHER PLASTIC HATCHBACK!)
4. QUOTABLE QUOTE (BTW HOW CAN I NOT LIKE CLINTON? AFTER ALL, WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON! TEE-HEE!)
***
ITEM #1:
THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY -- AN INTERPRETATION OF BUSH'S CHARACTER
by John Chuckman, Counterpunch, May 27
***
ITEM #2:
DISNEYAOLVIACOM OWNS YOUR ASS
After all, who the hell wants diversity and choice in major media? Thanks, FCC!
by Mark Morford, June 4
***
WE'LL RETURN TO THE DOVE POND IN A MOMENT, BUT FIRST A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR...
***
YOU CAN BE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY - HERE'S HOW
***
AND NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ANARCHY...
***
ITEM #3:
PREPARE FOR MORE HALLUCINATIONS FROM THE GULF WAR SYNDROME
by Mark Steel, New Zealand Herald, May 30
I think I've detected a new type of Gulf War Syndrome, a shocking disease that attacks the nervous system.
It afflicts anyone defending the latest Gulf war, making them see piles of imaginary weapons.
For example, one American soldier, interviewed after his regiment shot dead 14 demonstrating Iraqis, said his regiment was under attack, adding: "It was like the Alamo out there."
Yet not a single US soldier or US thing of any nature was dented by a bullet.
But this is a mild attack compared with the delusions of those victims who, for a year before the war, were certain they were in the presence of weapons of mass destruction.
Now Donald Rumsfeld is suggesting the reason they cannot be found is because they were destroyed before the war started. So we went to war to rid Saddam of weapons that were already destroyed.
We had no choice in this, because the destroyed weapons could have been used against us, or fallen into the hands of al Qaeda, who would then have been able to take them down to the council dump or maybe sell them for scrap.
In any case, as he had destroyed them, this meant he couldn't hand any over to weapons inspectors, which was a flagrant breach of UN resolution 1441. If he wanted to comply with the UN he would have built a nuclear plant so he could hand it over but, typically, he had no interest in co-operating.
The lack of weapons is embarrassing for the British Government, so you get statements like that by Foreign Secretary Jack Straw when he said it didn't make much difference that there was no "literal" evidence.
If only we were happy to accept conceptual evidence or imaginary evidence or evidence in which Straw puts an ashtray on the table and says: "So let's say this is his bunker. Then this salt pot here is his anthrax. Well there you are, there's his weapons of mass destruction."
Then there's astrological evidence, documented evidence from tea leaves, evidence that Nostradamus predicted a man with a moustache would threaten the land of the eagle with deadly vapour, but knee-jerk anti-Americans persist in demanding the literal type.
And presumably, because Saddam only destroyed the weapons because the threat of war was real, once they had been destroyed we had to have the war anyway as otherwise the threat of war would have turned out not to have been real, creating an unsolvable philosophical puzzle.
The amazing part is the Americans aren't even trying to lie properly. They almost take enjoyment from implying, "So what if we made it up, what's anyone going to do about it?"
They're like someone having an affair with a married woman in the office, having to keep things secret but desperately wishing they could stand in the middle of the room yelling: "Guess what I've been doing".
In some ways you can almost respect them. They made no secret, before the twin towers were bombed, of their "Project for the New American Century" with its military aiming for "full-spectrum dominance".
The really annoying people are the politicians who still think the war was fought to make the world a safer place.
Ironically it seems that the anti-war movement in this country did more than anything to stem the growth of militant Islam. Several imams and Muslim leaders have stated how the scale of the movement made it hard for militant groups to argue that all Westerners were the enemy.
Even more infuriating is the certainty that the same people who fell for the lies will fall for them all over again.
Already Iran is turning out to be backing terrorists and producing weapons of mass destruction. You would think the Americans could at least be original and say they are breeding dinosaurs or have made contact with Voldemort or something.
And, almost inevitably, as we hear stories of how atrocious Iran is, we refuse to believe an asylum-seeker who has been tortured in Iran.
Then, when he sews up his eyes and mouth in protest, the attitude of those most enthusiastic about backing America is: "Well, where did he get the needle and thread from, eh? That's our taxes paying for that cotton. We're mugs I tell you, mugs."
Blair believed that his actions would be proved right. Instead we've become the country that has officially no friends.
But so wild are his Gulf war sickness hallucinations, it must be almost certain that his response will be to say: "I fully support the bid for America to have a regular entry in the Eurovision Song Contest."
***
ITEM #4:
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Once upon a time, we impeached a sitting President for lying under oath about sexual trysts. No one died, no one had their legs or arms or face or genitals blown off because of the lies of a President who had been caught with his pants down. Today in America, we endure a sitting President who lied for months about the threat posed by a sovereign nation. That nation was invaded and attacked, and thousands died because of it. The aftereffects of this action will be felt for generations to come. The very democracy which gives us meaning as a country has been put in peril by these deeds. When the smoke cleared, every reason for that war was proven to be a lie.
Of course, there will be no impeachment with a Republican Congress. This must not dissuade us from demanding satisfaction. Let the House be brought to order. Gavel the members to attention, and let the evidence be brought forth. Let there be justice for the living and the dead. Let this man Bush be impeached and cleansed from office for the lies he has told. These are not innocent lies. The dead remember."
--William Rivers Pitt, "We Used to Impeach Liars"
Friday, May 30, 2003
NO MORE CLEAR CHANNELS! STOP THE FCC MEDIA GIVEAWAY!
The FCC is poised to approve the most dramatic changes to media ownership regulations in decades. Leading the charge is FCC Chairman Michael Powell, Colin Powell's son, who essentially declared war on diversity in media at the same time that his father was spearheading the war against Iraq.
Thursday, media activists and concerned citizens protested at Clear Channel radio stations throughout the United States with the message: No More Clear Channels! Stop the FCC Media Giveaway!
Clear Channel Communications is the poster child of everything that's wrong with media deregulation. After the media deregulation of 1996, Clear Channel gobbled up hundreds of radio stations throughout the country and now owns more than 1200 stations nationwide, dominating the audience share in 100 of 112 major markets. Not only is the company the world's largest radio broadcaster, it's also the world largest concert promoter and billboard advertising firm. Clear Channel promotes a cookie-cutter style radio that has urban stations throughout the country seemingly playing the same seven songs. It shuts out independent artists and eliminates local programming. The company also uses its stations to promote its right-wing political agenda, such as the pro-war rallies that Clear Channel has sponsored in numerous cities since the start of the war against Iraq. In San Francisco, Clear Channel station KMEL fired popular public affairs director Davey D after he invited anti-war Congresswoman Barbara Lee to speak on a KMEL public affairs show.
There's still time, campers, to email the FCC and Congress. Let's send them a message before the June 2 FCC vote on media deregulation: Protest Clear Channel radio and the media monopoly! We demand truth over profit, diversity over monopoly!
Sponsored in part by The Prometheus Radio Project
The FCC is poised to approve the most dramatic changes to media ownership regulations in decades. Leading the charge is FCC Chairman Michael Powell, Colin Powell's son, who essentially declared war on diversity in media at the same time that his father was spearheading the war against Iraq.
Thursday, media activists and concerned citizens protested at Clear Channel radio stations throughout the United States with the message: No More Clear Channels! Stop the FCC Media Giveaway!
Clear Channel Communications is the poster child of everything that's wrong with media deregulation. After the media deregulation of 1996, Clear Channel gobbled up hundreds of radio stations throughout the country and now owns more than 1200 stations nationwide, dominating the audience share in 100 of 112 major markets. Not only is the company the world's largest radio broadcaster, it's also the world largest concert promoter and billboard advertising firm. Clear Channel promotes a cookie-cutter style radio that has urban stations throughout the country seemingly playing the same seven songs. It shuts out independent artists and eliminates local programming. The company also uses its stations to promote its right-wing political agenda, such as the pro-war rallies that Clear Channel has sponsored in numerous cities since the start of the war against Iraq. In San Francisco, Clear Channel station KMEL fired popular public affairs director Davey D after he invited anti-war Congresswoman Barbara Lee to speak on a KMEL public affairs show.
There's still time, campers, to email the FCC and Congress. Let's send them a message before the June 2 FCC vote on media deregulation: Protest Clear Channel radio and the media monopoly! We demand truth over profit, diversity over monopoly!
Sponsored in part by The Prometheus Radio Project
Thursday, May 29, 2003
(Gosh, do you sense an ongoing theme here in the Duck Pond lately? Maybe I should change it to the Dove Pond? Hey, works for me. Any of you got a prob with that? Why not leave a comment? Oh, that's right, you can't anymore. Why? Because I gave yas ample opportunity to do so and only one of you seized it, and only wrote 2 lame-ass words at that. So the comment sections are toast. Gone. Toodle-oo. Plus the voting on Best Post: Year 1 has been cancelled. Same reason. Congrats. You have cast your vote by your silence. I'm driving. Get in the back seat where you belong. Wanna make your voice heard? Get your own damn blog. Meanwhile, since you're here, sit back and relax and ride the waves of my mind...)
MORE EXCERPTS FROM THE NWOPC NEWSLETTER
***
Earth (the dot in the middle) as seen from 3.7 billion miles away by the Voyager 1 spacecraft, on 6/6/1990.
Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.
--Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994
***
I see the corporate media and the government as a covert oppressor, like Iago, who comes in the guise of a friend, but secretly covets what you have. The government pretends to be our friend and protector when they are really our oppressor. Clear Channel is Iago, playing anthems and providing chants and posters on the one hand, then perpetuating the ignorance of the masses on the other by controlling the (right agenda) message, not providing any answers or solutions and playing on people's fears and hopelessness.--Mitch Balonek
***
Alaska Says No to Patriot Act
Alaska has joined a growing national rebellion against the USA Patriot Act, voting to oppose the massive federal anti-terrorism law passed by Congress soon after Sept. 11, 2001. Alaska's measure goes further than most, advising police and other state agencies not to "initiate, participate in, or assist or cooperate with an inquiry, investigation, surveillance or detention" if there is not "reasonable suspicion of criminal activity under Alaska State law."
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/DailyNews/alaska_patriot030523.html
***
AT LAST, WMD'S FOUND... ER, IN MARYLAND
- musta been destroyed before the War started, eh?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,12271,965319,00.html
'US finds evidence of WMD at last - buried in a field near Maryland'
Julian Borger in Washington, Wednesday May 28, 2003, The Guardian
The good news for the Pentagon yesterday was that its investigators had finally unearthed evidence of weapons of mass destruction, including 100 vials of anthrax and other dangerous bacteria. The bad news was that the stash was found, not in Iraq, but fewer than 50 miles from Washington, near Fort Detrick in the Maryland countryside.
The anthrax was a non-virulent strain, and the discoveries are apparently remnants of an abandoned germ warfare programme. They merited only a local news item in the Washington Post.
But suspicious finds in Iraq have made front-page news (before later being cleared), given the failure of US military inspection teams to find evidence of the weapons that were the justification for the March invasion.
Even more embarrassing for the Pentagon, there was no documentation about the various biological agents disposed of at the US bio-defence centre at Fort Detrick. Iraq's failure to come up with paperwork proving the destruction of its biological arsenal was portrayed by the US as evidence of deception in the run-up to the war.
***
LAST BUT NOT LEAST, JUST IN CASE YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO CLICK THE PICK TO CLICK, HERE'S THE LATEST FROM MARK MORFORD...
The Great Teen Sex Conundrum: Should American teens actually be encouraged to have really good, healthy sex?
By Mark Morford
Don't look now because oh my goodness it's about sex, and teens, and it turns out that more teens are having sex at younger and younger ages and until now no one really knew just how dire and/or fascinating and/or calamitous it all was and who pray who will save the children?
Turns out, this new Kaiser Family Foundation survey says, that boys in particular are feeling the peer pressure to have sex even more than girls, and sometimes gasp horror alcohol and even oh my God say it isn't so drugs are lubricating factors in the divine clumsy groping interactions, can you believe it and isn't that shocking.
Also: Four in 10 sexually active teens have found it necessary to use pregnancy tests, and more than half (!) of 15- to 17-year-olds say they've been with someone sexually, and two in three have gone the full sexual distance by high school graduation. Oh dear.
These are the latest findings. This is the latest study, more comprehensive than most regarding the sexual behavior of the young, because it's apparently some sort of social barometer, like gas prices or economic forecasts or bikini styles, something very telling and something about which we should all be very concerned as we guzzle our cocktails and smoke our pot and have our sex even when we don't really want to.
Always fascinating and strange and weirdly uninformative, these teen-sex surveys are, as frowning family-planning/Bible/gov't groups across the board take it all to mean either the apocalypse is nigh or juvenile debauchery is rampant and those extraterrestrial teens are outta control and dangerous and sometimes drunk and condomless and Something Must Be Done, though no one has any idea exactly what.
Teen sex is that often unstable, panicky, unapproachable cultural subject most lawmakers -- and many parents -- seem loathe to really want to acknowledge in any real way, no one really wanting to think of the young as the new and explosively sexual creatures they so obviously are, what with all those taints of abuse and groping priests and screeching pedophilia headlines swirling in the cultural miasma.
So, tentative laws get passed. Hugely ineffectual scare-tactic programs with names like "Get Real About AIDS" and "Reducing the Risk" get launched, utterly limp multimillion-dollar GOP-funded anti-sex campaigns like "Sex Can Wait" splash all over schools promoting the joys of abstinence or the joys of waiting until marriage or the joys of praying to Jesus to stop those vile delicious pictures in your dad's Hustler or your mom's erotica collection from slipping like hot silk into your every thought, when not a single one of those things contains a single iota of anything resembling joy.
Meanwhile, the hormonally fire-breathing teens get utterly pummeled. Media is insanely saturated with sexed-up images, TV shows and magazines and videos and movies and whatshername from that odious little Lizzie McGuire movie stuck on billboards across America in a skintight tank top and a Spandex butt-hugging miniskirt looking all flirty and nubile and coyly edible. God, but we are invidious hypocrites.
This is the vicious double standard. This is the insane mixed message, worse than it ever was, hammering into these sexually mal-educated kids the idea that sex is, of course, the greatest goddamn thing in the entire history of the known universe ever and is the only thing really worth living for, and is concomitantly also the ickiest most disease-riddled guilt-packed disgustingly wrong and blasphemous and abusive and victimizing act you can ever do with another person with the notable exception of convincing them to turn Republican.
Want to know what's really to blame for the vast majority of sad teen pregnancies and drunken backseat gropings and really unpleasant de-virginizing experiences in this country?
Want to know the root cause of nearly every crude high school lug thinking sex means pumping like a jackhammer for two grunting minutes and every beautiful girl thinking sexual pleasure means lying there frozen and pretending to moan for those two same minutes? You got it -- it's that very same mixed message.
This is the problem. There is no survey that addresses true teen sex. There is no data, no stats, no one really celebrating the idea that, because teens are, have always been and will continue to be, absolutely and insanely sexually demonically possessed, that maybe, just maybe they should be, gasp oh my God don't say it, encouraged to enjoy sex as the raw and real and consensual and mutually beneficial and sticky and wonderful and tricky and deeply mindful but ultimately glorious act it so bafflingly is. Wow what a radical notion.
Here is what will never happen in your lifetime but really, really should: Raw and wide-open and casually explicit and non-insultingly dumbed-down sex ed for every teen, beginning in junior high and continuing every year until graduation, in every school in every town and every city and every teen.
Not just indifferent medical diagrams and color charts and awful educational films about reproduction and hormones and the horrors of STDs, but actual raw and real and human and humorous and dirty discussion, full of swear words and slang and laughter and notions of love and respect and orgasm and true information.
I advocate, in a nutshell, nothing short of a revolution in sex ed in this nation. Possible? Absolutely. Probable? No way.
And it's tragic, really. Because perhaps more than anything else, what we need right now in this country (and, yes, on this planet), is a fresh population of deeply sexually attuned and comfortable and nonabusive citizens. Oh what a difference that would make.
We need more orgasms and less whining. More lubrication, less ignorance. More sensual body awareness, less stiff flabby awkward pain. More deep sticky joy, less cold bitter fear. Go ahead, try and refute.
There exists this very correct theory: Nearly every war and every despot and every uptight sneering power-mad leader and every warmongering culture is a direct result of that culture's or that leader's deep-seated sexual frustration and sexual unfulfillment and sexual angst.
Let's put it another way: A sexually aware planet is a soothed planet. An informed and open-minded and ecstatically satisfied nation is a peaceful nation. A sexually open and healthy and sticky and respectful citizen is a happy and productive citizen. Clear enough?
And it starts, of course, with teenagers. Don't we want to help our children? Give them a better life, more happiness, leave them a more openly and divinely orgasmic world? Of course we do. After all, what could be more patriotic than that?
MORE EXCERPTS FROM THE NWOPC NEWSLETTER
***
Earth (the dot in the middle) as seen from 3.7 billion miles away by the Voyager 1 spacecraft, on 6/6/1990.
Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.
--Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994
***
I see the corporate media and the government as a covert oppressor, like Iago, who comes in the guise of a friend, but secretly covets what you have. The government pretends to be our friend and protector when they are really our oppressor. Clear Channel is Iago, playing anthems and providing chants and posters on the one hand, then perpetuating the ignorance of the masses on the other by controlling the (right agenda) message, not providing any answers or solutions and playing on people's fears and hopelessness.--Mitch Balonek
***
Alaska Says No to Patriot Act
Alaska has joined a growing national rebellion against the USA Patriot Act, voting to oppose the massive federal anti-terrorism law passed by Congress soon after Sept. 11, 2001. Alaska's measure goes further than most, advising police and other state agencies not to "initiate, participate in, or assist or cooperate with an inquiry, investigation, surveillance or detention" if there is not "reasonable suspicion of criminal activity under Alaska State law."
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/DailyNews/alaska_patriot030523.html
***
AT LAST, WMD'S FOUND... ER, IN MARYLAND
- musta been destroyed before the War started, eh?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,12271,965319,00.html
'US finds evidence of WMD at last - buried in a field near Maryland'
Julian Borger in Washington, Wednesday May 28, 2003, The Guardian
The good news for the Pentagon yesterday was that its investigators had finally unearthed evidence of weapons of mass destruction, including 100 vials of anthrax and other dangerous bacteria. The bad news was that the stash was found, not in Iraq, but fewer than 50 miles from Washington, near Fort Detrick in the Maryland countryside.
The anthrax was a non-virulent strain, and the discoveries are apparently remnants of an abandoned germ warfare programme. They merited only a local news item in the Washington Post.
But suspicious finds in Iraq have made front-page news (before later being cleared), given the failure of US military inspection teams to find evidence of the weapons that were the justification for the March invasion.
Even more embarrassing for the Pentagon, there was no documentation about the various biological agents disposed of at the US bio-defence centre at Fort Detrick. Iraq's failure to come up with paperwork proving the destruction of its biological arsenal was portrayed by the US as evidence of deception in the run-up to the war.
***
LAST BUT NOT LEAST, JUST IN CASE YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO CLICK THE PICK TO CLICK, HERE'S THE LATEST FROM MARK MORFORD...
The Great Teen Sex Conundrum: Should American teens actually be encouraged to have really good, healthy sex?
By Mark Morford
Don't look now because oh my goodness it's about sex, and teens, and it turns out that more teens are having sex at younger and younger ages and until now no one really knew just how dire and/or fascinating and/or calamitous it all was and who pray who will save the children?
Turns out, this new Kaiser Family Foundation survey says, that boys in particular are feeling the peer pressure to have sex even more than girls, and sometimes gasp horror alcohol and even oh my God say it isn't so drugs are lubricating factors in the divine clumsy groping interactions, can you believe it and isn't that shocking.
Also: Four in 10 sexually active teens have found it necessary to use pregnancy tests, and more than half (!) of 15- to 17-year-olds say they've been with someone sexually, and two in three have gone the full sexual distance by high school graduation. Oh dear.
These are the latest findings. This is the latest study, more comprehensive than most regarding the sexual behavior of the young, because it's apparently some sort of social barometer, like gas prices or economic forecasts or bikini styles, something very telling and something about which we should all be very concerned as we guzzle our cocktails and smoke our pot and have our sex even when we don't really want to.
Always fascinating and strange and weirdly uninformative, these teen-sex surveys are, as frowning family-planning/Bible/gov't groups across the board take it all to mean either the apocalypse is nigh or juvenile debauchery is rampant and those extraterrestrial teens are outta control and dangerous and sometimes drunk and condomless and Something Must Be Done, though no one has any idea exactly what.
Teen sex is that often unstable, panicky, unapproachable cultural subject most lawmakers -- and many parents -- seem loathe to really want to acknowledge in any real way, no one really wanting to think of the young as the new and explosively sexual creatures they so obviously are, what with all those taints of abuse and groping priests and screeching pedophilia headlines swirling in the cultural miasma.
So, tentative laws get passed. Hugely ineffectual scare-tactic programs with names like "Get Real About AIDS" and "Reducing the Risk" get launched, utterly limp multimillion-dollar GOP-funded anti-sex campaigns like "Sex Can Wait" splash all over schools promoting the joys of abstinence or the joys of waiting until marriage or the joys of praying to Jesus to stop those vile delicious pictures in your dad's Hustler or your mom's erotica collection from slipping like hot silk into your every thought, when not a single one of those things contains a single iota of anything resembling joy.
Meanwhile, the hormonally fire-breathing teens get utterly pummeled. Media is insanely saturated with sexed-up images, TV shows and magazines and videos and movies and whatshername from that odious little Lizzie McGuire movie stuck on billboards across America in a skintight tank top and a Spandex butt-hugging miniskirt looking all flirty and nubile and coyly edible. God, but we are invidious hypocrites.
This is the vicious double standard. This is the insane mixed message, worse than it ever was, hammering into these sexually mal-educated kids the idea that sex is, of course, the greatest goddamn thing in the entire history of the known universe ever and is the only thing really worth living for, and is concomitantly also the ickiest most disease-riddled guilt-packed disgustingly wrong and blasphemous and abusive and victimizing act you can ever do with another person with the notable exception of convincing them to turn Republican.
Want to know what's really to blame for the vast majority of sad teen pregnancies and drunken backseat gropings and really unpleasant de-virginizing experiences in this country?
Want to know the root cause of nearly every crude high school lug thinking sex means pumping like a jackhammer for two grunting minutes and every beautiful girl thinking sexual pleasure means lying there frozen and pretending to moan for those two same minutes? You got it -- it's that very same mixed message.
This is the problem. There is no survey that addresses true teen sex. There is no data, no stats, no one really celebrating the idea that, because teens are, have always been and will continue to be, absolutely and insanely sexually demonically possessed, that maybe, just maybe they should be, gasp oh my God don't say it, encouraged to enjoy sex as the raw and real and consensual and mutually beneficial and sticky and wonderful and tricky and deeply mindful but ultimately glorious act it so bafflingly is. Wow what a radical notion.
Here is what will never happen in your lifetime but really, really should: Raw and wide-open and casually explicit and non-insultingly dumbed-down sex ed for every teen, beginning in junior high and continuing every year until graduation, in every school in every town and every city and every teen.
Not just indifferent medical diagrams and color charts and awful educational films about reproduction and hormones and the horrors of STDs, but actual raw and real and human and humorous and dirty discussion, full of swear words and slang and laughter and notions of love and respect and orgasm and true information.
I advocate, in a nutshell, nothing short of a revolution in sex ed in this nation. Possible? Absolutely. Probable? No way.
And it's tragic, really. Because perhaps more than anything else, what we need right now in this country (and, yes, on this planet), is a fresh population of deeply sexually attuned and comfortable and nonabusive citizens. Oh what a difference that would make.
We need more orgasms and less whining. More lubrication, less ignorance. More sensual body awareness, less stiff flabby awkward pain. More deep sticky joy, less cold bitter fear. Go ahead, try and refute.
There exists this very correct theory: Nearly every war and every despot and every uptight sneering power-mad leader and every warmongering culture is a direct result of that culture's or that leader's deep-seated sexual frustration and sexual unfulfillment and sexual angst.
Let's put it another way: A sexually aware planet is a soothed planet. An informed and open-minded and ecstatically satisfied nation is a peaceful nation. A sexually open and healthy and sticky and respectful citizen is a happy and productive citizen. Clear enough?
And it starts, of course, with teenagers. Don't we want to help our children? Give them a better life, more happiness, leave them a more openly and divinely orgasmic world? Of course we do. After all, what could be more patriotic than that?
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