A NEW FEATURE WHICH IS COMPLETELY POINTLESS (WELL, EXCEPT FOR DECIMAL POINTS)
I've decided to start ending every post with the current temperature here in my man cave, according to my new digital thermometer. And since it'll appear just above the time I posted, think of it as sort of a modernized throwback to the days of calling the Ohio Bell recording that gave the time and temperature.
Current Duck Pond temperature: 23.7 C / 74.6 F
Monday, June 16, 2008
I'M GETTING OLD
First I started regularly watching the Mud Hens, now this: I actually watched golf over the weekend. Not even frisbee golf, REGULAR golf! What's next for me, Wii bowling?!
Mind you, it involved a lot of ridiculously-amazing shots by Tiger Woods and a thrilling back-and-forth playoff battle between him and the fun-to-watch Rocco Mediate. But still.
First I started regularly watching the Mud Hens, now this: I actually watched golf over the weekend. Not even frisbee golf, REGULAR golf! What's next for me, Wii bowling?!
Mind you, it involved a lot of ridiculously-amazing shots by Tiger Woods and a thrilling back-and-forth playoff battle between him and the fun-to-watch Rocco Mediate. But still.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
NY MAN COMMITTED SUICIDE IN JUMP FROM PLANE
June 9, 2008
DUANESBURG, N.Y. (AP) - A man who jumped from a skydiving plane without a parachute had been asking co-workers if they would rather die by jumping off a building or out of a plane.
Sloan Carafello, 29, was an observer on the plane Saturday and witnesses said he leaped out behind three parachuters at 10,000 feet. Police said Monday that he committed suicide.
Carafello, who lived in Schenectady, recently had unnerved some of his grocery store co-workers by frequently asking them, "If you had to die, would you rather jump off a building or jump out of a plane without a parachute?" Dave Bilili, an assistant manager at the store, told the Times Union of Albany.
Police found Carafello's body next to a house with a damaged roof in a rural town 15 miles west of Albany.
"It could have been one of two things, accident or suicide, and we ruled out accident," state police investigator Mario DiCristofaro said Monday.
DiCristofaro would not provide further details of the investigation. An autopsy Sunday said the cause of death was massive trauma.
Carafello had lived at a YMCA since August, said Louis Magliocca, the residence director. He said investigators searched Carafello's room, but didn't find a suicide note.
Bob Rawlins, who owns the skydiving company and was the pilot Saturday, said Carafello had asked to take a ride so he could take pictures for a school project. A videographer on board captured images of Carafello leaving the plane and turned it over to police.
"It's not the easiest thing to see," DiCristofaro said. "He comes out of the plane and starts falling."
Police said they won't release the video.
June 9, 2008
DUANESBURG, N.Y. (AP) - A man who jumped from a skydiving plane without a parachute had been asking co-workers if they would rather die by jumping off a building or out of a plane.
Sloan Carafello, 29, was an observer on the plane Saturday and witnesses said he leaped out behind three parachuters at 10,000 feet. Police said Monday that he committed suicide.
Carafello, who lived in Schenectady, recently had unnerved some of his grocery store co-workers by frequently asking them, "If you had to die, would you rather jump off a building or jump out of a plane without a parachute?" Dave Bilili, an assistant manager at the store, told the Times Union of Albany.
Police found Carafello's body next to a house with a damaged roof in a rural town 15 miles west of Albany.
"It could have been one of two things, accident or suicide, and we ruled out accident," state police investigator Mario DiCristofaro said Monday.
DiCristofaro would not provide further details of the investigation. An autopsy Sunday said the cause of death was massive trauma.
Carafello had lived at a YMCA since August, said Louis Magliocca, the residence director. He said investigators searched Carafello's room, but didn't find a suicide note.
Bob Rawlins, who owns the skydiving company and was the pilot Saturday, said Carafello had asked to take a ride so he could take pictures for a school project. A videographer on board captured images of Carafello leaving the plane and turned it over to police.
"It's not the easiest thing to see," DiCristofaro said. "He comes out of the plane and starts falling."
Police said they won't release the video.
THE TREASURE OF THE ARCHIVO ROJO (EPISODE 2)
Time to dip into the good old Red Folder full of goofy shit from my past.
Today we travel back to my days at Job Corps (1984-85). There was this fellow corpsmember of mine by the name of Scott Haden. I didn't know him that well actually, but I did get to read a lot of short stories and essays and things that he had written back in school. It was quality weirdness, so I typed up copies of all of it and they ended up in the Red Folder. This first item of his that I will share with you is a short piece titled "Revenge":
REVENGE by Scott Haden
Here I am just standing here having a fool made out of myself, letting all these people do what they want to me. It's very humiliating. Being a shoe is not easy. Having to hold up 150 lbs. every day, it's a drag. For instance, just the other day me and my owner were walking through this cow pasture when...well, I guess you know what's next. But anyway he starts griping about it, and here I am, every bit of cow CENSORED on me. Man did I get mad. I wanted to make him trip so bad that I did, and you'll never guess where...well, let's just say that he has something to gripe about now.
The End
Next time from the Archivo Rojo: Scott Haden's "Straight Curve"
Time to dip into the good old Red Folder full of goofy shit from my past.
Today we travel back to my days at Job Corps (1984-85). There was this fellow corpsmember of mine by the name of Scott Haden. I didn't know him that well actually, but I did get to read a lot of short stories and essays and things that he had written back in school. It was quality weirdness, so I typed up copies of all of it and they ended up in the Red Folder. This first item of his that I will share with you is a short piece titled "Revenge":
REVENGE by Scott Haden
Here I am just standing here having a fool made out of myself, letting all these people do what they want to me. It's very humiliating. Being a shoe is not easy. Having to hold up 150 lbs. every day, it's a drag. For instance, just the other day me and my owner were walking through this cow pasture when...well, I guess you know what's next. But anyway he starts griping about it, and here I am, every bit of cow CENSORED on me. Man did I get mad. I wanted to make him trip so bad that I did, and you'll never guess where...well, let's just say that he has something to gripe about now.
The End
Next time from the Archivo Rojo: Scott Haden's "Straight Curve"
Monday, June 09, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
THE LAST 30 YEARS
Over the last few weeks I have been mentally compiling a list of things that have happened, come and gone since the last Triple Crown winner (hereafter abbreviated as TCW).
During my childhood I got to see 3 of them. Even two in a row! I took the feat for granted. How spoiled I was! Sure, there was a 25-year drought before that, but I wasn't around for most of that.
Those of you reading this who are under 30 have not had a TCW in your entire lifetime. That includes several of my friends and all 9 of my nieces and nephews (a few of whom have kids of their own now). That blows my mind. And you might not even care. You don't know what you're missing. I do.
I'm slowly becoming a geezer. I had no idea I'd been around this long. Turns out, 30 earth orbits around the sun is a friggin' LONG TIME! Here's just a few things that have occured since the last TCW:
Dale Earnhardt won 7 Nascar championships (plus Rookie Of The Year in 1979!)
Disco Demolition!
The Steelers became the first team to win 3 Super Bowls
The AIDS epidemic
Cal Ripken's entire 2,632 consecutive game streak
Dan Rather replaced Walter Cronkite
The Falkland Islands War
The Iranian hostage crisis
J.R. Ewing and John Lennon were both shot
Michael Jackson released his first solo album (and was still black!)
Mount St. Helens erupted
Pluto moved inside Neptune's orbit and back out again, AND it's moon Charon was discovered
President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a rabbit
Richard Pryor burned himself
Skylab fell out of orbit
Three Mile Island
Voyagers I and II flew by the outer planets
Things that didn't exist at the time of the last TCW:
"Breakfast at Wimbledon"
CART
CNN, ESPN, MTV, Nickelodeon and the Weather Channel
Compact discs
Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" TV series
The DeLorean
Double-Stuf Oreos
The entire Indiana Jones and Star Trek movie series
Nintendo
The Susan B. Anthony dollar
Taxi and WKRP In Cincinnati (both of which ran this week on WGN's Outta Sight Retro Nights)
Test-tube babies
When Affirmed completed the Triple Crown at Belmont on June 3, 1978:
Barack Obama was still in high school
Toledo Mud Hens 3rd baseman Mike Hessman, the reigning IL MVP, was 3 months old
The Cubs had only gone a mere 70 years since winning the World Series
Marco's Pizza had either just started or was about to (all I know is they started in 1978)
Not only had ALF not yet premiered, but neither had Mork & Mindy!
Not yet born at the time of the last TCW:
Chelsea Clinton
Macaulay Culkin
Paris Hilton
Katie Holmes
William Hung
Anna Kournikova
Matthew Lawrence
Danica Patrick
Michael Pitt
Britney Spears
Justin Timberlake
Still alive at the time of the last TCW:
Harry Chapin
Alfred Hitchcock
Joe Louis
Keith Moon
Jesse Owens
Colonel Sanders
Jay "Tonto" Silverheels
Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen
John Wayne
People who were born AND died since the last TCW:
Heath Ledger
Adam Petty
And last but not least...Mister Ed, the talking horse, died on February 28, 1979. How's THAT for perspective? The last time the Triple Crown was won, MISTER ED was still alive!
Over the last few weeks I have been mentally compiling a list of things that have happened, come and gone since the last Triple Crown winner (hereafter abbreviated as TCW).
During my childhood I got to see 3 of them. Even two in a row! I took the feat for granted. How spoiled I was! Sure, there was a 25-year drought before that, but I wasn't around for most of that.
Those of you reading this who are under 30 have not had a TCW in your entire lifetime. That includes several of my friends and all 9 of my nieces and nephews (a few of whom have kids of their own now). That blows my mind. And you might not even care. You don't know what you're missing. I do.
I'm slowly becoming a geezer. I had no idea I'd been around this long. Turns out, 30 earth orbits around the sun is a friggin' LONG TIME! Here's just a few things that have occured since the last TCW:
Dale Earnhardt won 7 Nascar championships (plus Rookie Of The Year in 1979!)
Disco Demolition!
The Steelers became the first team to win 3 Super Bowls
The AIDS epidemic
Cal Ripken's entire 2,632 consecutive game streak
Dan Rather replaced Walter Cronkite
The Falkland Islands War
The Iranian hostage crisis
J.R. Ewing and John Lennon were both shot
Michael Jackson released his first solo album (and was still black!)
Mount St. Helens erupted
Pluto moved inside Neptune's orbit and back out again, AND it's moon Charon was discovered
President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a rabbit
Richard Pryor burned himself
Skylab fell out of orbit
Three Mile Island
Voyagers I and II flew by the outer planets
Things that didn't exist at the time of the last TCW:
"Breakfast at Wimbledon"
CART
CNN, ESPN, MTV, Nickelodeon and the Weather Channel
Compact discs
Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" TV series
The DeLorean
Double-Stuf Oreos
The entire Indiana Jones and Star Trek movie series
Nintendo
The Susan B. Anthony dollar
Taxi and WKRP In Cincinnati (both of which ran this week on WGN's Outta Sight Retro Nights)
Test-tube babies
When Affirmed completed the Triple Crown at Belmont on June 3, 1978:
Barack Obama was still in high school
Toledo Mud Hens 3rd baseman Mike Hessman, the reigning IL MVP, was 3 months old
The Cubs had only gone a mere 70 years since winning the World Series
Marco's Pizza had either just started or was about to (all I know is they started in 1978)
Not only had ALF not yet premiered, but neither had Mork & Mindy!
Not yet born at the time of the last TCW:
Chelsea Clinton
Macaulay Culkin
Paris Hilton
Katie Holmes
William Hung
Anna Kournikova
Matthew Lawrence
Danica Patrick
Michael Pitt
Britney Spears
Justin Timberlake
Still alive at the time of the last TCW:
Harry Chapin
Alfred Hitchcock
Joe Louis
Keith Moon
Jesse Owens
Colonel Sanders
Jay "Tonto" Silverheels
Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen
John Wayne
People who were born AND died since the last TCW:
Heath Ledger
Adam Petty
And last but not least...Mister Ed, the talking horse, died on February 28, 1979. How's THAT for perspective? The last time the Triple Crown was won, MISTER ED was still alive!
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
LET'S PUT THESE IN THE NEXT WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY ALONG WITH 'SPAMMENT'
I've coined two new words in the last two days. Which is why I failed to post the last two days. I was busy coining new words. It's very time-consuming.
"Drizzerable"--Rather obvious weather term. It's not just drizzle, but miserably so.
"Snippy-snappy"--Describes people in Maryland, who have displayed to me over the last two days an incredible lack of basic phone manners. They are waaay too grouchy and waaaaay too terse. I think the whole state must be experiencing a widespread irritable-bowel-syndrome epidemic. (That or the weather there is drizzerable this week.)
It's not easy being a pacifist sometimes. After two evenings of being snippy-snapped at by Marylanders, my urge to kill causes my nerves to twitch severely and, since I don't have a way to get to Maryland, and even if I could get there I would be completely incapable of fulfilling my desire to strangle people to death, I have to come home and find inanimate objects I had planned to put out in the garbage anyway and bash them to tiny bits with my claw hammer and pretend they are the skulls of Marylanders.
I've coined two new words in the last two days. Which is why I failed to post the last two days. I was busy coining new words. It's very time-consuming.
"Drizzerable"--Rather obvious weather term. It's not just drizzle, but miserably so.
"Snippy-snappy"--Describes people in Maryland, who have displayed to me over the last two days an incredible lack of basic phone manners. They are waaay too grouchy and waaaaay too terse. I think the whole state must be experiencing a widespread irritable-bowel-syndrome epidemic. (That or the weather there is drizzerable this week.)
It's not easy being a pacifist sometimes. After two evenings of being snippy-snapped at by Marylanders, my urge to kill causes my nerves to twitch severely and, since I don't have a way to get to Maryland, and even if I could get there I would be completely incapable of fulfilling my desire to strangle people to death, I have to come home and find inanimate objects I had planned to put out in the garbage anyway and bash them to tiny bits with my claw hammer and pretend they are the skulls of Marylanders.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
MORE THAN A MOUTHFUL IS A WASTE
I am really, really, REALLY sick of TV commercials for 'male enhancement' products.
Never mind Enzyte, which apparently carries with it the unfortunate side-effect of making the user look like a crazed, grinning zombie idiot, like a reject from Soundgarden's video for "Black Hole Sun". The latest one to piss me off is Extenze, because they keep making reference to "that certain part of the male anatomy".
Now, let's pretend I'm a complete imbecile. Exactly which part of the male anatomy are they talking about? They don't say, so how do I know? Sure, we all THINK we know which part they mean. But what if it's something else? What if it's the prostate? I don't want that enlarged, that would be a bad thing, right? Or what if you take it and wake up the next morning and your Adam's apple is suddenly freakishly huge? "Bloody fucking hell! I look like Randy Johnson!"
I don't need ANY body parts enlarged, in fact, I need several reduced! That "certain part" of MY anatomy is just fine the size it is. To any guys out there who think theirs is not big enough, I say just go ahead and fucking kill yourself already. You're making the rest of your gender look ridiculous.
PS: I forgot the latest annoying thing about Enzyte: They've been running ads in which the grinning zombie idiot is dressed as Santa. IT'S MAY! IT'S FUCKING MAY!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!
I am really, really, REALLY sick of TV commercials for 'male enhancement' products.
Never mind Enzyte, which apparently carries with it the unfortunate side-effect of making the user look like a crazed, grinning zombie idiot, like a reject from Soundgarden's video for "Black Hole Sun". The latest one to piss me off is Extenze, because they keep making reference to "that certain part of the male anatomy".
Now, let's pretend I'm a complete imbecile. Exactly which part of the male anatomy are they talking about? They don't say, so how do I know? Sure, we all THINK we know which part they mean. But what if it's something else? What if it's the prostate? I don't want that enlarged, that would be a bad thing, right? Or what if you take it and wake up the next morning and your Adam's apple is suddenly freakishly huge? "Bloody fucking hell! I look like Randy Johnson!"
I don't need ANY body parts enlarged, in fact, I need several reduced! That "certain part" of MY anatomy is just fine the size it is. To any guys out there who think theirs is not big enough, I say just go ahead and fucking kill yourself already. You're making the rest of your gender look ridiculous.
PS: I forgot the latest annoying thing about Enzyte: They've been running ads in which the grinning zombie idiot is dressed as Santa. IT'S MAY! IT'S FUCKING MAY!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!
UTAH PHILLIPS 1935-2008, DICK MARTIN 1922-2008
Click here for an mp3 of the classic Utah Phillips story, "Moose Turd Pie".
Left pic: Utah Phillips. Right pic: Dan Rowan (1922-1987) and Dick Martin.
Also we mourn the passing of Dick Martin of "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In". Say goodnight, Dick.
Click here for an mp3 of the classic Utah Phillips story, "Moose Turd Pie".
Left pic: Utah Phillips. Right pic: Dan Rowan (1922-1987) and Dick Martin.
Also we mourn the passing of Dick Martin of "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In". Say goodnight, Dick.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
MICE ON LARRY
Cathy Crowell Webb died last week at age 46 after a 6-year battle with breast cancer. She is known for falsely accusing Gary Dotson of rape in 1977, an accusation she recanted 8 years later. Subsequent hearings on the case later resulted in Dotson becoming the first person in U.S. history to be exonerated by DNA evidence. Click here to read an excellent summary of the case.
After that I highly recommend going to Dahl.com where you can hear the classic song Steve Dahl recorded about the case, "11x3" (titled after the size of an underwear stain which you will learn more about in that aforementioned summary). The song was always one of my favorites even though it didn't all make sense to me, since I was never really familiar with the case. Then I read the summary and sure enough, everything mentioned in the song is in there.
Cathy Crowell Webb died last week at age 46 after a 6-year battle with breast cancer. She is known for falsely accusing Gary Dotson of rape in 1977, an accusation she recanted 8 years later. Subsequent hearings on the case later resulted in Dotson becoming the first person in U.S. history to be exonerated by DNA evidence. Click here to read an excellent summary of the case.
After that I highly recommend going to Dahl.com where you can hear the classic song Steve Dahl recorded about the case, "11x3" (titled after the size of an underwear stain which you will learn more about in that aforementioned summary). The song was always one of my favorites even though it didn't all make sense to me, since I was never really familiar with the case. Then I read the summary and sure enough, everything mentioned in the song is in there.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thought my fellow Dahl fans out there would enjoy this...
FROM THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE WEBSITE:
Wednesday, May 14, 10:37 AM: Doughnuts for deputies land reporter in a hole
Brendan Greeley
In the weeks leading up to the R. Kelly trial, it was clear the Cook County sheriff's department was determined to keep a tight rein on the media. But an incident Wednesday morning showed just how seriously they're taking that mission.
Law-enforcement officials threatened to pull the media credential of a radio reporter who brought doughnuts for deputies working outside the building. Brendan Greeley, who works for "The Steve Dahl Show" on WJMK-FM104.3, brought the treats to thank officers who had been kind to him during the first three days of jury selection.
The deputies, among many other helpful actions, typically give reporters and photographers a few minutes' warning before Kelly arrives so they can have their cameras positioned. When Greeley mentioned this to his boss, Dahl suggested he bring two dozen doughnuts on Wednesday as a show of gratitude.
"It was a warm gesture," Greeley said.
Law-enforcement officials said high-ranking officers heard Dahl discussing the doughnuts during Tuesday's show and feared that the public would consider the snacks a bribe for information.
Around 7:45 a.m Wednesday, a Dahl intern showed up with two dozen Dunkin Donuts. Greeley said the treats were "a nice variety: glazed, chocolate dipped, powdered, cinnamon."
Several deputies declined Greeley's treats before an officer approached him and told him he was being a distraction. He told Greeley, who was not on air while passing out the snacks, that his credential would be taken away if he brought doughnuts again.
It's not unusual for reporters to bring treats for deputies during high-profile or prolonged cases. During the Brown's Chicken & Pasta murder trial last year—also held in Cook County Judge Vincent Gaughan's courtroom—reporters brought bagels, cookies and doughnuts throughout the six-week trial.
Gaughan has been aware of past treats and never prohibited the goodwill gesture. It's highly unlikely he knew of Greeley's situation this morning.
To maintain order during the R. Kelly trial, the judge appointed a media committee to voice concerns or address problems that arise during the case. The committee said today that it would have opposed any sanctions against Greeley because there's nothing in the judge's order that prohibits the sharing of doughnuts—chocolate dipped or otherwise.
"I'm just happy to still have my credential," Greeley said. "It was just a gesture."
--Stacy St. Clair
Click here to view one of Brendan's courtroom sketches from the R. Kelly trial.
FROM THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE WEBSITE:
Wednesday, May 14, 10:37 AM: Doughnuts for deputies land reporter in a hole
Brendan Greeley
In the weeks leading up to the R. Kelly trial, it was clear the Cook County sheriff's department was determined to keep a tight rein on the media. But an incident Wednesday morning showed just how seriously they're taking that mission.
Law-enforcement officials threatened to pull the media credential of a radio reporter who brought doughnuts for deputies working outside the building. Brendan Greeley, who works for "The Steve Dahl Show" on WJMK-FM104.3, brought the treats to thank officers who had been kind to him during the first three days of jury selection.
The deputies, among many other helpful actions, typically give reporters and photographers a few minutes' warning before Kelly arrives so they can have their cameras positioned. When Greeley mentioned this to his boss, Dahl suggested he bring two dozen doughnuts on Wednesday as a show of gratitude.
"It was a warm gesture," Greeley said.
Law-enforcement officials said high-ranking officers heard Dahl discussing the doughnuts during Tuesday's show and feared that the public would consider the snacks a bribe for information.
Around 7:45 a.m Wednesday, a Dahl intern showed up with two dozen Dunkin Donuts. Greeley said the treats were "a nice variety: glazed, chocolate dipped, powdered, cinnamon."
Several deputies declined Greeley's treats before an officer approached him and told him he was being a distraction. He told Greeley, who was not on air while passing out the snacks, that his credential would be taken away if he brought doughnuts again.
It's not unusual for reporters to bring treats for deputies during high-profile or prolonged cases. During the Brown's Chicken & Pasta murder trial last year—also held in Cook County Judge Vincent Gaughan's courtroom—reporters brought bagels, cookies and doughnuts throughout the six-week trial.
Gaughan has been aware of past treats and never prohibited the goodwill gesture. It's highly unlikely he knew of Greeley's situation this morning.
To maintain order during the R. Kelly trial, the judge appointed a media committee to voice concerns or address problems that arise during the case. The committee said today that it would have opposed any sanctions against Greeley because there's nothing in the judge's order that prohibits the sharing of doughnuts—chocolate dipped or otherwise.
"I'm just happy to still have my credential," Greeley said. "It was just a gesture."
--Stacy St. Clair
Click here to view one of Brendan's courtroom sketches from the R. Kelly trial.
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