EVERY OLD IDEA IS NEW AGAIN
For those of you who haven't been visiting StickFight.net on a regular basis (and if you haven't, what the fuck is wrong with you?!), you may have missed the rebirth of an old pet concept of mine.
Perhaps some of you remember "Survival Of The Least Objectionable". Perhaps not. Perhaps because when I tried it out on you, my precious posse of pals, you reacted to it with as much enthusiasm as Marvin The Paranoid Android at an "Up With People" Super Bowl halftime extravaganza.
The concept, for those who forgot, was to take a group of people (fictional or non-) deemed rather annoying by the general public, and vote to kill off the most annoying of all, one by one, until we are left with the least objectionable of the lot.
About a week ago I gave new life to SOTLO in the Stickfight forums, and it garnered a nice voter turnout. The contestants for Season One were The Castaways (Gilligan, Skipper, etc.), and much as I expected, Mary Ann emerged the sole survivor.
And so I have now rushed headlong into the second season with The Brady Bunch as the next group of victims...er, contestants.
To vote and weigh in with your thoughts, simply follow the StickFight link on the right, and you're sure to see the latest SOTLO round listed under "Latest Forum Threads".
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Friday, January 03, 2003
CRAPPY OLD YEAR!
Good fucking riddance, 2002. You were the worst calendar year of my life. Any 2002 calendars I get my hands on are gonna get burned to a crisp. Except of course for the one on which my mom noted things such as birthdays of friends and relatives, as well as those of Nascar drivers, and the Nascar TV schedule.
Nonetheless, in spite of the horror that was 2002, I still have my usual year-end awards to give out...
GEAK ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Always a prestigious award. And this year, many fine efforts from the likes of Monk, Wendy Snyder, The Basement, Cleo Glyde, and Coldplay, just to name a few. But the winner is:
THE SHIELD
SONG OF THE YEAR
Another perennial biggie. Usually there's a tournament, but this year there's no need. Although there were serious challenges from the likes of Pansy Division ("Flower", "The Summer You Let Your Hair Grow Out", "Obstacle Course", etc.), Foo Fighters ("All My Life"...possible 2003 SOTY?), Uriah Heep ("Sweet Freedom", "July Morning", etc.), Bruce Springsteen (several tracks from "The Rising"), and Steve Dahl ("I Wish I Was The Pope"), one band had this award in the bag in mid-year and fended off every challenger, including songs from their own new album ("In My Place", "The Scientist", etc.). It was used to great effect at the end of the first season finale of The Shield, it could apply to my mom's death, and it was the one song that, even by title alone, summed up the entire year. The 2002 SOTY is:
COLDPLAY, "TROUBLE"
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Now this is a toughie. I'm gonna need your help on this one, campers. Email your picks to ducksoup@sacbeemail.com and I'll post the winner later. Here's the nominees:
Coldplay, "Parachutes"
Coldplay, "A Rush Of Blood To The Head"
Pansy Division, "Absurd Pop Song Romance"
Pansy Division, "Pileup"
Pansy Division, "Undressed"
Rush, "Vapor Trails"
Joe Satriani, "Live In San Francisco"
Bruce Springsteen, "The Rising"
Taco The Wonder Dog, "Taco The Wonder Dog Covers The Hits"
Uriah Heep, "Classic Heep: An Anthology"
CATCH PHRASE OF THE YEAR
In any other year, this would have been an interesting one-on-one battle. Steve Dahl's imitation of Dahl Show "Computer Bitch" Ed Silha yielded many top catch phrases, including "I will not wear someone else's pants!", "I will not drive through Pennsylvania!", and "I will not buy a glass fish tank!". But the biggie, the signature, the touchstone, the trigger phrase, was, of course, "SEATBELTS!" And Edzila's main competition would be from the movie championed by Dahl himself, "Pootie Tang", which gave us a plethora of phrases that make no sense, are fun to say, and can be used throughout everyday life. From "Sine your pitty on the runny kine" to "Cole me down on the panny sty" to "I can't say the nay-no, my brother" to "Sepatown" to "My main damie" to "Sa-da-tay!", and my personal fave (because it almost sounds like "Whatever"), "Wadatah", Pootie Tang could have singlehandedly locked up this category. But as with the SOTY, one catch phrase summed up the main story of the year, as well as the year in general. Though it may seem a bit of a downer, I feel it my duty to give this award posthumously to my mom, who kept repeating this phrase on Feb. 21, easily the worst day of the year as well as my life. The 2002 Catch Phrase Of The Year is:
"THIS IS REALITY."--THE LATE ALVA PRIBE
THE CARL SAGAN AWARD (BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR)
In previous years, I tried to limit this award to movies I saw in the theater for the first time that year. But 2002 called for a change. I saw a couple of movies for the first time in 2002 on video that were released in previous years, and both must be included in my top 6, including #1. Let me quickly give honorable mention to "Men With Brooms", "Red Green: Duct Tape Forever", "Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course", "Die Another Day", and "Fight Club". But as good as all those were, my choice is clear. (And no, it's not "Fellowship Of The Ring". I'd have to give that Worst Movie status. A 3-hour nerd-fest. You don't normally expect to hear a movie character utter the line "We will taste man-flesh!" unless you're cruising at the Bijou in Chicago.) The 2002 Movie Of The Year is:
"POOTIE TANG"
THE TRIO AWARD (BEST COMMERCIAL OF THE YEAR)
As in 2001, ads shown during Nascar races make up most of the top com'ls of 2002, though they DO get awfully repetitive. The ones I never got tired of: UPS's ads with Joe Walsh and George Thorogood, and Mikey Waltrip's Napa ads ("I'm at the wrong track!"). But even though he appeared in several of their ads, the first one with him still stands as the best. And this was one of the few remaining awards not on his mantle. And, face it, any time ALF is eligible for an award, you can send the other nominees home early. The 2002 Com'l Of The Year is:
10-10-220, ALF (WITH TERRY BRADSHAW)
MUSIC VIDEO OF THE YEAR
I'm completely stumped, folks. I can't even think of any nominees here. Please email your nods to ducksoup@sacbeemail.com and we'll see who/what we end up with.
WEBSITE OF THE YEAR
The new Dahl.com is snazzy. JoeCartoon.com has some funny moments (Aw, my freakin' head, I'm so wasted!"). And the new Shagout.net is good but not as good as the old Shagout. Screw it, time to let my ego out for some fresh air! The 2002 Website Of The Year is:
THE DUCK POND!
Good fucking riddance, 2002. You were the worst calendar year of my life. Any 2002 calendars I get my hands on are gonna get burned to a crisp. Except of course for the one on which my mom noted things such as birthdays of friends and relatives, as well as those of Nascar drivers, and the Nascar TV schedule.
Nonetheless, in spite of the horror that was 2002, I still have my usual year-end awards to give out...
GEAK ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Always a prestigious award. And this year, many fine efforts from the likes of Monk, Wendy Snyder, The Basement, Cleo Glyde, and Coldplay, just to name a few. But the winner is:
THE SHIELD
SONG OF THE YEAR
Another perennial biggie. Usually there's a tournament, but this year there's no need. Although there were serious challenges from the likes of Pansy Division ("Flower", "The Summer You Let Your Hair Grow Out", "Obstacle Course", etc.), Foo Fighters ("All My Life"...possible 2003 SOTY?), Uriah Heep ("Sweet Freedom", "July Morning", etc.), Bruce Springsteen (several tracks from "The Rising"), and Steve Dahl ("I Wish I Was The Pope"), one band had this award in the bag in mid-year and fended off every challenger, including songs from their own new album ("In My Place", "The Scientist", etc.). It was used to great effect at the end of the first season finale of The Shield, it could apply to my mom's death, and it was the one song that, even by title alone, summed up the entire year. The 2002 SOTY is:
COLDPLAY, "TROUBLE"
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Now this is a toughie. I'm gonna need your help on this one, campers. Email your picks to ducksoup@sacbeemail.com and I'll post the winner later. Here's the nominees:
Coldplay, "Parachutes"
Coldplay, "A Rush Of Blood To The Head"
Pansy Division, "Absurd Pop Song Romance"
Pansy Division, "Pileup"
Pansy Division, "Undressed"
Rush, "Vapor Trails"
Joe Satriani, "Live In San Francisco"
Bruce Springsteen, "The Rising"
Taco The Wonder Dog, "Taco The Wonder Dog Covers The Hits"
Uriah Heep, "Classic Heep: An Anthology"
CATCH PHRASE OF THE YEAR
In any other year, this would have been an interesting one-on-one battle. Steve Dahl's imitation of Dahl Show "Computer Bitch" Ed Silha yielded many top catch phrases, including "I will not wear someone else's pants!", "I will not drive through Pennsylvania!", and "I will not buy a glass fish tank!". But the biggie, the signature, the touchstone, the trigger phrase, was, of course, "SEATBELTS!" And Edzila's main competition would be from the movie championed by Dahl himself, "Pootie Tang", which gave us a plethora of phrases that make no sense, are fun to say, and can be used throughout everyday life. From "Sine your pitty on the runny kine" to "Cole me down on the panny sty" to "I can't say the nay-no, my brother" to "Sepatown" to "My main damie" to "Sa-da-tay!", and my personal fave (because it almost sounds like "Whatever"), "Wadatah", Pootie Tang could have singlehandedly locked up this category. But as with the SOTY, one catch phrase summed up the main story of the year, as well as the year in general. Though it may seem a bit of a downer, I feel it my duty to give this award posthumously to my mom, who kept repeating this phrase on Feb. 21, easily the worst day of the year as well as my life. The 2002 Catch Phrase Of The Year is:
"THIS IS REALITY."--THE LATE ALVA PRIBE
THE CARL SAGAN AWARD (BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR)
In previous years, I tried to limit this award to movies I saw in the theater for the first time that year. But 2002 called for a change. I saw a couple of movies for the first time in 2002 on video that were released in previous years, and both must be included in my top 6, including #1. Let me quickly give honorable mention to "Men With Brooms", "Red Green: Duct Tape Forever", "Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course", "Die Another Day", and "Fight Club". But as good as all those were, my choice is clear. (And no, it's not "Fellowship Of The Ring". I'd have to give that Worst Movie status. A 3-hour nerd-fest. You don't normally expect to hear a movie character utter the line "We will taste man-flesh!" unless you're cruising at the Bijou in Chicago.) The 2002 Movie Of The Year is:
"POOTIE TANG"
THE TRIO AWARD (BEST COMMERCIAL OF THE YEAR)
As in 2001, ads shown during Nascar races make up most of the top com'ls of 2002, though they DO get awfully repetitive. The ones I never got tired of: UPS's ads with Joe Walsh and George Thorogood, and Mikey Waltrip's Napa ads ("I'm at the wrong track!"). But even though he appeared in several of their ads, the first one with him still stands as the best. And this was one of the few remaining awards not on his mantle. And, face it, any time ALF is eligible for an award, you can send the other nominees home early. The 2002 Com'l Of The Year is:
10-10-220, ALF (WITH TERRY BRADSHAW)
MUSIC VIDEO OF THE YEAR
I'm completely stumped, folks. I can't even think of any nominees here. Please email your nods to ducksoup@sacbeemail.com and we'll see who/what we end up with.
WEBSITE OF THE YEAR
The new Dahl.com is snazzy. JoeCartoon.com has some funny moments (Aw, my freakin' head, I'm so wasted!"). And the new Shagout.net is good but not as good as the old Shagout. Screw it, time to let my ego out for some fresh air! The 2002 Website Of The Year is:
THE DUCK POND!
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
STICK IT TO ME
While you're waiting for me to post the nominations for all my usual year-end awards, here's some stuff to keep you occupied...
Stick figure fighting: it's all the rage! I think. Here's a few links to get you started on this fascinating new spectator sport:
Xiao Xiao #3
One of the first stick figure fighting films I saw, and still one of the best.
Stick Figure Death Theater
This is where I found the above film. A ton of others, including more from Xiao Xiao.
StickDeath.com
Just what it says. Fun for the whole stick figure family.
There. Now you know just a few of the many places where you can stick it.
While you're waiting for me to post the nominations for all my usual year-end awards, here's some stuff to keep you occupied...
Stick figure fighting: it's all the rage! I think. Here's a few links to get you started on this fascinating new spectator sport:
Xiao Xiao #3
One of the first stick figure fighting films I saw, and still one of the best.
Stick Figure Death Theater
This is where I found the above film. A ton of others, including more from Xiao Xiao.
StickDeath.com
Just what it says. Fun for the whole stick figure family.
There. Now you know just a few of the many places where you can stick it.
Monday, December 16, 2002
IF THIS WORKS, I'M PLAYING THE LOTTERY NEXT
Okay folks, this is a long shot, but it's worth a try...
Is there, by any chance, anyone reading this who happened to save the text to the "No Virginia, there is no Santa Claus" piece I wrote last year for the old Shagout multi-person blog? If so please email it to ducksoup@sacbeemail.com so I post it again this year. I'm just too damn lazy to try to rewrite it. Thanks.
Okay folks, this is a long shot, but it's worth a try...
Is there, by any chance, anyone reading this who happened to save the text to the "No Virginia, there is no Santa Claus" piece I wrote last year for the old Shagout multi-person blog? If so please email it to ducksoup@sacbeemail.com so I post it again this year. I'm just too damn lazy to try to rewrite it. Thanks.
Saturday, December 07, 2002
Monday, November 25, 2002
ALL YOUR ANGST ARE BELONG TO US
Found something interesting. It's the cover art of an album that our very own Shaggy released a few years ago, during his brief Kenny Loggins/Al Stewart/Cat Stevens-type introspective phase. I think it'll be out on CD soon.
Click the link below to check it out.
Rock me gently
Found something interesting. It's the cover art of an album that our very own Shaggy released a few years ago, during his brief Kenny Loggins/Al Stewart/Cat Stevens-type introspective phase. I think it'll be out on CD soon.
Click the link below to check it out.
Rock me gently
Saturday, November 23, 2002
IS THIS TOO MORBID?
In the wake of my mom's premature demise, and the inevitable disputes over who gets what, I have naturally been giving a lot of thought to what will happen to my stuff should I check out early.
I have yet to craft a will, hopefully soon I'll get around to it, but in the meantime, I could use your help, mi amigos.
Who wants what?
Come on, stake your claims now! I have to die sooner or later. Why should my worldly possessions take up space in a landfill? Help recycle, dammit!
Okay, so you guys can't call dibs on my organs, but the rest is up for grabs!
First and foremost, there's all my ALF stuff, much of which you have been reading about here the last few. Then there's my vast stockpile of audio and video tapes, the content of which runs the gamut. After that, it's pretty much the usual worldly-possession-type crap. Some worthy of resale, some only of sentimental value, but overall nothing to write home about.
Mind you, I am a borderline minor local celebrity, so if there's anything currently in my possession that would make for tabloid fodder, I trust my executor will keep it hidden from the general public. Speaking of which...
Who calls executor? "All the all the outs in free!"
Tell ya what, let's settle that as fairly as possible...
My...mother...and...your...mother...were...hanging...up...clothes...
My...mother...socked...your...mother...in...the...nose...
What...color...of...blood...came...out?
In the wake of my mom's premature demise, and the inevitable disputes over who gets what, I have naturally been giving a lot of thought to what will happen to my stuff should I check out early.
I have yet to craft a will, hopefully soon I'll get around to it, but in the meantime, I could use your help, mi amigos.
Who wants what?
Come on, stake your claims now! I have to die sooner or later. Why should my worldly possessions take up space in a landfill? Help recycle, dammit!
Okay, so you guys can't call dibs on my organs, but the rest is up for grabs!
First and foremost, there's all my ALF stuff, much of which you have been reading about here the last few. Then there's my vast stockpile of audio and video tapes, the content of which runs the gamut. After that, it's pretty much the usual worldly-possession-type crap. Some worthy of resale, some only of sentimental value, but overall nothing to write home about.
Mind you, I am a borderline minor local celebrity, so if there's anything currently in my possession that would make for tabloid fodder, I trust my executor will keep it hidden from the general public. Speaking of which...
Who calls executor? "All the all the outs in free!"
Tell ya what, let's settle that as fairly as possible...
My...mother...and...your...mother...were...hanging...up...clothes...
My...mother...socked...your...mother...in...the...nose...
What...color...of...blood...came...out?
Friday, November 08, 2002
THREE IS A MAGIC NUMBER
A good week for me ALF-wise. First the "Got cat?" poster, then the "ALF Files" DVD, then my new ALF cell phone face plate.
The best part about the face plate? The main button is strategically and conveniently located right over ALF's crotch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch...
And so the ALF paraphernalia collection grows. Next I'll be stockpiling ALF plushies. Hey, you gotta have backups.
A good week for me ALF-wise. First the "Got cat?" poster, then the "ALF Files" DVD, then my new ALF cell phone face plate.
The best part about the face plate? The main button is strategically and conveniently located right over ALF's crotch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch...
And so the ALF paraphernalia collection grows. Next I'll be stockpiling ALF plushies. Hey, you gotta have backups.
Thursday, November 07, 2002
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
Monday, November 04, 2002
MMM...THE NEW KITTEN TERIYAKI SUB...(DROOL DROOL)
Thanks to Shaggy, there's a new #2 pic in the Gallery too. Also the Shagman has sent his first query to the Ask blog. Much obliged.
And I'm just about to make a run for the border to grab my copy of the ALF DVD, which Shagola tipped me off to.
Tell ya what, let's just declare this "Give Your Props To Shaggy" Day!
No, wait, I forgot, it's Nov. 4. Never mind. This is already "Death To America" Day. (Hey, I didn't name it. Bite me.)
Thanks to Shaggy, there's a new #2 pic in the Gallery too. Also the Shagman has sent his first query to the Ask blog. Much obliged.
And I'm just about to make a run for the border to grab my copy of the ALF DVD, which Shagola tipped me off to.
Tell ya what, let's just declare this "Give Your Props To Shaggy" Day!
No, wait, I forgot, it's Nov. 4. Never mind. This is already "Death To America" Day. (Hey, I didn't name it. Bite me.)
Saturday, November 02, 2002
"I'VE BEEN FRAMED!"
We've had a swap for the top spot in the Gallery. And the hard copy of the new #1 pic is now in my possession. Read more about it!
We've had a swap for the top spot in the Gallery. And the hard copy of the new #1 pic is now in my possession. Read more about it!
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
THERE ARE SOME THINGS MONEY CAN'T BUY
Check this out from The Brunching Shuttlecocks: It's called Priceless. And it is. It's the best MasterCard ad I've seen to date and it's not even a real one!
Check this out from The Brunching Shuttlecocks: It's called Priceless. And it is. It's the best MasterCard ad I've seen to date and it's not even a real one!
Saturday, October 26, 2002
IT'S ALIVE! MY CREATION IS ALIVE!
Wow. This Ask Ducksoup thang is getting huge! A ton of questions in the mailbag today. Go check out my answers.
Wow. This Ask Ducksoup thang is getting huge! A ton of questions in the mailbag today. Go check out my answers.
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
WARNING! NEW FEATURE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Man, I am just chock full of ideas lately. Here's my latest stroke of genius:
Ask Ducksoup
Try it (with milk). It's fun! I hope.
PS: Holy unexpected popularity, Batman! "Ask Ducksoup" has been up for only an hour or so and already I've received 3 questions. From total strangers! All this time I thought my entire readership consisted of my 3 best friends/Duck Pond affiliates. Where did all you other people come from? And what's wrong with you?! Well, wherever you came from, thanks large for starting off the "Ask" thing with a resounding bang! I can hardly keep up!
Man, I am just chock full of ideas lately. Here's my latest stroke of genius:
Ask Ducksoup
Try it (with milk). It's fun! I hope.
PS: Holy unexpected popularity, Batman! "Ask Ducksoup" has been up for only an hour or so and already I've received 3 questions. From total strangers! All this time I thought my entire readership consisted of my 3 best friends/Duck Pond affiliates. Where did all you other people come from? And what's wrong with you?! Well, wherever you came from, thanks large for starting off the "Ask" thing with a resounding bang! I can hardly keep up!
Monday, October 21, 2002
Friday, October 11, 2002
IF THE POLICE NEVER FIND IT, IS IT STILL A CLUE?
So, the note the sniper left on the tarot card said "I am god", which as you might recall was the title of Taco The Wonder Dog's remix of the Mark Standriff/Chubby Checker interview.
I predict the next note will read "I am the wheel that rock rolls on", and then we've got our man!
So, the note the sniper left on the tarot card said "I am god", which as you might recall was the title of Taco The Wonder Dog's remix of the Mark Standriff/Chubby Checker interview.
I predict the next note will read "I am the wheel that rock rolls on", and then we've got our man!
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
A FUNNY THING HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY TO OBLIVION
How screwed up is my mind? Here's a scenario I recently dreamed up for my own demise...
I'm driving and I crash my van into an ambulance. I go flying through the windshield and land in the back of the ambulance. So far I'm only injured, and the ambulance is not too severely damaged, so they start to take me to the hospital.
On the way the ambulance collides with another vehicle, and I go flying out of the ambulance and land in the back of the other vehicle, dead. You guessed it...it's a hearse.
And then on the way to the cemetery the hearse hits a deep pothole...and IN I GO! WHEE!
I need therapy.
3/19/2011, PS: I've since made some additions to this scenario. After the hearse a cement truck hits the same pothole and the contents spill in on top of me. Then a florist drives by and...well, you get the idea.
How screwed up is my mind? Here's a scenario I recently dreamed up for my own demise...
I'm driving and I crash my van into an ambulance. I go flying through the windshield and land in the back of the ambulance. So far I'm only injured, and the ambulance is not too severely damaged, so they start to take me to the hospital.
On the way the ambulance collides with another vehicle, and I go flying out of the ambulance and land in the back of the other vehicle, dead. You guessed it...it's a hearse.
And then on the way to the cemetery the hearse hits a deep pothole...and IN I GO! WHEE!
I need therapy.
3/19/2011, PS: I've since made some additions to this scenario. After the hearse a cement truck hits the same pothole and the contents spill in on top of me. Then a florist drives by and...well, you get the idea.
Thursday, October 03, 2002
GAG ME WITH A SPOON
(NOTE: The show in question is no longer posted.)
Steve Dahl Show, Wednesday, October 2, time code 1:17:18 to 1:26:02. Go. Listen. Now!
A woman drops by the studio with a hair-trigger gag reflex. No puking, just gagging. Say something gross and she ulps. This is one for the "Best Of" reel. I heard it here at work and had to bite a hole in my lip to keep from laughing too loud.
PS: Also on the same show, after you enjoy the gagging woman, skip ahead to time code 2:00:18 to 2:15:58, as Steve gives his own review of BK tacos vs Taco Bell tacos, and tells us what soda flavor goes best with a BK taco. It's a combination throwback to both the Cola Wars AND the Taco Wars!
Dahl copying me: there's a switch!!!
PPS: It gets weirder: During Thursday's show, they're talking about a Sopranos character doing amyl nitrate while getting a vibrator up the keister, and also about video head cleaners and alkyl nitrate, and Steve mentions Rush. By name. And did I not mention my sudden craving for poppers after getting drunk? Weird. Eerie.
(NOTE: The show in question is no longer posted.)
Steve Dahl Show, Wednesday, October 2, time code 1:17:18 to 1:26:02. Go. Listen. Now!
A woman drops by the studio with a hair-trigger gag reflex. No puking, just gagging. Say something gross and she ulps. This is one for the "Best Of" reel. I heard it here at work and had to bite a hole in my lip to keep from laughing too loud.
PS: Also on the same show, after you enjoy the gagging woman, skip ahead to time code 2:00:18 to 2:15:58, as Steve gives his own review of BK tacos vs Taco Bell tacos, and tells us what soda flavor goes best with a BK taco. It's a combination throwback to both the Cola Wars AND the Taco Wars!
Dahl copying me: there's a switch!!!
PPS: It gets weirder: During Thursday's show, they're talking about a Sopranos character doing amyl nitrate while getting a vibrator up the keister, and also about video head cleaners and alkyl nitrate, and Steve mentions Rush. By name. And did I not mention my sudden craving for poppers after getting drunk? Weird. Eerie.
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