2007 ELITE 11

Weird year. I'll leave it at that.

The Elite 8 has been expanded with three new categories. The annual SOTY (Song Of The Year) tournament is still in progress. The rest of the year-end awards have been decided:

Rookie Of The Year: Hedwig And The Angry Inch
Honorable Mention: Richard Dawkins, Stevans

Album Of The Year: the self-titled debut album by Stevans
HM: "Life Is Worth Losing"--George Carlin, "Super Taranta"--Gogol Bordello, "Hedwig And The Angry Inch" soundtrack, "Release The Stars"--Rufus Wainwright

Catch Phrase Of The Year: "I sneezed"--Ducksoup
HM: "Thank you for shopping with us"

The Carl Sagan Award (Movie Of The Year): "Hedwig And The Angry Inch"
HM: Frankly, no other movie even came close

The Trio Award (Commercial Of The Year): Jack In The Box--Stoner
HM: Again, can't think of any worthy runners-up

Music Video Of The Year: "Hedwig And The Angry Inch" (the entire movie)
HM: "Pachelbel Rant"--Rob Paravonian

Website Of The Year: Pandora
HM: The Steve Dahl Show, Jigsawdoku, Youtube

Comeback Of The Year: Garry Meier
HM: none

Quote Of The Year: "The planet, hell! What about my nuts?"--David Suzuki
HM: "But we've GOT to have AIDS before we pee in her eye socket!"--Beary Bear, Woodland Critters, South Park

Johnny Carson Award (Corpse Of The Year--the person who died this past year who we'll miss most): Tom Snyder
HM: Larry Bud Melman, Charles Nelson Reilly, Don Herbert, Marcel Marceau, Evel Knievel, Terry Armour

The 2007 SOTY results will be posted here as soon as the tournament is finished.

Happy new year everybody, and don't forget to set your calendars ahead.

CORRECTION

A few months ago I said Troy Polamalu looked like a Doobie Brother. I hereby retract that statement. Now he looks like Charlie Manson!

CHEAP

I only remember the end of the dream I had the other day...I was just about to shoot a bad guy (sort of a mafia hitman type) who was just about my size. I really liked the suit he was wearing, so I tried to get him to take it off before I shot him so as not to ruin it. He refused.

"Okay, at least take the jacket part off," I begged.

"Why?"

"So when I wear it the jacket part will cover up the bullet hole and the blood stain."

"Screw that, you can just sew up the hole, and most good detergents will get the blood out!"

"Too much work, besides, I can't sew."

"Jeez...why don't you just shoot me in the fucking head, dumbass?"

"Oh, yeah, right. Why didn't I think of that?"

*BANG*