I'LL SUE YA! (NOT!)

I emailed the folks at Smirnoff last week to suggest a new flavor, ruby red/sweet grapefruit. I'm sure they could put out something really good along those lines. Today I checked my inbox and found a long reply from someone named Richard that had the stink of the Smirnoff legal department all over it, explaining exhaustively how they don't take ideas or suggestions from outside the company. I was rather offended. Here's the gist of my reply:

"Spare me the legalese, Dick. I'm not looking to sue you guys for some cockamamie reason. My mother didn't raise me like that. All I'm saying is, hey, if you guys put out a grapefruit flavor I'll buy it. But thanks for assuming the worst. Sheesh. Maybe I should just stick to Diet Coke when I'm out at karaoke. --DJP"

21ST CENTURY BREAKDOWN

The new Green Day album...yep, it sounds a lot like American Idiot 2. But it's still damn good. Sounds great in The Bus. "Know Your Enemy" and "21 Guns" seem to be the tracks that are getting the big push, and both deserve it. I can also recommend the following tracks:

"Last Night On Earth"--Very John Lennon-esque ballad, sure to be a single down the road. Can't wait for the karaoke version.
"Peacemaker"--A fun track that I have to believe was at least partially influenced by Gogol Bordello. In fact, I'd love to hear Gogol B cover this.
"Last Of The American Girls"--Sure to get airplay at some point. Just a hint of Weezer.
"[upside-down question mark]Viva La Gloria? (Little Girl)"--Very Brechtian. Would make for an excellent mashup with The Doors' "Alabama Song". (Party Ben, I'm looking in your direction!)

THE CURSE OF MISTER ED STRIKES AGAIN

Still no Triple Crown winner since his death.

SUICIDAL DRINKING GAME DU JOUR

While watching Life After People (History Channel), whenever the narrator says "In the time of humans," you say "In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey" and do a shot. You will die of alcohol poisoning.