IN THE NAME OF COPE
THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS POLKA
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
MONARCHS RULE!
If you missed it Tuesday night, check your local PBS listings for this week's episode of Nova, "The Incredible Journey Of The Butterflies", all about my lifelong friends, the Monarchs. It is a truly awe-inspiring, touching and beautifully-produced hour.
Remaining local air times in the Toledo-BG area:
Sunday 1am on WGTE-30
Sunday 5pm on WBGU-57
Sunday 7pm on WGTE-30
And remember our little three-legged pal Earnhardt from last September that my friend Lori took all those neat pics of? Well I think I spotted him in one of the shots from one of the winter sanctuaries. He made it to Mexico! (Oh sure, sue me for wishful thinking.)
If you missed it Tuesday night, check your local PBS listings for this week's episode of Nova, "The Incredible Journey Of The Butterflies", all about my lifelong friends, the Monarchs. It is a truly awe-inspiring, touching and beautifully-produced hour.
Remaining local air times in the Toledo-BG area:
Sunday 1am on WGTE-30
Sunday 5pm on WBGU-57
Sunday 7pm on WGTE-30
And remember our little three-legged pal Earnhardt from last September that my friend Lori took all those neat pics of? Well I think I spotted him in one of the shots from one of the winter sanctuaries. He made it to Mexico! (Oh sure, sue me for wishful thinking.)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
YET ANOTHER SUICIDAL DRINKING GAME
(Originally posted 12/17/08)
If you have the Urge music channels on Buckeye Cable, go to channel 747-Dream Sequence or 748-Acoustic Chill, and whenever Elliott Smith's picture is shown during another artist's song, do a shot. You will die of alcohol poisoning.
PS: If you see his pic on any other Urge channel, do 2 shots. And if they actually play a song by Elliott Smith, CHUG!
(Originally posted 12/17/08)
If you have the Urge music channels on Buckeye Cable, go to channel 747-Dream Sequence or 748-Acoustic Chill, and whenever Elliott Smith's picture is shown during another artist's song, do a shot. You will die of alcohol poisoning.
PS: If you see his pic on any other Urge channel, do 2 shots. And if they actually play a song by Elliott Smith, CHUG!
Monday, January 26, 2009
QUESTIONNAIRE REMIX
A couple of years ago I tried something my friend Noel told me about, a questionnaire in which you put your music player of choice on random and answer the questions in order with whichever songs come up. I happened upon the original while researching my blog archives, and decided to give it another go. Below are the results.
1. What's my mood like right now?
Heresy--Nine Inch Nails
2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
I Live In A Split Level Head--Napoleon XIV
3. What kind of person am I?
Salty Dog--Procol Harum
4. Am I loved?
Daves I Know--Bruce McCulloch
5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
Hit In The Head By A Brick--Henry Phillips
6. What should I do with my life?
Goose Step Mama--The Rutles
7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
Go Your Own Way--Dirty Power
8. What is my best quality?
Overlove--Dio
9. How does my sex life look?
Razor Love--Neil Young
10. What's the meaning of life?
Comfortably Numb--Luther Wright And The Wrongs
11. What do people think of me?
Across The Universe--Laibach
12. Would I make a good catch?
You Have AIDS--Family Guy
13. How crazy am I?
Du Hast--Rammstein
14. Will I have a good life in general?
I've Been Everywhere--Hank Snow
15. Can (insert YOUR name here) ever really love me?
Polk Salad Annie--Tony Joe White
16. Can me and (insert YOUR name here) ever be more than friends?
The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary--Frank Zappa
17. What's going to happen to me this week?
The Rising--Bruce Springsteen
18. Where will I be a year from now?
Dixie Rose Deluxe's Honky Tonk, Feed Store, Gun Shop, Used Car, Beer, Bait, BBQ, Barber Shop, Laundromat--Trent Willmon
19. What is my biggest wish?
A Woman In Love--Stevans
20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment?
Witchi Tai To--Jim Pepper
(Note: This song is a peyote chant)
21. How will I die?
Hot Potato Mouth--Steve Dahl
22. What will happen after I die?
Tunak Tunak Tun--Daler Mehndi
23. How do my friends feel about me?
Total Entertainment--Pansy Division
A couple of years ago I tried something my friend Noel told me about, a questionnaire in which you put your music player of choice on random and answer the questions in order with whichever songs come up. I happened upon the original while researching my blog archives, and decided to give it another go. Below are the results.
1. What's my mood like right now?
Heresy--Nine Inch Nails
2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
I Live In A Split Level Head--Napoleon XIV
3. What kind of person am I?
Salty Dog--Procol Harum
4. Am I loved?
Daves I Know--Bruce McCulloch
5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
Hit In The Head By A Brick--Henry Phillips
6. What should I do with my life?
Goose Step Mama--The Rutles
7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
Go Your Own Way--Dirty Power
8. What is my best quality?
Overlove--Dio
9. How does my sex life look?
Razor Love--Neil Young
10. What's the meaning of life?
Comfortably Numb--Luther Wright And The Wrongs
11. What do people think of me?
Across The Universe--Laibach
12. Would I make a good catch?
You Have AIDS--Family Guy
13. How crazy am I?
Du Hast--Rammstein
14. Will I have a good life in general?
I've Been Everywhere--Hank Snow
15. Can (insert YOUR name here) ever really love me?
Polk Salad Annie--Tony Joe White
16. Can me and (insert YOUR name here) ever be more than friends?
The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary--Frank Zappa
17. What's going to happen to me this week?
The Rising--Bruce Springsteen
18. Where will I be a year from now?
Dixie Rose Deluxe's Honky Tonk, Feed Store, Gun Shop, Used Car, Beer, Bait, BBQ, Barber Shop, Laundromat--Trent Willmon
19. What is my biggest wish?
A Woman In Love--Stevans
20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment?
Witchi Tai To--Jim Pepper
(Note: This song is a peyote chant)
21. How will I die?
Hot Potato Mouth--Steve Dahl
22. What will happen after I die?
Tunak Tunak Tun--Daler Mehndi
23. How do my friends feel about me?
Total Entertainment--Pansy Division
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
AT LAST
My favorite part of the inaug speech was when he said "We are a nation of christians and muslims, jews and hindus...and non-believers." Finally, an acknowledgement! Why, that hasn't happened since...well, since they wrote the 1st amendment! Altho I was never crazy about the wording there, you know, "lack of religion"...as tho it were like a vitamin deficiency.
But anyway that was cool to hear. Maybe it's the first step toward folks like me no longer being treated like 2nd-class citizens.
For the first time in my adult life, I am not completely ashamed to be a U.S. citizen.
My favorite part of the inaug speech was when he said "We are a nation of christians and muslims, jews and hindus...and non-believers." Finally, an acknowledgement! Why, that hasn't happened since...well, since they wrote the 1st amendment! Altho I was never crazy about the wording there, you know, "lack of religion"...as tho it were like a vitamin deficiency.
But anyway that was cool to hear. Maybe it's the first step toward folks like me no longer being treated like 2nd-class citizens.
For the first time in my adult life, I am not completely ashamed to be a U.S. citizen.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Today on the Duck Pond, we welcome back our guest columnist and favorite football fashionista...
MR. COLOREDWELL'S 2008-09 BEST-DRESSED AND WORST-DRESSED BOWL TEAMS
Hi there! Mr. Coloredwell here, ready to give you my review of the latest in college football fashions! I had a peeky-boo of all 34 bowl games, and in between barfing my lungs out, I jotted down notes on all 68 teams. (68: You do me and I'll owe you one! LOL) I must say, a lot of the current football fashion trends are REALLY testing my gag reflex!
First let me blow some kisses to the top 10 best-dressed teams:
1. Iowa
Beautiful black-and-gold PERFECTION! I beg you, Steelers, go back to block numbers! The Hawkeyes are putting you to shame!
2. Ohio State
Okay, I'm being a homer here, but fact is the Buckeyes have always sported an excellent football uni. Hit 'em high, hit 'em low, let Woody hit Bo!
3. East Carolina
Purple from head to toe...Gogol Bordello would love it! Avast ye mateys, the Pirates can ransack my booty anytime!
4. Oregon State
A very B.C. Lions-ish look. Beautiful juicy orange jerseys! I could just suck the juice out of all of 'em! The jerseys, silly, not the Beavers! Ew, gross!
5. Louisiana Tech
Terry Bradshaw's alma mater sported a nice classic uniform, sort of like what the Buffalo Bills wore a few years ago. The helmet logo is cute too.
6. Rutgers
No nappy-headed hos are they, the Knights put a neat new spin on scarlet. No offense, Buckeyes.
7. Clemson
Speaking of Woody hitting...LOL. Clemson wore a nice head-to-toe orange, though also not quite as juicy as Oregon State.
8. Fresno State
Head-to-toe red. Not a bad look, although any time a team wears a brighter color head-to-toe they can tend to look like pajamas. Still, I could go for a pajama party in Fresno!
9. TCU
Texas Christian...there's 2 icky-scary words! But their black-and-purple unis were scary without being icky. Northwestern's on the phone, they want their old look back!
10. LSU
Mind you, I'm still miffed at them from last year, but they do have a nice combo of the Packers look with the Vikings colors.
Honorable mention: USC
I can't forget the Trojans, now can I? Perhaps this is a 'safe' choice (grin), but it's another classic look that even O.J. couldn't kill.
And now, the other end of the spectrum, the 5 worst-dressed college bowl teams of the year:
(Of course, in any other year, Michigan would top the worst-dressed list, but they didn't go to a bowl game this year did they? Nyeah nyeah! LOOOOOsers!)
1. Cincinnati
Of all the uniform fashion trends I hate the most, the Bearcats are wearing them all! Black pants, ick. Head-to-toe black, ick. Stupid-looking non-block numbers, ick. Last and least those disgusting tapered swooshes that a lot of teams are wearing lately that all look like the Nike logo spooged all over them! (Like it isn't bad enough seeing the actual logo on half the teams!) Cincy, do us all a favor and burn those monstrosities! I'd rather see you play naked! (Bare-cats, anyone?)
2. Penn State
The Jimmie Johnson of football unis. Yawn. BOR-ING! Vanilla! Generic! Double yawn! You have a logo, use it! I've seen peewee teams that dress better! I'm sure you folks can afford something nice. Stop slumming it! You look like the Guards from the original "Longest Yard". Who designed those unis, the Dharma Initiative?!
3. Hawaii
Oh, excuse me, I forgot the apostrophe, Hawai'i. (Gad, how pretentious can you get?) Look, Warriors, the Philadelphia Eagles uniform is NOT a role model. And no, I'm not just picking on you because you dropped the 'Rainbow' from your nickname. (Homophobes! Hey, why not borrow a page from Jeff Gordon and call yourselves the Flaming Warriors?)
4. Texas
Normally, I love orange jerseys. But apparently there is only one ugly shade of orange, and the Longhorns (Yeah, right! In your dreams!) wear it!
5. Notre Dame
Would someone please explain to me why the Fighting IRISH weren't wearing GREEN? HELLOOOOO???
Dishonorable mention: The 2008 Ugly Bowl
Maryland vs Nevada at Boise
Both teams had those horrible Denver Bronco-style tapered stripes down their sides (Can you say 'Nike-spooge'?), and both looked even worse on that ghastly blue turf in Boise. Whose idea was THAT?! Whomever it was, they ought to be Jimmy Hoffa-ed underneath it!
Maybe this would make sense in Kentucky, but Boise???
And finally, just a few teams to whom I give mixed reviews:
California: Nice choice of yellow jerseys, but, and I can never use this phrase enough, LOSE THE PANTS! That's one of the worst cases of Nike-spooge I've seen.
Miami (Fla.): LOVE the orange pants! HATE the ugly numbers and the dark green Nike-spooge. Seriously, that Cal-Miami game had my head spinning. Perhaps these two teams could merge and pair up the yellow jerseys with the orange pants. Mmm, citrusy!
North Carolina:
The Petty blue on the helmets and the jersey numbers, fabulous! But why oh why did you go with dark blue (with Nike-spooge) from the waist down? LOSE THE PANTS!
Oregon:
Obvi I'm partial to Ducks or I wouldn't be guesting here on the Duck Pond. And the Oregon Ducks sport a great color combination, their helmets are nice and shiny, there are some nice touches on the pants (the O logo and a vertical 'Oregon'), and some of the players had yellow shoes, which sort of looked like duck feet in a way. But WHAT THE HELL is with those numbers?! Were they designed by the same crayon-wielding kid who cooked up the Toledo Storm logo?
Oregon would have easily made the 10 best otherwise, but those nauseating numbers ruined it for me. Besides, I had heard talk a few days before the game that Oregon was going to wear bright green a la the Orlando Thunder (one of the best football unis of all time IMO), so I was quite disappointed that they didn't.
Granted, I'm a bit of a fashion maverick. I get SOOOO tired of people dissing the old Tampa Bay Buccaneers 'creamsicle' look. Who doesn't love creamsicles? And the uni looked so good on Dougie Williams...I could have spent a lifetime just licking it!
I scream, you scream...
Coming soon, the year-end review of the NFL's best and worst dressed. I'll probably unleash that the week of the Super Bowl. Till then, this is Mr. Coloredwell tossing it back to Ducky. Toodles!
MR. COLOREDWELL'S 2008-09 BEST-DRESSED AND WORST-DRESSED BOWL TEAMS
Hi there! Mr. Coloredwell here, ready to give you my review of the latest in college football fashions! I had a peeky-boo of all 34 bowl games, and in between barfing my lungs out, I jotted down notes on all 68 teams. (68: You do me and I'll owe you one! LOL) I must say, a lot of the current football fashion trends are REALLY testing my gag reflex!
First let me blow some kisses to the top 10 best-dressed teams:
1. Iowa
Beautiful black-and-gold PERFECTION! I beg you, Steelers, go back to block numbers! The Hawkeyes are putting you to shame!
2. Ohio State
Okay, I'm being a homer here, but fact is the Buckeyes have always sported an excellent football uni. Hit 'em high, hit 'em low, let Woody hit Bo!
3. East Carolina
Purple from head to toe...Gogol Bordello would love it! Avast ye mateys, the Pirates can ransack my booty anytime!
4. Oregon State
A very B.C. Lions-ish look. Beautiful juicy orange jerseys! I could just suck the juice out of all of 'em! The jerseys, silly, not the Beavers! Ew, gross!
5. Louisiana Tech
Terry Bradshaw's alma mater sported a nice classic uniform, sort of like what the Buffalo Bills wore a few years ago. The helmet logo is cute too.
6. Rutgers
No nappy-headed hos are they, the Knights put a neat new spin on scarlet. No offense, Buckeyes.
7. Clemson
Speaking of Woody hitting...LOL. Clemson wore a nice head-to-toe orange, though also not quite as juicy as Oregon State.
8. Fresno State
Head-to-toe red. Not a bad look, although any time a team wears a brighter color head-to-toe they can tend to look like pajamas. Still, I could go for a pajama party in Fresno!
9. TCU
Texas Christian...there's 2 icky-scary words! But their black-and-purple unis were scary without being icky. Northwestern's on the phone, they want their old look back!
10. LSU
Mind you, I'm still miffed at them from last year, but they do have a nice combo of the Packers look with the Vikings colors.
Honorable mention: USC
I can't forget the Trojans, now can I? Perhaps this is a 'safe' choice (grin), but it's another classic look that even O.J. couldn't kill.
And now, the other end of the spectrum, the 5 worst-dressed college bowl teams of the year:
(Of course, in any other year, Michigan would top the worst-dressed list, but they didn't go to a bowl game this year did they? Nyeah nyeah! LOOOOOsers!)
1. Cincinnati
Of all the uniform fashion trends I hate the most, the Bearcats are wearing them all! Black pants, ick. Head-to-toe black, ick. Stupid-looking non-block numbers, ick. Last and least those disgusting tapered swooshes that a lot of teams are wearing lately that all look like the Nike logo spooged all over them! (Like it isn't bad enough seeing the actual logo on half the teams!) Cincy, do us all a favor and burn those monstrosities! I'd rather see you play naked! (Bare-cats, anyone?)
2. Penn State
The Jimmie Johnson of football unis. Yawn. BOR-ING! Vanilla! Generic! Double yawn! You have a logo, use it! I've seen peewee teams that dress better! I'm sure you folks can afford something nice. Stop slumming it! You look like the Guards from the original "Longest Yard". Who designed those unis, the Dharma Initiative?!
3. Hawaii
Oh, excuse me, I forgot the apostrophe, Hawai'i. (Gad, how pretentious can you get?) Look, Warriors, the Philadelphia Eagles uniform is NOT a role model. And no, I'm not just picking on you because you dropped the 'Rainbow' from your nickname. (Homophobes! Hey, why not borrow a page from Jeff Gordon and call yourselves the Flaming Warriors?)
4. Texas
Normally, I love orange jerseys. But apparently there is only one ugly shade of orange, and the Longhorns (Yeah, right! In your dreams!) wear it!
5. Notre Dame
Would someone please explain to me why the Fighting IRISH weren't wearing GREEN? HELLOOOOO???
Dishonorable mention: The 2008 Ugly Bowl
Maryland vs Nevada at Boise
Both teams had those horrible Denver Bronco-style tapered stripes down their sides (Can you say 'Nike-spooge'?), and both looked even worse on that ghastly blue turf in Boise. Whose idea was THAT?! Whomever it was, they ought to be Jimmy Hoffa-ed underneath it!
Maybe this would make sense in Kentucky, but Boise???
And finally, just a few teams to whom I give mixed reviews:
California: Nice choice of yellow jerseys, but, and I can never use this phrase enough, LOSE THE PANTS! That's one of the worst cases of Nike-spooge I've seen.
Miami (Fla.): LOVE the orange pants! HATE the ugly numbers and the dark green Nike-spooge. Seriously, that Cal-Miami game had my head spinning. Perhaps these two teams could merge and pair up the yellow jerseys with the orange pants. Mmm, citrusy!
North Carolina:
The Petty blue on the helmets and the jersey numbers, fabulous! But why oh why did you go with dark blue (with Nike-spooge) from the waist down? LOSE THE PANTS!
Oregon:
Obvi I'm partial to Ducks or I wouldn't be guesting here on the Duck Pond. And the Oregon Ducks sport a great color combination, their helmets are nice and shiny, there are some nice touches on the pants (the O logo and a vertical 'Oregon'), and some of the players had yellow shoes, which sort of looked like duck feet in a way. But WHAT THE HELL is with those numbers?! Were they designed by the same crayon-wielding kid who cooked up the Toledo Storm logo?
Oregon would have easily made the 10 best otherwise, but those nauseating numbers ruined it for me. Besides, I had heard talk a few days before the game that Oregon was going to wear bright green a la the Orlando Thunder (one of the best football unis of all time IMO), so I was quite disappointed that they didn't.
Granted, I'm a bit of a fashion maverick. I get SOOOO tired of people dissing the old Tampa Bay Buccaneers 'creamsicle' look. Who doesn't love creamsicles? And the uni looked so good on Dougie Williams...I could have spent a lifetime just licking it!
I scream, you scream...
Coming soon, the year-end review of the NFL's best and worst dressed. I'll probably unleash that the week of the Super Bowl. Till then, this is Mr. Coloredwell tossing it back to Ducky. Toodles!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
THE BIGGEST AWARDS WE KNOW
Ok, the last 2 of this year's Elite 11 have been decided. Here they are along with all the rest. Congrats to all of this year's champs!
Song Of The Year: World Spins Madly On--The Weepies
The rest of the top 10 Songs of 2008:
2. Lost Boys Calling--Roger Waters (from The Legend Of 1900)
3. Compass Point--Lowen And Navarro (2007 SOTY winner)
4. Trevor--George Westerholm
5. Canadian Gold--Colin Oberst (new HNIC theme)
6. Gotta Have You--The Weepies
7. The Crisis--Ennio Morricone (from The Legend Of 1900)
8. Stars--The Weepies
9. Teardrop--Jose Gonzalez
10. Razor--Foo Fighters
Geak Rookie Of The Year: The Whitest Kids U'Know
Album Of The Year: And 5 More Make 30--Steve Dahl
Catch Phrase Of The Year: "What the hell?!"--Cleveland
Carl Sagan Award (Movie Of The Year: The Legend Of 1900
Trio Award (Commercial Of The Year): Ikea--Robert Muraine
Music Video Of The Year: Dinosaur Rap--The Whitest Kids U'Know
Website Of The Year: [SORRY, THIS INFORMATION IS CLASSIFIED]
Johnny Carson Award (Corpse Of The Year): George Carlin
Quote Of The Year: "Holy shit!"--The Whitest Kids U'Know
Breakthrough Of The Year--Miriam Shor
Ok, the last 2 of this year's Elite 11 have been decided. Here they are along with all the rest. Congrats to all of this year's champs!
Song Of The Year: World Spins Madly On--The Weepies
The rest of the top 10 Songs of 2008:
2. Lost Boys Calling--Roger Waters (from The Legend Of 1900)
3. Compass Point--Lowen And Navarro (2007 SOTY winner)
4. Trevor--George Westerholm
5. Canadian Gold--Colin Oberst (new HNIC theme)
6. Gotta Have You--The Weepies
7. The Crisis--Ennio Morricone (from The Legend Of 1900)
8. Stars--The Weepies
9. Teardrop--Jose Gonzalez
10. Razor--Foo Fighters
Geak Rookie Of The Year: The Whitest Kids U'Know
Album Of The Year: And 5 More Make 30--Steve Dahl
Catch Phrase Of The Year: "What the hell?!"--Cleveland
Carl Sagan Award (Movie Of The Year: The Legend Of 1900
Trio Award (Commercial Of The Year): Ikea--Robert Muraine
Music Video Of The Year: Dinosaur Rap--The Whitest Kids U'Know
Website Of The Year: [SORRY, THIS INFORMATION IS CLASSIFIED]
Johnny Carson Award (Corpse Of The Year): George Carlin
Quote Of The Year: "Holy shit!"--The Whitest Kids U'Know
Breakthrough Of The Year--Miriam Shor
Friday, January 09, 2009
THE RESULTS KEEP TRICKLING IN...
3 more awards can now be announced. Sort of.
Music Video Of The Year: "Dinosaur Rap"--The Whitest Kids U'Know
"First rap song about getting high with dinosaurs...you're welcome, internet!"
Catch Phrase Of The Year, initially awarded to "Holy shit!" from the WKUK 'Whale Tail' sketch, has been changed to "What the hell?!" by Cleveland from Family Guy. We apologize for the inconvenience.
Website Of The Year: We have a winner, but since I don't want to lose yet another source of free music, I must decline to identify it here. Sorry, but I'm no narc.
Still TBD: Perhaps the 2 biggest annual awards of all: SOTY and GROTY (Song Of The Year, Geak Rookie Of The Year). Stay tuned!
3 more awards can now be announced. Sort of.
Music Video Of The Year: "Dinosaur Rap"--The Whitest Kids U'Know
"First rap song about getting high with dinosaurs...you're welcome, internet!"
Catch Phrase Of The Year, initially awarded to "Holy shit!" from the WKUK 'Whale Tail' sketch, has been changed to "What the hell?!" by Cleveland from Family Guy. We apologize for the inconvenience.
Website Of The Year: We have a winner, but since I don't want to lose yet another source of free music, I must decline to identify it here. Sorry, but I'm no narc.
Still TBD: Perhaps the 2 biggest annual awards of all: SOTY and GROTY (Song Of The Year, Geak Rookie Of The Year). Stay tuned!
CONGRATULATIONS TO THIS YEAR'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL CHAMPIONS:
Division I-FCS: RICHMOND SPIDERS
Division II: MINNESOTA-DULUTH BULLDOGS
Division III: MOUNT UNION PURPLE RAIDERS
As for Division I-FBS, sorry, but there is NO champion this year because there were NO playoffs. There has NEVER been a champion because there have NEVER been any playoffs. There will NEVER BE a champion UNTIL there are PLAYOFFS.
PERIOD.
Division I-FCS: RICHMOND SPIDERS
Division II: MINNESOTA-DULUTH BULLDOGS
Division III: MOUNT UNION PURPLE RAIDERS
As for Division I-FBS, sorry, but there is NO champion this year because there were NO playoffs. There has NEVER been a champion because there have NEVER been any playoffs. There will NEVER BE a champion UNTIL there are PLAYOFFS.
PERIOD.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
ELITE 11 EARLY RETURNS
Here are the winners that have been determined so far:
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: "AND 5 MORE MAKE 30"--STEVE DAHL
CATCH PHRASE OF THE YEAR: "HOLY SHIT!"--THE WHITEST KIDS U'KNOW
Also wins QUOTE OF THE YEAR
CARL SAGAN AWARD (MOVIE OF THE YEAR): THE LEGEND OF 1900
Very close second: Religulous
Honorable Mention: Last Days
JOHNNY CARSON AWARD (CORPSE OF THE YEAR): GEORGE CARLIN
This one is no contest...Of everyone who died in 2008, GC is clearly the one I will miss the most
BREAKTHROUGH OF THE YEAR: Miriam Shor
New award, replaces Comeback Of The Year
STILL TO BE DETERMINED: Song Of The Year, Geak Rookie Of The Year, Trio Award (Commercial Of The Year), Music Video Of The Year, and Website Of The Year
Stay tuned!
Here are the winners that have been determined so far:
ALBUM OF THE YEAR: "AND 5 MORE MAKE 30"--STEVE DAHL
CATCH PHRASE OF THE YEAR: "HOLY SHIT!"--THE WHITEST KIDS U'KNOW
Also wins QUOTE OF THE YEAR
CARL SAGAN AWARD (MOVIE OF THE YEAR): THE LEGEND OF 1900
Very close second: Religulous
Honorable Mention: Last Days
JOHNNY CARSON AWARD (CORPSE OF THE YEAR): GEORGE CARLIN
This one is no contest...Of everyone who died in 2008, GC is clearly the one I will miss the most
BREAKTHROUGH OF THE YEAR: Miriam Shor
New award, replaces Comeback Of The Year
STILL TO BE DETERMINED: Song Of The Year, Geak Rookie Of The Year, Trio Award (Commercial Of The Year), Music Video Of The Year, and Website Of The Year
Stay tuned!
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sunday, January 04, 2009
2008 ALF CUP AND ABBIE AWARDS RESULTS
The big news: Holy shit! We had another split this year...
The 2008 ALF Cup champion is: THE WHITEST KIDS U'KNOW
L-R: Darren, Sam, Trevor, Zach and Timmy are ALF Cup champs
However, the Abbie Award for Best Overall Series went to early season juggernaut DEXTER.
Dexter racked up 8 weekly wins during Weeks 6 thru 17, building such a huge lead in the points that it stayed in 1st place until Week 34, an amazing 17 weeks after ending its spring run on CBS. And it added 8 more wins in the Abbies, including Best Drama Series, Best Rookie Series, and Best Theme Music.
Series star Michael C. Hall, who practically carried the show singlehandedly with a Dahmer-like, creepy-yet-charismatic performance, snagged 4 more Abbies for the series: Most Valuable Performer, Best Drama Series Lead Performer, Best Overall Lead Performer, and Best Rookie Performer.
WKUK, in addition to the ALF Cup, took home 6 Abbies, including Best Comedy Series, Best Comedy Series Ensemble Cast and Best Overall Ensemble Cast. Episode 205, which included the 'Whale Tail' sketch (and 3 other skits that made my top 10 list), won Best Episode, and 'Whale Tail' itself won Best Segment and Best Catch Phrase ("Holy shit!").
SWINGTOWN, originally a CBS summer series, didn't score until late in the year after a marathon on Bravo, finishing 73rd in points, but surprisingly won 4 Abbies thanks to co-star Miriam Shor. Shor had me completely fooled in "Hedwig And The Angry Inch", and she was an absolute hoot as Janet Thompson, winning Breakthrough Performer, Best Drama Series Supporting Performer, Best Overall Supporting Performer and Best Character.
(Here's hoping Bravo or some other cable network picks up Swingtown for a second season. A show about swinging couples could get away with a lot more on cable. If the show does return somewhere, I also hope they can write the daughter out of the show or re-cast the role with a girl who doesn't look like the Cryptkeeper!)
Among other multi-Abbie winners:
IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA collected 3 Abbies: Best Sitcom Series Ensemble Cast, Best Song ('Day Man') and Most Boinkable Performer (Artemis Pebdani).
FAMILY GUY, the 2006 ALF Cup champ and runner-up last year and this year, got 2 Abbie wins: Best Animated Series and Best Animated Series Performer (Seth MacFarlane).
TESTEES picked up 2 Abbies for Best Sitcom Series and Best Sitcom Series Performer (Steve Markle).
6 shows won 1 Abbie each: CORNER GAS won Best Sitcom Series Supporting Performer (Eric Peterson), THE SHIELD won Best Drama Series Ensemble Cast, MYTHBUSTERS won Best Information Series, THE RICK MERCER REPORT won Best Comedy Series Individual Performer (Rick Mercer), THE HENRY ROLLINS SHOW won Best Information Series Performer (Henry Rollins), and INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO won Best Information Series Guest Performer (George Carlin).
Other highs and lows of the 2008 ALF Cup season worth some honorable (or dishonorable) mention:
The Shield series finale: Early reports were that this would be a very satisfying curtain call. It wasn't. It was supposed to tie up all the loose ends. It didn't. Vic ends up with a desk job? No huge reward or punishment? Nope, he just packs his gun at the end and, like the shark that series creator Shawn Ryan describes him as, keeps on swimming. Meanwhile Ronnie takes the fall? Ouch! Also I really wanted Vic to kill Shane (but I guess he did indirectly). And why couldn't we find out that the ol' cat-strangler Dutch was himself a serial killer all along?
Royal Canadian Air Farce's Final Flight: Class all the way. Bringing back Dave Broadfoot for the finale, Ron Maclean firing the last shot from the Chicken Cannon (right after they took a parting shot at the CBC), and a singing Peter Mansbridge (Yikes!). Congrats to the former ALF Cup champ on a great run, you guys will be missed.
Robot Chicken Star Wars Special II: I love the bit with Darth and Lando ("This deal's getting worse all the time!" "And here is a unicycle!...")
Testees: After a slow start, this show found its footing with a string of instantly classic eps, including the amnesiac pals being convinced by an angry neighbor that they're a gay couple, a HAL-like vacuum cleaner taking them hostage, and one where they are super-glued together face-cheek-to-ass-cheek. Judging from some of the sight gags in the gay ep and the glue ep (among others), the two stars of this show must be really good friends!
Rick Mercer in zero gravity: To my knowledge, the first and only person to do a flying carpet sight gag on a vomit comet. A weightless and priceless moment. An open suggestion to Rick: you should go back up on that thing with some Diet Coke and Mentos and see what happens.
Corner Gas runs out of gas: A strong spring/summer run in the standings putted down the stretch on fumes, partly because the new-to-me eps ran out, but mostly because of that ep where characters used a telescope to watch a meteor shower, which is sort of like taking a shower with a squirt gun. On the bright side, the bit where Hank explains his plan to foil the Tax Man was a fantastic piece of writing.
WKUK's Opus Part 3: A great bit in a 4-part sketch that otherwise would have made my countdown of a few weeks ago. "People like YOUUUUU..."
Some other songs that lost out to "Day Man" but deserve props: Family Guy's "I Like Farts", American Dad's "When I Was His Alien", and 2 WKUK rap songs, one about getting high with dinosaurs and one by a changed Hitler who's now down with the Jews.
David Letterman vs John McCain: Letterman's "Need a ride to the airport?" will go down as one of his career highlights and one of the greatest moments in late night talk show history. (And perhaps the deciding moment of the election?)
***
Still to come: SOTY, the Elite 11 (or Ducksoup Dozen), football fashion report and more 2008 wrap-ups!
The big news: Holy shit! We had another split this year...
The 2008 ALF Cup champion is: THE WHITEST KIDS U'KNOW
L-R: Darren, Sam, Trevor, Zach and Timmy are ALF Cup champs
However, the Abbie Award for Best Overall Series went to early season juggernaut DEXTER.
Dexter racked up 8 weekly wins during Weeks 6 thru 17, building such a huge lead in the points that it stayed in 1st place until Week 34, an amazing 17 weeks after ending its spring run on CBS. And it added 8 more wins in the Abbies, including Best Drama Series, Best Rookie Series, and Best Theme Music.
Series star Michael C. Hall, who practically carried the show singlehandedly with a Dahmer-like, creepy-yet-charismatic performance, snagged 4 more Abbies for the series: Most Valuable Performer, Best Drama Series Lead Performer, Best Overall Lead Performer, and Best Rookie Performer.
WKUK, in addition to the ALF Cup, took home 6 Abbies, including Best Comedy Series, Best Comedy Series Ensemble Cast and Best Overall Ensemble Cast. Episode 205, which included the 'Whale Tail' sketch (and 3 other skits that made my top 10 list), won Best Episode, and 'Whale Tail' itself won Best Segment and Best Catch Phrase ("Holy shit!").
SWINGTOWN, originally a CBS summer series, didn't score until late in the year after a marathon on Bravo, finishing 73rd in points, but surprisingly won 4 Abbies thanks to co-star Miriam Shor. Shor had me completely fooled in "Hedwig And The Angry Inch", and she was an absolute hoot as Janet Thompson, winning Breakthrough Performer, Best Drama Series Supporting Performer, Best Overall Supporting Performer and Best Character.
(Here's hoping Bravo or some other cable network picks up Swingtown for a second season. A show about swinging couples could get away with a lot more on cable. If the show does return somewhere, I also hope they can write the daughter out of the show or re-cast the role with a girl who doesn't look like the Cryptkeeper!)
Among other multi-Abbie winners:
IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA collected 3 Abbies: Best Sitcom Series Ensemble Cast, Best Song ('Day Man') and Most Boinkable Performer (Artemis Pebdani).
FAMILY GUY, the 2006 ALF Cup champ and runner-up last year and this year, got 2 Abbie wins: Best Animated Series and Best Animated Series Performer (Seth MacFarlane).
TESTEES picked up 2 Abbies for Best Sitcom Series and Best Sitcom Series Performer (Steve Markle).
6 shows won 1 Abbie each: CORNER GAS won Best Sitcom Series Supporting Performer (Eric Peterson), THE SHIELD won Best Drama Series Ensemble Cast, MYTHBUSTERS won Best Information Series, THE RICK MERCER REPORT won Best Comedy Series Individual Performer (Rick Mercer), THE HENRY ROLLINS SHOW won Best Information Series Performer (Henry Rollins), and INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO won Best Information Series Guest Performer (George Carlin).
Other highs and lows of the 2008 ALF Cup season worth some honorable (or dishonorable) mention:
The Shield series finale: Early reports were that this would be a very satisfying curtain call. It wasn't. It was supposed to tie up all the loose ends. It didn't. Vic ends up with a desk job? No huge reward or punishment? Nope, he just packs his gun at the end and, like the shark that series creator Shawn Ryan describes him as, keeps on swimming. Meanwhile Ronnie takes the fall? Ouch! Also I really wanted Vic to kill Shane (but I guess he did indirectly). And why couldn't we find out that the ol' cat-strangler Dutch was himself a serial killer all along?
Royal Canadian Air Farce's Final Flight: Class all the way. Bringing back Dave Broadfoot for the finale, Ron Maclean firing the last shot from the Chicken Cannon (right after they took a parting shot at the CBC), and a singing Peter Mansbridge (Yikes!). Congrats to the former ALF Cup champ on a great run, you guys will be missed.
Robot Chicken Star Wars Special II: I love the bit with Darth and Lando ("This deal's getting worse all the time!" "And here is a unicycle!...")
Testees: After a slow start, this show found its footing with a string of instantly classic eps, including the amnesiac pals being convinced by an angry neighbor that they're a gay couple, a HAL-like vacuum cleaner taking them hostage, and one where they are super-glued together face-cheek-to-ass-cheek. Judging from some of the sight gags in the gay ep and the glue ep (among others), the two stars of this show must be really good friends!
Rick Mercer in zero gravity: To my knowledge, the first and only person to do a flying carpet sight gag on a vomit comet. A weightless and priceless moment. An open suggestion to Rick: you should go back up on that thing with some Diet Coke and Mentos and see what happens.
Corner Gas runs out of gas: A strong spring/summer run in the standings putted down the stretch on fumes, partly because the new-to-me eps ran out, but mostly because of that ep where characters used a telescope to watch a meteor shower, which is sort of like taking a shower with a squirt gun. On the bright side, the bit where Hank explains his plan to foil the Tax Man was a fantastic piece of writing.
WKUK's Opus Part 3: A great bit in a 4-part sketch that otherwise would have made my countdown of a few weeks ago. "People like YOUUUUU..."
Some other songs that lost out to "Day Man" but deserve props: Family Guy's "I Like Farts", American Dad's "When I Was His Alien", and 2 WKUK rap songs, one about getting high with dinosaurs and one by a changed Hitler who's now down with the Jews.
David Letterman vs John McCain: Letterman's "Need a ride to the airport?" will go down as one of his career highlights and one of the greatest moments in late night talk show history. (And perhaps the deciding moment of the election?)
***
Still to come: SOTY, the Elite 11 (or Ducksoup Dozen), football fashion report and more 2008 wrap-ups!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
TIME TO PUT 2008 IN THE BOOKS
I got lots of year-end awards to hand out, but some are still being decided. The SOTY (Song Of The Year) tournament is still in progress, the Abbie Awards (TV) are all ready to be handed out along with the ALF Cup championship, the Elite 11 (which might become Ducksoup's Dozen) are being tabulated, and our resident sports fashion critic Mr. Coloredwell is reviewing the best- and worst-dressed NFL teams.
But we'll kick things off with my picks for the top ten sports stories of 2008:
1. NY G-Men defeat NE Cheaters in Super Bowl XLII
A fitting start to the year, in which the tide finally started to turn in favor of good over evil. It was up to you, New York, and you delivered. (The Manning-to-Tyree pass late in the game is one of those plays where you can just keep hitting the little round arrow on your DVR remote and marvel at over and over.)
Now THAT's using your head!
2. Usain Bolt of Lightning
Never mind that soggy douchebag Phelps, the lanky Jamaican sprinter was the guy that really made the Olympics for me. Call him a showoff, but when you're that much better than your competition, you have the right. (And kudos to China for the coolest opening ceremony ever. I've got to get the DVD.)
3. Tiger vs. Rocco
Usually I'm too busy playing frisbee golf to watch regular golf, but a hobbled Tiger Woods making a run of amazing shots in the 3rd round on the way to a playoff with the entertaining underdog Rocco Mediate gave me a chance to sit down between rounds at Ottawa and in Albion.
4. Wimby Men's Final
The only downside of this epic 5-hour rain-interrupted showdown in which Rafael Nadal finally prevailed over grass court king Roger Federer was that I picked Federer in my annual picks. If I had to lose, at least it was fun to watch.
5. Danica finally wins
Sure, there were some drivers absent due to another race in Long Beach, but Danica Patrick's win in Japan was enough to keep her from being the Anna Kournikova of auto racing. (Now, when do we get to see her mud-wrestle Milka Duno?)
6. Sara Tucholsky's homer
Yeah, I tire of those ESPN tearjerker pieces as much as the next guy, but this one was a keeper. If you don't know the story, look it up. You won't be disappointed.
7. Detroit Lie-Downs
That was what my late brother Louis used to call the Lions, and this year it was more fitting than ever. Some say the '76 Bucs were worse, but they had a good excuse. They were an expansion team and they had a bright future ("Plus some delicious creamsicle uniforms that I could just lick all day!" says Mr. Coloredwell). As for the Lie-Downs, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
8. Favre retires...or not
Well, that didn't work out for anybody, did it? The Cheeseheads went moldy, dropping to 6-10, and the NY Bretts collapsed just short of the playoffs, for which coach Eric Mangini took the fall.
9. Big Brown Belmont Bust
OHHH WILLLLLBURRR! The Curse of Mister Ed again showed no mercy. It was as if a UPS truck drove up to our collective curb with a cardboard box containing the coveted Triple Crown, only to abruptly smash it on our sidewalk.
What can Brown do for you? Not so much, it turns out
10. Toledo Walleye/Bullfrogs
Neither has yet to play a game, but at least our new hockey and arenaball teams have nicknames. And nifty logos that look good on the hats I've added to my hat rotation. And don't get me wrong, I like the swamp theme the Mud Hens org has going, but the one thing that kinda disturbs me about the 3 local pro sports teams is that the mascots are all edible.
[Note: I was going to put the 3 team logos here, but apparently the Bullfrogs logo is not readily available, unlike the other two. I don't know why that is, but it pisses me off, and if I can't use all 3 then I won't use any.]
I got lots of year-end awards to hand out, but some are still being decided. The SOTY (Song Of The Year) tournament is still in progress, the Abbie Awards (TV) are all ready to be handed out along with the ALF Cup championship, the Elite 11 (which might become Ducksoup's Dozen) are being tabulated, and our resident sports fashion critic Mr. Coloredwell is reviewing the best- and worst-dressed NFL teams.
But we'll kick things off with my picks for the top ten sports stories of 2008:
1. NY G-Men defeat NE Cheaters in Super Bowl XLII
A fitting start to the year, in which the tide finally started to turn in favor of good over evil. It was up to you, New York, and you delivered. (The Manning-to-Tyree pass late in the game is one of those plays where you can just keep hitting the little round arrow on your DVR remote and marvel at over and over.)
Now THAT's using your head!
2. Usain Bolt of Lightning
Never mind that soggy douchebag Phelps, the lanky Jamaican sprinter was the guy that really made the Olympics for me. Call him a showoff, but when you're that much better than your competition, you have the right. (And kudos to China for the coolest opening ceremony ever. I've got to get the DVD.)
3. Tiger vs. Rocco
Usually I'm too busy playing frisbee golf to watch regular golf, but a hobbled Tiger Woods making a run of amazing shots in the 3rd round on the way to a playoff with the entertaining underdog Rocco Mediate gave me a chance to sit down between rounds at Ottawa and in Albion.
4. Wimby Men's Final
The only downside of this epic 5-hour rain-interrupted showdown in which Rafael Nadal finally prevailed over grass court king Roger Federer was that I picked Federer in my annual picks. If I had to lose, at least it was fun to watch.
5. Danica finally wins
Sure, there were some drivers absent due to another race in Long Beach, but Danica Patrick's win in Japan was enough to keep her from being the Anna Kournikova of auto racing. (Now, when do we get to see her mud-wrestle Milka Duno?)
6. Sara Tucholsky's homer
Yeah, I tire of those ESPN tearjerker pieces as much as the next guy, but this one was a keeper. If you don't know the story, look it up. You won't be disappointed.
7. Detroit Lie-Downs
That was what my late brother Louis used to call the Lions, and this year it was more fitting than ever. Some say the '76 Bucs were worse, but they had a good excuse. They were an expansion team and they had a bright future ("Plus some delicious creamsicle uniforms that I could just lick all day!" says Mr. Coloredwell). As for the Lie-Downs, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
8. Favre retires...or not
Well, that didn't work out for anybody, did it? The Cheeseheads went moldy, dropping to 6-10, and the NY Bretts collapsed just short of the playoffs, for which coach Eric Mangini took the fall.
9. Big Brown Belmont Bust
OHHH WILLLLLBURRR! The Curse of Mister Ed again showed no mercy. It was as if a UPS truck drove up to our collective curb with a cardboard box containing the coveted Triple Crown, only to abruptly smash it on our sidewalk.
What can Brown do for you? Not so much, it turns out
10. Toledo Walleye/Bullfrogs
Neither has yet to play a game, but at least our new hockey and arenaball teams have nicknames. And nifty logos that look good on the hats I've added to my hat rotation. And don't get me wrong, I like the swamp theme the Mud Hens org has going, but the one thing that kinda disturbs me about the 3 local pro sports teams is that the mascots are all edible.
[Note: I was going to put the 3 team logos here, but apparently the Bullfrogs logo is not readily available, unlike the other two. I don't know why that is, but it pisses me off, and if I can't use all 3 then I won't use any.]
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