I got lots of year-end awards to hand out, but some are still being decided. The SOTY (Song Of The Year) tournament is still in progress, the Abbie Awards (TV) are all ready to be handed out along with the ALF Cup championship, the Elite 11 (which might become Ducksoup's Dozen) are being tabulated, and our resident sports fashion critic Mr. Coloredwell is reviewing the best- and worst-dressed NFL teams.
But we'll kick things off with my picks for the top ten sports stories of 2008:
1. NY G-Men defeat NE Cheaters in Super Bowl XLII
A fitting start to the year, in which the tide finally started to turn in favor of good over evil. It was up to you, New York, and you delivered. (The Manning-to-Tyree pass late in the game is one of those plays where you can just keep hitting the little round arrow on your DVR remote and marvel at over and over.)
Now THAT's using your head!
2. Usain Bolt of Lightning
Never mind that soggy douchebag Phelps, the lanky Jamaican sprinter was the guy that really made the Olympics for me. Call him a showoff, but when you're that much better than your competition, you have the right. (And kudos to China for the coolest opening ceremony ever. I've got to get the DVD.)
3. Tiger vs. Rocco
Usually I'm too busy playing frisbee golf to watch regular golf, but a hobbled Tiger Woods making a run of amazing shots in the 3rd round on the way to a playoff with the entertaining underdog Rocco Mediate gave me a chance to sit down between rounds at Ottawa and in Albion.
4. Wimby Men's Final
The only downside of this epic 5-hour rain-interrupted showdown in which Rafael Nadal finally prevailed over grass court king Roger Federer was that I picked Federer in my annual picks. If I had to lose, at least it was fun to watch.
5. Danica finally wins
Sure, there were some drivers absent due to another race in Long Beach, but Danica Patrick's win in Japan was enough to keep her from being the Anna Kournikova of auto racing. (Now, when do we get to see her mud-wrestle Milka Duno?)
6. Sara Tucholsky's homer
Yeah, I tire of those ESPN tearjerker pieces as much as the next guy, but this one was a keeper. If you don't know the story, look it up. You won't be disappointed.
7. Detroit Lie-Downs
That was what my late brother Louis used to call the Lions, and this year it was more fitting than ever. Some say the '76 Bucs were worse, but they had a good excuse. They were an expansion team and they had a bright future ("Plus some delicious creamsicle uniforms that I could just lick all day!" says Mr. Coloredwell). As for the Lie-Downs, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
8. Favre retires...or not
Well, that didn't work out for anybody, did it? The Cheeseheads went moldy, dropping to 6-10, and the NY Bretts collapsed just short of the playoffs, for which coach Eric Mangini took the fall.
9. Big Brown Belmont Bust
OHHH WILLLLLBURRR! The Curse of Mister Ed again showed no mercy. It was as if a UPS truck drove up to our collective curb with a cardboard box containing the coveted Triple Crown, only to abruptly smash it on our sidewalk.
What can Brown do for you? Not so much, it turns out
10. Toledo Walleye/Bullfrogs
Neither has yet to play a game, but at least our new hockey and arenaball teams have nicknames. And nifty logos that look good on the hats I've added to my hat rotation. And don't get me wrong, I like the swamp theme the Mud Hens org has going, but the one thing that kinda disturbs me about the 3 local pro sports teams is that the mascots are all edible.
[Note: I was going to put the 3 team logos here, but apparently the Bullfrogs logo is not readily available, unlike the other two. I don't know why that is, but it pisses me off, and if I can't use all 3 then I won't use any.]
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