LAAAYYYDEEEEEE!!!
There were a few times, long ago, when I would challenge myself to stay awake through the entire Labor Day weekend. I actually did it once...ONCE! Not only that, but I would actually force myself to sit through the entire telethon. Of course, that was back when we only had a couple dozen channels. Plus I had a deck of cards with which to play solitaire during the boring parts, which was of course everything but the 2 or 3 acts that actually interested me and the freaky segments where Jerry was obviously tweaking on Perc.
I thought about staying up through the telethon this year, but what with DVR time-shifting, there's just no appeal. Also, I can't afford the DVR space, and I have other shows to record anyway. And with Jerry (presumably) sober and the rest of the Rat Pack dead, there's not much to pique my interest. Now I probably couldn't stay awake through 21 seconds of it, let alone 21 hours. I trust that when Jerry finally kicks, the powers that be will reassess the entire telethon format.
Mind you, it was a big deal during my childhood. For a few years I'd walk the 3 miles to the Channel 24 studios on Byrne Road, going door-to-door the whole way collecting change in a Pringles can. This was followed by a couple years when my older brothers would intercept me towards the end of the trip and make me split the take with them. (I'm sure I'm safe admitting that, statute of limitations-wise.) Later when I got too old to look innocent and people became (justifiably) untrusting, I went into the staying awake challenge phase.
By my early 20s, they moved it to Channel 13 and the fishbowl moved around between malls, and the main objective was to get on camera. In 1986, I got about 2 seconds of face time in front of Diane Larson with a "Kilroy Wuz Heer" sign at Southwyck. I still have the videotape around here somewhere. If I had the means I'd put it on YouTube but I don't.
Yeah, that's another thing I thought about doing tomorrow, but I'm too lazy. Maybe one of these years though...you might spot me at the fishbowl, in drag or otherwise looking bizarre.
As for the telethon itself, I doubt I'll miss anything. I'm sure if Jerry does something stupid like the "fag" comment of last year, I'll see it online.
PS: You're right, looking back over this post even I can see that it's all about me, when it should really be about the 'kids' and whatnot, and I'm a bastard for ignoring that. But at least I admit it. Sure, those first few years I was just a dumb kid and when my parents sent me out the door with the Pringles can I was all excited to be doing a good deed. Then came my brothers making me split the money with them, and as I recall I spent most if not all of my share on junk food. And now I'm a food addict and I weigh over 300 pounds and that sucks. So I got mine.
Current Duck Pond temperature:
25.9 C / 78.6 F
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
AN ERROR OF ASTRONOMICAL PROPORTIONS
Just as Corner Gas is climbing toward the top of the ALF Cup standings...along comes the episode titled "Telescope Trouble".
The trouble is that YOU DO NOT USE A TELESCOPE TO WATCH A METEOR SHOWER!
Sorry, but this is going to warrant a big penalty in the points.
Current Duck Pond temperature:
25.3 C / 77.5 F
Just as Corner Gas is climbing toward the top of the ALF Cup standings...along comes the episode titled "Telescope Trouble".
The trouble is that YOU DO NOT USE A TELESCOPE TO WATCH A METEOR SHOWER!
Sorry, but this is going to warrant a big penalty in the points.
Current Duck Pond temperature:
25.3 C / 77.5 F
Monday, August 25, 2008
A FEW THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING THE DEM CONVENTION
To any female supporters of Hillary Clinton who are now planning to vote for John McCain: You lost. Tough shit. That's no reason to shame your entire gender. Have a good cry and GET OVER IT. (And BTW I'm not crazy about Captain Hairplug being added to the ticket either, but whatever.) Double down on your Midol and PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR CUNT!!! Think.
Michelle Obama is speaking now...wow she really has the shtreet-speak thing going. In just the past two minutes I've heard her say "shtreet", "shtrength" and "shtrive". If she says "aks" I'm gonna gag.
Saw Jimmy Carter earlier. His eyes are really icky. I can't decide who he looks more like: Data from Star Trek or Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars.
"Something, something, something, DARK SIDE. Something, something, something, COMPLETE."
To any female supporters of Hillary Clinton who are now planning to vote for John McCain: You lost. Tough shit. That's no reason to shame your entire gender. Have a good cry and GET OVER IT. (And BTW I'm not crazy about Captain Hairplug being added to the ticket either, but whatever.) Double down on your Midol and PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR CUNT!!! Think.
Michelle Obama is speaking now...wow she really has the shtreet-speak thing going. In just the past two minutes I've heard her say "shtreet", "shtrength" and "shtrive". If she says "aks" I'm gonna gag.
Saw Jimmy Carter earlier. His eyes are really icky. I can't decide who he looks more like: Data from Star Trek or Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars.
"Something, something, something, DARK SIDE. Something, something, something, COMPLETE."
Sunday, August 24, 2008
FOR THOSE WHO HAVE THE BEIJING OLYMPIC CLOSING CEREMONIES RECORDED:
Replay that "Beijing Beijing" song that all the Chinese pop stars were singing, and tell me if I'm right or wrong in thinking it's plagiarized from George Michael's "I Want Your Sex". Go ahead, create your own mash-up of the two in your head!
Replay that "Beijing Beijing" song that all the Chinese pop stars were singing, and tell me if I'm right or wrong in thinking it's plagiarized from George Michael's "I Want Your Sex". Go ahead, create your own mash-up of the two in your head!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
MR. COLOREDWELL
Hi there! Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Mr. Coloredwell, and I am the Duck Pond's resident sports fashion police chief. And first of all let me say that I am sooooo happy to see Argentina's soccer team defend their Olympic men's title! Is there another team in all of sports that is better-dressed than those luscious latinos? I think not!
[Photo courtesy of CBC Sports]
That's Angel Di Maria, who scored the lone goal in the Olympic final vs. Nigeria, who looked just horrible in a head-to-toe shade of green that looked like a pine tree threw up! Puhleeze Nigeria, would it hurt you to add a second color to your unis? Even the Irish team doesn't wear that much green!
Argentina, however, has THE definitive soccer uniform. Those light blue and white stripes are of course very slimming, and the black shorts fabulously accentuate the light and refreshing Argentine flag motif above.
Anyhoo, you'll be hearing more from me this fall, as Ducky has finally gotten around to bringing me aboard to judge his inaugural NFL's Best-Dressed competition. I will be picking the better-dressed team in each and every NFL game this season.
Attention, San Diego Chargers: break out those throwback uniforms! This time it counts!
See you in a few weeks...till then, toodles!
Hi there! Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Mr. Coloredwell, and I am the Duck Pond's resident sports fashion police chief. And first of all let me say that I am sooooo happy to see Argentina's soccer team defend their Olympic men's title! Is there another team in all of sports that is better-dressed than those luscious latinos? I think not!
[Photo courtesy of CBC Sports]
That's Angel Di Maria, who scored the lone goal in the Olympic final vs. Nigeria, who looked just horrible in a head-to-toe shade of green that looked like a pine tree threw up! Puhleeze Nigeria, would it hurt you to add a second color to your unis? Even the Irish team doesn't wear that much green!
Argentina, however, has THE definitive soccer uniform. Those light blue and white stripes are of course very slimming, and the black shorts fabulously accentuate the light and refreshing Argentine flag motif above.
Anyhoo, you'll be hearing more from me this fall, as Ducky has finally gotten around to bringing me aboard to judge his inaugural NFL's Best-Dressed competition. I will be picking the better-dressed team in each and every NFL game this season.
Attention, San Diego Chargers: break out those throwback uniforms! This time it counts!
See you in a few weeks...till then, toodles!
Friday, August 22, 2008
GOOD COURSE, BAD PRICE
Tried out the frisbee golf course at Rolling Hills, southeast of Ann Arbor the other day. Actually wanted to try out the course at Brown Park in Ann Arbor, but that one is no longer in existence.
As for the RH course, I am currently ranking it 4th on my list of favorites. It would have been 3rd if not for the $9 charge for non-resident parking. The course itself goes through a lot of woods, and there is some rough, but not so thick that you will lose your disc. Had more than a few shots go off into the rough, but spotted each one right away. Didn't have to waste time searching. Plus you do get some chances in-between holes to actually enjoy a bit of the nature around you. This course is what that aggravating course in Findlay wishes it was.
You do have to deal with trees on a lot of holes, but the only one I would take a chainsaw to is the one to the left as you tee off on the 9th hole, which has clearly blocked a lot of drives because it is covered with divots.
So if you don't mind the steep parking fee (or you can find a place nearby to stash your vehicle and walk in), give Rolling Hills a go. Frankly if I lived nearby I would make a killing charging frisbee golfers 4 or 5 bucks to park!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
26.3 C / 79.3 F
Tried out the frisbee golf course at Rolling Hills, southeast of Ann Arbor the other day. Actually wanted to try out the course at Brown Park in Ann Arbor, but that one is no longer in existence.
As for the RH course, I am currently ranking it 4th on my list of favorites. It would have been 3rd if not for the $9 charge for non-resident parking. The course itself goes through a lot of woods, and there is some rough, but not so thick that you will lose your disc. Had more than a few shots go off into the rough, but spotted each one right away. Didn't have to waste time searching. Plus you do get some chances in-between holes to actually enjoy a bit of the nature around you. This course is what that aggravating course in Findlay wishes it was.
You do have to deal with trees on a lot of holes, but the only one I would take a chainsaw to is the one to the left as you tee off on the 9th hole, which has clearly blocked a lot of drives because it is covered with divots.
So if you don't mind the steep parking fee (or you can find a place nearby to stash your vehicle and walk in), give Rolling Hills a go. Frankly if I lived nearby I would make a killing charging frisbee golfers 4 or 5 bucks to park!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
26.3 C / 79.3 F
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
USAIN BOLT IS THE SHIZNIT
Another world record today in the 200, and on his 22nd birthday. This kid is the human Secretariat!
The mind boggles at the possible commercial endorsements to come. I should think any product or service where speed is of the utmost is going to just throw money at this kid. I can just see him now outrunning either the FedEx or UPS race car.
A happy birthday to Mr. Bolt and IRIE, MON!
Another world record today in the 200, and on his 22nd birthday. This kid is the human Secretariat!
The mind boggles at the possible commercial endorsements to come. I should think any product or service where speed is of the utmost is going to just throw money at this kid. I can just see him now outrunning either the FedEx or UPS race car.
A happy birthday to Mr. Bolt and IRIE, MON!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
TWO OF MY LEAST FAVORITE 'THINGS'
An open letter to Kid Rock
RE: "All Summer Long"
Well, for starters, what do you have against Steve Miller? If you're going to rip off "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Werewolves Of London", why not throw in "Take The Money And Run" while you're at it? (And with a key change, you could even add "In The Evening" by Led Zeppelin.)
If someone like Party Ben had done a mashup of these songs, I could accept it. But coming from a talentless, white-trash hack like you...no thanks.
[2010 P.S.: If you love Michigan so much, why did you shoot the video in Tennessee?]
Oh, and Kid, here's some free advice for you: buy a rhyming dictionary, will ya?
"We were trying different things...
We were smoking funny things..."
We were rhyming 'things' with 'things'...
Couldn't think of other things...
Other things that rhyme with 'things'...
Ok then, here ya go, you stupid douchebag...Here's just 250 other words you could have used that rhyme with 'things':
awnings backings battings bearings beatings bedsprings beings billings bindings blessings bombings bookings bowstrings branchings briefings brings brislings buildings bullrings burnings bushings cagelings callings carvings casings castings ceilings chartings clearings clings clippings clockings coatings codings combings comings couplings cowlings cravings crossings crumblings cuttings darlings dealings diggings dings dippings doings downswings drawings drawstrings dressings drippings ducklings dumplings dwellings earnings earrings earthlings endings etchings evenings facings failings fallings farthings fastenings feedings feelings filings fillings findings firings firstlings fittings fixings fledglings flemings flings floorings footings foundlings fraggings frostings geldings gleanings goslings gratings graylings greetings grindings groundlings groupings hairsprings hamstrings handsprings hangings hatchlings headings hearings heartstrings helpings herrings hirelings holdings housings icings inklings innings killings kings knifings lacewings lacings landings lapwings lashings latchstrings launchings leanings leavings leggings lemmings lickings lightings lightnings likings linings listenings listings loadings lodgings longings lyings mailings mainsprings makings marblings markings maskings matchings matings meanings meetings millings moldings moorings mornings mountings musings nestings nestlings nothings nurslings offsprings outings paintings pairings parings partings pavings peelings phrasings pickings pilings pings pinnings plantings playthings puddings quislings railings rankings ratings ravings readings riggings rings routings rulings rumblings sayings schillings scrapings searchings seasonings seedings seedlings shavings shillings shoestrings shootings showings siblings sidings sightings sings sittings slings spacings spankings spellings springs sprinklings standings starlings starvelings stings stockings stranglings strings striplings sucklings summings sweepings swellings swings tailings takings teachings testings tidings timings toppings tracings trappings trimmings tunings turnings upswings vikings warnings waxwings weaklings weddings wellsprings windings wingdings wings winnings wordings workings worldlings wrappings wrings writings yearlings yearnings younglings zings
See? There's plenty of other lines you could have come up with! We were having summer flings, we were wearing out bedsprings, we were pulling our hamstrings, we were eating onion rings, we were tying our shoestrings, we had broken arms in slings, we were playing on rope swings, we were wearing water wings, went to Colorado Springs, we played with our ding-a-lings...okay, that last one would be ripping off Chuck Berry, but hey, like that would stop you!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
24.4 C / 75.9 F
PS: These are a few of my favorite Things:
An open letter to Kid Rock
RE: "All Summer Long"
Well, for starters, what do you have against Steve Miller? If you're going to rip off "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Werewolves Of London", why not throw in "Take The Money And Run" while you're at it? (And with a key change, you could even add "In The Evening" by Led Zeppelin.)
If someone like Party Ben had done a mashup of these songs, I could accept it. But coming from a talentless, white-trash hack like you...no thanks.
[2010 P.S.: If you love Michigan so much, why did you shoot the video in Tennessee?]
Oh, and Kid, here's some free advice for you: buy a rhyming dictionary, will ya?
"We were trying different things...
We were smoking funny things..."
We were rhyming 'things' with 'things'...
Couldn't think of other things...
Other things that rhyme with 'things'...
Ok then, here ya go, you stupid douchebag...Here's just 250 other words you could have used that rhyme with 'things':
awnings backings battings bearings beatings bedsprings beings billings bindings blessings bombings bookings bowstrings branchings briefings brings brislings buildings bullrings burnings bushings cagelings callings carvings casings castings ceilings chartings clearings clings clippings clockings coatings codings combings comings couplings cowlings cravings crossings crumblings cuttings darlings dealings diggings dings dippings doings downswings drawings drawstrings dressings drippings ducklings dumplings dwellings earnings earrings earthlings endings etchings evenings facings failings fallings farthings fastenings feedings feelings filings fillings findings firings firstlings fittings fixings fledglings flemings flings floorings footings foundlings fraggings frostings geldings gleanings goslings gratings graylings greetings grindings groundlings groupings hairsprings hamstrings handsprings hangings hatchlings headings hearings heartstrings helpings herrings hirelings holdings housings icings inklings innings killings kings knifings lacewings lacings landings lapwings lashings latchstrings launchings leanings leavings leggings lemmings lickings lightings lightnings likings linings listenings listings loadings lodgings longings lyings mailings mainsprings makings marblings markings maskings matchings matings meanings meetings millings moldings moorings mornings mountings musings nestings nestlings nothings nurslings offsprings outings paintings pairings parings partings pavings peelings phrasings pickings pilings pings pinnings plantings playthings puddings quislings railings rankings ratings ravings readings riggings rings routings rulings rumblings sayings schillings scrapings searchings seasonings seedings seedlings shavings shillings shoestrings shootings showings siblings sidings sightings sings sittings slings spacings spankings spellings springs sprinklings standings starlings starvelings stings stockings stranglings strings striplings sucklings summings sweepings swellings swings tailings takings teachings testings tidings timings toppings tracings trappings trimmings tunings turnings upswings vikings warnings waxwings weaklings weddings wellsprings windings wingdings wings winnings wordings workings worldlings wrappings wrings writings yearlings yearnings younglings zings
See? There's plenty of other lines you could have come up with! We were having summer flings, we were wearing out bedsprings, we were pulling our hamstrings, we were eating onion rings, we were tying our shoestrings, we had broken arms in slings, we were playing on rope swings, we were wearing water wings, went to Colorado Springs, we played with our ding-a-lings...okay, that last one would be ripping off Chuck Berry, but hey, like that would stop you!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
24.4 C / 75.9 F
PS: These are a few of my favorite Things:
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
PLAYING CATCH-UP
And now, all the stuff I meant to post during the five days I had off work this past week.
FRIDAY
Best band names playing the Toledo area this week (Aug 7-13):
Rich And Growing Sicker
Lame-O
When Girls Kiss Girls
Identical Strangers
Shortbus Pickup
And the best band name playing the Toledo area this week:
Can't Sing Karaoke
SATURDAY
Watched the Olympic opening ceremonies LIVE on CBC. Those drummers at the beginning were A-MA-ZING. The movable type thing was also good, and that last torch-bearer is one brave sumbitch. I thought there was something not quite right with that way-too-cute little girl singing, and I was right. Turns out the girl doing the actual singing wasn't cute enough to put on display. How do you say Milli Vanilli in Chinese? Mirri Vanirri?
SUNDAY
Quotes Du Jour: From Lewis Black's Root Of All Evil, "Beer vs. Weed"
Paul F. Tompkins, arguing that weed is the Root Of All Evil, on the fact that beer makes some people sentimental: "I would rather have someone tell me that they love me, than tell me that I have to watch 'The Dark Crystal'."
Andrew Daly, arguing that beer is the Root Of All Evil: "Beer ruined the 20th century because nobody loves beer more than Germans, and nobody loved Hitler more than Germans on beer. Beer caused World Wars I and II. All weed ever was caused was 'Caddyshacks' I and II. And only one of those movies was a globally-devasting human catastrophe."
MONDAY
Frisbee golf recap:
Just finished a 3-day regional frisbee golf tour with my karaoke komrade Bryan, with a round Friday at what is now my new favorite frisbee golf course, Victory Park in Albion, MI. Think Ottawa Park with water hazards. Yes, water hazards. And not annoying ones, either. They actually added to the fun. The 10th hole is quite intimidating at first glance, but the water is clean and only a couple of feet deep. Each of us ended up in the drink, but we were able to wade in and play each lie. Plus the course has its own 'monster' hole that is just a tad shorter than the one at Hudson Mills. I strongly recommend this course. And best of all, there's no rough.
I wish I could say the same for a few other courses we tried over the weekend. After we finished in Albion, Bry and I stopped by Hudson Mills for a round on the Original course. When I first played HM about 8 years ago, it was gorgeous. Mown fairways, a bit of rough on some holes, but nothing horrible, and not much underbrush. How times have changed. Now there's a lot more nasty rough and underbrush. A LOT more. And it's as annoying as an Appliance Center commercial.
A few weeks ago I had 6 discs in my collection. I lost my go-to disc, my red all-purpose Cobra, at Vienna Park, I gave away my orange Cobra, and I gave Bryan the purple #1 Flyer that I had bought for the ex-gf, leaving me with my blue Eclipse driver "Bluie", my yellow Cobra "Old Yeller", and "Maggie", my trusty Magnet chain-seeking putter. (I had that red Cobra's hook to the right down pat. It took me a few rounds to adjust my game to the seemingly-schizoid Bluie, but now I'm getting straighter and longer drives. Plus I found ol' "Red" at Ottawa anyway, so easy come, easy go.)
Anyhoo, back to HM, Bry's very first shot on the first tee at HM went off into the underbrush, never to return. Oh well, good riddance, I wasn't that fond of the purple one for obvi reasons anyway. Except that he would have then had to use the yellow Cobra, leaving me with no backup.
But as luck would have it, and as it turns out, make that the luck of the Irish, while looking in vain for the purple disc, we instead found a slightly warped disc with a shamrock pictured on it. No idea what kind of club it is, but we bent it back in shape as best we could, Bry tried it out and liked it, we dubbed it "Shammy", and played on.
Somewhere around Hole 11 or 12, Shammy disappeared into the underbrush from whence it came. We searched for a while and not only managed to recover Shammy, but in the process we found an Innova driver as well. So for the round Bry lost a disc I was happy to be rid of, and found 2 other discs that seem to have actually improved his game since. Sadly, that's the only positive thing I can say about the current HM. That place has really deteriorated.
Saturday, Bry wanted to hit Carter Park in BG to get on the first couple of open-field holes to give his 2 newfound discs a proper workout. They seemed to fly okay, so we skipped the rest of BG and went to Findlay to check out 2 courses down there. First we hit Firestine Park. Only 9 holes, but in a city park with no rough or underbrush so not too bad. I was still adjusting to Bluie, and on the last hole my drive went way off course and into the shallow creek next to the park. I finished the hole with Old Yeller, then we hopped in the car and drove around to the other side of the creek to retrieve Bluie. Then it was off to the Riverbend Disc Golf Trail east of Findlay.
Yeah, that's right. They call it a "Disc Golf Trail". Apparently they expect you to think of it as like just another metropark trail, and enjoy nature while you play. Fuck nature! We're here to play frisbee golf! Nature sucks!
And it especially sucks at that place when you keep losing your discs in it. The rough is downright maddening, even more so than the idiots out there playing who have absolutely no concept of basic, standard golf etiquette. Parents with little kids who spend 10 minutes on a hole just throwing frisbees willy-nilly while you keep shouting "FORE!" to no avail.
I swear to my lack of god we spent more time searching frantically for discs lost in the rough than we did actually shooting. By the time we got to the last 2 holes, with plenty of annoying bugs adding to our shitty mood, we were speed-golfing just to get it over with. Bry actually quit halfway through #18, he was so fed up. He couldn't even stand to finish the last hole. Never again. A map of the whole course at the very start is the ONLY thing that kept it from being as bad as the course at Jackson CC.
Sunday we began a round at Ottawa Park expecting to introduce fellow KJ "151" to the sport, but he cancelled so we decided to check out the course at Heritage Park in Adrian. There was a sign at the entrance with one arrow pointing to 'disc golf', and that was it. We parked, saw one basket way off in the distance next to a sledding hill, and walked out to it. Saw another basket nearby, #4, and another parking lot closer than where we parked. Bry went back to bring the car over while I investigated a few more nearby holes.
Next to this second parking area I found a big wooden sign of the sort on which one would normally expect to find a course map. At the top it said "Heritage Park Disc Golf Course". the rest of the sign: BLANK. I repeat. BLANK!!! The nearby holes we found were nos. 5, 6 and 7. With no hint as to where the first hole was, with plenty of wind and threats of rain, with every indication that there was plenty of rough, and without so much as even a practice throw, we had no choice but to quit this course before we even started! There was only one way to save this 3rd day of our ever-increasingly-annoying frisbee golf odyssey.
We headed back to Albion.
Despite the threat of rain, more fun ensued. We got wet again, not by rain, but by wading back into the water hazards after our frisbees. The water at the 10th hole was a bit deeper than 2 days before. This time it was up to my nuts. The 12th hole, Albion's 'monster', has a large shallow pond next to it, and poor Bryan landed in the middle of it. After about 10 minutes of carefully wading out to his disc, he made a rather half-assed attempt at a safe shot out to the side of the pond. PLUNK. Right back in the drink it went. More wading. This time he tried the longer, more daring shot across the water and out toward the basket. Just barely cleared the water! No guts, no glory!
Final verdict: I'd rather have my disc land in a clean 2-foot-deep pond where I can easily find it and get a little wet, than have to burrow into a shitload of underbrush or wander around in a field of rough wondering if I'll ever see my disc again. From now on I'll stick to parks like Ottawa and Victory, and avoid rough and underbrush like they were religion and the plague.
TUESDAY
Had clear skies for the Perseid meteor shower this year, camped out for 2.5 hours on Bryan's driveway in Monclova, and averaged 24 meteors per hour. It had its share of funny moments, like when the count got to 22 near the end of the first hour. "This Hour Has 22 Meteors", I proclaimed. When the total reached 30, we made the obvious reference to the Jack-In-The-Box stoner commercial: "How many meteors should I get?" "30."
There was one other recurring joke involving the sounds of nearby waterfowl, but rather than try to explain it here, those of you who know me can ask me about it next time you talk to me. Suffice to say said waterfowl were apparently Led Zeppelin fans.
Current Duck Pond temperature:
23.9 C / 75.0 F
And now, all the stuff I meant to post during the five days I had off work this past week.
FRIDAY
Best band names playing the Toledo area this week (Aug 7-13):
Rich And Growing Sicker
Lame-O
When Girls Kiss Girls
Identical Strangers
Shortbus Pickup
And the best band name playing the Toledo area this week:
Can't Sing Karaoke
SATURDAY
Watched the Olympic opening ceremonies LIVE on CBC. Those drummers at the beginning were A-MA-ZING. The movable type thing was also good, and that last torch-bearer is one brave sumbitch. I thought there was something not quite right with that way-too-cute little girl singing, and I was right. Turns out the girl doing the actual singing wasn't cute enough to put on display. How do you say Milli Vanilli in Chinese? Mirri Vanirri?
SUNDAY
Quotes Du Jour: From Lewis Black's Root Of All Evil, "Beer vs. Weed"
Paul F. Tompkins, arguing that weed is the Root Of All Evil, on the fact that beer makes some people sentimental: "I would rather have someone tell me that they love me, than tell me that I have to watch 'The Dark Crystal'."
Andrew Daly, arguing that beer is the Root Of All Evil: "Beer ruined the 20th century because nobody loves beer more than Germans, and nobody loved Hitler more than Germans on beer. Beer caused World Wars I and II. All weed ever was caused was 'Caddyshacks' I and II. And only one of those movies was a globally-devasting human catastrophe."
MONDAY
Frisbee golf recap:
Just finished a 3-day regional frisbee golf tour with my karaoke komrade Bryan, with a round Friday at what is now my new favorite frisbee golf course, Victory Park in Albion, MI. Think Ottawa Park with water hazards. Yes, water hazards. And not annoying ones, either. They actually added to the fun. The 10th hole is quite intimidating at first glance, but the water is clean and only a couple of feet deep. Each of us ended up in the drink, but we were able to wade in and play each lie. Plus the course has its own 'monster' hole that is just a tad shorter than the one at Hudson Mills. I strongly recommend this course. And best of all, there's no rough.
I wish I could say the same for a few other courses we tried over the weekend. After we finished in Albion, Bry and I stopped by Hudson Mills for a round on the Original course. When I first played HM about 8 years ago, it was gorgeous. Mown fairways, a bit of rough on some holes, but nothing horrible, and not much underbrush. How times have changed. Now there's a lot more nasty rough and underbrush. A LOT more. And it's as annoying as an Appliance Center commercial.
A few weeks ago I had 6 discs in my collection. I lost my go-to disc, my red all-purpose Cobra, at Vienna Park, I gave away my orange Cobra, and I gave Bryan the purple #1 Flyer that I had bought for the ex-gf, leaving me with my blue Eclipse driver "Bluie", my yellow Cobra "Old Yeller", and "Maggie", my trusty Magnet chain-seeking putter. (I had that red Cobra's hook to the right down pat. It took me a few rounds to adjust my game to the seemingly-schizoid Bluie, but now I'm getting straighter and longer drives. Plus I found ol' "Red" at Ottawa anyway, so easy come, easy go.)
Anyhoo, back to HM, Bry's very first shot on the first tee at HM went off into the underbrush, never to return. Oh well, good riddance, I wasn't that fond of the purple one for obvi reasons anyway. Except that he would have then had to use the yellow Cobra, leaving me with no backup.
But as luck would have it, and as it turns out, make that the luck of the Irish, while looking in vain for the purple disc, we instead found a slightly warped disc with a shamrock pictured on it. No idea what kind of club it is, but we bent it back in shape as best we could, Bry tried it out and liked it, we dubbed it "Shammy", and played on.
Somewhere around Hole 11 or 12, Shammy disappeared into the underbrush from whence it came. We searched for a while and not only managed to recover Shammy, but in the process we found an Innova driver as well. So for the round Bry lost a disc I was happy to be rid of, and found 2 other discs that seem to have actually improved his game since. Sadly, that's the only positive thing I can say about the current HM. That place has really deteriorated.
Saturday, Bry wanted to hit Carter Park in BG to get on the first couple of open-field holes to give his 2 newfound discs a proper workout. They seemed to fly okay, so we skipped the rest of BG and went to Findlay to check out 2 courses down there. First we hit Firestine Park. Only 9 holes, but in a city park with no rough or underbrush so not too bad. I was still adjusting to Bluie, and on the last hole my drive went way off course and into the shallow creek next to the park. I finished the hole with Old Yeller, then we hopped in the car and drove around to the other side of the creek to retrieve Bluie. Then it was off to the Riverbend Disc Golf Trail east of Findlay.
Yeah, that's right. They call it a "Disc Golf Trail". Apparently they expect you to think of it as like just another metropark trail, and enjoy nature while you play. Fuck nature! We're here to play frisbee golf! Nature sucks!
And it especially sucks at that place when you keep losing your discs in it. The rough is downright maddening, even more so than the idiots out there playing who have absolutely no concept of basic, standard golf etiquette. Parents with little kids who spend 10 minutes on a hole just throwing frisbees willy-nilly while you keep shouting "FORE!" to no avail.
I swear to my lack of god we spent more time searching frantically for discs lost in the rough than we did actually shooting. By the time we got to the last 2 holes, with plenty of annoying bugs adding to our shitty mood, we were speed-golfing just to get it over with. Bry actually quit halfway through #18, he was so fed up. He couldn't even stand to finish the last hole. Never again. A map of the whole course at the very start is the ONLY thing that kept it from being as bad as the course at Jackson CC.
Sunday we began a round at Ottawa Park expecting to introduce fellow KJ "151" to the sport, but he cancelled so we decided to check out the course at Heritage Park in Adrian. There was a sign at the entrance with one arrow pointing to 'disc golf', and that was it. We parked, saw one basket way off in the distance next to a sledding hill, and walked out to it. Saw another basket nearby, #4, and another parking lot closer than where we parked. Bry went back to bring the car over while I investigated a few more nearby holes.
Next to this second parking area I found a big wooden sign of the sort on which one would normally expect to find a course map. At the top it said "Heritage Park Disc Golf Course". the rest of the sign: BLANK. I repeat. BLANK!!! The nearby holes we found were nos. 5, 6 and 7. With no hint as to where the first hole was, with plenty of wind and threats of rain, with every indication that there was plenty of rough, and without so much as even a practice throw, we had no choice but to quit this course before we even started! There was only one way to save this 3rd day of our ever-increasingly-annoying frisbee golf odyssey.
We headed back to Albion.
Despite the threat of rain, more fun ensued. We got wet again, not by rain, but by wading back into the water hazards after our frisbees. The water at the 10th hole was a bit deeper than 2 days before. This time it was up to my nuts. The 12th hole, Albion's 'monster', has a large shallow pond next to it, and poor Bryan landed in the middle of it. After about 10 minutes of carefully wading out to his disc, he made a rather half-assed attempt at a safe shot out to the side of the pond. PLUNK. Right back in the drink it went. More wading. This time he tried the longer, more daring shot across the water and out toward the basket. Just barely cleared the water! No guts, no glory!
Final verdict: I'd rather have my disc land in a clean 2-foot-deep pond where I can easily find it and get a little wet, than have to burrow into a shitload of underbrush or wander around in a field of rough wondering if I'll ever see my disc again. From now on I'll stick to parks like Ottawa and Victory, and avoid rough and underbrush like they were religion and the plague.
TUESDAY
Had clear skies for the Perseid meteor shower this year, camped out for 2.5 hours on Bryan's driveway in Monclova, and averaged 24 meteors per hour. It had its share of funny moments, like when the count got to 22 near the end of the first hour. "This Hour Has 22 Meteors", I proclaimed. When the total reached 30, we made the obvious reference to the Jack-In-The-Box stoner commercial: "How many meteors should I get?" "30."
There was one other recurring joke involving the sounds of nearby waterfowl, but rather than try to explain it here, those of you who know me can ask me about it next time you talk to me. Suffice to say said waterfowl were apparently Led Zeppelin fans.
Current Duck Pond temperature:
23.9 C / 75.0 F
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
SORRY, BEEN BUSY
Just when I thought nobody was reading this, Doug was kind enough to notice I haven't posted for a week and tell me I was slacking off. Thanks, Dougie!
Been playing a lot of frisbee golf this past week, some of it at some shitty courses, so you don't have to! More on that later. Right now I'm tired. I just got home from this year's Perseid meteor shower, averaged 24 per hour, not bad.
Soon as I get some much-needed z's and take care of some errands later today, I will fill you all in on my recent adventures. For now I'll say Victory Park in Albion, MI is my new favorite frisbee golf course, and later I'll have details on that, and why I have discovered several other courses that I will henceforth be avoiding like they were pro-payday loan petitioners!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
22.1 C / 71.7 F
Just when I thought nobody was reading this, Doug was kind enough to notice I haven't posted for a week and tell me I was slacking off. Thanks, Dougie!
Been playing a lot of frisbee golf this past week, some of it at some shitty courses, so you don't have to! More on that later. Right now I'm tired. I just got home from this year's Perseid meteor shower, averaged 24 per hour, not bad.
Soon as I get some much-needed z's and take care of some errands later today, I will fill you all in on my recent adventures. For now I'll say Victory Park in Albion, MI is my new favorite frisbee golf course, and later I'll have details on that, and why I have discovered several other courses that I will henceforth be avoiding like they were pro-payday loan petitioners!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
22.1 C / 71.7 F
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
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