IDIOTIC STAT DU JOUR

Those of you who follow the goings-on at Wimbledon know they have a new roof over Centre Court. Well, get a load of this: If you count up all the letters in the names of the players remaining in men's and women's singles draws as of today, the middle Sunday of the fortnight, the ten most common letters are A, D, E, I, L, N, O, R, S, and V, which can be rearranged to spell "RAIN SOLVED". Whoa.

I have way too much free time.

ED MCMAHON
1923-2009

The best sidekick Johnny, and ALF, could ever ask for. His laugh will echo through the ages.

Weird Al sang it best in his 1986 parody of El DeBarge's "Who's Johnny?":

There he goes, he drives me crazy
When he says...(Hee-eere's Johnny!)
That's his job, it's so amazing
All he says is...(Hee-eere's Johnny!)
I never miss a moment when he's on the tube
His being there has made my life worth living
The chills run down my spine
Each time he says that line

"Here's Johnny!" He says, and laughs in his special way
"...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him
"Here's Johnny!" he says, and "second fiddle" is his game
Ed McMahon's his name...all right

Dressed so fine, he's such a cool dude
Hear him say...(Hee-eere's Johnny!)
Watch him selling beer and dog food
Hear him say...(Hee-eere's Johnny!)
I got a letter from him just the other day
He said, "You may already be a winner!"
A trooper to the end
A Clydesdale's best friend

"Here's Johnny!" he says, and laughs in his special way
"...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him
"Here's Johnny!" he says, and that's the way he gets his pay
What a living

Oh...(Here's Johnny! Here's Johnny!) Wo-o-o, no
(Here's Johnny! Here's Johnny!) No no no no no no, I don't believe it
(Here's Johnny!) he says, and everytime it's just the same
Ed McMahon's his name

A very special guy...all right
He's on every night
Can't change the channel
When he's sitting on the panel
(Hee-eere's Johnny!)
There he goes, he gives me goose bumps
When he says...(Hey-O-Hey-Hey-O!)

"Here's Johnny!" he says, and laughs in his special way
"...Johnny!" he says, you know I love him
"Here's Johnny!" he says, that seems to be his claim to fame
Ed McMahon's his name

TWO QUESTIONS:

Richard Petty standing in Victory Lane with a beer-sponsored car...isn't that one of the first signs of the apocalypse?

And if Richard's mom were still alive today, would she tell the press "Okay, you guys can call my son Dick again if you want"?

DO YOU NEED AN ENEMA?

Yep, that there is the title of my new parody song, based on Green Day's "Know Your Enemy". I premiered it this past Sunday at Claddagh's. I seem to have confused people with it. The response was rather...unsure. My karaoke komrade Bryan told me he thought it had too much stuff in it about asses and shit. Dude, what do you expect? It's a song about enemas!

I plan to perform it a few more times this week, come on out and see what you think of it. I should be at J.J.'s in Perrysburg on Thursday night, the Bier Stube on Friday night, and Buster Brown's in Maumee on Saturday night.

Or if you just want to read the lyrics and tell me if it rocks or sucks, email me at ducksoup2009@yahoo.com

ON SECOND THOUGHT...

...I guess I should have written it as "Dredge Me Up When Katrina Ends".

MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry Calvin, but as we now know, the Curse of Mister Ed applies to jockeys too.

AN OPEN LETTER TO "ANDOG"

Re: Your postings of gas prices on ToledoGasPrices.com

Dear Sir,

STOP IT.

You know what I'm talking about. Your constant "REAL PRICE" comments you add to your price postings just because you can't be bothered to use REAL CASH. It is REAL STUPID and REAL ANNOYING to the rest of us who use the site, and you are just making yourself look like a REAL DOUCHEBAG. If you don't stop I will find you in REAL LIFE and shove your REAL CREDIT CARD up your REAL ASS! REALLY!

Again, STOP IT.

Sincerely,

--Ducksoup8253