IS THIS TOO MORBID?

In the wake of my mom's premature demise, and the inevitable disputes over who gets what, I have naturally been giving a lot of thought to what will happen to my stuff should I check out early.

I have yet to craft a will, hopefully soon I'll get around to it, but in the meantime, I could use your help, mi amigos.

Who wants what?

Come on, stake your claims now! I have to die sooner or later. Why should my worldly possessions take up space in a landfill? Help recycle, dammit!

Okay, so you guys can't call dibs on my organs, but the rest is up for grabs!

First and foremost, there's all my ALF stuff, much of which you have been reading about here the last few. Then there's my vast stockpile of audio and video tapes, the content of which runs the gamut. After that, it's pretty much the usual worldly-possession-type crap. Some worthy of resale, some only of sentimental value, but overall nothing to write home about.

Mind you, I am a borderline minor local celebrity, so if there's anything currently in my possession that would make for tabloid fodder, I trust my executor will keep it hidden from the general public. Speaking of which...

Who calls executor? "All the all the outs in free!"

Tell ya what, let's settle that as fairly as possible...

My...mother...and...your...mother...were...hanging...up...clothes...
My...mother...socked...your...mother...in...the...nose...
What...color...of...blood...came...out?