Sunday, March 23, 2003
IN THIS CASE, THE SIMPLE SOLUTION OF WAR IS SIMPLY THE WRONG ONE
by Steve Lopez, LA Times
H.L. Mencken should have been here.
"For every problem," he said, "there is a solution which is simple, clean and wrong."
Sums it up nicely, if you ask me.
Like you, I have two hopes. That the war in Iraq goes quickly, and that the loss of life is minimal.
But that's exactly what brought us to the brink -- the simple-minded notion that against the laws of history and logic, and with minimal sacrifice, we can shape a world that suits our needs by the sheer force of military might, God's will be done.
We don't know what it will cost, but we're going to war.
We don't know what comes next, but we're going to war.
We can't find the money to equip police and fire units with the equipment they'll need to take on terrorists, but we're going to war.
We can't liberate millions of American children from failed schools or rescue millions of medically uninsured in this tanking economy, but we're going to war.
You have to admire the clarity. But President Bush didn't do it alone.
God is on his team, he tells us, which explains why he sleeps easy. He is wrapped in the swaddling embrace of evangelical imperative, and may God keep blessing America, as Bush intoned in his national sermon the other night.
The fundamentalists who killed 3,000-plus Americans were operating on a parallel conviction, by the way, so they sleep easy too. Particularly since Saddam Hussein, for reasons that remain a mystery, replaced them as Public Enemy No. 1.
Since last June, when I first started writing about the inevitable war of prevention, I've checked in periodically with USC professor Richard Dekmejian. At one point, I asked the author of "Islam in Revolution: Fundamentalism in the Arab World," if there is any way this war can make the world safer.
"Miracles can always happen," he said. "It is the holy land, after all.... But I see chaos and a massive increase of international terrorism ....Everything I know about Iraq ... tells me there will be near-term and long-term crisis after Saddam is defeated."
That's partly because in our rush to plant the seeds of democracy, we've trampled every international democratic institution in our path. The hypocrisy has alienated friends, which will make this mission all the more complicated, and allowed enemies to say, I told you so.
The planet rotates with a wobble because of an imbalance of wealth and power that fuels anti-American sentiment, and we respond with tax breaks for the wealthy and the mother of all bombs. My favorite line in the walk-up to war appeared in a story from Wall Street in which a broker was quoted on the rumored arrest of Osama bin Laden. Remember him?
"If they do get him," said the broker, "it's got to be good for a pop in equities and a decent pullback in bonds, say 10 basis points on the two-year yield. That's got the short-term crowd nervous."
Who needs David Mamet?
I'm short-term nervous and long-term too. Even if there's no chemical or biological disaster and the war goes smoothly, if there is such a thing, the hard part comes in a couple of weeks. That's when some dust-covered commander will be standing in the middle of the world's largest sand trap, looking at 25 million Iraqis and wondering, OK, now what?
If anyone in Washington has a good answer, it hasn't been heard.
But we're going to war.
To make things all the more interesting, our new next-door neighbor will be Iran, which, unlike Iraq, actually has a nuclear program to worry about.
But make no mistake, this risk carries certain rewards. The Blair Bush Project, should it succeed, puts guess who? -- America and Britain -- first in line at the oil trough.
That's right. A president and vice president with zero combat experience between them have guided us into war that will fatten the industries that made them rich, and turn Iraq into a subsidiary of Halliburton, Enron, or whoever.
I've got more combat experience than Bush and Cheney, and I wasn't even enlisted. In brief tours of Iraq and Bosnia, I saw just enough of what war is about to feel compelled to speak up for any alternative.
Congressional representatives, on the other hand, with only a handful of sons and daughters in the military, remain virtually mute, having long ago taken a vow of submission.
In its collective failure to make a compelling case for combat and draw more allies to the cause, Congress and the president have raised the danger level for troops sent to Iraq. And do not for one minute let them tell you this war was a hard choice.
Diplomacy is hard.
Peaceful resolution is hard.
Leading the world by earning its respect is hard.
Raining record numbers of megaton bombs on an absurdly overmatched foe is simple in the most elemental ways, and for this time and place, it is wrong.
*
(Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at steve.lopez@latimes.com)
by Steve Lopez, LA Times
H.L. Mencken should have been here.
"For every problem," he said, "there is a solution which is simple, clean and wrong."
Sums it up nicely, if you ask me.
Like you, I have two hopes. That the war in Iraq goes quickly, and that the loss of life is minimal.
But that's exactly what brought us to the brink -- the simple-minded notion that against the laws of history and logic, and with minimal sacrifice, we can shape a world that suits our needs by the sheer force of military might, God's will be done.
We don't know what it will cost, but we're going to war.
We don't know what comes next, but we're going to war.
We can't find the money to equip police and fire units with the equipment they'll need to take on terrorists, but we're going to war.
We can't liberate millions of American children from failed schools or rescue millions of medically uninsured in this tanking economy, but we're going to war.
You have to admire the clarity. But President Bush didn't do it alone.
God is on his team, he tells us, which explains why he sleeps easy. He is wrapped in the swaddling embrace of evangelical imperative, and may God keep blessing America, as Bush intoned in his national sermon the other night.
The fundamentalists who killed 3,000-plus Americans were operating on a parallel conviction, by the way, so they sleep easy too. Particularly since Saddam Hussein, for reasons that remain a mystery, replaced them as Public Enemy No. 1.
Since last June, when I first started writing about the inevitable war of prevention, I've checked in periodically with USC professor Richard Dekmejian. At one point, I asked the author of "Islam in Revolution: Fundamentalism in the Arab World," if there is any way this war can make the world safer.
"Miracles can always happen," he said. "It is the holy land, after all.... But I see chaos and a massive increase of international terrorism ....Everything I know about Iraq ... tells me there will be near-term and long-term crisis after Saddam is defeated."
That's partly because in our rush to plant the seeds of democracy, we've trampled every international democratic institution in our path. The hypocrisy has alienated friends, which will make this mission all the more complicated, and allowed enemies to say, I told you so.
The planet rotates with a wobble because of an imbalance of wealth and power that fuels anti-American sentiment, and we respond with tax breaks for the wealthy and the mother of all bombs. My favorite line in the walk-up to war appeared in a story from Wall Street in which a broker was quoted on the rumored arrest of Osama bin Laden. Remember him?
"If they do get him," said the broker, "it's got to be good for a pop in equities and a decent pullback in bonds, say 10 basis points on the two-year yield. That's got the short-term crowd nervous."
Who needs David Mamet?
I'm short-term nervous and long-term too. Even if there's no chemical or biological disaster and the war goes smoothly, if there is such a thing, the hard part comes in a couple of weeks. That's when some dust-covered commander will be standing in the middle of the world's largest sand trap, looking at 25 million Iraqis and wondering, OK, now what?
If anyone in Washington has a good answer, it hasn't been heard.
But we're going to war.
To make things all the more interesting, our new next-door neighbor will be Iran, which, unlike Iraq, actually has a nuclear program to worry about.
But make no mistake, this risk carries certain rewards. The Blair Bush Project, should it succeed, puts guess who? -- America and Britain -- first in line at the oil trough.
That's right. A president and vice president with zero combat experience between them have guided us into war that will fatten the industries that made them rich, and turn Iraq into a subsidiary of Halliburton, Enron, or whoever.
I've got more combat experience than Bush and Cheney, and I wasn't even enlisted. In brief tours of Iraq and Bosnia, I saw just enough of what war is about to feel compelled to speak up for any alternative.
Congressional representatives, on the other hand, with only a handful of sons and daughters in the military, remain virtually mute, having long ago taken a vow of submission.
In its collective failure to make a compelling case for combat and draw more allies to the cause, Congress and the president have raised the danger level for troops sent to Iraq. And do not for one minute let them tell you this war was a hard choice.
Diplomacy is hard.
Peaceful resolution is hard.
Leading the world by earning its respect is hard.
Raining record numbers of megaton bombs on an absurdly overmatched foe is simple in the most elemental ways, and for this time and place, it is wrong.
*
(Steve Lopez writes Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at steve.lopez@latimes.com)
Saturday, March 22, 2003
2003 GEAK TV ALF CUP PLAYOFFS
Well, this sucks.
I was afraid that the stupid war would fuck up my playoffs. My fears were realized Friday night when 3, count 'em, 3 playoff contenders got preempted by war coverage.
When I tuned in to my usual Friday night comedies on CBC, instead of seeing Air Farce at 8, all I got was Peter Mansbridge. At 9, An American In Canada got zonked as well. This turn of events handed wins to South Park and Made In Canada, which also got zonked, but got a win earlier in the week via a rerun. MIC would have advanced anyway by virtue of being seeded higher than AAIC.
The only question now is, will next week's new eps of 22M and MIC get zonked by war coverage, leaving them to fall back on their weekday afternoon reruns? Or will those reruns get zonked as well? The smart money is on a Shield-South Park final, as both are running new eps, and neither should be in any danger of getting preempted. But as Chris Berman always says, "That's why they play the games."
Semifinals--March 23-29:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes vs 4-South Park
3-The Shield vs 7-Made In Canada
Quarterfinal results:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes def. 9-Monk 2-0
4-South Park def. 5-Royal Canadian Air Farce 2-0
7-Made In Canada def. 18-An American In Canada 2-0
3-The Shield def. 6-The Simpsons 2-1
Meanwhile, time to unveil a new weekly feature here on the Pond...TMs Of The Week! Each week we'll have two winners, one in the Inbox division and one in the Outbox division. This week's winners:
Inbox: After sending several TMs (with no response) to Max while he was at his job on an overnight cleaning crew, he finally answered "CANT TM NOW IM USING ACID" which was followed about 10-15 seconds later by "CANT TM NOW IM USING ACID 2 CLEAN". Yeah, I was wondering how LSD would help in cleaning. I suppose the possibilities are endless. Woohoo! Toxic super freakouts!
Outbox: I was describing a dream I had earlier this week to my pals. In the dream, ALF and I went out to brunch. We had freedom toast, freedom fries with a side order of fredom onion chip dip, and freedom dip sub sandwiches. Then we went back to my place and started freedom kissing, and then, well, this brings us to the TMOTW: "THEN I FUCKED HIM IN THE ASS WEARING A FREEDOM TICKLER". (Granted, certain readers may be disturbed that I mentioned ALF in the joke. To them I say, hey, it could have been worse. Use your imagination, campers!)
Well, this sucks.
I was afraid that the stupid war would fuck up my playoffs. My fears were realized Friday night when 3, count 'em, 3 playoff contenders got preempted by war coverage.
When I tuned in to my usual Friday night comedies on CBC, instead of seeing Air Farce at 8, all I got was Peter Mansbridge. At 9, An American In Canada got zonked as well. This turn of events handed wins to South Park and Made In Canada, which also got zonked, but got a win earlier in the week via a rerun. MIC would have advanced anyway by virtue of being seeded higher than AAIC.
The only question now is, will next week's new eps of 22M and MIC get zonked by war coverage, leaving them to fall back on their weekday afternoon reruns? Or will those reruns get zonked as well? The smart money is on a Shield-South Park final, as both are running new eps, and neither should be in any danger of getting preempted. But as Chris Berman always says, "That's why they play the games."
Semifinals--March 23-29:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes vs 4-South Park
3-The Shield vs 7-Made In Canada
Quarterfinal results:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes def. 9-Monk 2-0
4-South Park def. 5-Royal Canadian Air Farce 2-0
7-Made In Canada def. 18-An American In Canada 2-0
3-The Shield def. 6-The Simpsons 2-1
Meanwhile, time to unveil a new weekly feature here on the Pond...TMs Of The Week! Each week we'll have two winners, one in the Inbox division and one in the Outbox division. This week's winners:
Inbox: After sending several TMs (with no response) to Max while he was at his job on an overnight cleaning crew, he finally answered "CANT TM NOW IM USING ACID" which was followed about 10-15 seconds later by "CANT TM NOW IM USING ACID 2 CLEAN". Yeah, I was wondering how LSD would help in cleaning. I suppose the possibilities are endless. Woohoo! Toxic super freakouts!
Outbox: I was describing a dream I had earlier this week to my pals. In the dream, ALF and I went out to brunch. We had freedom toast, freedom fries with a side order of fredom onion chip dip, and freedom dip sub sandwiches. Then we went back to my place and started freedom kissing, and then, well, this brings us to the TMOTW: "THEN I FUCKED HIM IN THE ASS WEARING A FREEDOM TICKLER". (Granted, certain readers may be disturbed that I mentioned ALF in the joke. To them I say, hey, it could have been worse. Use your imagination, campers!)
Saturday, March 15, 2003
2003 GEAK TV ALF CUP QUARTERFINALS
It's been quality over quantity in this year's ALF Cup playoffs. The forecast calls for plenty of fresh eps.
Quarterfinals--March 16-22:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes vs 9-Monk
4-South Park vs 5-Royal Canadian Air Farce
7-Made In Canada vs 18-An American In Canada
3-The Shield vs 6-The Simpsons
Second round results:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes def. 16-Futurama 2-0
9-Monk def. 8-The Sean Cullen Show 2-0
4-South Park def. 13-Inside Cup Racing 2-1
5-Royal Canadian Air Farce def. 12-TV Land Legends The 60 Minutes Interviews 2-0
7-Made In Canada def. 10-The Osbournes 2-0
18-An American In Canada def. 2-Survivor 2-1
3-The Shield def. 19-Frasier 2-0
6-The Simpsons def. 11-The Red Green Show 1-0
It's been quality over quantity in this year's ALF Cup playoffs. The forecast calls for plenty of fresh eps.
Quarterfinals--March 16-22:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes vs 9-Monk
4-South Park vs 5-Royal Canadian Air Farce
7-Made In Canada vs 18-An American In Canada
3-The Shield vs 6-The Simpsons
Second round results:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes def. 16-Futurama 2-0
9-Monk def. 8-The Sean Cullen Show 2-0
4-South Park def. 13-Inside Cup Racing 2-1
5-Royal Canadian Air Farce def. 12-TV Land Legends The 60 Minutes Interviews 2-0
7-Made In Canada def. 10-The Osbournes 2-0
18-An American In Canada def. 2-Survivor 2-1
3-The Shield def. 19-Frasier 2-0
6-The Simpsons def. 11-The Red Green Show 1-0
DEMOTIVATORS
If you haven't seen these before, go. See them. Now.
Demotivators
Once there, just check out all the links on the right.
(Personally, I think quite a few of these would look nice on the walls over at Convergys.)
If you haven't seen these before, go. See them. Now.
Demotivators
Once there, just check out all the links on the right.
(Personally, I think quite a few of these would look nice on the walls over at Convergys.)
Sunday, March 09, 2003
2003 GEAK TV ALF CUP PLAYOFFS
The first round, as usual, was pretty uneventful, though there were two upsets. The real action begins this week, as all the top seeds begin their quest for the Cup.
Second round--March 9-15:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes vs 16-Futurama
8-The Sean Cullen Show vs 9-Monk
4-South Park vs 13-Inside Cup Racing
5-Royal Canadian Air Farce vs 12-TV Land Legends The 60 Minutes Interviews
2-Survivor vs 18-An American In Canada
7-Made In Canada vs 10-The Osbournes
3-The Shield vs 19-Frasier
6-The Simpsons vs 11-The Red Green Show
First round results:
16-Futurama def. 17-Life & Times 1-0
13-Inside Cup Racing def. 20-Freakazoid 1-0
18-An American In Canada def. 15-The Crocodile Hunter 2-0
19-Frasier def. 14-Whose Line Is It Anyway 2-0
The first round, as usual, was pretty uneventful, though there were two upsets. The real action begins this week, as all the top seeds begin their quest for the Cup.
Second round--March 9-15:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes vs 16-Futurama
8-The Sean Cullen Show vs 9-Monk
4-South Park vs 13-Inside Cup Racing
5-Royal Canadian Air Farce vs 12-TV Land Legends The 60 Minutes Interviews
2-Survivor vs 18-An American In Canada
7-Made In Canada vs 10-The Osbournes
3-The Shield vs 19-Frasier
6-The Simpsons vs 11-The Red Green Show
First round results:
16-Futurama def. 17-Life & Times 1-0
13-Inside Cup Racing def. 20-Freakazoid 1-0
18-An American In Canada def. 15-The Crocodile Hunter 2-0
19-Frasier def. 14-Whose Line Is It Anyway 2-0
Saturday, March 01, 2003
2003 GEAK TV ALF CUP PLAYOFFS
A record low turnout of just 20 shows are set to do battle on the road to this year's ALF Cup championship. Nonetheless, it promises to be an interesting tournament...
First round--March 2-8:
16-Futurama (Fox/Toon) vs 17-Life & Times (CBC)
13-Inside Cup Racing (Speed) vs 20-Freakazoid (Toon)
15-The Crocodile Hunter (AniP) vs 18-An American In Canada (CBC)
14-Whose Line Is It Anyway (ABC/Fam) vs 19-Frasier (NBC/Syn.)
Second round--March 9-15:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (CBC) vs 16/17 winner
8-The Sean Cullen Show-R (CBC) vs 9-Monk-R (ABC/USA)
4-South Park (Com) vs 13/20 winner
5-Royal Canadian Air Farce (CBC) vs 12-TV Land Legends The 60 Minutes Interviews-R (TVL)
2-Survivor (CBS) vs 15/18 winner
7-Made In Canada (CBC) vs 10-The Osbournes-R (MTV)
3-The Shield-R (FX) vs 14/19 winner
6-The Simpsons (Fox/Syn.) vs 11-The Red Green Show (CBC/PBS)
Quarterfinals--March 16-22
Semifinals--March 23-29
2003 ALF Cup Final--March 30-April 5
A record low turnout of just 20 shows are set to do battle on the road to this year's ALF Cup championship. Nonetheless, it promises to be an interesting tournament...
First round--March 2-8:
16-Futurama (Fox/Toon) vs 17-Life & Times (CBC)
13-Inside Cup Racing (Speed) vs 20-Freakazoid (Toon)
15-The Crocodile Hunter (AniP) vs 18-An American In Canada (CBC)
14-Whose Line Is It Anyway (ABC/Fam) vs 19-Frasier (NBC/Syn.)
Second round--March 9-15:
1-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (CBC) vs 16/17 winner
8-The Sean Cullen Show-R (CBC) vs 9-Monk-R (ABC/USA)
4-South Park (Com) vs 13/20 winner
5-Royal Canadian Air Farce (CBC) vs 12-TV Land Legends The 60 Minutes Interviews-R (TVL)
2-Survivor (CBS) vs 15/18 winner
7-Made In Canada (CBC) vs 10-The Osbournes-R (MTV)
3-The Shield-R (FX) vs 14/19 winner
6-The Simpsons (Fox/Syn.) vs 11-The Red Green Show (CBC/PBS)
Quarterfinals--March 16-22
Semifinals--March 23-29
2003 ALF Cup Final--March 30-April 5
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