After finding out that I was Canadian, I got to thinking again about the pilgrimage to Toronto I hope to make someday, to visit meccas like the CBC and such. And of course go looking for poutine.
For the Canada-impaired, poutine is a junk-food delicacy in Montreal and other parts of Quebec and the rest of Canada. It's french fries topped with cheese curds and gravy.
Mmmmm...poutine...(drool drool)
And as I sometimes like to go find a picture related to what I'm posting here, I went looking for poutine pics and found the above pic at MontrealPoutine.com.
As my poutine craving increased, I began to wonder if there was any chance of finding poutine close to home. No dice. So I decided to go back to the Montreal Poutine site and contact the Poutine Guy (Or maybe it's just "Poutine Guy", as in the French name Guy, with an E sound. Whatever.) and ask him how far a trek I was looking at to find poutine.
A week later, Poutine Guy (or Guy) emailed back saying the closest poutine to Toledo was in Montreal itself. Ouch. He also sent a map of places to find poutine worldwide. Of course if you go look at the map you'll notice there's poutine to be had in Toronto, which is considerably closer to me than Montreal.
Now, going by actual driving distance, it turns out that, at least for me, Toronto is just a bit closer than Milwaukee. However, since I am not currently driving, I would have to take a bus to get to either city. This is a deal breaker for Toronto, since taking Greyhound there and back would cost me $127, and even the best poutine in the world couldn't be worth that much.
Milwaukee, on the other hand, is served by Megabus, as is Toledo. Both have routes connecting to Chicago. And if one buys a Megabus ticket far enough in advance (about 6 weeks), you can get a ticket for as low as $1. I would need 4 tickets, round trips from Toledo to Chicago and Chicago to Milwaukee. Add a reservation fee and my grand total cost to take Megabus to Milwaukee is a mere $4.50! This is not a typo. FOUR DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS!
The next issue was scheduling. Due to my work sked, I had to pick a Thursday, since I would have to leave sometime after I got off work Wednesday night, and return in time to run karaoke on Friday night. The earliest Thursday on which all 4 tickets would still be $1 each was Sept. 27th.
Now I begin to wonder if this whole madcap scheme is actually doable. Cost is not an issue; even if I bought the tickets and my plans later fell thru for whatever reason, I am still out only $4.50. And so I plan out a hypothetical itinerary.
After exploring all my options, I determined that the best possible sked was as follows (all times approximate):
Wednesday 10pm, get off work
10:10pm, catch the 5 bus to the last lineup, transfer to the 32, arrive at Southwyck around 11:30
11:30pm to Thursday 1:50am, kill time at Steak-n-shake til the Megabus arrives
1:50am EDT, board Megabus to Chicago, hopefully sleep on the way
5:30am CDT, arrive at Union Station in Chicago
5:30am to 9:30am, kill time in downtown Chicago, go have a light breakfast (gotta save room for the poutine!), read the Chicago papers
9:30am, board Megabus to Milwaukee, spend next two hours CORNSURFING! Yay!
11:25am, arrive near the Amtrak Station in Milwaukee
So much for the first part of the journey. The last bus back to Chicago is 6:30pm, so I have 7 hours to play with in Milwaukee. The poutine is at The Red Dot, about 3 miles from the Megabus drop point. I can walk it in about an hour. (Mind you I could use the exercise since I'm going to pig out on poutine!) So, a nice poutine lunch, then I still have plenty of time to explore a bit of the town on my way back to catch the bus back to Chicago. Now I just have to hit the Red Dot website to make sure they're open for lunch...
They aren't.
Ruh roh. They open at 4pm. This is a bad thing. Now I have to kill time exploring on my way there, wait for them to open, then I only have about an hour to go in and sit down and order my poutine and wait for my order and eat it before I have to start walking back so I don't miss my bus! The whole adventure from leaving work Wednesday night to getting home Friday morning will total 32 hours, 1/3 of which will entail killing time waiting for buses, and then I gotta rush thru eating my poutine?! This appears to be a deal-breaker.
Only one option left. Time to look up local bus schedules in Milwaukee. I luck out. The 15 goes by the Red Dot and within a short walk of the Megabus stop. So I can leave around 5:45 and still make the connection. This nearly doubles my poutine time. Whew. Now, what to do in Milwaukee from 11:30am to 4pm? A while later I learn about a spy-themed bar called the Safe House, which not only is less than a mile from the Megabus stop, but is only a block from the 15 bus! Saves me a time-consuming walk to Red Dot. Interesting.
Okay, so continuing the sked...
Thursday, 11:30am CDT, walk about a mile to the spy bar, have a martini, shaken not stirred, enjoy all the wacky secret passageways and shit, (and even if I get bored with the spy bar, I can always stroll over and visit the International Clown Hall Of Fame a few blocks away) catch the 15 around 3:30 at the latest
4pm, be there when Red Dot opens, and enjoy about an hour and 45 minutes eating poutine (with real Wisconsin Cheddar cheese curds!), and hope it's possible to take some home for myself later
5:45pm, leave Red Dot, catch 15 at about 5:58, get off downtown and walk back to Megabus by 6:30
6:30pm, board Megabus back to Chicago, enjoy two more hours of CORNSURFING!
8:25pm, arrive back in Chicago, kill time until 11:59, perhaps find a karaoke spot?
11:59pm, board Megabus back to Toledo, hopefully sleep on the way
Friday, 5:20am, arrive at Southwyck, wait for next 32 bus
6am, get home and pass out for the day, and still wake up in time for karaoke
This whole plan is, in fact, doable. Completely INSANE, but doable. The next day, I put a couple bucks in the bank on my way to work, and when I get home I hop online and order Megabus tickets for Sept. 27th. It's booked. I'm going. To review, I am looking at a 32-hour odyssey, almost half of which will be spent riding buses, about another third spent waiting for said buses, plus the 7 hours in Milwaukee. All this for french fries, cheese curds and gravy. I need professional help. (Okay, sure, I could just go buy the ingredients at Kroger and make my own poutine at home, but where's the fun in that?! [Did I mention real Wisconsin cheddar cheese curds?} Plus, I'd miss out on the spy bar.)
Megabus tickets to Milwaukee and back: $4.50
One large helping of poutine (with real Wisconsin cheddar cheese curds!) at the Red Dot: $4.75.
(Yes, you read correctly. I will spend more for the poutine than I will on bus fare getting to it!)
Chicago and Milwaukee newspapers to read along the way: $3-$4
Martini, shaken not stirred, at the spy bar: probly $5, tops
The level of pure insanity I have to have to not only consider such a ridiculous adventure, but actually plan it: PRICELESS
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