JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS OUT OF THE FISHNET STOCKINGS...THEY PULL ME BACK IN AGAIN!
The top 5 finalists in the karaoke contest were all female. Need I say more?
I guess for the next contest, I'll have to show up in drag.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
89 COINKY-DINKS? I DON'T THINK SO!
Recently I got an email from someone in a band thanking me for the band name he found on my list of Unused Band Names, "Death By Papercut". I Googled it to see if I could find a website or a Myspace page for them, and to my dismay, I found another band using the name. I then realized I needed to Google all 560 band names on my Unused list to see how many others were being used without my knowledge. It's taken me about a week, and I ended up moving a whopping 89 band names from the Unused to the Used list. Yikes.
The majority of them had Myspace Music pages (which is the one thing Myspace is actually good for [and I know that's bad grammar right there, but screw it]), which makes it extremely hard for me to believe that they all got their names independent of my list!
I've never expected any compensation or credit for the names, but the least these folks could have done is let me know they were being used! All I've ever really wanted is for the names to be put to use, and to hear what the bands who end up using them sound like. So as soon as I gather all the links to these newly-discovered Used band names, I'll have them all posted over on unusedbandnames.blogspot.com.
The latest two additions came just this morning, when I got emails from band members wanting to use "The Little Red Wagon Repairmen" and "Samurai Sausage". So the Unused count is down to 471, and here's hoping they all eventually end up being used. (Heck, if Perry Farrell finds the list, they'll all be gone in no time...that guy goes through band names like Shake-N-Bake bags!)
***
In other news, Elliott Smith's creepy mug continues to stare at me from several of the Urge music channels. (I had previously wondered if he owned or was screwing whomever owned it, but apparently he's dead, so never mind.) It's going to give me nightmares at some point. I haven't been this creeped out by something staring at me since the VAB Building!*
*Note: The reference to the VAB Building is an inside joke. The tallest building in South Bend, Indiana used to be called the Valley American Bank Building, and it had "VAB" in large, friendly red letters at the top. (It has since changed hands once or twice and is now called the Chase Tower.) And whenever I visited my friend Willie over there, the VAB Building, which is said to be visible from everywhere in the city, was also visible from just about every window in Willie's house. Or at least every window I sat by. Every time I glanced out a window, there was "VAB" staring down at me, which started to really freak me out. Then after I'd come back home, and I'd talk to Willie on the phone, he'd easily scare the shit out of me by telling me the VAB Building was coming to get me. Yes, I was a grown man, scared of a building. I'm telling you, it was that creepy. (Good thing I haven't seen it lately, or I'd worry that, with "Chase" in large, friendly blue letters on top, that it's going to "Chase" me!)
Recently I got an email from someone in a band thanking me for the band name he found on my list of Unused Band Names, "Death By Papercut". I Googled it to see if I could find a website or a Myspace page for them, and to my dismay, I found another band using the name. I then realized I needed to Google all 560 band names on my Unused list to see how many others were being used without my knowledge. It's taken me about a week, and I ended up moving a whopping 89 band names from the Unused to the Used list. Yikes.
The majority of them had Myspace Music pages (which is the one thing Myspace is actually good for [and I know that's bad grammar right there, but screw it]), which makes it extremely hard for me to believe that they all got their names independent of my list!
I've never expected any compensation or credit for the names, but the least these folks could have done is let me know they were being used! All I've ever really wanted is for the names to be put to use, and to hear what the bands who end up using them sound like. So as soon as I gather all the links to these newly-discovered Used band names, I'll have them all posted over on unusedbandnames.blogspot.com.
The latest two additions came just this morning, when I got emails from band members wanting to use "The Little Red Wagon Repairmen" and "Samurai Sausage". So the Unused count is down to 471, and here's hoping they all eventually end up being used. (Heck, if Perry Farrell finds the list, they'll all be gone in no time...that guy goes through band names like Shake-N-Bake bags!)
***
In other news, Elliott Smith's creepy mug continues to stare at me from several of the Urge music channels. (I had previously wondered if he owned or was screwing whomever owned it, but apparently he's dead, so never mind.) It's going to give me nightmares at some point. I haven't been this creeped out by something staring at me since the VAB Building!*
*Note: The reference to the VAB Building is an inside joke. The tallest building in South Bend, Indiana used to be called the Valley American Bank Building, and it had "VAB" in large, friendly red letters at the top. (It has since changed hands once or twice and is now called the Chase Tower.) And whenever I visited my friend Willie over there, the VAB Building, which is said to be visible from everywhere in the city, was also visible from just about every window in Willie's house. Or at least every window I sat by. Every time I glanced out a window, there was "VAB" staring down at me, which started to really freak me out. Then after I'd come back home, and I'd talk to Willie on the phone, he'd easily scare the shit out of me by telling me the VAB Building was coming to get me. Yes, I was a grown man, scared of a building. I'm telling you, it was that creepy. (Good thing I haven't seen it lately, or I'd worry that, with "Chase" in large, friendly blue letters on top, that it's going to "Chase" me!)
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
MR. COLOREDWELL PRESENTS THE NFL'S BEST- AND WORST-DRESSED FOR 2008
Hi there! Mr. C here, one more time this season, to give you the full rundown of the 2008 National Fashion League (tee-hee) final standings! (Sorry, but I won't bother including pics as it'll slow the page loading. If you don't already know what they look like, you can easily find pics on your own.)
1-Pittsburgh Steelers-19-0
The reigning world champs were also the champs in my Best-Dressed competition. They might have lost to the Giants if they hadn't worn their excellent throwback unis with the pretty gold helmets that week. Their regular unis are perfect except that they need to change back to block numbers a la Iowa.
2-Green Bay Packers-15-1
Their only loss was on the road at Chicago. If they had hosted the Steelers this season, they could have won the whole Best-Dressed enchilada. They do everything right. Their look hasn't really changed since the Lombardi era, and why should it?
3-Carolina Panthers-15-2
I LOVE the light blue trim. They should use more of it. A good look all around...the all-white look is a little plain, but in black (or the occasional light blue) jerseys, practically unbeatable.
4-Cleveland Browns-14-2
Like Carolina, too plain-looking in all-white, but in brown, yummy. A good classic look. But they ought to bring back their 70s orange pants, and Brownies, PLEASE, put a logo on that helmet. Something. Anything!
5-San Francisco 49ers-13-3
How could I not be partial to an SF team? I'm not crazy about the raised numbers, I much prefer the 80s throwbacks, but still a good look and a great color combo. And if you tweak the color settings on your TV just right, the red and gold becomes magenta and beige. Fabulous!
6-New York Giants-13-4
Now here's a team that went retro and stayed there. I love it. It's a little weird that they wear blue at home but then go with a lot of red trim on the road, but both looks are good, so I can't complain.
7-Kansas City Chiefs-12-4
Beautiful colors, and the shiny red pants on the road are to die for! One suggestion: How about gold pants at home like Pittsburgh and Green Bay? With the red jerseys, it'd make Mickey D envious. Mustard and ketchup...I'm special-saucing in my undies just thinking about it!
8-New York Jets-12-4
Another team that went retro, must be a New York thing. But they might want to go back to the lighter Kelly green. Also they should always be in both green and white, home or road. Never all-white (bo-ring!) and definitely not all-green!
9-Miami Dolphins-11-6
Better than most, but still needs some tweaks. Too much white, the aqua is okay, and WAY too little orange. The Fish didn't sport their orange jerseys at all this year, and I was heartbroken. It might be the best orange jersey in the league!
10-Chicago Bears-10-6
In most cases I don't tolerate non-block numbers, but Da Bears are grandfathered (or Papa-Beared) in because theirs are classics. Their only mistake is going all-white on the road. Dark pants is another no-no of mine, but again Da Bears are the exception. The '85 Bears had navy-blue road pants, and '85 Bears are always right.
11-Washington Redskins-10-6
The advice I gave to the Jets I also give to the 'Skins. Never go all-white or all-burgundy. Always combine the two. Or...gold pants are always a good idea. They wore them in Super Bowl VII, and it worked.
12-Oakland Raiders-10-6
The Raidahs have never changed, nor should they. Black and white can be boring (espesh the road white) but they accentuate with those gorgeous silver pants. Shiny!
13-Detroit Lions-10-6
The only thing they have right is their uniforms! Their Thanksgiving throwbacks are always delicious. Of course, their actual play will make you puke, but on this list it's better to look good than to play good.
14-San Diego Chargers-11-7
ATTENTION CHARGERS: ALWAYS WEAR YOUR POWDER BLUE JERSEYS WHENVER POSSIBLE. IF YOU MUST WEAR WHITE JERSEYS ON THE ROAD, GET SOME POWDER BLUE PANTS TO GO WITH THEM. LOSE THE DARK BLUE. I'll let you slide on your non-block number font, it works for you. But PLEASE, POWDER BLUE ALWAYS!
15-Indianapolis Colts-10-7
Good classic look, the blue jerseys at home in your giant toaster of a stadium, very nice. But on the road in all-white, bleah. You look like Penn State. And that is not a good thing.
16-Buffalo Bills-8-8
The best part of their uni is their red socks (Tweak your TV color just right and they get this freaky two-tone effect, pink on the left and purple on the right, no matter which way they're facing! Mind-fry!). But when the socks are your best feature, you got uni probs. All-dark-blue is bad, and the blue shoulders on the white jerseys are hideous.
17-Dallas Cowboys-8-8
Don't get me wrong, I HATE Dallas. But at least their regular home unis are okay...I do like the metallic blue pants. Their throwbacks are not the best but they could be worse. The road blues still look like the LA Express. Only time they looked good in blue was Super Bowl V.
18-Tennessee Titans-8-9
I should drop them 10-12 spots just for that towel-stomping bullshit. Hate the numbers almost as much as I hate the team. They started 5-0 only because they kept playing even uglier teams. How to make light blue look bad: Wear it head-to-toe in a Monday night game. Can you say 'pajamas'?
19-Tampa Bay Buccaneers-7-9
Ah yes, the Pirates of Pewter Pants. Except the only time those pants look good is with their red jerseys which make the red stripe down the legs really pop. But even then, I still long for the old creamsicle look.
20-New Orleans Saints-6-10
In terms of how they dressed, the Saints were the Aints this year. I saw them in their gold pants at least once, so I know those weren't lost during Katrina. They should have worn them every week. And gold jerseys once in a while (a la Winnipeg) would be neat. But all-black? Ick.
21-St Louis Rams-6-10
Not the worst unis, but compared to how they used to dress in the 70s, 80s and 90s...ugh. Plus, WHAT THE HELL is with that horrifying home turf of theirs?! No team looks good on that puke-fest! Switch back to your old unis by all means, but first things first: FIX THE TURF!!!
22-Minnesota Vikings-6-11
Another team that used to dress better. Another team that would look really cool in gold pants. Love the purple, hate everything else. Classic case of Nike-spooge down their sides (easily the worst fashion trend in football).
23-Houston Texans-5-11
Bad colors. They ruin what is otherwise an acceptable uni. They looked okay in all-red (tho a tad pajama-ish) on a Monday night, otherwise...yawn. Maybe red pants every game might help.
24-Atlanta Falcons-5-12
Ugh. Bad numbers, inconsistent color scheme, and Nike-spooge on the pants. Even the Dirty Bird-era unis were better. But they should really go back to the Bartkowski era, including red helmets.
25-Denver Broncos-4-12
Just like Tampa did at the same time in the mid 90s, Denver went from one of the best unis ever, the Orange Crush, to one of the worst ever. How to make orange look bad: use it as Nike-spooge down your sides. And those numbers are just stupid.
26-Cincinnati Bengals-4-12
Another way to make orange look bad. The Bungles keep using ever-worsening variations on an already-awful theme. Those atrocious helmets that look like varicose pumpkins continue to induce vomiting.
27-Philadelphia Eagles-4-15
Give me their Jaworski look over their McNabb look any day. The numbers are horrible, the darker green is horrible, espesh on the pants, and the alternate black jerseys don't help. Until they change, it'll never be sunny in Philadelphia. (Then again, at least they didn't wear the throwbacks they wore last year!)
28-Arizona Cardinals-4-16
One of the worst cases of Nike-spooge in the league, and what happened to their numbers? They look like they got shrinky-dinked. Who'd think that in the heat of the desert, you could fall victim to shrinkage?
29-Seattle Seahawks-3-13
Pick a REAL fucking color, would you please? "Gun Metal Blue" (UGH!) is NOT a real color! Either go back to regular blue, green and silver, or at least use more of the bright green that is nearly undetectable as trim. It worked for the Orlando Thunder!
30-Baltimore Ravens-2-17
How to make purple look even worse than in Minnesota right now. Absolutely horrible uniforms. Ugly numbers, ugly helmet with ugly logo, ugly black pants on the road, an ugly color scheme (even with the purple included), plus we just plain hate their hideously-dressed guts.
31-Jacksonville Jaguars-1-15
A product of what was by far the worst sports fashion trend of the 90s: Expansion teams wearing black and teal. All the same faux pas as Baltimore: Ugly numbers, helmet, logo, black road pants and colors. And the teal jerseys look ghastly when sweat-stained.
32-New England Patriots-1-15
What's not to hate about the Cheaters? The colors, the numbers, the logo...you name it, they make it look disgusting. The only outfit uglier is anything Belichick wears! Not just Brady, but the whole rest of the team, players, coaches and staff, ought to have their legs broken for dressing like this. Now that would be karmic payback!
Well that's it for this year, darlings. Let's hope for more throwbacks and less Nike-spooge next season! Buh-bye!
Hi there! Mr. C here, one more time this season, to give you the full rundown of the 2008 National Fashion League (tee-hee) final standings! (Sorry, but I won't bother including pics as it'll slow the page loading. If you don't already know what they look like, you can easily find pics on your own.)
1-Pittsburgh Steelers-19-0
The reigning world champs were also the champs in my Best-Dressed competition. They might have lost to the Giants if they hadn't worn their excellent throwback unis with the pretty gold helmets that week. Their regular unis are perfect except that they need to change back to block numbers a la Iowa.
2-Green Bay Packers-15-1
Their only loss was on the road at Chicago. If they had hosted the Steelers this season, they could have won the whole Best-Dressed enchilada. They do everything right. Their look hasn't really changed since the Lombardi era, and why should it?
3-Carolina Panthers-15-2
I LOVE the light blue trim. They should use more of it. A good look all around...the all-white look is a little plain, but in black (or the occasional light blue) jerseys, practically unbeatable.
4-Cleveland Browns-14-2
Like Carolina, too plain-looking in all-white, but in brown, yummy. A good classic look. But they ought to bring back their 70s orange pants, and Brownies, PLEASE, put a logo on that helmet. Something. Anything!
5-San Francisco 49ers-13-3
How could I not be partial to an SF team? I'm not crazy about the raised numbers, I much prefer the 80s throwbacks, but still a good look and a great color combo. And if you tweak the color settings on your TV just right, the red and gold becomes magenta and beige. Fabulous!
6-New York Giants-13-4
Now here's a team that went retro and stayed there. I love it. It's a little weird that they wear blue at home but then go with a lot of red trim on the road, but both looks are good, so I can't complain.
7-Kansas City Chiefs-12-4
Beautiful colors, and the shiny red pants on the road are to die for! One suggestion: How about gold pants at home like Pittsburgh and Green Bay? With the red jerseys, it'd make Mickey D envious. Mustard and ketchup...I'm special-saucing in my undies just thinking about it!
8-New York Jets-12-4
Another team that went retro, must be a New York thing. But they might want to go back to the lighter Kelly green. Also they should always be in both green and white, home or road. Never all-white (bo-ring!) and definitely not all-green!
9-Miami Dolphins-11-6
Better than most, but still needs some tweaks. Too much white, the aqua is okay, and WAY too little orange. The Fish didn't sport their orange jerseys at all this year, and I was heartbroken. It might be the best orange jersey in the league!
10-Chicago Bears-10-6
In most cases I don't tolerate non-block numbers, but Da Bears are grandfathered (or Papa-Beared) in because theirs are classics. Their only mistake is going all-white on the road. Dark pants is another no-no of mine, but again Da Bears are the exception. The '85 Bears had navy-blue road pants, and '85 Bears are always right.
11-Washington Redskins-10-6
The advice I gave to the Jets I also give to the 'Skins. Never go all-white or all-burgundy. Always combine the two. Or...gold pants are always a good idea. They wore them in Super Bowl VII, and it worked.
12-Oakland Raiders-10-6
The Raidahs have never changed, nor should they. Black and white can be boring (espesh the road white) but they accentuate with those gorgeous silver pants. Shiny!
13-Detroit Lions-10-6
The only thing they have right is their uniforms! Their Thanksgiving throwbacks are always delicious. Of course, their actual play will make you puke, but on this list it's better to look good than to play good.
14-San Diego Chargers-11-7
ATTENTION CHARGERS: ALWAYS WEAR YOUR POWDER BLUE JERSEYS WHENVER POSSIBLE. IF YOU MUST WEAR WHITE JERSEYS ON THE ROAD, GET SOME POWDER BLUE PANTS TO GO WITH THEM. LOSE THE DARK BLUE. I'll let you slide on your non-block number font, it works for you. But PLEASE, POWDER BLUE ALWAYS!
15-Indianapolis Colts-10-7
Good classic look, the blue jerseys at home in your giant toaster of a stadium, very nice. But on the road in all-white, bleah. You look like Penn State. And that is not a good thing.
16-Buffalo Bills-8-8
The best part of their uni is their red socks (Tweak your TV color just right and they get this freaky two-tone effect, pink on the left and purple on the right, no matter which way they're facing! Mind-fry!). But when the socks are your best feature, you got uni probs. All-dark-blue is bad, and the blue shoulders on the white jerseys are hideous.
17-Dallas Cowboys-8-8
Don't get me wrong, I HATE Dallas. But at least their regular home unis are okay...I do like the metallic blue pants. Their throwbacks are not the best but they could be worse. The road blues still look like the LA Express. Only time they looked good in blue was Super Bowl V.
18-Tennessee Titans-8-9
I should drop them 10-12 spots just for that towel-stomping bullshit. Hate the numbers almost as much as I hate the team. They started 5-0 only because they kept playing even uglier teams. How to make light blue look bad: Wear it head-to-toe in a Monday night game. Can you say 'pajamas'?
19-Tampa Bay Buccaneers-7-9
Ah yes, the Pirates of Pewter Pants. Except the only time those pants look good is with their red jerseys which make the red stripe down the legs really pop. But even then, I still long for the old creamsicle look.
20-New Orleans Saints-6-10
In terms of how they dressed, the Saints were the Aints this year. I saw them in their gold pants at least once, so I know those weren't lost during Katrina. They should have worn them every week. And gold jerseys once in a while (a la Winnipeg) would be neat. But all-black? Ick.
21-St Louis Rams-6-10
Not the worst unis, but compared to how they used to dress in the 70s, 80s and 90s...ugh. Plus, WHAT THE HELL is with that horrifying home turf of theirs?! No team looks good on that puke-fest! Switch back to your old unis by all means, but first things first: FIX THE TURF!!!
22-Minnesota Vikings-6-11
Another team that used to dress better. Another team that would look really cool in gold pants. Love the purple, hate everything else. Classic case of Nike-spooge down their sides (easily the worst fashion trend in football).
23-Houston Texans-5-11
Bad colors. They ruin what is otherwise an acceptable uni. They looked okay in all-red (tho a tad pajama-ish) on a Monday night, otherwise...yawn. Maybe red pants every game might help.
24-Atlanta Falcons-5-12
Ugh. Bad numbers, inconsistent color scheme, and Nike-spooge on the pants. Even the Dirty Bird-era unis were better. But they should really go back to the Bartkowski era, including red helmets.
25-Denver Broncos-4-12
Just like Tampa did at the same time in the mid 90s, Denver went from one of the best unis ever, the Orange Crush, to one of the worst ever. How to make orange look bad: use it as Nike-spooge down your sides. And those numbers are just stupid.
26-Cincinnati Bengals-4-12
Another way to make orange look bad. The Bungles keep using ever-worsening variations on an already-awful theme. Those atrocious helmets that look like varicose pumpkins continue to induce vomiting.
27-Philadelphia Eagles-4-15
Give me their Jaworski look over their McNabb look any day. The numbers are horrible, the darker green is horrible, espesh on the pants, and the alternate black jerseys don't help. Until they change, it'll never be sunny in Philadelphia. (Then again, at least they didn't wear the throwbacks they wore last year!)
28-Arizona Cardinals-4-16
One of the worst cases of Nike-spooge in the league, and what happened to their numbers? They look like they got shrinky-dinked. Who'd think that in the heat of the desert, you could fall victim to shrinkage?
29-Seattle Seahawks-3-13
Pick a REAL fucking color, would you please? "Gun Metal Blue" (UGH!) is NOT a real color! Either go back to regular blue, green and silver, or at least use more of the bright green that is nearly undetectable as trim. It worked for the Orlando Thunder!
30-Baltimore Ravens-2-17
How to make purple look even worse than in Minnesota right now. Absolutely horrible uniforms. Ugly numbers, ugly helmet with ugly logo, ugly black pants on the road, an ugly color scheme (even with the purple included), plus we just plain hate their hideously-dressed guts.
31-Jacksonville Jaguars-1-15
A product of what was by far the worst sports fashion trend of the 90s: Expansion teams wearing black and teal. All the same faux pas as Baltimore: Ugly numbers, helmet, logo, black road pants and colors. And the teal jerseys look ghastly when sweat-stained.
32-New England Patriots-1-15
What's not to hate about the Cheaters? The colors, the numbers, the logo...you name it, they make it look disgusting. The only outfit uglier is anything Belichick wears! Not just Brady, but the whole rest of the team, players, coaches and staff, ought to have their legs broken for dressing like this. Now that would be karmic payback!
Well that's it for this year, darlings. Let's hope for more throwbacks and less Nike-spooge next season! Buh-bye!
Monday, February 09, 2009
SB43 P.S.
Kudos to the Blade's Dave Hackenberg and ESPN's Chris Mortensen for picking the final score of the Super Bowl exactly right.
Mr. Coloredwell is working on his final review of 2008 NFL fashion. Give him a little extra time, I think the Pro Bowl uniforms made his crying time come a little early last night.
Kudos to the Blade's Dave Hackenberg and ESPN's Chris Mortensen for picking the final score of the Super Bowl exactly right.
Mr. Coloredwell is working on his final review of 2008 NFL fashion. Give him a little extra time, I think the Pro Bowl uniforms made his crying time come a little early last night.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE RE-WATCHING SUPER BOWL XLIII ON DVR
...and other thoughts I had while actually watching it live at a party but was too busy partying to jot down.
Actually one of my favorite moments of the day was during the pre-game Obama interview when Lauer asks about the Blackberry. I loved the Prez's deadpan, matter-of-fact "It turns into a car." How freakin' cool is this guy?
6:15--Faith Hill LIP-SYNCHING "America The Beautiful". Isn't the actual national anthem bad enough? Do we really need a 2nd?
6:16--One of the added bonuses of wireless microphones: No need to run all those wires out there to fake like they're not Milli Vanilli-ing it. You can just set up a mic stand and a dead mic now and nobody's the wiser. The mic could be made of chocolate for all we know!
6:17--Sully and the crew of Flight 1549 get a well-deserved round of applause. WTG folks!
6:19--Jennifer Hudson's turn to LIP-SYNC. Bleah. She's gotten way too skinny. Where's the badonkadonk? Egad. Not only is she over-singing it on the tape, but she's actually over-lip-synching too! My lack of god I fucking HATE HATE HATE American Idol! The *ONLY* good thing to ever come out of that travesty is that retarded Chinese dude ("She bangs! She bangs!").
6:21--Sheesh, I can see her back teeth. Oh, and then she ends by fake-panting like she's just SOOOOO out of breath after that. COME THE FUCK *ON*!!! Too bad she wasn't in that house when the bullets were flying. (What, is that too harsh? Fuck you, it's what I do.)
6:27--Gen. Petra-e-i-e-i-o-us does the weakest coin toss I've ever seen. John McCain could've tossed it higher with his bad arm! (Best coin toss of the year: the one that bounced off Brian Urlacher's helmet. Doink!)
6:33--Long completion from Big Ben to Hines Ward. Injuries, bah! My Steelers shake off injuries like a bad case of fleas!
6:38--Apparent Big Ben TD is challenged by Ken Whisen-Cunt. Whis is just being a dick because Ben didn't want him as head coach.
6:39--First commercial break. The Ad Bowl begins! Bud Light. Guy gets thrown out of a window. They're kind of ripping off their own gag, remember the satin sheets? Then a movie ad (yawn) and a car ad (yawn). Movie and car ads during the SB always suck.
6:42--TD overturned. This is just revenge for 3 years ago.
6:43--FG Steelers, 3-0.
6:44--Pepsi "Forever Young". Rather hokey and at times outright stupid. Shrek is the new Gumby? Maybe. But Will.I.Am (ugh, what a lame stage name) is the new Dylan and Jack Black is the new Belushi? PUH-LEEEEEEEEZE! Give me a large personal break with pepperoni.
6:45--Doritos "Crystal Ball". The guy grabbing the bags out of the vending machine has no acting skill. Otherwise a good job guys. I was pleasantly surprised when this ad beat Budweiser in Ad Meter XXI. And to think this ad cost only 2 grand. (For slightly less than that I could have gone to the game. And I guess I should have. Pardon me while I kick myself yet again.)
7:01--That was a quick first quarter.
7:02--Bridgestone ad with the Potato Heads. Cute. Funny.
7:03--Castrol "Grease Monkeys". Hot monkey love. Eeww. Castrol: The #1 bestiality lube?
7:06--Doritos 2nd ad. This was my pick for best commercial. Crunch gives man superpowers, until he runs out of chips and gets hit by a bus. I'm glad Doritos won, but they should have won for THIS one!
7:07--GoDaddy "Danica In Shower". Oy. I really wish she'd stop acting like a whore and just drive. How are we supposed to take her seriously? And let's be honest, she lucked out in the Japan race. Win or no win, looks like she's still the Anna Kournikova of auto racing.
7:08--TD Steelers! 10-0.
7:09--Pepsi Max "I'm Good". After the last Doritos ad, this pales in comparison.
7:10--Pedigree "Exotic Pets". Good tag line. "Maybe you should get a dog" to promote their adoption drive. For their next ad, how about some Obama family lookalikes?
7:11--Budweiser "Fetch". I was shocked by this. Usually when Bud has the first spot of the game, they run this sort of pandering cutey-cutey Clydesdale crap and easily win the Ad Meter with it. Instead they went with the standard slapstick. And got out-slapsticked!
7:12--Budweiser "Clydesdale Love". Again, they were too late with the pandering crap. I still expected one of these to win. Glad I was wrong.
7:18--TD Arizona. 10-7. Ruh roh. I was hoping for a good old-fashioned SB blowout.
7:23--Cars.com "Overachiever". Bad idea using the MasterCard voiceover guy. Kept waiting for the "Priceless" tag line. (I recently learned that's Billy Crudup from "Almost Famous". He had a better tag line in that: "I'm on drugs!")
7:34--Hyundai "Angry Competitors". "Win one little award and suddenly everyone gets your name right. It's Hyundai, like 'Sunday'. Say what? Who the fuck still doesn't know how to pronounce it? Don't call me a gourd-head!
7:35--E-Trade "More Talking Babies". Ugh. Okay, we get it, talking baby/animal visual effects are really cool now. It's been about 5 years now, we fucking get it already!!! What you guys don't seem to get is that talking babies are still creepy!
7:41--Tip drill! Big Ben's pass is tipped and picked. Tipped passes are almost always picked. I hate when that happens.
7:42--Teleflora "Boxed Flowers". Talking flowers, on the other hand, especially when hurling insults, are damn funny as it turns out. "Go home to your romance novels and your fat, smelly cat!" This ad should have finished much higher in the standings.
7:43--Leno at 10 promo. NBC: The first ENTIRE network to jump the shark! The long, gradual Melmackian curse ALF put on them when they cancelled him is now entering its final stages.
7:49--The momentum shift in the game at this point, from Pitt to 'Zona, is palpable. Not good.
7:50--After I've had a few Smirnoff Ices, my niece Melissa asks me if I'm buzzing yet. She thinks my eyes are red enough that I am, but it takes a lot more than Smirnoff Ice to get me even the slightest buzz.
7:51--James Harrison's epic 100-yard INT return! WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!! I leap up to celebrate and get a bit of a head rush. Okay Missy, NOW I'm buzzing!!! And the mo instantly shifts back. 17-7.
7:55--And like every great (and indisputable) play in this game, it takes 4-5 minutes to review it and make it official. Bit of a buzzkill, zebras.
8:06--Here comes Bruce...his addressing the home viewers is a good, funny start. No lip-synching here. Go Bruce!
8:10--"10th Avenue Freeze Out" and "Born To Run" bring my buzz back.
8:18--Having the ref come out and throw the 'delay of game' flag is another nice touch.
8:19--Ol' Bruce is still one of the best in the biz. Great performance. Sure as hell beats Up With People.
8:47--Big Ben has done some fantastic scrambling tonight. At times he puts Fran Tarkenton to shame. (Though not as much as "That's Incredible".)
8:57--FG Steelers. 20-7. Largest deficit overcome to win SB: 10 points. I'm feeling good about this.
8:58--Careerbuilder.com with the most annoying ad of the night. Can you say 'too much repetition'? "And a partridge in a pear tree". Make it stop! BEEP!!!
9:06--Usama Young's "Snow Cone Story". These NFL story ads are not a good idea. If you're at a loud SB party, you can't hear the story.
9:16--Hyundai (How is that pronounced again? I'm stoopid). Ah yes, the Hyundai "Assurance" Program. If you lose your job, you have Hyundai's "Assurance" that they will REPOSSESS YOUR CAR! Gee thanks, Hyundai, I feel so...assured. Yeesh.
9:17--Coke Zero "Polamalu Parody". Coming into the game, this was my favorite to win. And it was very good, very funny, but I felt it could have been better and funnier somehow. Doritos set the bar pretty high.
9:18--Cash4gold "McMahon and Hammer". Sad and pathetic. Hammer's an idiot, I expect this from him. But Ed? Oh, Eddie Mac, how could you? I may have to put him on my death team after this.
9:23--Vizio. The lowest-scorer in Ad Meter this year, and for good reason. Nothing but prick-waving. Please don't spooge all over my TV, thank you.
9:25--TD Arizona. 20-14. Eep. Bad mo shift.
9:26--Hulu "Alec Baldwin". Ick. Ever since that voicemail, he creeps me out. Ick. Even malevolent aliens bent on world domination and turning people's brains to mush don't call their daughters pigs. Ick. Go away now. Ick. You and your greasy hair. Ick.
9:33--Pepsi "McGruber". Painfully unfunny parody. Why was I not surprised to learn it's from SNL?
9:43--Almost a safety. Yikes.
9:44--Great throw and catch, but...holding. Safety. 20-16. More mo shift. I have a bad feeling about this.
9:48--TD Arizona. 20-23. Their first lead. Now I'm PISSED.
9:49--Fitzgerald watched himself on the jumbo vision while he ran. Seems a tad narcissistic.
9:51--Well, here we go. 2:30 left and 78 yards to go. Now or never. C'mon guys, do it for Myron Cope...
9:52--Ben scrambles again, dumps off to "Waltzing" Mewelde Moore. Holding penalty. Now 2:24 left and 88 yards to go. Oy. Ben scrambles again, completes to former Buckeye Santonio Holmes for 14 yards. Quick snap before the warning, incomplete. 1:56 left, 74 yards to go.
9:55--3rd and 6. Complete to Holmes. Move the chains. Tick tick tick. Complete to Toledo Scott's own Nate Washington. Move the chains. Tick tick tick.
9:56--Ben scrambles to the 'Zona 46. Timeout, 1:02 to go.
9:57--Andrea Kremer sideline report. The realization strikes me that she and Suzy Kolber are the female equivalent of Dave Despain and Gary Lee. I cannot tell them apart.
9:58--2nd and 6. Complete, Santonio runs it to the 5! O-H! I-O! Timeout, :49 left.
9:59--1st and goal. Pass to Holmes in the left corner, incomplete.
10:00--2nd and goal. Pass to Holmes in the right corner, behind 3 defenders...
There was only one way to top the Manning-to-Tyree play from last year...and the Steelers found it! Talk about extension! Greatest catch in SB history.
And like the "Levitating Leap" and the "Circus Catch", this one needs a good, catchy (pun intended) nickname for all eternity, and I think I have it, because the winning catch by the first Buckeye SB MVP gives it a whole new meaning:
"HANG ON SLOOPY!"
10:02--Review confirms it. 27-23. :35 left.
10:09--After a few anti-climactic plays, game over. Six-burgh!
10:11--Everyone who worked on the NBC sound crew during this game should be FIRED IMMEDIATELY. I lost count of how many times the sound cut out completely or Michaels and Madden sounded like they were using tin cans and string.
10:20--Namath brings out the trophy. He seems sober tonight. If I'm wrong, Andrea Kremer better run and hide. Or is it Suzy Kolber? Whichever.
10:26--Roethlisberger is the shiznit. You gotta love that kid. I remember watching the '04 draft, hoping that as that year's 'plummeting pick' he would fall into the Steelers' lap. (And it was deja vu for me, because the same thing had happened a few years before with Rod Woodson, who just got inducted into the HOF. Now I know I'm getting old.)
10:30--Andrea with James Harrison. Her first question should have been "Have you gotten your breath back yet?"
10:34--Matt Millen's postgame comments. I must give a big shout-out and huge kudos to WDIV, Ch. 4 in Detroit, for running the following crawl every time Millen appeared on screen Sunday:
"Matt Millen was president of the Lions for the worst eight-year run in the history of the NFL. Knowing his history with the team, is there a credibility issue as he now serves as an analyst for NBC Sports? Will Detroit fans ever forgive him for turning the Lions into the worst team in football?"
Way to go WDIV! You guys are awesome!
10:38--Interview with loser QB Kurt Warner. Already in a suit and tie. WTF? Is he on his way to a board meeting? (And I notice he makes no mention of his imaginary boyfriend God when he loses.)
10:40--Costas is right with this closing comment about the 6-time champs, "who now rank perhaps as the model franchise in all of American sports." And good night from Tampa!
And let's not forget...the last one was for my late brother Louie. This one was for the late great Myron Cope! Til next season, keep your Terrible Towels waving! Sextuple YOI!
...and other thoughts I had while actually watching it live at a party but was too busy partying to jot down.
Actually one of my favorite moments of the day was during the pre-game Obama interview when Lauer asks about the Blackberry. I loved the Prez's deadpan, matter-of-fact "It turns into a car." How freakin' cool is this guy?
6:15--Faith Hill LIP-SYNCHING "America The Beautiful". Isn't the actual national anthem bad enough? Do we really need a 2nd?
6:16--One of the added bonuses of wireless microphones: No need to run all those wires out there to fake like they're not Milli Vanilli-ing it. You can just set up a mic stand and a dead mic now and nobody's the wiser. The mic could be made of chocolate for all we know!
6:17--Sully and the crew of Flight 1549 get a well-deserved round of applause. WTG folks!
6:19--Jennifer Hudson's turn to LIP-SYNC. Bleah. She's gotten way too skinny. Where's the badonkadonk? Egad. Not only is she over-singing it on the tape, but she's actually over-lip-synching too! My lack of god I fucking HATE HATE HATE American Idol! The *ONLY* good thing to ever come out of that travesty is that retarded Chinese dude ("She bangs! She bangs!").
6:21--Sheesh, I can see her back teeth. Oh, and then she ends by fake-panting like she's just SOOOOO out of breath after that. COME THE FUCK *ON*!!! Too bad she wasn't in that house when the bullets were flying. (What, is that too harsh? Fuck you, it's what I do.)
6:27--Gen. Petra-e-i-e-i-o-us does the weakest coin toss I've ever seen. John McCain could've tossed it higher with his bad arm! (Best coin toss of the year: the one that bounced off Brian Urlacher's helmet. Doink!)
6:33--Long completion from Big Ben to Hines Ward. Injuries, bah! My Steelers shake off injuries like a bad case of fleas!
6:38--Apparent Big Ben TD is challenged by Ken Whisen-Cunt. Whis is just being a dick because Ben didn't want him as head coach.
6:39--First commercial break. The Ad Bowl begins! Bud Light. Guy gets thrown out of a window. They're kind of ripping off their own gag, remember the satin sheets? Then a movie ad (yawn) and a car ad (yawn). Movie and car ads during the SB always suck.
6:42--TD overturned. This is just revenge for 3 years ago.
6:43--FG Steelers, 3-0.
6:44--Pepsi "Forever Young". Rather hokey and at times outright stupid. Shrek is the new Gumby? Maybe. But Will.I.Am (ugh, what a lame stage name) is the new Dylan and Jack Black is the new Belushi? PUH-LEEEEEEEEZE! Give me a large personal break with pepperoni.
6:45--Doritos "Crystal Ball". The guy grabbing the bags out of the vending machine has no acting skill. Otherwise a good job guys. I was pleasantly surprised when this ad beat Budweiser in Ad Meter XXI. And to think this ad cost only 2 grand. (For slightly less than that I could have gone to the game. And I guess I should have. Pardon me while I kick myself yet again.)
7:01--That was a quick first quarter.
7:02--Bridgestone ad with the Potato Heads. Cute. Funny.
7:03--Castrol "Grease Monkeys". Hot monkey love. Eeww. Castrol: The #1 bestiality lube?
7:06--Doritos 2nd ad. This was my pick for best commercial. Crunch gives man superpowers, until he runs out of chips and gets hit by a bus. I'm glad Doritos won, but they should have won for THIS one!
7:07--GoDaddy "Danica In Shower". Oy. I really wish she'd stop acting like a whore and just drive. How are we supposed to take her seriously? And let's be honest, she lucked out in the Japan race. Win or no win, looks like she's still the Anna Kournikova of auto racing.
7:08--TD Steelers! 10-0.
7:09--Pepsi Max "I'm Good". After the last Doritos ad, this pales in comparison.
7:10--Pedigree "Exotic Pets". Good tag line. "Maybe you should get a dog" to promote their adoption drive. For their next ad, how about some Obama family lookalikes?
7:11--Budweiser "Fetch". I was shocked by this. Usually when Bud has the first spot of the game, they run this sort of pandering cutey-cutey Clydesdale crap and easily win the Ad Meter with it. Instead they went with the standard slapstick. And got out-slapsticked!
7:12--Budweiser "Clydesdale Love". Again, they were too late with the pandering crap. I still expected one of these to win. Glad I was wrong.
7:18--TD Arizona. 10-7. Ruh roh. I was hoping for a good old-fashioned SB blowout.
7:23--Cars.com "Overachiever". Bad idea using the MasterCard voiceover guy. Kept waiting for the "Priceless" tag line. (I recently learned that's Billy Crudup from "Almost Famous". He had a better tag line in that: "I'm on drugs!")
7:34--Hyundai "Angry Competitors". "Win one little award and suddenly everyone gets your name right. It's Hyundai, like 'Sunday'. Say what? Who the fuck still doesn't know how to pronounce it? Don't call me a gourd-head!
7:35--E-Trade "More Talking Babies". Ugh. Okay, we get it, talking baby/animal visual effects are really cool now. It's been about 5 years now, we fucking get it already!!! What you guys don't seem to get is that talking babies are still creepy!
7:41--Tip drill! Big Ben's pass is tipped and picked. Tipped passes are almost always picked. I hate when that happens.
7:42--Teleflora "Boxed Flowers". Talking flowers, on the other hand, especially when hurling insults, are damn funny as it turns out. "Go home to your romance novels and your fat, smelly cat!" This ad should have finished much higher in the standings.
7:43--Leno at 10 promo. NBC: The first ENTIRE network to jump the shark! The long, gradual Melmackian curse ALF put on them when they cancelled him is now entering its final stages.
7:49--The momentum shift in the game at this point, from Pitt to 'Zona, is palpable. Not good.
7:50--After I've had a few Smirnoff Ices, my niece Melissa asks me if I'm buzzing yet. She thinks my eyes are red enough that I am, but it takes a lot more than Smirnoff Ice to get me even the slightest buzz.
7:51--James Harrison's epic 100-yard INT return! WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!! I leap up to celebrate and get a bit of a head rush. Okay Missy, NOW I'm buzzing!!! And the mo instantly shifts back. 17-7.
7:55--And like every great (and indisputable) play in this game, it takes 4-5 minutes to review it and make it official. Bit of a buzzkill, zebras.
8:06--Here comes Bruce...his addressing the home viewers is a good, funny start. No lip-synching here. Go Bruce!
8:10--"10th Avenue Freeze Out" and "Born To Run" bring my buzz back.
8:18--Having the ref come out and throw the 'delay of game' flag is another nice touch.
8:19--Ol' Bruce is still one of the best in the biz. Great performance. Sure as hell beats Up With People.
8:47--Big Ben has done some fantastic scrambling tonight. At times he puts Fran Tarkenton to shame. (Though not as much as "That's Incredible".)
8:57--FG Steelers. 20-7. Largest deficit overcome to win SB: 10 points. I'm feeling good about this.
8:58--Careerbuilder.com with the most annoying ad of the night. Can you say 'too much repetition'? "And a partridge in a pear tree". Make it stop! BEEP!!!
9:06--Usama Young's "Snow Cone Story". These NFL story ads are not a good idea. If you're at a loud SB party, you can't hear the story.
9:16--Hyundai (How is that pronounced again? I'm stoopid). Ah yes, the Hyundai "Assurance" Program. If you lose your job, you have Hyundai's "Assurance" that they will REPOSSESS YOUR CAR! Gee thanks, Hyundai, I feel so...assured. Yeesh.
9:17--Coke Zero "Polamalu Parody". Coming into the game, this was my favorite to win. And it was very good, very funny, but I felt it could have been better and funnier somehow. Doritos set the bar pretty high.
9:18--Cash4gold "McMahon and Hammer". Sad and pathetic. Hammer's an idiot, I expect this from him. But Ed? Oh, Eddie Mac, how could you? I may have to put him on my death team after this.
9:23--Vizio. The lowest-scorer in Ad Meter this year, and for good reason. Nothing but prick-waving. Please don't spooge all over my TV, thank you.
9:25--TD Arizona. 20-14. Eep. Bad mo shift.
9:26--Hulu "Alec Baldwin". Ick. Ever since that voicemail, he creeps me out. Ick. Even malevolent aliens bent on world domination and turning people's brains to mush don't call their daughters pigs. Ick. Go away now. Ick. You and your greasy hair. Ick.
9:33--Pepsi "McGruber". Painfully unfunny parody. Why was I not surprised to learn it's from SNL?
9:43--Almost a safety. Yikes.
9:44--Great throw and catch, but...holding. Safety. 20-16. More mo shift. I have a bad feeling about this.
9:48--TD Arizona. 20-23. Their first lead. Now I'm PISSED.
9:49--Fitzgerald watched himself on the jumbo vision while he ran. Seems a tad narcissistic.
9:51--Well, here we go. 2:30 left and 78 yards to go. Now or never. C'mon guys, do it for Myron Cope...
9:52--Ben scrambles again, dumps off to "Waltzing" Mewelde Moore. Holding penalty. Now 2:24 left and 88 yards to go. Oy. Ben scrambles again, completes to former Buckeye Santonio Holmes for 14 yards. Quick snap before the warning, incomplete. 1:56 left, 74 yards to go.
9:55--3rd and 6. Complete to Holmes. Move the chains. Tick tick tick. Complete to Toledo Scott's own Nate Washington. Move the chains. Tick tick tick.
9:56--Ben scrambles to the 'Zona 46. Timeout, 1:02 to go.
9:57--Andrea Kremer sideline report. The realization strikes me that she and Suzy Kolber are the female equivalent of Dave Despain and Gary Lee. I cannot tell them apart.
9:58--2nd and 6. Complete, Santonio runs it to the 5! O-H! I-O! Timeout, :49 left.
9:59--1st and goal. Pass to Holmes in the left corner, incomplete.
10:00--2nd and goal. Pass to Holmes in the right corner, behind 3 defenders...
There was only one way to top the Manning-to-Tyree play from last year...and the Steelers found it! Talk about extension! Greatest catch in SB history.
And like the "Levitating Leap" and the "Circus Catch", this one needs a good, catchy (pun intended) nickname for all eternity, and I think I have it, because the winning catch by the first Buckeye SB MVP gives it a whole new meaning:
"HANG ON SLOOPY!"
10:02--Review confirms it. 27-23. :35 left.
10:09--After a few anti-climactic plays, game over. Six-burgh!
10:11--Everyone who worked on the NBC sound crew during this game should be FIRED IMMEDIATELY. I lost count of how many times the sound cut out completely or Michaels and Madden sounded like they were using tin cans and string.
10:20--Namath brings out the trophy. He seems sober tonight. If I'm wrong, Andrea Kremer better run and hide. Or is it Suzy Kolber? Whichever.
10:26--Roethlisberger is the shiznit. You gotta love that kid. I remember watching the '04 draft, hoping that as that year's 'plummeting pick' he would fall into the Steelers' lap. (And it was deja vu for me, because the same thing had happened a few years before with Rod Woodson, who just got inducted into the HOF. Now I know I'm getting old.)
10:30--Andrea with James Harrison. Her first question should have been "Have you gotten your breath back yet?"
10:34--Matt Millen's postgame comments. I must give a big shout-out and huge kudos to WDIV, Ch. 4 in Detroit, for running the following crawl every time Millen appeared on screen Sunday:
"Matt Millen was president of the Lions for the worst eight-year run in the history of the NFL. Knowing his history with the team, is there a credibility issue as he now serves as an analyst for NBC Sports? Will Detroit fans ever forgive him for turning the Lions into the worst team in football?"
Way to go WDIV! You guys are awesome!
10:38--Interview with loser QB Kurt Warner. Already in a suit and tie. WTF? Is he on his way to a board meeting? (And I notice he makes no mention of his imaginary boyfriend God when he loses.)
10:40--Costas is right with this closing comment about the 6-time champs, "who now rank perhaps as the model franchise in all of American sports." And good night from Tampa!
And let's not forget...the last one was for my late brother Louie. This one was for the late great Myron Cope! Til next season, keep your Terrible Towels waving! Sextuple YOI!
Monday, February 02, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)