MR. COLOREDWELL PRESENTS THE NFL'S BEST- AND WORST-DRESSED FOR 2008

Hi there! Mr. C here, one more time this season, to give you the full rundown of the 2008 National Fashion League (tee-hee) final standings! (Sorry, but I won't bother including pics as it'll slow the page loading. If you don't already know what they look like, you can easily find pics on your own.)

1-Pittsburgh Steelers-19-0
The reigning world champs were also the champs in my Best-Dressed competition. They might have lost to the Giants if they hadn't worn their excellent throwback unis with the pretty gold helmets that week. Their regular unis are perfect except that they need to change back to block numbers a la Iowa.

2-Green Bay Packers-15-1
Their only loss was on the road at Chicago. If they had hosted the Steelers this season, they could have won the whole Best-Dressed enchilada. They do everything right. Their look hasn't really changed since the Lombardi era, and why should it?

3-Carolina Panthers-15-2
I LOVE the light blue trim. They should use more of it. A good look all around...the all-white look is a little plain, but in black (or the occasional light blue) jerseys, practically unbeatable.

4-Cleveland Browns-14-2
Like Carolina, too plain-looking in all-white, but in brown, yummy. A good classic look. But they ought to bring back their 70s orange pants, and Brownies, PLEASE, put a logo on that helmet. Something. Anything!

5-San Francisco 49ers-13-3
How could I not be partial to an SF team? I'm not crazy about the raised numbers, I much prefer the 80s throwbacks, but still a good look and a great color combo. And if you tweak the color settings on your TV just right, the red and gold becomes magenta and beige. Fabulous!

6-New York Giants-13-4
Now here's a team that went retro and stayed there. I love it. It's a little weird that they wear blue at home but then go with a lot of red trim on the road, but both looks are good, so I can't complain.

7-Kansas City Chiefs-12-4
Beautiful colors, and the shiny red pants on the road are to die for! One suggestion: How about gold pants at home like Pittsburgh and Green Bay? With the red jerseys, it'd make Mickey D envious. Mustard and ketchup...I'm special-saucing in my undies just thinking about it!

8-New York Jets-12-4
Another team that went retro, must be a New York thing. But they might want to go back to the lighter Kelly green. Also they should always be in both green and white, home or road. Never all-white (bo-ring!) and definitely not all-green!

9-Miami Dolphins-11-6
Better than most, but still needs some tweaks. Too much white, the aqua is okay, and WAY too little orange. The Fish didn't sport their orange jerseys at all this year, and I was heartbroken. It might be the best orange jersey in the league!

10-Chicago Bears-10-6
In most cases I don't tolerate non-block numbers, but Da Bears are grandfathered (or Papa-Beared) in because theirs are classics. Their only mistake is going all-white on the road. Dark pants is another no-no of mine, but again Da Bears are the exception. The '85 Bears had navy-blue road pants, and '85 Bears are always right.

11-Washington Redskins-10-6
The advice I gave to the Jets I also give to the 'Skins. Never go all-white or all-burgundy. Always combine the two. Or...gold pants are always a good idea. They wore them in Super Bowl VII, and it worked.

12-Oakland Raiders-10-6
The Raidahs have never changed, nor should they. Black and white can be boring (espesh the road white) but they accentuate with those gorgeous silver pants. Shiny!

13-Detroit Lions-10-6
The only thing they have right is their uniforms! Their Thanksgiving throwbacks are always delicious. Of course, their actual play will make you puke, but on this list it's better to look good than to play good.

14-San Diego Chargers-11-7
ATTENTION CHARGERS: ALWAYS WEAR YOUR POWDER BLUE JERSEYS WHENVER POSSIBLE. IF YOU MUST WEAR WHITE JERSEYS ON THE ROAD, GET SOME POWDER BLUE PANTS TO GO WITH THEM. LOSE THE DARK BLUE. I'll let you slide on your non-block number font, it works for you. But PLEASE, POWDER BLUE ALWAYS!

15-Indianapolis Colts-10-7
Good classic look, the blue jerseys at home in your giant toaster of a stadium, very nice. But on the road in all-white, bleah. You look like Penn State. And that is not a good thing.

16-Buffalo Bills-8-8
The best part of their uni is their red socks (Tweak your TV color just right and they get this freaky two-tone effect, pink on the left and purple on the right, no matter which way they're facing! Mind-fry!). But when the socks are your best feature, you got uni probs. All-dark-blue is bad, and the blue shoulders on the white jerseys are hideous.

17-Dallas Cowboys-8-8
Don't get me wrong, I HATE Dallas. But at least their regular home unis are okay...I do like the metallic blue pants. Their throwbacks are not the best but they could be worse. The road blues still look like the LA Express. Only time they looked good in blue was Super Bowl V.

18-Tennessee Titans-8-9
I should drop them 10-12 spots just for that towel-stomping bullshit. Hate the numbers almost as much as I hate the team. They started 5-0 only because they kept playing even uglier teams. How to make light blue look bad: Wear it head-to-toe in a Monday night game. Can you say 'pajamas'?

19-Tampa Bay Buccaneers-7-9
Ah yes, the Pirates of Pewter Pants. Except the only time those pants look good is with their red jerseys which make the red stripe down the legs really pop. But even then, I still long for the old creamsicle look.

20-New Orleans Saints-6-10
In terms of how they dressed, the Saints were the Aints this year. I saw them in their gold pants at least once, so I know those weren't lost during Katrina. They should have worn them every week. And gold jerseys once in a while (a la Winnipeg) would be neat. But all-black? Ick.

21-St Louis Rams-6-10
Not the worst unis, but compared to how they used to dress in the 70s, 80s and 90s...ugh. Plus, WHAT THE HELL is with that horrifying home turf of theirs?! No team looks good on that puke-fest! Switch back to your old unis by all means, but first things first: FIX THE TURF!!!

22-Minnesota Vikings-6-11
Another team that used to dress better. Another team that would look really cool in gold pants. Love the purple, hate everything else. Classic case of Nike-spooge down their sides (easily the worst fashion trend in football).

23-Houston Texans-5-11
Bad colors. They ruin what is otherwise an acceptable uni. They looked okay in all-red (tho a tad pajama-ish) on a Monday night, otherwise...yawn. Maybe red pants every game might help.

24-Atlanta Falcons-5-12
Ugh. Bad numbers, inconsistent color scheme, and Nike-spooge on the pants. Even the Dirty Bird-era unis were better. But they should really go back to the Bartkowski era, including red helmets.

25-Denver Broncos-4-12
Just like Tampa did at the same time in the mid 90s, Denver went from one of the best unis ever, the Orange Crush, to one of the worst ever. How to make orange look bad: use it as Nike-spooge down your sides. And those numbers are just stupid.

26-Cincinnati Bengals-4-12
Another way to make orange look bad. The Bungles keep using ever-worsening variations on an already-awful theme. Those atrocious helmets that look like varicose pumpkins continue to induce vomiting.

27-Philadelphia Eagles-4-15
Give me their Jaworski look over their McNabb look any day. The numbers are horrible, the darker green is horrible, espesh on the pants, and the alternate black jerseys don't help. Until they change, it'll never be sunny in Philadelphia. (Then again, at least they didn't wear the throwbacks they wore last year!)

28-Arizona Cardinals-4-16
One of the worst cases of Nike-spooge in the league, and what happened to their numbers? They look like they got shrinky-dinked. Who'd think that in the heat of the desert, you could fall victim to shrinkage?

29-Seattle Seahawks-3-13
Pick a REAL fucking color, would you please? "Gun Metal Blue" (UGH!) is NOT a real color! Either go back to regular blue, green and silver, or at least use more of the bright green that is nearly undetectable as trim. It worked for the Orlando Thunder!

30-Baltimore Ravens-2-17
How to make purple look even worse than in Minnesota right now. Absolutely horrible uniforms. Ugly numbers, ugly helmet with ugly logo, ugly black pants on the road, an ugly color scheme (even with the purple included), plus we just plain hate their hideously-dressed guts.

31-Jacksonville Jaguars-1-15
A product of what was by far the worst sports fashion trend of the 90s: Expansion teams wearing black and teal. All the same faux pas as Baltimore: Ugly numbers, helmet, logo, black road pants and colors. And the teal jerseys look ghastly when sweat-stained.

32-New England Patriots-1-15
What's not to hate about the Cheaters? The colors, the numbers, the logo...you name it, they make it look disgusting. The only outfit uglier is anything Belichick wears! Not just Brady, but the whole rest of the team, players, coaches and staff, ought to have their legs broken for dressing like this. Now that would be karmic payback!

Well that's it for this year, darlings. Let's hope for more throwbacks and less Nike-spooge next season! Buh-bye!