YOU CAN'T GET *THAT* COFFEE AT STARBUCKS!
Perhaps some of you guys of a certain generation remember being a little boy on a rainy day with nothing better to do, nosing around the house, going through drawers and cabinets, finding what were ordinary household objects, and wondering what were all these strange things that your parents kept stashed around and what purpose might they serve. And then, of course, you used your imagination.
And perhaps while poking around in the bathroom by yourself, you found the "hot water bottle". You know, the one made of the same red rubber as a school gym dodgeball or a plunger. And at some point one of your parents told you not to play with that, but they didn't give you a reason, because back in the day parents didn't have to explain themselves. And so you wondered what the big deal was, because you didn't see what possible harm it could do.
And perhaps in your single-digit-age mind, you thought the "hot water bottle" was like a thermos somehow. Like a canteen. Maybe you were supposed to fill it with hot water and take it with you while camping. Then you'd have hot water for whatever wilderness-related emergency, or just for making coffee or soup the next morning.
And probably, at least once, you filled it with water right there from the bathroom sink (in our house, that was always the best-tasting water) and drank from it. And probably only once, because it had that weird dodgeball taste to it. Still, where's the harm?
And then, years, or even decades, later, right after you're done dealing with yet another stupid asshole, and under your breath you call them a word you've used a thousand times before: "douchebag", a spark ignites in your brain.
"Ohhh yeahhh, THAT'S what that was for...BLEEAAGHHH!!!"
Um...this happened to a friend of mine.
[July 2010 PS: This has the makings of a Jump Smokers parody.]
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