BOLF

I had one of those "Eureka!" moments today at work. I call it "Bolf".

It's a very simple concept, really. It's just bowling, but scored like golf. You bowl 10 frames, or 12 or 18 or whatever, and try to knock down all the pins in as few throws as possible. (A strike would then equal a hole-in-one, and also there would be no open frames, because in each frame you would continue to throw until you knock down all 10 pins.)

Granted, I'm a genius, but I have a hard time believing I am the first person to think of this. A brief search of the internet turned up one instance of golf being scored like bowling (well, sort of), but as far as I can tell, no idea like mine. But then, I have a hard time finding things on the internet, plus, like I say up top, the internet sucks. So if anyone knows of anyone thinking of this before me, so be it. Until then, I will go ahead and take credit for it. Not that it matters, I highly doubt there's any way for me or anyone else to make a dime from it.

Two major questions remain: First, it will require the ability to switch from automatic to manual resetting of the pins, and the willingness of the bowling alley to let you do so, which should not be a problem if you are paying for a certain amount of time on the lanes instead of a certain number of games, like some bowling alleys do for, say, glow bowling nights.

Second, does anyone have a problem with the name "Bolf"? Because I also considered "Bowlf". Or if you like, we could get silly and call it "Beowulf"!

PS: No, THIS is NOT what I'm talking about.

BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK

Grape Smugglers Lite--Friday at Cousino's Steak House
SeeAlice--Friday at Bronze Boar
Sexy Roast Beef--Saturday at Dog House
The Infernal Names--Saturday at Longhorn Saloon, Sunday at Frankie's Inner City
Lame-O--Sunday at Frankie's Inner City
Hating Hollywood--Wednesday at Pub 51
Beaver Fever with the Village Idiot All-Stars--Wednesday at Village Idiot

BRACE YOURSELF FOR...


by Bruce Maiman, Populist Examiner, April 25, 2010

In a science experiment that will surely delight teenage boys the world over, thousands of women have promised to show a little more skin than usual tomorrow.

Following the pronouncement of Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi that "women who do not dress modestly" cause moral decay that "increases earthquakes," Jenn McCreight created an indignant Facebook group:

"I have a modest proposal," she wrote. "Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically ... Time for a Boobquake."

McCreight called on women to wear their skimpiest tops ("or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty") on Monday. If the combined power of all that exposed female flesh doesn't trigger some teeth-rattling earthquakes, Sedighi will have been proven wrong!

Almost as amusing as the idea of Boobquake is that its creator didn't intend for it to be an actual event. McCreight, a self-described "liberal, geeky, nerdy, scientific, perverted atheist feminist," wrote a jokey blog entry about "Boobquake" and forgot about it. Then the Internet got a hold of it. "Holy crap," she wrote two days (and 96,000 Facebook fans) later. "To be honest, it started as silly joke that I hurriedly fired off since I was about to miss the beginning of House."

"House" will have to wait for McCreight's attention; she's busy going on the radio, arranging interviews for the BBC, and calming the concerns of worried scientists.

It's the Cleric vs the Cleavage, 2010! The Boob vs the Boobs! (Order now!)

Don't worry," she says. "I fully plan on doing some statistics after the event."

LIFE IS BETTER...OR AT LEAST IT WOULD BE...

...if medical science would catch up with Buckeye Cable's remote control exchange policy. If your remote starts going bad on you, you can take it in and swap it out for a new one, no questions asked. I hope I live to see the day when I can do the same with my body! "This thing has gone to shit, can I get a new one?" "Sure, here you go. Have a nice day."