THAT'S FINE AND ALL, BUT WHO THE HECK SHOT J.R.?
by Ducksoup

And the process of getting everyone caught up and up to speed continues...

Due to my computer probs, the 2001 Song Of The Year tournament, which had extended a record-shattering 5 months into this year, ultimately had to be cancelled. But good news, a winner was declared. The 2001 PriBax Radio Network Song Of The Year award goes to...[opens envelope]

"Song For The Stupid Raver Shithead Who Lives Underneath Me And Always Plays His Shitty Music Really Loud And Makes My Floor Vibrate And At One Point He Left His Room But Left The Stereo On And It Skipped And I Had To Listen To It For Four Fucking Hours" by Taco The Wonder Dog!

Past winners:
2000--Stuck On Earth--ALF and Ben Liebrand
1999--PriBax Pie--Eggs Danny Thomas Style
1998--White Horse--Laid Back
1997--Drivin'--Henry Phillips
1996--1979--Smashing Pumpkins
1995--Bulbous Bouffant--The Vestibules
1994--Across The Universe--Laibach
1993--Jeremy--Pearl Jam
1992--Mississippi Queen--Sam Kinison
1991--X Y & Zee--Pop Will Eat Itself
1990--Def Con One--Pop Will Eat Itself
1989--Surfing With The Alien--Joe Satriani
1988--Mean Green Mother From Outer Space--Levi Stubbs
1987--You're The One Who's Out Of This World--ALF
1986--I'm So Worried--Monty Python
1985--Marvin I Love You--Marvin The Paranoid Android
1984--Lookin' Out Steve's Asshole--Eggs Danny Thomas Style
1983--Fish Heads--Barnes And Barnes
1982--Countdown--Rush
1981--Run Like Hell--Pink Floyd

Wasn't that educational? Anyhoo congrats to Taco The Wonder Dog, who also won Geak Rookie Of The Year as well as Best Video Of The Year for "Got A Bag Of Doritos".

In other delayed news, due to Lugnuts actually winning one of the many fantasy sports competitions we regularly go head-to-head in, I am currently sporting my Curly Howard look. Those who have yet to see me looking like this (Shaggy) better hurry, because it's growing back fast! (At least what little of it still grows.)

So, David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar are touring together. Um, okay. You know, this might make a good follow-up to The Osbournes. [Lugnuts, cue the Odd Couple theme, please]

"Some time earlier, the Red Rocker's band had thrown him out, asking that he never return. Confused, he went on tour with Diamond Dave, who, coincidentally, had also been thrown out of the same band...twice, no less. Can two washed-up rock singers tour together without driving each other crazy?"

Sammy: "That's not spaghetti, Dave, those are my guitar strings!" Dave: [throws strings at the wall] "Now it's garbage!"

This week's special guest: Former Beach Boy Brian Wilson, who stops by the buffet table backstage and, right after picking his nose, take a single bite out of each of the chicken wings so he can return later to finish them. Plus a special cameo appearance by Gary Cherone as one of the janitors.