SODA WARS 2003

Um, yeah. Yawn. Let's get ready to rumble. Ho hum.

MOUNTAIN DEW LIVEWIRE VS. TROPICAL SPRITE REMIX

Well, in the color department, it's no contest. TSR is clear and therefore no match for the overwhelming orangeness of MDL. In the flavor department, a similar result. TSR's light fruity bouquet gets completely bitch-slapped by ORANGE! ORANGE! ORANGE! Did I mention MDL is ORANGE?

Mind you, I love orange, the flavor as well as the color. It's the color of ALF, after all. But the problem is, MDL is so orange that there remains little if any detectable Mountain Dew flavor in it. It might just as well be plain and simple orange soda. And TSR is something completely, or at least distinctively, different from regular Sprite.

And it is on these grounds that, despite the fact that MDL made TSR its thoroughly submissive bitch in this contest, I must, in good conscience, disqualify MDL and declare TSR the winner, in much the same way that Andy Kaufman won his infamous wrestling match despite being mercilessly piledriven by Jerry Lawler.

THE WINNER AND 2003 SODA WARS CHAMPION, CURRENTLY BEING TRANSPORTED BY AMBULANCE TO FAYGO GENERAL HOSPITAL COMPLETE WITH A BIG NECK BRACE AROUND THE BOTTLE: TROPICAL SPRITE RRRRRRRRRREMIX!!!!!