"AND OVER HERE WE SEE THE STARS THAT MAKE UP THE CONSTELLATION PENIS MAJOR..."

So I'm out walking last night under a clear starry sky, looking up at good old Orion the Hunter, with his belt and his sword (Yeah right, that's his "sword". Who are we kidding, people? Really.), and the thought occurs to me that if the constellations had been named by a different culture, Orion might have been a lesbian wearing a strap-on dildo.