[CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP] DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXT MESSAGES

The following is a recent TM exchange between meself and Paulie, AKA Pablo, AKA Idiot Boy, AKA Spanky Pants, AKA Cheese Nipples, AKA Steak Nuts, AKA Bunsy Wunsy Monchichi. Enjoy.

D: "U make me cum"
D: "U make me complete"
D: "U make me completely miserable"
D: "Whos that by, I gota Napster it"
P: "Lit"
D: "Lit? So theyd fit in ur string of band names, betwn Lickety Split n Little Richie"
P: "::Loads a round in the chamber and prepares to cock the shotgun::"
P: "I love when I use predictive text and I type the word 'cock' it cycles me thru the word 'anal' first"
D: "So ur sayin you had 2 run ur cock thru the anal cycle?"
D: "BTW just in case I evr hav 2 get a nu fone #, remind me 2 get a 2625 #"
D: "Im callin dibs on 2625"
D: "That way I'll hav, like, 514-COCK and 514-ANAL with the same #"
P: "Will do"
D: "Then when sum1 wants my # I can say 'wud u prefer my cock # or my anal #?'"
P: "A perfect bisexual's phone number"
D: "Ya, n Im a perfect bisexual!"

And remember, I've called dibs on it, so you, reading this, don't you dare steal it! I'll hunt you down, fucker.