KARAOKE RECAP: WEDNESDAY, JUNE 22, *SECRET LOCATION*, 4 SONGS
Dare To Be Stupid--Weird Al Yankovic--Tougher to breathe through than I remember.
The Long And Winding Road--The Beatles--Wanted to impress any cute gals present, and most of my other money songs (i.e. "Outside") were not in the book.
Marijuanaville--David Allan Coe--Sans the bong sound effect. But had a new crowd to play to. (Unfortunately for me, I had to follow Noel stealing Prince's "Kiss" from Sam, during which he started dancing in the middle of the song and took an hilarious but rather scary-looking fall, but got up just in time to start singing again. Crowd went wild. Upstaging bastid.)
Jagged Little Parody--Ducksoup--And this is why I am not disclosing the location. Felt sooooo good to bring it back out. The crowd here was a bit stunned when I finished, and I'm told I got quite a few evil looks when I dropped the good ol' C-bomb. Ahh, sweet, delicious controversy! You never know when or where I'll strike next! No karaoke spot in the Toledo area is safe! Beware my wrath! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

KARAOKE RECAPS: JUNE 8-20

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 8, CENTRE COURT, 5 SONGS
Green Haze--Elvis Hitler--Didn't add anything new this time, I think I've got it down.
Schiavo--Steve Dahl--Went well considering how out-of-date it is now.
Star Wars Cantina--Mark Jonathan Davis--Duet with Noel. We do our best to fill the 56-measure break, but we got lots more to add.
NEW--Waiting On A Sunny Day--Bruce Springsteen--A rarity: A song PKE doesn't have. Yet.
One More Minute--Weird Al Yankovic--Anymore, whether or not I do this one depends on if I can get a fork.

SATURDAY, JUNE 11, MUTZ, 3 SONGS
NEW--Interstate Love Song--Stone Temple Pilots--Heard it on the radio, pulled it out of my Need-its.
NEW--The Truth About Men--Tracy Byrd--Stole it from Doug. The truth is I blew it. Need more practice.
One More Minute--Weird Al Yankovic--I'm thinking about adding more props along with the fork...a rolodex to pull a name out of, a picture of the ex to tear in two, and maybe a little scale model of a malt shop to set on fire.

MONDAY, JUNE 13, SOUTHWYCK LOUNGE, 3 SONGS
NEW--Soul To Squeeze--Red Hot Chili Peppers--Last of a small group of Need-its I wanted to finish off.
Green Haze--Elvis Hitler--Back by popular demand. Well, by Micki's demand, anyway.
The Long And Winding Road--The Beatles--The Drama Queen strikes again.

SATURDAY, JUNE 18, MUTZ, 2 SONGS
Arrived late due to going to Flat Rock for Schoolbus Figure 8's with the Noelomite. D-Bizzle was also late but called ahead and had someone else turn in a slip for him before he got there. Now we can truly say the little bitch phones it in. (Just kidding Dusty, you know we love ya.) Noel and I could have done the same, but we'd risk missing our turn, and besides, I personally would consider that cheating. (And I wouldn't want anyone saying I phone it in.)
NEW--How's Your Whole Family--Red Peters--The PKE book is so full of hidden treasures!
Brain Damage/Eclipse--Pink Floyd--Saw Wish You Were Here, an excellent Pink Floyd tribute band, the night before, so I had to whip out some Floydage.

MONDAY, JUNE 20, SOUTHWYCK LOUNGE, 2 SONGS
How's Your Whole Family--Red Peters--See above.
Wish You Were Here--Pink Floyd--See above.

TOP TEN BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK (JUN 16-22)

Yes, for once there's enough to rank the top ten!

10. Between Home And Serenity--tonight at Howards Club H
9. Silence In The Wake--Friday at Happy Badger
8. Hidden In Plain View--tonight at Headliners
7. Sofa King Cool--Wednesday at Augie's
6. Those Transatlantics--Friday at Happy Badger
5. Angry Pill--Fri & Sat at Upper Deck
4. Scary Kids--tonight at Howards Club H
3. Clumsy Lovers--Friday at Mickey Finn's Pub
2. Quit Your Life--Friday at Happy Badger

And the best band name playing the Toledo area this week...

1. The Motel Beds--tonight at Mickey Finn's Pub

BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK (JUN 10-16)

Deadbeat Moms--Friday at Underground
Don't Ask--Fri & Sat at Bluebird
After Trust Is Betrayed--Saturday at Underground
As Cities Burn--Saturday at Underground
Courageous Minority--Saturday at Mickey Finn's Pub
Bear Essentials--Wednesday at Papa's Tavern
Free Beer--Wednesday at Augie's

And the best band name playing the Toledo area this week...

Doug's Brother--Monday at Casa Barron

KARAOKE RECAPS: MAY 19-JUNE 6

[Note: Due to technical difficulties, I lost a few weeks worth of karaoke recaps.]

THURSDAY, MAY 19, MUTZ, 7 SONGS
Star Wars Cantina--Mark Jonathan Davis, The Saga Begins--Weird Al Yankovic, Yoda--Weird Al Yankovic--All duets with Noel. We were fresh from seeing Ep 3. Had to do 'em all. The 56 measure break during "Cantina" is ridiculous. We can only quote the movies so many times! Bumped "Saga" down a key, and "Yoda" down 3 keys.
One More Minute--Weird Al Yankovic--19th time singing it, it's now my all-time leader.
Marijuanaville--David Alan Coe--Received a nice compliment for my off-stage bong hit bit.
NEW--Gay Wedding--Ducksoup--Reworking of Billy Idol's "White Wedding". Duet with David. A couple of months ago he did this with his then-boyfriend, I suggested the change at the last second, and they went with it. This time we changed a few more lyrics, so I'll count it as one of my parodies. I'm no Jon Ginoli, but I do my best.
Man! I Love Karaoke!--Ducksoup--Requested by Noel. Hadn't sung this since last summer. I've been wanting to update some of the references, but I only had the original lyrics on me. Good reception, except for some D.C. right up front who heckled me throughout. I so wanted to kick the bitch in the fucking teeth! It's called a PARODY, you retard! Weird Al made a career of it. Rent a clue!

SATURDAY, MAY 21, MUTZ, 5 SONGS
It's Been Awhile--Staind--Wanted to start the night with one I hadn't done for awhile. Noel picked the obvious.
Drinkin' Bone--Tracy Byrd--Another I hadn't done for awhile.
Volcano--Jimmy Buffett--Yet another I hadn't done for awhile. Then again, I haven't done "Margaritaville" for awhile either. Been too busy doing "Marijuanaville".
Love Shack--The B-52's--Duet with Rachael and Alesha. Best rendition of this one yet. Sadly it wasn't enough to get me and Sam in their pants...
Outside (acoustic)--Staind--...which was probably because Micki totally threw a cockblock during this song. (I won't go into details. Suffice to say, I will have my revenge.) I nailed it as usual anyway.

MONDAY, MAY 23, SOUTHWYCK LOUNGE, 2 SONGS
NEW--Garden Party--Ricky Nelson--Picked two new songs to bump my total to 299, in prep for #300, which hopefully will be "Almost" by Bowling For Soup. Get it? 300? Bowling? Gosh, but I'm a clever bastid. If only they had "Take The Skinheads Bowling".
NEW--The Long And Winding Road--The Beatles--Gotta do this one more often. Ended up in a high EVV, but it works. Also further indulges my 'inner drama queen' along with Radiohead and Staind.

SATURDAY, MAY 28, MUTZ, 6 SONGS
Fish Heads--Barnes And Barnes--Duet with Noel. He found it in the book and insisted on opening the night with it. He took the verses, and I of course did my fish head voice on the refrain.
The Long And Winding Road--The Beatles--Drama queen time!
Somewhere Out There--Our Lady Peace--Right at the edge of my high limit, but I nailed it.
Marijuanaville--David Allan Coe--Kay was there, and last time she was there we dueted on "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35" so I had to let her hear this one.
Fake Plastic Trees--Radiohead--This was for Levi, who is moving out of state, so this was his last Saturday at Mutz. I ran the show the last 2 hours, so I made sure to sked Levi as the last singer, and skedded myself next-to-last so I could pass a personal milestone: my 300th different song...
NEW--Take The Skinheads Bowling--Camper Van Beethoven--Turns out they DO have it! But it's mistakenly listed under V for "Van Beethoven", as if it were a person's name. Oy. Anyhoo, worked very well. There were a couple of guys near the 'stage' with shaved heads and they both got into the song, so that was a nice bonus.

MONDAY, MAY 30, SOUTHWYCK LOUNGE, 3 SONGS
Take The Skinheads Bowling--Camper Van Beethoven--An encore of #300 for the SWL crowd.
NEW--Runnin' Down A Dream--Tom Petty--Couldn't decide on #301. Set out a few slips, Micki picked this one. I was gonna keep doing the 'woo-oo's at the end, but after a minute or two Micki got tired of them and just stopped the song cold. I was like, "Hey, you picked it!"
NEW--Under The Bridge--Red Hot Chili Peppers--#302. It's about damn time I got around to this. Of course, unlike everyone else I've heard do this, I do the ridiculously high, reminiscent-of-my-mom "UNDER THE BRIDGE DOWNTOWN!!!" part near the end. Since I did the rest of the song straight, this was nicely jarring to everyone listening.

FRIDAY, JUNE 3, BIER STUBE, 4 SONGS
NEW--Green Haze--Elvis Hitler--My tribute to Eddie Albert, who died the week before. It's simply the music of "Purple Haze" combined with the lyrics to the "Green Acres" theme song. Went okay for the first time.
One More Minute--Weird Al Yankovic--One of my nephews and his wife showed up, so I wanted to finally whip out some of my A material for relatives. Had to use a real fork instead of a plastic one this time, which concerned me some, but I did get the nice, satisfying sound of it bouncing off whatever it hit when I tossed it.
You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'--The Righteous Brothers--Duet with Noel. Fat Bastard put this in but then didn't show for his turn, so we got drafted. Not bad, but Noel needs to practice it some before we try it again.
NEW--Feel Like Making Love--Bad Company--These three guys called me up to help out on it, at first I did backing vocals and improvised some harmony parts, but by the end of the song they had me doing the lead, so let's count this as #304.

SATURDAY, JUNE 4, MUTZ, 3 SONGS
NEW--Another One Rides The Bus--Weird Al Yankovic--After my 8-hour TARTA odyssey (see previous post) I had to do this. However, the track was completely fucked up. Not a complete surprise, as it turns out it's from the same disc as the fucked up track to "She Drives Like Crazy" and the fucked up lyrics on "Yoda" (i.e. Obi-Juan). Note to self: Avoid songs numbered 860-**.
Detachable Penis--King Missile--A bachelorette party had a 5-foot-tall inflatable penis in tow, and they graciously let me use it as a prop during this song. I gotta say, of all the partners I've teamed up with in my karaoke history, this was the most successful, best-received pairing ever. They asked me to sign it too, so I graced it with my usual Kilroy, right in my own personal favorite spot.
Green Haze--Elvis Hitler--This time, I added an alternate version of the first verse during the second half of the song, borrowing the Stiffs.com blurb. Concept: If we could hear Eddie singing to us from beyond: "Green Acres *was* the place to be | Farm living *was* the life for me | But my friends, now that I have died | Keep Manhattan, just give me formaldehyde."
Bad night for me. Didn't get any songs in after 12. Just sat around the rest of the night sweating.

MONDAY, JUNE 6, SOUTHWYCK LOUNGE, 2 SONGS
NEW--Give A Little Bit--Supertramp/Goo Goo Dolls--Had 3 new songs to pick from, put it to popular vote. Not bad, but not great either.
Green Haze--Elvis Hitler--Added a couple more elements: Traced a square in the air on the "Times Square" line; did the pitchfork take (Bomp bomp) with the mic stand at one point; and after one more "Green Acres, we are there" toward the end, I reworked a line from "Are You Experienced": "Not necessarily green, but...beautiful." This is getting so good I might just keep it in my regular rotation.

ANOTHER ONE RIDES THE BUS

A rough timeline of my Saturday afternoon trip to Franklin Park Mall this past weekend to get a card and a gift for my karaoke buddy Noel's birthday.

12:00--I leave the house to catch the 32. It's several minutes late, but on a warm spring weekend that's to be expected.

12:30--I'm at the 12:20 lineup downtown. I go to get on the 2, but it looks a bit crowded, so I opt to go look for the 22. Once at the 22's block, I overhear a driver telling another passenger that the 22 broke down on the way downtown, so it's running even later than the rest of the fleet. I momentarily consider going back to the 2, but they break the lineup without the 22. Since I have time to kill and about a week's worth of newspapers to read, I decide to wait for the 22.

1:00--Noel calls from the library. If I'd remembered he was going to be over there I'd have gone over to hang with him for a bit and escape the 90-degree heat. No sign of the 22 yet.

1:30--I've been sitting in hot, humid, downtown Toledo for an hour with nothing to do but read the paper. Still no 22. I've gotten through about 2 days of papers waiting. A few minutes later, buses start arriving for the 1:30 lineup. The 22 finally shows up around 1:40. The lineup breaks around 1:45

2:15--I'm on the 22, arriving at Westgate. Once there, I get a bad feeling. When we start heading back toward Secor and Central, I realize it's a good thing I have so much paper to read and time to kill. I forgot the 22 doesn't continue on to FPM on weekends. Now I have to ride back downtown for the so-called "2:40" lineup.

3:00--I'm at the 2:40 lineup, finally on the 2, waiting to leave. Lineup breaks about 3:05.

3:10--On the 2, at Monroe and Collingwood. The bus has started to make an extremely loud beeping noise and has stalled out. The driver tries a couple of times to start it back up, but each time the beeping noise will not shut off.

3:20--By this time my fellow riders don't care if the damn thing keeps beeping, as long as it runs. Let's just get to where the heck we're going. The driver has radioed in for another bus, which will meet us at Monroe and Detroit.

3:25--We get to Monroe and Detroit, and proceed to wait for the other bus.

3:30--The other bus arrives. We make the switch and get back underway.

3:45--Somewhere around Monroe and Secor, the bus stalls out. After a minute it refires. Thankfully there's no beeping. Yet.

4:00--A full FOUR HOURS after leaving the house, I finally arrive at the mall. As I deboard the bus starts beeping. Poor driver. I text my pal Max, a TARTA savant, to tell him of my misadventures. He's too busy to talk, so rather than TM the whole story I wait until later when he's got a minute.

4:20--It's 4:20, so natch I go smoke a doob in the restroom. Just kidding. But with the day I've had up to that point, I probably could've used it!

4:25--I've gotten what I went there for in the first place (I'll tell you at the end), so I hit the food court to relax, have a bite, and do the crosswords and other puzzles I've saved from all the papers I've read through.

5:45--I head back out to the bus stop, find a shady spot to sit and wait and read more paper. Did I mention it was a 90-degree day?

6:00--Bus arrives. Same driver. Not sure if it's the same bus or not but all seems to be working well. We head downtown for the "6:10" lineup.

6:20--My eyes are tired from all the reading, so I decide to go ahead and send Max a series of TMs describing my day spent in the TARTA Twilight Zone. He can only laugh in repsonse, and I don't blame him. I kept laughing at my predicament throughout. Little did I know there was a Part Two coming, and it would not be as funny...

6:25--Monroe and Detroit. Bus starts making a slightly different beeping noise. Some of my fellow riders and I begin having flashbacks. It's not as loud this time and we're still moving, so we should be okay.

6:30--We're just about to pass the former Macomber (aka Make-'Em-Dumber) HS, a mere 2 or 3 minutes, mind you, from arriving at the lineup, when the driver tells us that the order has been given to break the lineup without us. The bus erupts in protest, but it's not our driver's fault. As we continue down Monroe, I can see all the way to Summit, where sure enough I can see some of the buses heading away from downtown, including my 32. The lineups have already been ridiculously late all day, would another 2 minutes have killed anyone? Whoever the dispatcher was who made this call ought to be horsewhipped. (And I had a bus full of volunteers.) The whole time I continue to TM Max, who started laughing at me even more at this point. Fucker.

6:33--Rather than sit downtown in the heat for an hour (as I had done once already), several of us decided to stay on the bus as she ran her 17 route, which she promised was shorter so we wouldn't miss the next lineup.

6:45--I have no choice but to regale my fellow riders with my tale of woe, just so they know that no matter how insane their day has now become, mine has been more so.

7:00--It was somewhere around this time that I really started to miss having my own wheels. Only natch...here I am, joyriding around, killing time, enjoying the AC, avoiding the heat...exactly what I'd be doing at that time on a day like this if I had wheels.

7:55--So after my leisurely 17 ride, and another late lineup, I am back on the 32 and in the homestretch. Noel calls to confirm picking me up for karaoke. "Buddy, have I got a story to tell you on the way!"

8:00--Back home at last. Never could I have imagined it would take me EIGHT HOURS to go across town to the mall and back. I could have hopped a Greyhound and gone to visit Willie in South Bend and gotten back sooner!