HERE'S A SENTENCE I NEVER THOUGHT I'D TYPE:
The Detroit Lions have the best starting QB in their division right now.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
TWO OF MY LEAST FAVORITE 'THINGS'
An open letter to Kid Rock
RE: "All Summer Long"
Well, for starters, what do you have against Steve Miller? If you're going to rip off "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Werewolves Of London", why not throw in "Take The Money And Run" while you're at it? (And with a key change, you could even add "In The Evening" by Led Zeppelin.)
If someone like Party Ben had done a mashup of these songs, I could accept it. But coming from a talentless, white-trash hack like you...no thanks.
[2010 P.S.: If you love Michigan so much, why did you shoot the video in Tennessee?]
Oh, and Kid, here's some free advice for you: buy a rhyming dictionary, will ya?
"We were trying different things...
We were smoking funny things..."
We were rhyming 'things' with 'things'...
Couldn't think of other things...
Other things that rhyme with 'things'...
Ok then, here ya go, you stupid douchebag...Here's just 250 other words you could have used that rhyme with 'things':
awnings backings battings bearings beatings bedsprings beings billings bindings blessings bombings bookings bowstrings branchings briefings brings brislings buildings bullrings burnings bushings cagelings callings carvings casings castings ceilings chartings clearings clings clippings clockings coatings codings combings comings couplings cowlings cravings crossings crumblings cuttings darlings dealings diggings dings dippings doings downswings drawings drawstrings dressings drippings ducklings dumplings dwellings earnings earrings earthlings endings etchings evenings facings failings fallings farthings fastenings feedings feelings filings fillings findings firings firstlings fittings fixings fledglings flemings flings floorings footings foundlings fraggings frostings geldings gleanings goslings gratings graylings greetings grindings groundlings groupings hairsprings hamstrings handsprings hangings hatchlings headings hearings heartstrings helpings herrings hirelings holdings housings icings inklings innings killings kings knifings lacewings lacings landings lapwings lashings latchstrings launchings leanings leavings leggings lemmings lickings lightings lightnings likings linings listenings listings loadings lodgings longings lyings mailings mainsprings makings marblings markings maskings matchings matings meanings meetings millings moldings moorings mornings mountings musings nestings nestlings nothings nurslings offsprings outings paintings pairings parings partings pavings peelings phrasings pickings pilings pings pinnings plantings playthings puddings quislings railings rankings ratings ravings readings riggings rings routings rulings rumblings sayings schillings scrapings searchings seasonings seedings seedlings shavings shillings shoestrings shootings showings siblings sidings sightings sings sittings slings spacings spankings spellings springs sprinklings standings starlings starvelings stings stockings stranglings strings striplings sucklings summings sweepings swellings swings tailings takings teachings testings tidings timings toppings tracings trappings trimmings tunings turnings upswings vikings warnings waxwings weaklings weddings wellsprings windings wingdings wings winnings wordings workings worldlings wrappings wrings writings yearlings yearnings younglings zings
See? There's plenty of other lines you could have come up with! We were having summer flings, we were wearing out bedsprings, we were pulling our hamstrings, we were eating onion rings, we were tying our shoestrings, we had broken arms in slings, we were playing on rope swings, we were wearing water wings, went to Colorado Springs, we played with our ding-a-lings...okay, that last one would be ripping off Chuck Berry, but hey, like that would stop you!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
24.4 C / 75.9 F
PS: These are a few of my favorite Things:
An open letter to Kid Rock
RE: "All Summer Long"
Well, for starters, what do you have against Steve Miller? If you're going to rip off "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Werewolves Of London", why not throw in "Take The Money And Run" while you're at it? (And with a key change, you could even add "In The Evening" by Led Zeppelin.)
If someone like Party Ben had done a mashup of these songs, I could accept it. But coming from a talentless, white-trash hack like you...no thanks.
[2010 P.S.: If you love Michigan so much, why did you shoot the video in Tennessee?]
Oh, and Kid, here's some free advice for you: buy a rhyming dictionary, will ya?
"We were trying different things...
We were smoking funny things..."
We were rhyming 'things' with 'things'...
Couldn't think of other things...
Other things that rhyme with 'things'...
Ok then, here ya go, you stupid douchebag...Here's just 250 other words you could have used that rhyme with 'things':
awnings backings battings bearings beatings bedsprings beings billings bindings blessings bombings bookings bowstrings branchings briefings brings brislings buildings bullrings burnings bushings cagelings callings carvings casings castings ceilings chartings clearings clings clippings clockings coatings codings combings comings couplings cowlings cravings crossings crumblings cuttings darlings dealings diggings dings dippings doings downswings drawings drawstrings dressings drippings ducklings dumplings dwellings earnings earrings earthlings endings etchings evenings facings failings fallings farthings fastenings feedings feelings filings fillings findings firings firstlings fittings fixings fledglings flemings flings floorings footings foundlings fraggings frostings geldings gleanings goslings gratings graylings greetings grindings groundlings groupings hairsprings hamstrings handsprings hangings hatchlings headings hearings heartstrings helpings herrings hirelings holdings housings icings inklings innings killings kings knifings lacewings lacings landings lapwings lashings latchstrings launchings leanings leavings leggings lemmings lickings lightings lightnings likings linings listenings listings loadings lodgings longings lyings mailings mainsprings makings marblings markings maskings matchings matings meanings meetings millings moldings moorings mornings mountings musings nestings nestlings nothings nurslings offsprings outings paintings pairings parings partings pavings peelings phrasings pickings pilings pings pinnings plantings playthings puddings quislings railings rankings ratings ravings readings riggings rings routings rulings rumblings sayings schillings scrapings searchings seasonings seedings seedlings shavings shillings shoestrings shootings showings siblings sidings sightings sings sittings slings spacings spankings spellings springs sprinklings standings starlings starvelings stings stockings stranglings strings striplings sucklings summings sweepings swellings swings tailings takings teachings testings tidings timings toppings tracings trappings trimmings tunings turnings upswings vikings warnings waxwings weaklings weddings wellsprings windings wingdings wings winnings wordings workings worldlings wrappings wrings writings yearlings yearnings younglings zings
See? There's plenty of other lines you could have come up with! We were having summer flings, we were wearing out bedsprings, we were pulling our hamstrings, we were eating onion rings, we were tying our shoestrings, we had broken arms in slings, we were playing on rope swings, we were wearing water wings, went to Colorado Springs, we played with our ding-a-lings...okay, that last one would be ripping off Chuck Berry, but hey, like that would stop you!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
24.4 C / 75.9 F
PS: These are a few of my favorite Things:
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
PLAYING CATCH-UP
And now, all the stuff I meant to post during the five days I had off work this past week.
FRIDAY
Best band names playing the Toledo area this week (Aug 7-13):
Rich And Growing Sicker
Lame-O
When Girls Kiss Girls
Identical Strangers
Shortbus Pickup
And the best band name playing the Toledo area this week:
Can't Sing Karaoke
SATURDAY
Watched the Olympic opening ceremonies LIVE on CBC. Those drummers at the beginning were A-MA-ZING. The movable type thing was also good, and that last torch-bearer is one brave sumbitch. I thought there was something not quite right with that way-too-cute little girl singing, and I was right. Turns out the girl doing the actual singing wasn't cute enough to put on display. How do you say Milli Vanilli in Chinese? Mirri Vanirri?
SUNDAY
Quotes Du Jour: From Lewis Black's Root Of All Evil, "Beer vs. Weed"
Paul F. Tompkins, arguing that weed is the Root Of All Evil, on the fact that beer makes some people sentimental: "I would rather have someone tell me that they love me, than tell me that I have to watch 'The Dark Crystal'."
Andrew Daly, arguing that beer is the Root Of All Evil: "Beer ruined the 20th century because nobody loves beer more than Germans, and nobody loved Hitler more than Germans on beer. Beer caused World Wars I and II. All weed ever was caused was 'Caddyshacks' I and II. And only one of those movies was a globally-devasting human catastrophe."
MONDAY
Frisbee golf recap:
Just finished a 3-day regional frisbee golf tour with my karaoke komrade Bryan, with a round Friday at what is now my new favorite frisbee golf course, Victory Park in Albion, MI. Think Ottawa Park with water hazards. Yes, water hazards. And not annoying ones, either. They actually added to the fun. The 10th hole is quite intimidating at first glance, but the water is clean and only a couple of feet deep. Each of us ended up in the drink, but we were able to wade in and play each lie. Plus the course has its own 'monster' hole that is just a tad shorter than the one at Hudson Mills. I strongly recommend this course. And best of all, there's no rough.
I wish I could say the same for a few other courses we tried over the weekend. After we finished in Albion, Bry and I stopped by Hudson Mills for a round on the Original course. When I first played HM about 8 years ago, it was gorgeous. Mown fairways, a bit of rough on some holes, but nothing horrible, and not much underbrush. How times have changed. Now there's a lot more nasty rough and underbrush. A LOT more. And it's as annoying as an Appliance Center commercial.
A few weeks ago I had 6 discs in my collection. I lost my go-to disc, my red all-purpose Cobra, at Vienna Park, I gave away my orange Cobra, and I gave Bryan the purple #1 Flyer that I had bought for the ex-gf, leaving me with my blue Eclipse driver "Bluie", my yellow Cobra "Old Yeller", and "Maggie", my trusty Magnet chain-seeking putter. (I had that red Cobra's hook to the right down pat. It took me a few rounds to adjust my game to the seemingly-schizoid Bluie, but now I'm getting straighter and longer drives. Plus I found ol' "Red" at Ottawa anyway, so easy come, easy go.)
Anyhoo, back to HM, Bry's very first shot on the first tee at HM went off into the underbrush, never to return. Oh well, good riddance, I wasn't that fond of the purple one for obvi reasons anyway. Except that he would have then had to use the yellow Cobra, leaving me with no backup.
But as luck would have it, and as it turns out, make that the luck of the Irish, while looking in vain for the purple disc, we instead found a slightly warped disc with a shamrock pictured on it. No idea what kind of club it is, but we bent it back in shape as best we could, Bry tried it out and liked it, we dubbed it "Shammy", and played on.
Somewhere around Hole 11 or 12, Shammy disappeared into the underbrush from whence it came. We searched for a while and not only managed to recover Shammy, but in the process we found an Innova driver as well. So for the round Bry lost a disc I was happy to be rid of, and found 2 other discs that seem to have actually improved his game since. Sadly, that's the only positive thing I can say about the current HM. That place has really deteriorated.
Saturday, Bry wanted to hit Carter Park in BG to get on the first couple of open-field holes to give his 2 newfound discs a proper workout. They seemed to fly okay, so we skipped the rest of BG and went to Findlay to check out 2 courses down there. First we hit Firestine Park. Only 9 holes, but in a city park with no rough or underbrush so not too bad. I was still adjusting to Bluie, and on the last hole my drive went way off course and into the shallow creek next to the park. I finished the hole with Old Yeller, then we hopped in the car and drove around to the other side of the creek to retrieve Bluie. Then it was off to the Riverbend Disc Golf Trail east of Findlay.
Yeah, that's right. They call it a "Disc Golf Trail". Apparently they expect you to think of it as like just another metropark trail, and enjoy nature while you play. Fuck nature! We're here to play frisbee golf! Nature sucks!
And it especially sucks at that place when you keep losing your discs in it. The rough is downright maddening, even more so than the idiots out there playing who have absolutely no concept of basic, standard golf etiquette. Parents with little kids who spend 10 minutes on a hole just throwing frisbees willy-nilly while you keep shouting "FORE!" to no avail.
I swear to my lack of god we spent more time searching frantically for discs lost in the rough than we did actually shooting. By the time we got to the last 2 holes, with plenty of annoying bugs adding to our shitty mood, we were speed-golfing just to get it over with. Bry actually quit halfway through #18, he was so fed up. He couldn't even stand to finish the last hole. Never again. A map of the whole course at the very start is the ONLY thing that kept it from being as bad as the course at Jackson CC.
Sunday we began a round at Ottawa Park expecting to introduce fellow KJ "151" to the sport, but he cancelled so we decided to check out the course at Heritage Park in Adrian. There was a sign at the entrance with one arrow pointing to 'disc golf', and that was it. We parked, saw one basket way off in the distance next to a sledding hill, and walked out to it. Saw another basket nearby, #4, and another parking lot closer than where we parked. Bry went back to bring the car over while I investigated a few more nearby holes.
Next to this second parking area I found a big wooden sign of the sort on which one would normally expect to find a course map. At the top it said "Heritage Park Disc Golf Course". the rest of the sign: BLANK. I repeat. BLANK!!! The nearby holes we found were nos. 5, 6 and 7. With no hint as to where the first hole was, with plenty of wind and threats of rain, with every indication that there was plenty of rough, and without so much as even a practice throw, we had no choice but to quit this course before we even started! There was only one way to save this 3rd day of our ever-increasingly-annoying frisbee golf odyssey.
We headed back to Albion.
Despite the threat of rain, more fun ensued. We got wet again, not by rain, but by wading back into the water hazards after our frisbees. The water at the 10th hole was a bit deeper than 2 days before. This time it was up to my nuts. The 12th hole, Albion's 'monster', has a large shallow pond next to it, and poor Bryan landed in the middle of it. After about 10 minutes of carefully wading out to his disc, he made a rather half-assed attempt at a safe shot out to the side of the pond. PLUNK. Right back in the drink it went. More wading. This time he tried the longer, more daring shot across the water and out toward the basket. Just barely cleared the water! No guts, no glory!
Final verdict: I'd rather have my disc land in a clean 2-foot-deep pond where I can easily find it and get a little wet, than have to burrow into a shitload of underbrush or wander around in a field of rough wondering if I'll ever see my disc again. From now on I'll stick to parks like Ottawa and Victory, and avoid rough and underbrush like they were religion and the plague.
TUESDAY
Had clear skies for the Perseid meteor shower this year, camped out for 2.5 hours on Bryan's driveway in Monclova, and averaged 24 meteors per hour. It had its share of funny moments, like when the count got to 22 near the end of the first hour. "This Hour Has 22 Meteors", I proclaimed. When the total reached 30, we made the obvious reference to the Jack-In-The-Box stoner commercial: "How many meteors should I get?" "30."
There was one other recurring joke involving the sounds of nearby waterfowl, but rather than try to explain it here, those of you who know me can ask me about it next time you talk to me. Suffice to say said waterfowl were apparently Led Zeppelin fans.
Current Duck Pond temperature:
23.9 C / 75.0 F
And now, all the stuff I meant to post during the five days I had off work this past week.
FRIDAY
Best band names playing the Toledo area this week (Aug 7-13):
Rich And Growing Sicker
Lame-O
When Girls Kiss Girls
Identical Strangers
Shortbus Pickup
And the best band name playing the Toledo area this week:
Can't Sing Karaoke
SATURDAY
Watched the Olympic opening ceremonies LIVE on CBC. Those drummers at the beginning were A-MA-ZING. The movable type thing was also good, and that last torch-bearer is one brave sumbitch. I thought there was something not quite right with that way-too-cute little girl singing, and I was right. Turns out the girl doing the actual singing wasn't cute enough to put on display. How do you say Milli Vanilli in Chinese? Mirri Vanirri?
SUNDAY
Quotes Du Jour: From Lewis Black's Root Of All Evil, "Beer vs. Weed"
Paul F. Tompkins, arguing that weed is the Root Of All Evil, on the fact that beer makes some people sentimental: "I would rather have someone tell me that they love me, than tell me that I have to watch 'The Dark Crystal'."
Andrew Daly, arguing that beer is the Root Of All Evil: "Beer ruined the 20th century because nobody loves beer more than Germans, and nobody loved Hitler more than Germans on beer. Beer caused World Wars I and II. All weed ever was caused was 'Caddyshacks' I and II. And only one of those movies was a globally-devasting human catastrophe."
MONDAY
Frisbee golf recap:
Just finished a 3-day regional frisbee golf tour with my karaoke komrade Bryan, with a round Friday at what is now my new favorite frisbee golf course, Victory Park in Albion, MI. Think Ottawa Park with water hazards. Yes, water hazards. And not annoying ones, either. They actually added to the fun. The 10th hole is quite intimidating at first glance, but the water is clean and only a couple of feet deep. Each of us ended up in the drink, but we were able to wade in and play each lie. Plus the course has its own 'monster' hole that is just a tad shorter than the one at Hudson Mills. I strongly recommend this course. And best of all, there's no rough.
I wish I could say the same for a few other courses we tried over the weekend. After we finished in Albion, Bry and I stopped by Hudson Mills for a round on the Original course. When I first played HM about 8 years ago, it was gorgeous. Mown fairways, a bit of rough on some holes, but nothing horrible, and not much underbrush. How times have changed. Now there's a lot more nasty rough and underbrush. A LOT more. And it's as annoying as an Appliance Center commercial.
A few weeks ago I had 6 discs in my collection. I lost my go-to disc, my red all-purpose Cobra, at Vienna Park, I gave away my orange Cobra, and I gave Bryan the purple #1 Flyer that I had bought for the ex-gf, leaving me with my blue Eclipse driver "Bluie", my yellow Cobra "Old Yeller", and "Maggie", my trusty Magnet chain-seeking putter. (I had that red Cobra's hook to the right down pat. It took me a few rounds to adjust my game to the seemingly-schizoid Bluie, but now I'm getting straighter and longer drives. Plus I found ol' "Red" at Ottawa anyway, so easy come, easy go.)
Anyhoo, back to HM, Bry's very first shot on the first tee at HM went off into the underbrush, never to return. Oh well, good riddance, I wasn't that fond of the purple one for obvi reasons anyway. Except that he would have then had to use the yellow Cobra, leaving me with no backup.
But as luck would have it, and as it turns out, make that the luck of the Irish, while looking in vain for the purple disc, we instead found a slightly warped disc with a shamrock pictured on it. No idea what kind of club it is, but we bent it back in shape as best we could, Bry tried it out and liked it, we dubbed it "Shammy", and played on.
Somewhere around Hole 11 or 12, Shammy disappeared into the underbrush from whence it came. We searched for a while and not only managed to recover Shammy, but in the process we found an Innova driver as well. So for the round Bry lost a disc I was happy to be rid of, and found 2 other discs that seem to have actually improved his game since. Sadly, that's the only positive thing I can say about the current HM. That place has really deteriorated.
Saturday, Bry wanted to hit Carter Park in BG to get on the first couple of open-field holes to give his 2 newfound discs a proper workout. They seemed to fly okay, so we skipped the rest of BG and went to Findlay to check out 2 courses down there. First we hit Firestine Park. Only 9 holes, but in a city park with no rough or underbrush so not too bad. I was still adjusting to Bluie, and on the last hole my drive went way off course and into the shallow creek next to the park. I finished the hole with Old Yeller, then we hopped in the car and drove around to the other side of the creek to retrieve Bluie. Then it was off to the Riverbend Disc Golf Trail east of Findlay.
Yeah, that's right. They call it a "Disc Golf Trail". Apparently they expect you to think of it as like just another metropark trail, and enjoy nature while you play. Fuck nature! We're here to play frisbee golf! Nature sucks!
And it especially sucks at that place when you keep losing your discs in it. The rough is downright maddening, even more so than the idiots out there playing who have absolutely no concept of basic, standard golf etiquette. Parents with little kids who spend 10 minutes on a hole just throwing frisbees willy-nilly while you keep shouting "FORE!" to no avail.
I swear to my lack of god we spent more time searching frantically for discs lost in the rough than we did actually shooting. By the time we got to the last 2 holes, with plenty of annoying bugs adding to our shitty mood, we were speed-golfing just to get it over with. Bry actually quit halfway through #18, he was so fed up. He couldn't even stand to finish the last hole. Never again. A map of the whole course at the very start is the ONLY thing that kept it from being as bad as the course at Jackson CC.
Sunday we began a round at Ottawa Park expecting to introduce fellow KJ "151" to the sport, but he cancelled so we decided to check out the course at Heritage Park in Adrian. There was a sign at the entrance with one arrow pointing to 'disc golf', and that was it. We parked, saw one basket way off in the distance next to a sledding hill, and walked out to it. Saw another basket nearby, #4, and another parking lot closer than where we parked. Bry went back to bring the car over while I investigated a few more nearby holes.
Next to this second parking area I found a big wooden sign of the sort on which one would normally expect to find a course map. At the top it said "Heritage Park Disc Golf Course". the rest of the sign: BLANK. I repeat. BLANK!!! The nearby holes we found were nos. 5, 6 and 7. With no hint as to where the first hole was, with plenty of wind and threats of rain, with every indication that there was plenty of rough, and without so much as even a practice throw, we had no choice but to quit this course before we even started! There was only one way to save this 3rd day of our ever-increasingly-annoying frisbee golf odyssey.
We headed back to Albion.
Despite the threat of rain, more fun ensued. We got wet again, not by rain, but by wading back into the water hazards after our frisbees. The water at the 10th hole was a bit deeper than 2 days before. This time it was up to my nuts. The 12th hole, Albion's 'monster', has a large shallow pond next to it, and poor Bryan landed in the middle of it. After about 10 minutes of carefully wading out to his disc, he made a rather half-assed attempt at a safe shot out to the side of the pond. PLUNK. Right back in the drink it went. More wading. This time he tried the longer, more daring shot across the water and out toward the basket. Just barely cleared the water! No guts, no glory!
Final verdict: I'd rather have my disc land in a clean 2-foot-deep pond where I can easily find it and get a little wet, than have to burrow into a shitload of underbrush or wander around in a field of rough wondering if I'll ever see my disc again. From now on I'll stick to parks like Ottawa and Victory, and avoid rough and underbrush like they were religion and the plague.
TUESDAY
Had clear skies for the Perseid meteor shower this year, camped out for 2.5 hours on Bryan's driveway in Monclova, and averaged 24 meteors per hour. It had its share of funny moments, like when the count got to 22 near the end of the first hour. "This Hour Has 22 Meteors", I proclaimed. When the total reached 30, we made the obvious reference to the Jack-In-The-Box stoner commercial: "How many meteors should I get?" "30."
There was one other recurring joke involving the sounds of nearby waterfowl, but rather than try to explain it here, those of you who know me can ask me about it next time you talk to me. Suffice to say said waterfowl were apparently Led Zeppelin fans.
Current Duck Pond temperature:
23.9 C / 75.0 F
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
SORRY, BEEN BUSY
Just when I thought nobody was reading this, Doug was kind enough to notice I haven't posted for a week and tell me I was slacking off. Thanks, Dougie!
Been playing a lot of frisbee golf this past week, some of it at some shitty courses, so you don't have to! More on that later. Right now I'm tired. I just got home from this year's Perseid meteor shower, averaged 24 per hour, not bad.
Soon as I get some much-needed z's and take care of some errands later today, I will fill you all in on my recent adventures. For now I'll say Victory Park in Albion, MI is my new favorite frisbee golf course, and later I'll have details on that, and why I have discovered several other courses that I will henceforth be avoiding like they were pro-payday loan petitioners!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
22.1 C / 71.7 F
Just when I thought nobody was reading this, Doug was kind enough to notice I haven't posted for a week and tell me I was slacking off. Thanks, Dougie!
Been playing a lot of frisbee golf this past week, some of it at some shitty courses, so you don't have to! More on that later. Right now I'm tired. I just got home from this year's Perseid meteor shower, averaged 24 per hour, not bad.
Soon as I get some much-needed z's and take care of some errands later today, I will fill you all in on my recent adventures. For now I'll say Victory Park in Albion, MI is my new favorite frisbee golf course, and later I'll have details on that, and why I have discovered several other courses that I will henceforth be avoiding like they were pro-payday loan petitioners!
Current Duck Pond temperature:
22.1 C / 71.7 F
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
SPAGHETTI DAY
My mom should have turned 72 today. Since she's not around to do so, I'm starting a new personal tradition. I will eat her favorite meal, spaghetti, every July 30th.
Plus, it's Wednesday this year, which of course is Prince spaghetti day. So I suppose I should have a double helping. (But then, I always do. Of everything.)
My mom should have turned 72 today. Since she's not around to do so, I'm starting a new personal tradition. I will eat her favorite meal, spaghetti, every July 30th.
Plus, it's Wednesday this year, which of course is Prince spaghetti day. So I suppose I should have a double helping. (But then, I always do. Of everything.)
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
THE TREASURE OF THE ARCHIVO ROJO (EPISODE 3)
For this installment, we take a look at another piece by fellow former Corpsmember Scott Haden. This one is perhaps my favorite:
***
STRAIGHT CURVE
A straight curve is a curve that runs straight without any bumps, ridge, or other curves. For example, if someone was to walk around a corner, in order to have a straight curve he wouldn't be able to stagger. He would have to walk in a straight line only it curves.
For this installment, we take a look at another piece by fellow former Corpsmember Scott Haden. This one is perhaps my favorite:
***
STRAIGHT CURVE
A straight curve is a curve that runs straight without any bumps, ridge, or other curves. For example, if someone was to walk around a corner, in order to have a straight curve he wouldn't be able to stagger. He would have to walk in a straight line only it curves.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
QUOTE OF THE WEEK...NOT!
"We took three out of four, so that was perfect."
--Leon "Bull" Durham, acting Mud Hens manager (Larry Parrish was in NY for the Futures Game) during last Sunday's game at Indy, which the Hens lost after winning the first 3 games of the 4-game series.
Um, excuse me, Bull, Wouldn't FOUR out of four be perfect?
"We took three out of four, so that was perfect."
--Leon "Bull" Durham, acting Mud Hens manager (Larry Parrish was in NY for the Futures Game) during last Sunday's game at Indy, which the Hens lost after winning the first 3 games of the 4-game series.
Um, excuse me, Bull, Wouldn't FOUR out of four be perfect?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
CLEAR AS DAY
If you get a chance to catch a replay of the 2003 Fiesta Bowl (Ohio State vs Miami) on the Big Ten Network (or possibly ESPN Classic), take a look at the celebrating Buckeye fans right after they score their second touchdown. For about a second, you'll see an enthusiastic female OSU fan jumping up and down in a white shirt with the UM helmet on it and the words "FUCK MICHIGAN". You gotta love it.
Current Duck Pond temperature: 28.0 C / 82.4 F
If you get a chance to catch a replay of the 2003 Fiesta Bowl (Ohio State vs Miami) on the Big Ten Network (or possibly ESPN Classic), take a look at the celebrating Buckeye fans right after they score their second touchdown. For about a second, you'll see an enthusiastic female OSU fan jumping up and down in a white shirt with the UM helmet on it and the words "FUCK MICHIGAN". You gotta love it.
Current Duck Pond temperature: 28.0 C / 82.4 F
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
FOLLOW THE PATH
With the possibility of an increase in Duck Pond readership by frisbee golf (or if you prefer, disc golf) enthusiasts, I'd like to unveil a new frisbee golf variation I invented recently.
After making up a course at Highland Park, and redesigning the course I made up years ago at Walbridge Park, I came up with the idea of using the paved walking/biking loops at those two parks for this new variation.
As a sort of tribute to the online parody cult from a few years ago, the Followers Of Geno, I have dubbed it "Follow The Path". Here's how to play:
Find a park with a paved walking loop, the ones at Highland and Walbridge are each about a mile. Pick a starting/finishing point anywhere on the path. Then pick which direction you want to go, clockwise or counterclockwise.
Each throw that lands on the path at least partially is 1 point. Any throw that lands on the outer side of the path's loop is 2 points. Any throw that lands on the inner side of the loop is 3 points. Whoever completes the loop with the fewest points wins. (Another scoring option instead of 1-2-3 is 1-3-5.)
Any object near a bend or curve in the path (tree, pole, sign, etc.) should be thought of as a 'gate' (sort of like in skiing), and your throw must go around it the same way the path does. If your throw goes past a gate on the wrong side, you will have to throw back the way you came and go around the gate the right way.
In cases where there is a bend in the path and no object nearby to serve as a gate, try to use the apex of the bend in the path as a gate. This is optional and open to personal taste and interpretation, but I try to keep in the spirit of the game and 'follow the path'. No shortcuts!
The main benefits of this variation, I've found so far, are that you don't have to wind up with a sore elbow throwing as hard and as far as you can. Distance helps of course as you want to complete the loop in as few throws as possible, but accuracy is obviously very important. A round or two of this game might result in better approach shots when you go back to regular frisbee golf.
And natch you need to be really good at making shots that will slide nice and straight down the path (especially if you use the 1-3-5 scoring option).
Using the 1-2-3 scoring at Highland, my current record low score is 91 points.
Have fun and good luck!
The Geno follow the path
The path is the way
The way is the light
The light is grey.
Current Duck Pond temperature: 25.0 C / 77.0 F
With the possibility of an increase in Duck Pond readership by frisbee golf (or if you prefer, disc golf) enthusiasts, I'd like to unveil a new frisbee golf variation I invented recently.
After making up a course at Highland Park, and redesigning the course I made up years ago at Walbridge Park, I came up with the idea of using the paved walking/biking loops at those two parks for this new variation.
As a sort of tribute to the online parody cult from a few years ago, the Followers Of Geno, I have dubbed it "Follow The Path". Here's how to play:
Find a park with a paved walking loop, the ones at Highland and Walbridge are each about a mile. Pick a starting/finishing point anywhere on the path. Then pick which direction you want to go, clockwise or counterclockwise.
Each throw that lands on the path at least partially is 1 point. Any throw that lands on the outer side of the path's loop is 2 points. Any throw that lands on the inner side of the loop is 3 points. Whoever completes the loop with the fewest points wins. (Another scoring option instead of 1-2-3 is 1-3-5.)
Any object near a bend or curve in the path (tree, pole, sign, etc.) should be thought of as a 'gate' (sort of like in skiing), and your throw must go around it the same way the path does. If your throw goes past a gate on the wrong side, you will have to throw back the way you came and go around the gate the right way.
In cases where there is a bend in the path and no object nearby to serve as a gate, try to use the apex of the bend in the path as a gate. This is optional and open to personal taste and interpretation, but I try to keep in the spirit of the game and 'follow the path'. No shortcuts!
The main benefits of this variation, I've found so far, are that you don't have to wind up with a sore elbow throwing as hard and as far as you can. Distance helps of course as you want to complete the loop in as few throws as possible, but accuracy is obviously very important. A round or two of this game might result in better approach shots when you go back to regular frisbee golf.
And natch you need to be really good at making shots that will slide nice and straight down the path (especially if you use the 1-3-5 scoring option).
Using the 1-2-3 scoring at Highland, my current record low score is 91 points.
Have fun and good luck!
The Geno follow the path
The path is the way
The way is the light
The light is grey.
Current Duck Pond temperature: 25.0 C / 77.0 F
Sunday, July 13, 2008
UPDATE ON THE UPDATE
The PDGA.com info page for the JCC course has been updated, and now includes a link to my full scathing review. If it saves just one fellow frisbee golfer from the horrors of that place, it will have been worth it.
Current Duck Pond temperature: 27.0 C / 80.6 F
The PDGA.com info page for the JCC course has been updated, and now includes a link to my full scathing review. If it saves just one fellow frisbee golfer from the horrors of that place, it will have been worth it.
Current Duck Pond temperature: 27.0 C / 80.6 F
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
WORST...FRISBEE GOLF COURSE...EVER!
The other day my karaoke komrade Bryan and I traveled up to Jackson, MI to shoot a round of frisbee golf at a course on the campus of Jackson Community College.
A round of 18 holes at our home course, Ottawa Park in Toledo, takes about an hour or just over an hour, longer if the course is busy. So we figured this wouldn't take long.
Over 3 hours later...
I wish I could meet the person who designed this JCC course. I'd like to shake their hand. And then snap it off at the wrist and slap them silly with it. And then break their arm off and beat them to death with it.
My lack of god. The horror. The horror.
The first hint of an actual course we were able to spot was the 4th basket. We figured it would be easy to backtrack to the first tee. The problem was, the 4th basket was near the edge of an open field, thus we had no idea in which direction we would find the 4th tee. After a bit of searching we found the 5th tee. This did not help.
After some more wandering around trying to get our bearings, spotting a few baskets here and there in the distance, we found the 8th basket. Not far from that was the 2nd basket. Oy. By this time my feet already hurt, and we hadn't even started playing yet!
We traced back along what we hoped was the 2nd fairway, and after close to a half hour of walking around lost and disoriented we finally spotted two other players. They directed us towards the first tee the best they could, but it still took some searching to find it.
We played the first two holes, then it was back to more looking around in vain trying to find the 3rd tee. Luckily our guides from before reappeared and got us to it. Mind you, there was no marker or sign for it, but they assured us that the tee was 'near this patch of dirt right about here.'
Hole #4 was nearly 500 feet long, half the length of the Monster hole at Hudson Mills. The fairway, as I said earlier, was just an open field, covered with weeds and those ugly little white round shriveled-up-dandelion-looking things (are those dandelions?) that draw bees so you have to watch your step. But the bees were nothing compared to the horse flies (as in 'as big as') and other bugs that come at your head.
Then it was back to the 5th tee. We played back across the field toward a basket we saw a few minutes earlier, believing it to be hole #5. Only after we finished it did we see the number on the other side of the basket. "6". So we had to backtrack into the woods to find tee #6 and hole #5 and then go back to tee #5 and start over.
We got thru #7 and had to do more searching for the 8th tee. Got thru 8, 9 and 10, then found tee #11. Did I mention the rough? There's a lot of rough on this course. And it is beyond rough. If you dare play this course, bring plenty of extra discs, because the rough on this course will eat discs like Melmackians eat cats. It is only thru stubborn persistence that we managed to escape with all the discs we brought with us.
So there was a lot of rough on 11. We tried our best to stay on the extremely narrow fairway, but at one point Bryan's disc was MIA for maybe 15 minutes. We finally found it, and finished the hole. Then we noticed the number on the basket. "12". Not again! And after all that searching around for the lost disc. AARRGH!
So we traipse back to tee #11. Did I mention the tees? Most other frisbee golf courses have concrete tees, about 4'x8'. Not here. The tee-off areas were basically just patches of dirt, marked by a pile of rocks nearby with the hole number, distance and a vague line showing the course direction painted on a flat slab of rock sort of resembling a cemetery headstone, perhaps marking the makeshift graves of previous frisbee golfers who had killed themselves rather than play this wretched course any further!
So we re-examine the marker for hole #11. What we had mistaken for the fairway was just a mown path for walking. There was no other fairway in sight, but right by the marker was a hint of a narrow path down a steep hill. A broken neck waiting to happen. Farther down the hill was a lot of rocks and mud, and a large puddle. Beyond that was more rough and then a clear patch. It couldn't be, we thought. It couldn't possibly...The three of us cautiously and reluctantly make our way down the steep hill.
We get to the clear patch. It's part of a fairway with a basket at the other end. Now we are in a state of furious denial. Bryan has the younger legs, so he runs ahead to check the basket number. Sure enough it's 11. Now we are just plain furious! We refuse to go back up the hill, and we tee off from the front end of the fairway.
From that travesty we're off to tee #12. Hole 12, which we know from before, is straight up a hill. Did I mention the numerous elevation changes on this course? If you dare play this course (and by this time I hope I have talked some sense into you and you will heed this warning and avoid this course like the plague), wear good hiking shoes because you will be trudging up and down a LOT of hills.
Holes 13, 14 and 15 also require quite a bit of recon. By now we have learned to spread out a bit until one of us finds the right tee/hole. By now we are also just about ready to drop from exhaustion.
While the other two find their way to tee #15, I happen upon basket #16. This is the 2nd-stupidest thing about this course, after the insane layout of hole #11. I am later informed that a JCC student laid out the course. I must assume this idiot was on drugs at the time. How else do you explain 11?
In fact, at several points throughout the course I noticed a faint hint of a white line which I presumed was meant to lead one around the course. But since it was so faint and inconsistent it utterly failed to act as any sort of a reliable guide, I am left to theorize that perhaps this trail was whatever kind of powdered substance this idiot was snorting while plotting out the course, slowly leaking out of their pocket?
Anyway, back to basket #16, which as I said was only surpassed in idiocy by hole #11. Any other basket on any other course (and in fact every other basket on this course) is set in a clear spot. 16, however...oy. I meet Bry at tee #15. "Wait til you see hole 16! You won't believe how stupid it is!"
Yes, basket #16 is planted in a patch of weeds. This is sort of like putting a regular golf hole in a bunker. Bryan's putting game has been off all day, he really better improve by the time he gets to 16!
With two holes left, we grab a seat on the ground under the gigantic shadow of the campus water tower. There is a road nearby. This would probably be the best place to park next time we play this course, and we'd just start on hole 17 and finish on 16. That is, if we were ever crazy and masochistic enough to play this course again, which I highly doubt.
If you're enough of a masochist to try it, I should probably add that our guides from earlier in the day warned us to tuck our pant legs in our socks and hope to avoid ticks. So for that extra boost of punishment, if you'd like to risk Lyme disease, kick your shoes and socks off and go for it!
Or if you're allergic to bee stings, perhaps venturing into the 4th 'fairway' will lead to your being stung to death, thus sparing you most of the horrors we encountered. Which tee marker would you like to be buried under?
Jackson Community College: WORST. FRISBEE. GOLF. COURSE. EVER!
Current Duck Pond temperature: 27.0 C / 80.6 F
The other day my karaoke komrade Bryan and I traveled up to Jackson, MI to shoot a round of frisbee golf at a course on the campus of Jackson Community College.
A round of 18 holes at our home course, Ottawa Park in Toledo, takes about an hour or just over an hour, longer if the course is busy. So we figured this wouldn't take long.
Over 3 hours later...
I wish I could meet the person who designed this JCC course. I'd like to shake their hand. And then snap it off at the wrist and slap them silly with it. And then break their arm off and beat them to death with it.
My lack of god. The horror. The horror.
The first hint of an actual course we were able to spot was the 4th basket. We figured it would be easy to backtrack to the first tee. The problem was, the 4th basket was near the edge of an open field, thus we had no idea in which direction we would find the 4th tee. After a bit of searching we found the 5th tee. This did not help.
After some more wandering around trying to get our bearings, spotting a few baskets here and there in the distance, we found the 8th basket. Not far from that was the 2nd basket. Oy. By this time my feet already hurt, and we hadn't even started playing yet!
We traced back along what we hoped was the 2nd fairway, and after close to a half hour of walking around lost and disoriented we finally spotted two other players. They directed us towards the first tee the best they could, but it still took some searching to find it.
We played the first two holes, then it was back to more looking around in vain trying to find the 3rd tee. Luckily our guides from before reappeared and got us to it. Mind you, there was no marker or sign for it, but they assured us that the tee was 'near this patch of dirt right about here.'
Hole #4 was nearly 500 feet long, half the length of the Monster hole at Hudson Mills. The fairway, as I said earlier, was just an open field, covered with weeds and those ugly little white round shriveled-up-dandelion-looking things (are those dandelions?) that draw bees so you have to watch your step. But the bees were nothing compared to the horse flies (as in 'as big as') and other bugs that come at your head.
Then it was back to the 5th tee. We played back across the field toward a basket we saw a few minutes earlier, believing it to be hole #5. Only after we finished it did we see the number on the other side of the basket. "6". So we had to backtrack into the woods to find tee #6 and hole #5 and then go back to tee #5 and start over.
We got thru #7 and had to do more searching for the 8th tee. Got thru 8, 9 and 10, then found tee #11. Did I mention the rough? There's a lot of rough on this course. And it is beyond rough. If you dare play this course, bring plenty of extra discs, because the rough on this course will eat discs like Melmackians eat cats. It is only thru stubborn persistence that we managed to escape with all the discs we brought with us.
So there was a lot of rough on 11. We tried our best to stay on the extremely narrow fairway, but at one point Bryan's disc was MIA for maybe 15 minutes. We finally found it, and finished the hole. Then we noticed the number on the basket. "12". Not again! And after all that searching around for the lost disc. AARRGH!
So we traipse back to tee #11. Did I mention the tees? Most other frisbee golf courses have concrete tees, about 4'x8'. Not here. The tee-off areas were basically just patches of dirt, marked by a pile of rocks nearby with the hole number, distance and a vague line showing the course direction painted on a flat slab of rock sort of resembling a cemetery headstone, perhaps marking the makeshift graves of previous frisbee golfers who had killed themselves rather than play this wretched course any further!
So we re-examine the marker for hole #11. What we had mistaken for the fairway was just a mown path for walking. There was no other fairway in sight, but right by the marker was a hint of a narrow path down a steep hill. A broken neck waiting to happen. Farther down the hill was a lot of rocks and mud, and a large puddle. Beyond that was more rough and then a clear patch. It couldn't be, we thought. It couldn't possibly...The three of us cautiously and reluctantly make our way down the steep hill.
We get to the clear patch. It's part of a fairway with a basket at the other end. Now we are in a state of furious denial. Bryan has the younger legs, so he runs ahead to check the basket number. Sure enough it's 11. Now we are just plain furious! We refuse to go back up the hill, and we tee off from the front end of the fairway.
From that travesty we're off to tee #12. Hole 12, which we know from before, is straight up a hill. Did I mention the numerous elevation changes on this course? If you dare play this course (and by this time I hope I have talked some sense into you and you will heed this warning and avoid this course like the plague), wear good hiking shoes because you will be trudging up and down a LOT of hills.
Holes 13, 14 and 15 also require quite a bit of recon. By now we have learned to spread out a bit until one of us finds the right tee/hole. By now we are also just about ready to drop from exhaustion.
While the other two find their way to tee #15, I happen upon basket #16. This is the 2nd-stupidest thing about this course, after the insane layout of hole #11. I am later informed that a JCC student laid out the course. I must assume this idiot was on drugs at the time. How else do you explain 11?
In fact, at several points throughout the course I noticed a faint hint of a white line which I presumed was meant to lead one around the course. But since it was so faint and inconsistent it utterly failed to act as any sort of a reliable guide, I am left to theorize that perhaps this trail was whatever kind of powdered substance this idiot was snorting while plotting out the course, slowly leaking out of their pocket?
Anyway, back to basket #16, which as I said was only surpassed in idiocy by hole #11. Any other basket on any other course (and in fact every other basket on this course) is set in a clear spot. 16, however...oy. I meet Bry at tee #15. "Wait til you see hole 16! You won't believe how stupid it is!"
Yes, basket #16 is planted in a patch of weeds. This is sort of like putting a regular golf hole in a bunker. Bryan's putting game has been off all day, he really better improve by the time he gets to 16!
With two holes left, we grab a seat on the ground under the gigantic shadow of the campus water tower. There is a road nearby. This would probably be the best place to park next time we play this course, and we'd just start on hole 17 and finish on 16. That is, if we were ever crazy and masochistic enough to play this course again, which I highly doubt.
If you're enough of a masochist to try it, I should probably add that our guides from earlier in the day warned us to tuck our pant legs in our socks and hope to avoid ticks. So for that extra boost of punishment, if you'd like to risk Lyme disease, kick your shoes and socks off and go for it!
Or if you're allergic to bee stings, perhaps venturing into the 4th 'fairway' will lead to your being stung to death, thus sparing you most of the horrors we encountered. Which tee marker would you like to be buried under?
Jackson Community College: WORST. FRISBEE. GOLF. COURSE. EVER!
Current Duck Pond temperature: 27.0 C / 80.6 F
Sunday, July 06, 2008
COMING UP, A REVIEW OF THE WORST...FRISBEE GOLF COURSE...EVER
But first, you know what I'd like to see on the Espy Awards sometime? Roger Federer and Jeff Gordon presenting an award together, with Gordon wearing tennis whites and Federer wearing a Dupont fire suit. How many people would be fooled?
Current Duck Pond temperature: 25.0 C / 77.0 F
But first, you know what I'd like to see on the Espy Awards sometime? Roger Federer and Jeff Gordon presenting an award together, with Gordon wearing tennis whites and Federer wearing a Dupont fire suit. How many people would be fooled?
Current Duck Pond temperature: 25.0 C / 77.0 F
Thursday, July 03, 2008
THE LATEST SONG I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW
Foo Fighters--"Razor"
Dave Grohl on acoustic guitar. Haunting, pretty tune. Eat your heart out, Segovia.
Wake up, it's time | We need to find a better place to hide
Make up your mind | I need to know, I need to know tonight
Sweet and divine | Razor of mine | Sweet and divine | Razorblade shine
Patience, my dear | We could spend a lifetime waiting here
Maybe this time | I hope I get the chance to say goodbye
Sweet and divine | Razor of mine | Sweet and divine | Razorblade shine
Day after day | Cutting away | Day after day | But anyway
Wake up, it's time | We need to find a better place to hide
Make up your mind | I need to know, I need to know tonight
Sweet and divine | Razor of mine | Sweet and divine | Razorblade shine
Current Duck Pond temperature: 24.0 C / 75.2 F
Foo Fighters--"Razor"
Dave Grohl on acoustic guitar. Haunting, pretty tune. Eat your heart out, Segovia.
Wake up, it's time | We need to find a better place to hide
Make up your mind | I need to know, I need to know tonight
Sweet and divine | Razor of mine | Sweet and divine | Razorblade shine
Patience, my dear | We could spend a lifetime waiting here
Maybe this time | I hope I get the chance to say goodbye
Sweet and divine | Razor of mine | Sweet and divine | Razorblade shine
Day after day | Cutting away | Day after day | But anyway
Wake up, it's time | We need to find a better place to hide
Make up your mind | I need to know, I need to know tonight
Sweet and divine | Razor of mine | Sweet and divine | Razorblade shine
Current Duck Pond temperature: 24.0 C / 75.2 F
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