HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROY!
A posthumous birthday greeting goes out to the late great Roy Orbison, who would have turned 67 today.
Hey, my dad turns 67 today! Happy birthday, Dad!
Okay, so the secret's out: my dad is actually Roy Orbison's evil twin. Kinda hard for people to spot it, of course, since Dad never wears the dark glasses or the black wig.
Hey, today is Shirley Temple Black's birthday too...um, uh oh. Oh bloody hell, I don't even wanna know.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
Thursday, April 17, 2003
STEAL THIS BLOG
A couple more thots from the protest the other day...
Mind you, most of the response was positive, or at least polite. The few obnoxious assholes do tend to stick in one's memory, however, so let's address these cretins, shall we?
First off, you gotta love how the hawk types rarely stick around to debate. Their point is usually something well thought out like "You suck!" and then VROOM! Off they go. Hey, come back, let's discuss the issue. Nope, sorry, they gotta get home in time to watch WWE Smack-off.
A couple of my other faves:
"Losers!" Excuse me, you can't lose a war if you don't fight it in the first place. So I can't lose. Besides, in a war there are no winners. So who's the real loser here?
"Get a real job!" I have a real job, but it's third shift. When I'm helping promote peace, I usually do it in my spare time. Hey, we all need a hobby.
"Go home!" Thanks, but I already AM home. I'm right here, snug as a Doug in your rug, in my very own country. AKA: ME! I am my own country, in and of myself. These 290 pounds of bone and blood and meat are my country. And I cannot and will not ever be conquered, overthrown or annexed. Ah, home sweet home.
Then there was the drunken frat boy (go fig) who kept yelling "George Bush!" in much the same way one might yell "Go Marlins!" Yeesh. Guess it's the way CNN etc. cover the war as if it were a sporting event. "Here's Howie Long to analyze Iraq's secondary." Which pushover opponent is next? It's as if Ohio State's schedule this year was nothing but high school teams.
But the most disturbing comment I heard that day? "I support war!" Um, yeah. Look, even though I disagree either way, it's one thing to say you support the war, or a war, or this particular war. I hear that a lot. But you are achieving a whole new level of mental illness when you say you "support war". So, you mean, you like war in general, as a basic concept? Hmm, interesting. You might want to seek professional help, Bubba.
Anyhoo, whatever. So Napoleon drove Snowball off the farm. Whatever. Take a peek in the window of the farmhouse in a few weeks and get back to me.
As the Pearl Jam lyric says in the song "Bushleaguer", "Born on third, thinks he got a triple."
That's all for now. Peace, out!
A couple more thots from the protest the other day...
Mind you, most of the response was positive, or at least polite. The few obnoxious assholes do tend to stick in one's memory, however, so let's address these cretins, shall we?
First off, you gotta love how the hawk types rarely stick around to debate. Their point is usually something well thought out like "You suck!" and then VROOM! Off they go. Hey, come back, let's discuss the issue. Nope, sorry, they gotta get home in time to watch WWE Smack-off.
A couple of my other faves:
"Losers!" Excuse me, you can't lose a war if you don't fight it in the first place. So I can't lose. Besides, in a war there are no winners. So who's the real loser here?
"Get a real job!" I have a real job, but it's third shift. When I'm helping promote peace, I usually do it in my spare time. Hey, we all need a hobby.
"Go home!" Thanks, but I already AM home. I'm right here, snug as a Doug in your rug, in my very own country. AKA: ME! I am my own country, in and of myself. These 290 pounds of bone and blood and meat are my country. And I cannot and will not ever be conquered, overthrown or annexed. Ah, home sweet home.
Then there was the drunken frat boy (go fig) who kept yelling "George Bush!" in much the same way one might yell "Go Marlins!" Yeesh. Guess it's the way CNN etc. cover the war as if it were a sporting event. "Here's Howie Long to analyze Iraq's secondary." Which pushover opponent is next? It's as if Ohio State's schedule this year was nothing but high school teams.
But the most disturbing comment I heard that day? "I support war!" Um, yeah. Look, even though I disagree either way, it's one thing to say you support the war, or a war, or this particular war. I hear that a lot. But you are achieving a whole new level of mental illness when you say you "support war". So, you mean, you like war in general, as a basic concept? Hmm, interesting. You might want to seek professional help, Bubba.
Anyhoo, whatever. So Napoleon drove Snowball off the farm. Whatever. Take a peek in the window of the farmhouse in a few weeks and get back to me.
As the Pearl Jam lyric says in the song "Bushleaguer", "Born on third, thinks he got a triple."
That's all for now. Peace, out!
"I KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON, STUART! I KNOW IT'S THE QUEERS! THEY'RE IN IT WITH THE ALIENS! THEY'RE BUILDING LANDING STRIPS FOR GAY MARTIANS!"
Today's rather paranoid Pond entry is sponsored by SubShumDougWay: Eat fresh cat snatch. [jingle kicks in] "Cat snatch fever..."
Just a couple of thots in the wake of my taking part in a protest down at the main post office Tuesday, as a few of us, including Mike Ferner and myself, refused to pay our taxes...
The night before I dug out my Abbie Hoffman books for inspiration, maybe find a couple of relevant quotes in case I ended up on the local news. I never really did buy that bullshit about him committing suicide, did you? Trust me, the CIA knows how to hold a grudge. While I'm at it, it seems unlikely to me that Jerry Rubin getting hit by a car and killed was merely an accident. Mind you, I could go on to include John Lennon, M.L. King, etc., but I'm busy these days so I'll let you folks fill in the rest of the blanks.
Maybe next entry I'll have time to discuss the microchips implanted in our buttcheeks.
PS: A reminder: FRISBEE GOLF BECKONS!
Today's rather paranoid Pond entry is sponsored by SubShumDougWay: Eat fresh cat snatch. [jingle kicks in] "Cat snatch fever..."
Just a couple of thots in the wake of my taking part in a protest down at the main post office Tuesday, as a few of us, including Mike Ferner and myself, refused to pay our taxes...
The night before I dug out my Abbie Hoffman books for inspiration, maybe find a couple of relevant quotes in case I ended up on the local news. I never really did buy that bullshit about him committing suicide, did you? Trust me, the CIA knows how to hold a grudge. While I'm at it, it seems unlikely to me that Jerry Rubin getting hit by a car and killed was merely an accident. Mind you, I could go on to include John Lennon, M.L. King, etc., but I'm busy these days so I'll let you folks fill in the rest of the blanks.
Maybe next entry I'll have time to discuss the microchips implanted in our buttcheeks.
PS: A reminder: FRISBEE GOLF BECKONS!
Monday, April 14, 2003
*NOTE: Since I often go a long time between posts, I've taken steps to remedy the situation. Well, step. By now you've noticed (unless you read this thing bottom-to-top) the link above. Props to Lore and the Brunching Shuttlecocks for yet another stroke of genius. And now back to our regularly-skedded blog...
Today's Pond entry is sponsored by Subway: Eat fresh. And by Shumway: Eat cat. And by Dougway: Eat snatch.
SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER
Okay, so now what I can't figure out is why I used that song title instead of the song I'm about to quote? Whatever. It's the first really nice warm day this year, so let me hit you all with this yearly standard...
"Poisoning Pigeons In The Park"
by Tom Lehrer
Spring is here, spring is here, life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring, I do, don't you? Course you do!
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me, and makes every Sunday a treat for me
All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon when we're poisoning pigeons in the park
Every Sunday you'll see my sweetheart and me as we poison the pigeons in the park
When they see us coming the birdies all try and hide, but they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide
The sun's shining bright, everything seems alright when we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We've gained notoriety and caused much anxiety in the Audubon Society with our games
They call it impiety and lack of propriety and quite a variety of unpleasant names
But it's not against any religion to want to dispose of a pigeon
So if Sunday you're free why don't you come with me and we'll poison the pigeons in the park
And maybe we'll do in a squirrel or two while we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment, except for the few we take home to experiment
My pulse will be quickenin' with each drop of stricnine we feed to a pigeon
it just takes a smidgeon to poison a pigeon in the park!
Today's Pond entry is sponsored by Subway: Eat fresh. And by Shumway: Eat cat. And by Dougway: Eat snatch.
SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER
Okay, so now what I can't figure out is why I used that song title instead of the song I'm about to quote? Whatever. It's the first really nice warm day this year, so let me hit you all with this yearly standard...
"Poisoning Pigeons In The Park"
by Tom Lehrer
Spring is here, spring is here, life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring, I do, don't you? Course you do!
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me, and makes every Sunday a treat for me
All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon when we're poisoning pigeons in the park
Every Sunday you'll see my sweetheart and me as we poison the pigeons in the park
When they see us coming the birdies all try and hide, but they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide
The sun's shining bright, everything seems alright when we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We've gained notoriety and caused much anxiety in the Audubon Society with our games
They call it impiety and lack of propriety and quite a variety of unpleasant names
But it's not against any religion to want to dispose of a pigeon
So if Sunday you're free why don't you come with me and we'll poison the pigeons in the park
And maybe we'll do in a squirrel or two while we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment, except for the few we take home to experiment
My pulse will be quickenin' with each drop of stricnine we feed to a pigeon
it just takes a smidgeon to poison a pigeon in the park!
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
THE ROAD TO JUSTICE (AND THE ALF CUP) IS TWISTED
THE SHIELD lived up to the hype and the preseason forecast by soundly winning the 2003 ALF Cup Final last night against 4-time and defending champ This Hour Has 22 Minutes.
22M stumbled in a manner similar to 3 years ago when they rolled over and played dead with a clip show against Twin Peaks. This time, the clips all tied in with the doings in Iraq, and there were plenty of top-notch anti-Yank zingers, but a clip show is a clip show, and not a good strategy to employ in an ALF Cup Final.
The Shield, meanwhile, stayed right on the schedule that made them the season-long pick to win it all, posting up with an excellent season finale. As soon as it was announced last fall that the 2nd season would wrap up during the week of the Final, Vic and company were a virtual lock to take home the trophy.
"I'm a different kind of cop."
Still, a bit of luck was involved along the way. Sometimes, it's not who wins, but who loses (and when). 22M got to the Final by virtue of a semifinal win over a subpar ep of South Park, which got to the semis by virtue of a win over Royal Canadian Air Farce, which got preempted that week by CBC war coverage.
One surprise: Series star Michael Chiklis was figured to be an easy choice for playoff MVP, but instead that honor went to co-star Walton Goggins. This season was a real tour de force for his character, Shane Vendrell. Let us toast him with a yammy full of Georgia joy juice!
ALF CUP CHAMPIONS (playoff MVPs in parentheses):
1987-ALF (ALF)
1988-ALF (ALF)
1989-ALF (ALF)
1990-ALF (ALF)
1991-ALF (ALF)
1992-ALF (ALF)
1993-Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Michael J. Nelson)
1994-The Secret Life Of Machines (Rex Garrod)
1995-Animaniacs (Rob Paulsen)
1996-Due South (Paul Gross)
1997-Carson's Comedy Classics (Johnny Carson)
1998-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (Mary Walsh)
1999-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (Rick Mercer)
2000-Twin Peaks (Kyle Maclachlan)
2001-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (Preston Manning)
2002-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (Colin Mochrie)
2003-The Shield (Walton Goggins)
THE SHIELD lived up to the hype and the preseason forecast by soundly winning the 2003 ALF Cup Final last night against 4-time and defending champ This Hour Has 22 Minutes.
22M stumbled in a manner similar to 3 years ago when they rolled over and played dead with a clip show against Twin Peaks. This time, the clips all tied in with the doings in Iraq, and there were plenty of top-notch anti-Yank zingers, but a clip show is a clip show, and not a good strategy to employ in an ALF Cup Final.
The Shield, meanwhile, stayed right on the schedule that made them the season-long pick to win it all, posting up with an excellent season finale. As soon as it was announced last fall that the 2nd season would wrap up during the week of the Final, Vic and company were a virtual lock to take home the trophy.
"I'm a different kind of cop."
Still, a bit of luck was involved along the way. Sometimes, it's not who wins, but who loses (and when). 22M got to the Final by virtue of a semifinal win over a subpar ep of South Park, which got to the semis by virtue of a win over Royal Canadian Air Farce, which got preempted that week by CBC war coverage.
One surprise: Series star Michael Chiklis was figured to be an easy choice for playoff MVP, but instead that honor went to co-star Walton Goggins. This season was a real tour de force for his character, Shane Vendrell. Let us toast him with a yammy full of Georgia joy juice!
ALF CUP CHAMPIONS (playoff MVPs in parentheses):
1987-ALF (ALF)
1988-ALF (ALF)
1989-ALF (ALF)
1990-ALF (ALF)
1991-ALF (ALF)
1992-ALF (ALF)
1993-Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Michael J. Nelson)
1994-The Secret Life Of Machines (Rex Garrod)
1995-Animaniacs (Rob Paulsen)
1996-Due South (Paul Gross)
1997-Carson's Comedy Classics (Johnny Carson)
1998-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (Mary Walsh)
1999-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (Rick Mercer)
2000-Twin Peaks (Kyle Maclachlan)
2001-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (Preston Manning)
2002-This Hour Has 22 Minutes (Colin Mochrie)
2003-The Shield (Walton Goggins)
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