I AM CORNHOLIO!

The following is an AP story I spotted in the paper the other day. It seemed like a joke at first. I've added my own comments throughout, in bold.

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CORNBAG GAME POPULAR IN BACKYARDS, BARS AND ON CAMPUS
by Terry Kinney, Associated Press, Monday, September 6, 2004

CINCINNATI - The projectiles are lighter than horseshoes and safer than yard darts, but the idea's the same. Players try to hit a target several paces away.

The Ohio phenomenon that is catching on nationwide is called cornhole, or corn toss, because players try to throw cloth bags filled with corn into a goal.

"It's easy to play, you don't have to dig a pit, drive stakes or tear up your lawn," said Mike Whitton, founder and president of the American Cornhole Association.

I had to fight hard to stifle my giggling on the bus at this point.

Beanbag games in various forms have been around for decades. Local players say the corn bag game originated in Cincinnati - specifically the city's west side, where Whitton grew up - although many lay claim to it.

Leave it to the clueless, bass-ackwards, right-wing, bible-thumping, Jerry Springer-electing morons in Cincinnazi (<-not a typo) to come up with a game, call it "cornhole" and not know what the word really means!

Portable goals have let the backyard game travel to tailgate parties, bars and college campuses, and a cottage industry has sprung up supplying boards, bags, clothing and paraphernalia.

The American Cornhole Association claims to be the arbiter of the game, sanctioning tournaments and "official" rules of play. It grew out of a scoring dispute at a family picnic and now has more than 3,500 members, Whitton said. It's Web site sometimes gets 300,000 hits a month.

Yes, 300,000 hits a month...though I suspect many of those are people looking for something else entirely!

"Cincinnati is the core, but I ship hats and (game) sets everywhere," Whitton said. "Many sets are going to North Carolina and Florida, but it's also spreading west, to Nebraska and Oklahoma, at a fairly rapid clip."

The simple premise of the game is to throw a bag filled with corn into a six-inch hole in a wooden ramp 30 feet away. A bag in the hole scores three points, a bag left on the platform scores one.

Although not a drinking game by definition, alcoholic beverages often are consumed. The Christian Moerlein Brewing Co. sponsors tournaments, and offers a virtual version of the game on its Web site.

Alcoholic beverages often are consumed before and/or during cornholing. DUH!

Christy's Bierstube, Rathskeller and Biergarten, which caters to University of Cincinnati students, installed a game court because regular customers asked for it, said co-owner Christy Windholtz.

It may be bringing in new business "because it gives people something to do," she said.

I did some investigating, and there are several bars in the Toledo area which cater to "cornhole" enthusiasts: Bretz, Hooterville, Rip Cord and R-House, just to name a few.

Players span all ages, but teams that compete in leagues at Tommy's on the River, a bar and restaurant adjacent to a Cincinnati marina, tend to be twentysomethings.

"Many of them are people who work at P&G (the Procter & Gamble Co.) or Sara Lee, people who have been transferred into Cincinnati and don't know many people so they play sports to meet people," said Donna Frey, a bartender at Tommy's, where beach volleyball is another popular pastime.

Ah yes, P&G, makers of Pringles potato chips. In the immortal words of Steve Dahl, "Pringles: They're stacked in a can, so you can put 'em up yours!"

Cincinnati Sports Leagues, a private company, operates the corn toss and volleyball leagues, along with flag football, softball and other sports. About 15,000 under-35s participate, said co-founder Joff Moine.

"It's safe, it's fun and you don't get dirty," Moine said of the game. Players must be 21 because some teams are sponsored by alcohol vendors.

You don't get dirty? Well, I suppose that depends on your partner's hygiene.

"We cater to young professionals just out of college," Moine said. "About every three or four weeks, we have a happy hour that about 300-400 people attend."

A ready-made board can cost about $150, but several Web sites have do-it-yourself directions. Dozens of eBay listings offer customized boards and bags with logos of professional and college teams.

"A friend and I make them on the side," Moine said. "With Christmas coming up, we've got about 20 orders."

The game is so popular around Cincinnati that nearly 400 teams competed for the $2,000 first-place prize in the Cornhole Classic in February, and organizers are planning a Holiday Cornhole Classic for Thanksgiving weekend.

"Holiday Cornhole Classic"...gives whole new meaning to "stuffing the turkey".

"We were extremely surprised. I knew it was popular, but not this popular," said Matt Dunne, general manager of U.S. Bank Arena. "We have to limit it to 400 teams because we only have room for 40 courts on the arena floor."

Entry fee is $65 per team. Beer is extra.

Moine claims to be responsible for introducing the game to Myrtle Beach, S.C., while on vacation. Students take the game with them to college.

"My little brother just graduated from Ohio State, and he says students take their OSU boards to their tailgates," said Moine, who is from Columbus. "It's picking up there, at Miami University - anywhere in Ohio. It doesn't seem to be very popular outside the Midwest."

Makes you proud to be an Ohioan, doesn't it? That's right, we invented cornholing! We also invented "Buckeyeing"! Actually, *I* invented Buckeyeing. (I think. I mean, I just now thought of it. Maybe I'm not the first.) If you ask nicely, I'll describe it to you. (Though some of my loyal readers can no doubt use their imaginations and pretty much figure it out themselves.)

The game has taken root at the University of Kentucky.

"You can't go up and down the street without seeing boards and bags," said Del Proctor of Lexington, Ky., president of the local Sigma Phi Epsilon chapter. "I have some family in Cincinnati, and they've been playing a couple of years. It seems to have migrated down here through the students."

Although the game is not very physical, Proctor said players have become more active because of it.

"It gets people away from PlayStation and Xbox," he said."

That is, until there are cornhole games available for PS and Xbox.

ON THE NET
American Cornhole Association: www.playcornhole.org
Whetstone Products: www.cornholegame.org
Christian Moerlien Brewing Co.: www.christianmoerlein.com
Hillbilly Games: www.HillbillyGames.com

Anyhoo, I think the ACA could use a mascot. Who better than...