THE BETTER RODENT TRAP: WASTEBASKETS

Got a rodent in your house? Have you set out snap traps and glue traps and poison, all to no avail?

I've been there, and the only rodent-catching method with which I have EVER had consistent success is this: Two identical wastebaskets, preferably your standard tall rectangular kitchen variety, and a shitload of vigilance.

Set one wastebasket near where you've seen the disgusting little bastard, and bait it with some standard tasty-smelling garbage. Last time I found the greasy cardboard from inside a pizza box incredibly effective.

And now you play the waiting game. Clear your schedule for the next few hours. Listen to some music or the TV. Keep the other wastebasket handy, and monitor the baited one like a psychotic hawk. (The better the bait, the shorter the wait. That greasy pizza cardboard took less than an hour.)

When your visitor comes to check out your garbage, and it will, wait for it to hop in, then swoop in with the second wastebasket and drop it in the first one. Now you've got it trapped. If you prefer not to kill it, you can now run it outside to the nearest empty field or woods or wherever, and release it. The problem with releasing them is that they will now go look for another house to terrorize, or quite possibly return to yours! Well, fuck that shit.

If you'd rather kill it, use an awl to punch a couple of small holes in the second wastebasket. Once you've got it trapped, pour some bleach in. Oh, sorry, is that too cruel? Fuck you, it's vermin!

I released the last one, but only because I didn't think of the bleach thing yet.

Current Duck Pond temperature:
21.9 C / 71.4 F