TONIGHT'S FORECAST: DARK



"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."--George Carlin

He was a modern man. A man for the millenium, digital and smoke-free. A diversified multi-cultural post-modern deconstructionist, politically-, anatomically-, and ecologically-incorrect.

He was uplinked and downloaded, he was inputed and outsourced. He knew the upside of downsizing, he knew the downside of upgrading. He was a high-tech low-life. A cutting-edge state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker, and he could give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

He was new wave, but he was old school, and his inner child was outward bound. He was a hot-wired heat-seeking warm-hearted cool customer, voice-activated and biodegradable. He interfaced with his database, his database was in cyberspace. He was interactive, hyperactive and, from time to time, he was radioactive.

Behind the 8-ball, ahead of the curve, riding a wave, dodging a bullet, pushing the envelope. He was on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. He had no need for coke and speed. He had no urge to binge and purge. He was in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar.

A high-concept low-profile medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart-bomb. A top-gun bottom-feeder. He wore power ties, he told power lies, he took power naps, he ran victory laps. He was a totally ongoing bigfoot slam-dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial.

He had a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You couldn't shut him up. You couldn't dumb him down. Because he was tireless and he was wireless. He was an alpha male on beta blockers.

He was a nonbeliever and an overachiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance. Super-size, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last. He was a hands-on foot-loose knee-jerk head-case, prematurely post-traumatic and he had a love child who sent him hate mail.

He was feeling, he was caring, he was healing, he was sharing. A supportive bonding nurturing primary caregiver. His output was down but his income was up, he took a short position on the long bond and his revenue stream had its own cash flow. He read junk mail, he ate junk food, he bought junk bonds, he watched trash sports. He was gender-specific, capital-intensive, user-friendly and lactose-intolerant.

He liked rough sex, he liked tough love. He used the f-word in his e-mail and the software on his hard drive was hardcore, no soft porn. He bought a microwave at a mini-mall, he bought a minivan at a megastore. He ate fast food in the slow lane. He was toll-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear and he came in all sizes.

A fully-equipped factory-authorized hospital-tested clinically-proven scientifically-formulated medical miracle. He was pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and he had an unlimited broadband capacity.

He was a rude dude but he was the real deal, lean and mean, cocked, locked and ready to rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. He took it slow, he went with the flow, he rode with the tide, he had glide in his stride. Driving and moving, sailing and spinning, jiving and grooving, wailing and winning. He didn't snooze so he didn't lose. He kept the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. He partied hearty, and lunch time was crunch time.

He hung in, there ain't no doubt. And he hung tough. Over and out.



Current Duck Pond temperature:
23.9 C / 75.0 F