NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 3 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

INDIANAPOLIS AT GREEN BAY
Colts in all white, Pack in green with gold pants. Colts are still a tad too Penn State-ish.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

ST LOUIS AT NEW ENGLAND
Rams in all white, Cheaters in blue with silver pants. Thought I detected that Chromalusion-type effect in the Rams' gold pant stripe, but I'm not sure.
WINNER: ST LOUIS

SAN DIEGO AT NEW ORLEANS
Chargers in dark blue, Saints in white with gold pants. No powder blue is a no-no. Gold pants is a yes-yes.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

PHILADELPHIA AT KANSAS CITY
Eagles in all white, Chiefs in red. Philly's ugly numbers no match for KC's delicious cherry red.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

ATLANTA AT MIAMI
Falcons in all white, Dolphins in aqua. The aqua socks are a nice accent. Atlanta's uni an inconsistent mess.
WINNER: MIAMI

WASHINGTON AT NY JETS
Burgundyskins in white with burgundy pants, Jets in green with white pants. Jets, like Colts, need another color.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

DALLAS AT HOUSTON
Cowboys in white, Texans in dark blue. Hate Dallas, love their pants. Metallic blue beats dark blue.
WINNER: DALLAS

SEATTLE AT MINNESOTA
Seahawks in all white, Vikings in purple. In the color department, purple wins easily over an ugly fictional shade of blue that actually looks like an ugly shade of green. However, in the style department, Vike-spooge is a death sentence.
WINNER: SEATTLE

CLEVELAND AT DETROIT
Browns in all white, Lions in home blue with silver pants. Lions would win on color if not for their goofy numbers.
WINNER: CLEVELAND

TENNESSEE AT CAROLINA
Titans in white with Columbia blue pants, Panthers in "Panther blue" with silver pants. Whatever you call it, it's a good look, and it certainly beats Tennessee's shitty numbers.
WINNER: CAROLINA

NY GIANTS AT BALTIMORE
Giants in white, Ravens in purple. G-men in a no-brainer. Baltimore's numbers are just awful.
WINNER: NY GIANTS

ARIZONA AT CHICAGO
Cards in all white, Bears in navy blue. No contest. I'm not seeing as much of the Chromalusion effect this week. (Maybe I've just sniffed too many poppers from the Bijou Theatre.)
WINNER: CHICAGO

PITTSBURGH AT DENVER
Steelers in white with gold pants, Broncos in blue with orange Nike spooge. Take a wild guess.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SAN FRANCISCO AT OAKLAND
49ers in white with gold pants and red socks, Raiders in black with shiny silver pants. Jello 123 edges out monochrome.
WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO

JACKSONVILLE AT TAMPA BAY
Jags in teal (gag), Bucs in all white. The mother of the designer of Jacksonville's uni should have had an abortion.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY

CINCINNATI AT BUFFALO
Bengals in all white, Bills in all dark blue. Cincinnati has the uncanny ability to make the uni of any team they play look better than it actually is.
WINNER: BUFFALO

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 3)
Chicago Bears 3-0
Green Bay Packers 3-0
Kansas City Chiefs 3-0
New Orleans Saints 3-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 3-0
Washington Redskins 3-0
Dallas Cowboys 3-1
Cleveland Browns 2-1
Miami Dolphins 2-1
San Francisco 49ers 2-1
Carolina Panthers 2-1
New York Giants 2-1
Seattle Seahawks 2-1
St Louis Rams 2-1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2-1
Indianapolis Colts 2-1
Philadelphia Eagles 2-1
Buffalo Bills 1-2
Atlanta Falcons 1-2
Detroit Lions 1-2
New York Jets 1-2
Tennessee Titans 1-2
Denver Broncos 1-2
Houston Texans 1-2
Oakland Raiders 1-2
Arizona Cardinals 0-3
Baltimore Ravens 0-3
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-3
Minnesota Vikings 0-3
New England Patriots 0-3
San Diego Chargers 0-3
Cincinnati Bengals 0-4

SPIKE JONES WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS

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NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 2 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

NEW ENGLAND AT ATLANTA
Cheaters in road white, with blue pants. Falcons in home red. It's an okay shade of red.
WINNER: ATLANTA

INDIANAPOLIS VS BUFFALO (at Toronto)
Colts in all white regular unis. Not as neato as the throwbacks, but better than Bills in all dark blue. Ick.
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS

PHILADELPHIA AT CINCINNATI
Puke-fest. Eagles in all white, Bengals in black. Only good thing in either uni is Philly's pant stripes. Not only does Cincinnazi make orange look bad, but black as well.
WINNER: PHILADELPHIA

PITTSBURGH AT NY GIANTS
Steelers in road white, Giants in home blue. Other than the non-block numbers, Steelers always look good (espesh when Big Ben starts).
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

GREEN BAY AT SEATTLE
Pack in white with gold pants and green socks, their Jello 123 look. Seahawks in their ugly, shitty color head-to-toe. No-brainer.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

ST LOUIS AT CLEVELAND
Rams in white with metallic gold pants. Not so much Saints-ish as Notre Dame-ish. Not bad, but something is off about it. Browns in brown jerseys, looking better in the rain than the Rams. Plus the orange trim always helps.
WINNER: CLEVELAND

HOUSTON AT NEW ORLEANS
Texans in dark blue with white pants, looking good, but no match for the Saints in white with gold pants.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

NY JETS AT CAROLINA
Jets in green with white pants, Panthers in all white. Panthers have better colors, but that tapered deal on the pants still bugs me. Style wins out.
WINNER: NY JETS

BALTIMORE AT WASHINGTON
Ravens in crap shade of purple, Burgundyskins in white with burgundy pants. Another no-brainer.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

DETROIT AT DENVER
Lions in white with silver pants (shiny!) and blue socks, Broncos in orange with white pants and blue Nike spooge. Both teams have ugly numbers. I like the orange, natch, but Detroit is spoogeless.
WINNER: DETROIT

DALLAS AT SAN DIEGO
Cowboys in white with shiny pants, Chargers in dark blue. Greatest city in the world, Mud, but not their greatest uni. Come on Bolts, try!
WINNER: DALLAS

MINNESOTA AT SAN FRANCISCO
Vikes in all white with purple Vikey spooge. The purple socks are pretty in the sun. 49ers in red with gold pants. I love the 80s.
WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO

OAKLAND AT CHICAGO
Raiders in white with shiny pants, Bears in navy blue with white pants. This is weird: Chicago's trim seemed to keep changing color between orange and white, depending on the camera angle. I don't know whether there was some special Chromalusion-type material involved or if it was just an optical illusion caused by the cameras or the TV, but I'm not complaining. It was just weird.
WINNER: CHICAGO

KANSAS CITY AT TAMPA BAY
Chiefs in red with white pants, always stylish. Bucs in all white, stylish but plain in comparison.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

ARIZONA AT TENNESSEE
Both suck. Cards in all white, Titans in light blue jerseys and dark blue pants. As much as I hate to, I have to pick two-tone blue over Nike spooge.
WINNER: TENNESSEE

MIAMI AT JACKSONVILLE
Fish in white with aqua pants, Jags in teal (ugh!) with white pants. That pencil-thin Nike spooge is very disturbing.
WINNER: MIAMI

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 2)
Chicago Bears 2-0
Green Bay Packers 2-0
Indianapolis Colts 2-0
Kansas City Chiefs 2-0
New Orleans Saints 2-0
Philadelphia Eagles 2-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 2-0
Washington Redskins 2-0
Dallas Cowboys 2-1
Atlanta Falcons 1-1
Cleveland Browns 1-1
Detroit Lions 1-1
Miami Dolphins 1-1
New York Jets 1-1
San Francisco 49ers 1-1
Tennessee Titans 1-1
Carolina Panthers 1-1
Denver Broncos 1-1
Houston Texans 1-1
New York Giants 1-1
Oakland Raiders 1-1
Seattle Seahawks 1-1
St Louis Rams 1-1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-1
Arizona Cardinals 0-2
Baltimore Ravens 0-2
Buffalo Bills 0-2
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-2
Minnesota Vikings 0-2
New England Patriots 0-2
San Diego Chargers 0-2
Cincinnati Bengals 0-3

NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 1 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

A full slate of 16 games...let's get busy! (Games are reviewed in the order I got to see them.)

CAROLINA AT BALTIMORE
I still wish the stripe on Carolina's pants wasn't tapered, but otherwise still perhaps the best all-white uni in the league. I love the whole color scheme, espesh the light blue socks and trim, and the logo is fabulous. Meow. Baltimore's numbers are just putrid, they have too many logos and they all suck (espesh the crest on the field) and the color scheme is all wrong. Even the purple jersey is a bad shade.
WINNER: CAROLINA
PS: WR Armanti Edwards looks very nice in Carolina white, but I still say he could win a few Grey Cups as a CFL QB. Please Armanti, go to Hamilton, my beloved Tiger-Cats need you!

NEW ORLEANS AT NEW ENGLAND
Ah, memories of SB XLIV! The Saints' road uni with gold pants is one of the best looks in football. And with the black socks, Jello 123! The Cheaters home uni, dark blue jerseys and silver pants with their deformed numbers? Hate it! This matchup was never in doubt.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

OAKLAND AT DALLAS
The battle of the shiny pants! This one is tough to pick. Both sport clean, classic looks. Raiders in black always look good, albeit monochrome, and even in a dome their pants are still shiny. Cowboys in home white, same as last week. I guess the one tweak to the Dallas uni I would make is metallic blue helmets to match their pants. In the end, it comes down to me hating Dallas.
WINNER: OAKLAND

BUFFALO AT WASHINGTON
Bills make the dreaded mistake of wearing dark color jerseys and pants together. And it's a bad dark blue. And the red socks, which I like, don't help. Washington correctly combines white (jerseys) with burgundy (pants). (This also works vice versa.) Throw in some gold trim and you've got a tasty color combo. And since they don't wear any red, I'm going to start calling them the Burgundyskins.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

JACKSONVILLE AT PHILADELPHIA
Ugh. Both unis just awful. Jagoffs in teal. I fucking despise teal! And what is with this thin, deli-sliced Nike spooge? Eagles have ugly numbers and a bad color scheme. The green is too dark, and they need less black and more silver. I've never seen Philly in all white before. I'll throw them a bone for the novelty.
WINNER: PHILADELPHIA

KANSAS CITY AT ATLANTA
Chiefs in all white, their only faux pas. They really should wear their red pants with the white jerseys. Falcons in red jerseys need better trim design, the numbers are ugly, and they need to lose the tapered pant stripe.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

TAMPA BAY AT MIAMI
Two teams that look delicious in orange, but rarely wear it. Sigh. (I'm just glad I don't have to launder them after this muddy game!) Fish in aqua jerseys, the numbers have that shadowing thing of which I'm not a fan, looks almost cartoonish. Bucs go all white, blood red trim with just a hint of orange. Actually, they give Carolina's all white look a run for the money.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY

CLEVELAND AT GREEN BAY
Browns in all white, which apparently, and hopefully, means they've ditched the brown pants from last year. (Natch I'd prefer their old orange pants.) Another good all white uni, but not enough to beat the Pack's green jersey/gold pants home uni, one of the best in the game.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

DETROIT AT PITTSBURGH
Lions in road white never look as good as their home blue, and they still have those shitty new numbers. Steelers uni always looks great, except of course for the non-block numbers.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SAN FRANCISCO AT INDIANAPOLIS
Niners in red with their awesome 80s look. Fabulous as always. Colts in very interesting all white 50s throwbacks with dark blue trim and dark blue helmets with white horseshoes at the back. The color scheme is not unlike Toronto (where they play next week). Arrrrrrrrgooooos!!! This is a tough call. Timeless classic or neato novelty? In a close one, novelty ekes it out. I look forward to seeing the blue version.
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS

DENVER AT CINCINNATI
Broncos in blue, Bengals in white. Both hideous. Both make orange look bad. Both have ugly numbers and Nike spooge. Who do I hate more? Denver, I just hate their unis. And that closet case Tebow. CincinNazi, I hate the unis, the whole team, and the whole stupid city.
WINNER: DENVER

CHICAGO AT SAN DIEGO
Bears in white jerseys and navy pants, just like 1985. Non-block numbers and dark pants are usually a no-no, but the Bears are the exception that proves the rule. Chargers in dark blue jerseys, which aren't necessarily bad, but they certainly aren't anywhere near as good as the powder blues. When will the Bolts learn?
WINNER: CHICAGO

MINNESOTA AT ST LOUIS
Vikes in all white with lots of purple Nike spooge. Ick. Rams in dark blue jerseys, white pants, and metallic gold trim. Not as good as their L.A. look, but certainly better than Vikey spooge.
WINNER: ST LOUIS

TENNESSEE AT SEATTLE
Titans in white jerseys and, yes, Columbia blue pants. Hey, that's Argentina's color scheme! How dare they disgrace it so! Plus their numbers suck, I'm still pissed about the towel-stomping incident, and Nate Washington is a traitor! Seahawks still need to go back to some real colors and ditch the stupid head-to-toe "gun metal blue" eyesore. It's not even consistent from helmet to jersey to pants. Doesn't it rain a lot in Seattle? Why do they need an artificial wet look? Bleah. At least they have block numbers and no spooge. Plus, they're not the Titans. So style beats color.
WINNER: SEATTLE

NY GIANTS AT NY JETS
Ah yes, the new stadium (the players got tired of tripping over Jimmy Hoffa) that they forgot to put a roof on but get to host a Super Bowl anyway. WTF? G-Men in road white with grey pants and red socks/trim. The Heat...er, I mean, the Jets in home green with white pants. Both good classic looks. G's unis just more colorful.
WINNER: NY GIANTS

HOUSTON AT ARIZONA
Texans in white with dark blue pants and red trim. Dark pants? Non-block numbers? Yet somehow, inexplicably, they make it work. Thus they are exempt from the same two rules as Chicago. Cardinals in red with white pants, still have shrinky-dinked numbers and a bad case of Nike spooge.
WINNER: HOUSTON

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 1)
Carolina Panthers 1-0
Chicago Bears 1-0
Denver Broncos 1-0
Green Bay Packers 1-0
Houston Texans 1-0
Indianapolis Colts 1-0
Kansas City Chiefs 1-0
New Orleans Saints 1-0
New York Giants 1-0
Oakland Raiders 1-0
Philadelphia Eagles 1-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 1-0
Seattle Seahawks 1-0
St Louis Rams 1-0
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-0
Washington Redskins 1-0
Dallas Cowboys 1-1
Arizona Cardinals 0-1
Atlanta Falcons 0-1
Baltimore Ravens 0-1
Buffalo Bills 0-1
Cleveland Browns 0-1
Detroit Lions 0-1
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-1
Miami Dolphins 0-1
Minnesota Vikings 0-1
New England Patriots 0-1
New York Jets 0-1
San Diego Chargers 0-1
San Francisco 49ers 0-1
Tennessee Titans 0-1
Cincinnati Bengals 0-2

[Duxoop here, letting you know that the Duck Pond's resident sports fashion critic, Mr. Coloredwell, is back from vacation and ready to rock ya with his usual style and finesse. Take it away, Mr. C...]

MR. COLOREDWELL'S WEEKLY FOOTBALL FASHION REPORT

Hi there, sweeties! I have returned, and I am mostly over the quarterfinal loss of my beloved Argentina in the World Cup. And most of the tinnitus brought on by those retarded vuvuzelas has finally subsided. Time to launch ourselves into this fall's football fashions!

Yes, I am including exhibition games (and yes, I know the NFL prefers to call them 'preseason' games, but screw them, I'm an exhibitionist!). No, I am not including any games played during Ben Roethlisberger's undeserved suspension. (Innocent until proven guilty. Ever hear that phrase, Roger Goodell? You would have made a great judge...in the Salem witch trials!)

I think all 32 NFL teams are wearing Reebok, so unless noted otherwise they get the credit or the blame as the case may be. And away we go...

DALLAS vs CINCINNATI at Canton (Hall Of Fame Game)
Cowboys in white jerseys, metallic blue pants and royal blue socks. Bengals in black jerseys and socks, and white pants. Two teams I despise.

But at least the 'Boys know how to dress. Classic uni. Frankly it's a wonder an owner like Jerry Jones hasn't fucked it up. Yet. I love the shiny pants, and the pretty blue socks that match their block numbers really bring their whole look together. Dallas is one of those teams that do a good job sporting what I like to call the Jello 123 look: Dark color socks, light color pants, and a white jersey.

I can safely say this already, the Bungles are the worst-dressed team in the league. I simply cannot stand those varicose pumpkins on their heads, their numbers are crap, the white down the side of the jersey doesn't work, nor do the helmet-matching shoulders, and the striped Nike spooge on the pants should be punishable by death. In fact, I wish whoever designed these unis would fall from the back of a pickup truck and die!

WINNER: DALLAS

That of course is the only game this week. I'll see you next week here on the Pond for a full slate of exhibitionism!