[Duxoop here, letting you know that the Duck Pond's resident sports fashion critic, Mr. Coloredwell, is back from vacation and ready to rock ya with his usual style and finesse. Take it away, Mr. C...]

MR. COLOREDWELL'S WEEKLY FOOTBALL FASHION REPORT

Hi there, sweeties! I have returned, and I am mostly over the quarterfinal loss of my beloved Argentina in the World Cup. And most of the tinnitus brought on by those retarded vuvuzelas has finally subsided. Time to launch ourselves into this fall's football fashions!

Yes, I am including exhibition games (and yes, I know the NFL prefers to call them 'preseason' games, but screw them, I'm an exhibitionist!). No, I am not including any games played during Ben Roethlisberger's undeserved suspension. (Innocent until proven guilty. Ever hear that phrase, Roger Goodell? You would have made a great judge...in the Salem witch trials!)

I think all 32 NFL teams are wearing Reebok, so unless noted otherwise they get the credit or the blame as the case may be. And away we go...

DALLAS vs CINCINNATI at Canton (Hall Of Fame Game)
Cowboys in white jerseys, metallic blue pants and royal blue socks. Bengals in black jerseys and socks, and white pants. Two teams I despise.

But at least the 'Boys know how to dress. Classic uni. Frankly it's a wonder an owner like Jerry Jones hasn't fucked it up. Yet. I love the shiny pants, and the pretty blue socks that match their block numbers really bring their whole look together. Dallas is one of those teams that do a good job sporting what I like to call the Jello 123 look: Dark color socks, light color pants, and a white jersey.

I can safely say this already, the Bungles are the worst-dressed team in the league. I simply cannot stand those varicose pumpkins on their heads, their numbers are crap, the white down the side of the jersey doesn't work, nor do the helmet-matching shoulders, and the striped Nike spooge on the pants should be punishable by death. In fact, I wish whoever designed these unis would fall from the back of a pickup truck and die!

WINNER: DALLAS

That of course is the only game this week. I'll see you next week here on the Pond for a full slate of exhibitionism!