NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 1 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

A full slate of 16 games...let's get busy! (Games are reviewed in the order I got to see them.)

CAROLINA AT BALTIMORE
I still wish the stripe on Carolina's pants wasn't tapered, but otherwise still perhaps the best all-white uni in the league. I love the whole color scheme, espesh the light blue socks and trim, and the logo is fabulous. Meow. Baltimore's numbers are just putrid, they have too many logos and they all suck (espesh the crest on the field) and the color scheme is all wrong. Even the purple jersey is a bad shade.
WINNER: CAROLINA
PS: WR Armanti Edwards looks very nice in Carolina white, but I still say he could win a few Grey Cups as a CFL QB. Please Armanti, go to Hamilton, my beloved Tiger-Cats need you!

NEW ORLEANS AT NEW ENGLAND
Ah, memories of SB XLIV! The Saints' road uni with gold pants is one of the best looks in football. And with the black socks, Jello 123! The Cheaters home uni, dark blue jerseys and silver pants with their deformed numbers? Hate it! This matchup was never in doubt.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

OAKLAND AT DALLAS
The battle of the shiny pants! This one is tough to pick. Both sport clean, classic looks. Raiders in black always look good, albeit monochrome, and even in a dome their pants are still shiny. Cowboys in home white, same as last week. I guess the one tweak to the Dallas uni I would make is metallic blue helmets to match their pants. In the end, it comes down to me hating Dallas.
WINNER: OAKLAND

BUFFALO AT WASHINGTON
Bills make the dreaded mistake of wearing dark color jerseys and pants together. And it's a bad dark blue. And the red socks, which I like, don't help. Washington correctly combines white (jerseys) with burgundy (pants). (This also works vice versa.) Throw in some gold trim and you've got a tasty color combo. And since they don't wear any red, I'm going to start calling them the Burgundyskins.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

JACKSONVILLE AT PHILADELPHIA
Ugh. Both unis just awful. Jagoffs in teal. I fucking despise teal! And what is with this thin, deli-sliced Nike spooge? Eagles have ugly numbers and a bad color scheme. The green is too dark, and they need less black and more silver. I've never seen Philly in all white before. I'll throw them a bone for the novelty.
WINNER: PHILADELPHIA

KANSAS CITY AT ATLANTA
Chiefs in all white, their only faux pas. They really should wear their red pants with the white jerseys. Falcons in red jerseys need better trim design, the numbers are ugly, and they need to lose the tapered pant stripe.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

TAMPA BAY AT MIAMI
Two teams that look delicious in orange, but rarely wear it. Sigh. (I'm just glad I don't have to launder them after this muddy game!) Fish in aqua jerseys, the numbers have that shadowing thing of which I'm not a fan, looks almost cartoonish. Bucs go all white, blood red trim with just a hint of orange. Actually, they give Carolina's all white look a run for the money.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY

CLEVELAND AT GREEN BAY
Browns in all white, which apparently, and hopefully, means they've ditched the brown pants from last year. (Natch I'd prefer their old orange pants.) Another good all white uni, but not enough to beat the Pack's green jersey/gold pants home uni, one of the best in the game.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

DETROIT AT PITTSBURGH
Lions in road white never look as good as their home blue, and they still have those shitty new numbers. Steelers uni always looks great, except of course for the non-block numbers.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SAN FRANCISCO AT INDIANAPOLIS
Niners in red with their awesome 80s look. Fabulous as always. Colts in very interesting all white 50s throwbacks with dark blue trim and dark blue helmets with white horseshoes at the back. The color scheme is not unlike Toronto (where they play next week). Arrrrrrrrgooooos!!! This is a tough call. Timeless classic or neato novelty? In a close one, novelty ekes it out. I look forward to seeing the blue version.
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS

DENVER AT CINCINNATI
Broncos in blue, Bengals in white. Both hideous. Both make orange look bad. Both have ugly numbers and Nike spooge. Who do I hate more? Denver, I just hate their unis. And that closet case Tebow. CincinNazi, I hate the unis, the whole team, and the whole stupid city.
WINNER: DENVER

CHICAGO AT SAN DIEGO
Bears in white jerseys and navy pants, just like 1985. Non-block numbers and dark pants are usually a no-no, but the Bears are the exception that proves the rule. Chargers in dark blue jerseys, which aren't necessarily bad, but they certainly aren't anywhere near as good as the powder blues. When will the Bolts learn?
WINNER: CHICAGO

MINNESOTA AT ST LOUIS
Vikes in all white with lots of purple Nike spooge. Ick. Rams in dark blue jerseys, white pants, and metallic gold trim. Not as good as their L.A. look, but certainly better than Vikey spooge.
WINNER: ST LOUIS

TENNESSEE AT SEATTLE
Titans in white jerseys and, yes, Columbia blue pants. Hey, that's Argentina's color scheme! How dare they disgrace it so! Plus their numbers suck, I'm still pissed about the towel-stomping incident, and Nate Washington is a traitor! Seahawks still need to go back to some real colors and ditch the stupid head-to-toe "gun metal blue" eyesore. It's not even consistent from helmet to jersey to pants. Doesn't it rain a lot in Seattle? Why do they need an artificial wet look? Bleah. At least they have block numbers and no spooge. Plus, they're not the Titans. So style beats color.
WINNER: SEATTLE

NY GIANTS AT NY JETS
Ah yes, the new stadium (the players got tired of tripping over Jimmy Hoffa) that they forgot to put a roof on but get to host a Super Bowl anyway. WTF? G-Men in road white with grey pants and red socks/trim. The Heat...er, I mean, the Jets in home green with white pants. Both good classic looks. G's unis just more colorful.
WINNER: NY GIANTS

HOUSTON AT ARIZONA
Texans in white with dark blue pants and red trim. Dark pants? Non-block numbers? Yet somehow, inexplicably, they make it work. Thus they are exempt from the same two rules as Chicago. Cardinals in red with white pants, still have shrinky-dinked numbers and a bad case of Nike spooge.
WINNER: HOUSTON

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 1)
Carolina Panthers 1-0
Chicago Bears 1-0
Denver Broncos 1-0
Green Bay Packers 1-0
Houston Texans 1-0
Indianapolis Colts 1-0
Kansas City Chiefs 1-0
New Orleans Saints 1-0
New York Giants 1-0
Oakland Raiders 1-0
Philadelphia Eagles 1-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 1-0
Seattle Seahawks 1-0
St Louis Rams 1-0
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-0
Washington Redskins 1-0
Dallas Cowboys 1-1
Arizona Cardinals 0-1
Atlanta Falcons 0-1
Baltimore Ravens 0-1
Buffalo Bills 0-1
Cleveland Browns 0-1
Detroit Lions 0-1
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-1
Miami Dolphins 0-1
Minnesota Vikings 0-1
New England Patriots 0-1
New York Jets 0-1
San Diego Chargers 0-1
San Francisco 49ers 0-1
Tennessee Titans 0-1
Cincinnati Bengals 0-2