COLLEGE FOOTBALL FASHION REVIEW 2010 WEEK 4
by Mr. Coloredwell, sports fashion critic for The Duck Pond
MIAMI FL (Nike) AT PITTSBURGH (Nike)
'Canes in white jerseys and orange pants with green and white spooge. Pitt in blue jerseys and gold pants. Miami does orange wrong.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH
TCU (Nike) AT SMU (Adidas)
FU. Anyhoo... Frogs in all white with purple numbers and helmets. 'Stangs in red jerseys and white pants, again looking like Patriots throwbacks. Nothing wrong with that.
WINNER: SMU
CENTRAL FLORIDA (Nike) AT KANSAS STATE (Nike)
UCF in white jerseys with gold pants, numbers and spooge. White/light gold a bad color combo, numbers are hard to read, and the spooge doesn't help. K-State in purple jerseys and silver pants. Purple/silver a great color combo, and they have it all to themselves. Why?
WINNER: KANSAS STATE
NORTH CAROLINA STATE (Adidas) AT GEORGIA TECH (Russell)
NC State in all white with red numbers. Yawn. GT in gold jerseys with white trim and dark blue numbers, and white pants with a gold stripe. GT makes white/light gold combo work with a dark 3rd color for the numbers. Hey UCF, it's called contrast!
WINNER: GEORGIA TECH
NORTHERN COLORADO [FCS] (New Balance) AT MICHIGAN STATE (Nike)
NC in all white with navy blue numbers, gold trim and helmets. MSU in green jerseys and white pants. Spartans, please pluck your eyelashes!
WINNER: NORTHERN COLORADO
BOWLING GREEN (Adidas) AT MICHIGAN (Adidas)
BG in all white with orange helmets and numbers and brown pant stripe. Number font is a little strange and there's a bit of brown spooge on the jersey, but they're playing UM (in their home blue), so Falcons get a gift.
WINNER: BOWLING GREEN
FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL (Adidas) AT MARYLAND (Under Armour)
FIU in all white with dark blue numbers and deformed pant stripe, and blue and gold spooge on the jersey. Terps in red jerseys and white pants, with black spooge from armpit to knee and hint of yellow trim. Terps have better looking numbers and a nice shade of red.
WINNER: MARYLAND
AUSTIN PEAY [FCS] (Nike) AT WISCONSIN (Adidas)
AP in white jerseys and bright red pants, numbers and helmets. A nice red, but the overall design has a cheap feel. Badgers in home red jerseys and white pants. Solid, clean, classic look. Badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom SNAKE!
WINNER: WISCONSIN
EASTERN MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
EMU in all white with green trim, a bit boring but no errors. Buckeyes in home scarlet jerseys and sparkling helmets are simply unbeatable.
WINNER: OHIO STATE
ALABAMA (Nike) AT ARKANSAS (Nike)
Tide in all white with crimson trim. Arkansas in red jerseys and white pants. Arky uni better than last year, but they need to lose the white armpits and the tacky 'Razorbacks' down the leg.
WINNER: ALABAMA
STANFORD (Nike) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Stan in all white with cardinal trim. Irish in blue jerseys and gold pants. No surprises in South Bend (except for that billboard). Color decides it. Besides Stan needs to pay for their 'blackout' last week.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME
FLORIDA A&M [FCS] (Russell) VS TENNESSEE STATE [FCS] (Adidas) at Atlanta
FAMU in all white with goofy green numbers and orange trim. Fugly numbers can ruin an entire uniform. TSU in blue jerseys with white block numbers and red trim, and white pants with some blue spooge. Numbers decide it.
WINNER: TENNESSEE STATE
BTW, kudos to Versus for airing this game in HD. I had to toss out the Grambling-Prairie View game. Why is it ESPN never airs black college games in HD? Hmm?? Anyone???
NORTH CAROLINA (Nike) AT RUTGERS (Nike)
Heels in all white with light blue helmets, numbers and trim. The Nevada-shaped spooge still bugs me, otherwise a great uni. Rutgers in scarlet jerseys and white pants. They do scarlet wrong, due to goofy numbers.
WINNER: NORTH CAROLINA
TEMPLE (Under Armour) AT PENN STATE (Nike)
Owls in all white with dark red helmets, numbers, and that annoying crosswalk down the leg. Lions in home blue. PSU uni strategy is simple: do nothing wrong by doing nothing, and get a win only because other team does something stupid like a crosswalk down their leg.
WINNER: PENN STATE
UAB (Nike) AT TENNESSEE (Adidas)
Blazers in white jerseys with gold sides and green numbers, and gold pants and helmets. Vols in the juicy orange jerseys with white pants. Oh so quenching! Can't beat the creamsicles.
WINNER: TENNESSEE
WAKE FOREST (Nike) AT FLORIDA STATE (Nike)
Wake in white jerseys and black pants and we can just stop right there and give this one to the red and gold.
WINNER: FLORIDA STATE
AIR FORCE (Nike) AT WYOMING (Nike)
Farce in all white with blue trim. Wyoming in brown jerseys, yellow pants, and white helmets and numbers. We'll just ignore the brown spooge on the pants, because this color scheme works for the Hawthorn Hawks, it worked for the Broncos throwbacks, and it works for the Cowboys.
WINNER: WYOMING
UCLA (Adidas) AT TEXAS (Nike)
Bruins in white jerseys with dark blue numbers and dark blue and gold trim, and shiny gold pants. Shorthorns in patchy, ugly shade of orange jerseys and white pants. Would prefer light blue instead of dark, but it sure beats Texas orange, which looks like Tennessee orange if it were left to soak in Swan Creek. A disturbing thought.
WINNER: UCLA
OKLAHOMA (Nike) AT CINCINNATI (Adidas)
Sooners in all white with red trim. Cinci...and we can just stop right there.
WINNER: OKLAHOMA
NEVADA (Nike) AT BYU (Nike)
Nevada in all white with dark blue spooge all over and ugly numbers. BYU in blue jerseys and white pants. They're just Penn State slightly gussied up.
WINNER: BYU
AKRON (Adidas) AT INDIANA (Adidas)
Zips in white jerseys with dark blue pants, spooge and ugly numbers. Hoosiers in red jerseys and white pants. Indy would be just fine if not for those huge blotches of spooge on their sides. But they steal another win thanks to an uglier opponent.
WINNER: INDIANA
KENTUCKY (Nike) AT FLORIDA (Nike)
KY (two of my favorite letters!) in all white with blue trim. Gay Tebows...er, I mean, Gators in blue jerseys and white pants, orange helmets and trim. No big mistakes. Color decides it.
WINNER: FLORIDA
SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour) AT AUBURN (Under Armour)
Gamecocks in all white with red and black trim including spooge. Auburn in blue jerseys, white pants and orange trim. The only uni Under Armour hasn't totally fucked up.
WINNER: AUBURN
OREGON STATE (Nike) AT BOISE STATE (Nike)
Beavers in all white, Broncos in all blue. The rest of the details don't matter because I cannot look at that barf-inducing blue rug another second.
WINNER: OREGON STATE
WEST VIRGINIA (Nike) AT LSU (Nike)
WVU in all dark blue with yellow spooge and ugly numbers. LSU in white jerseys, yellow pants and purple trim. Total mismatch.
WINNER: LSU
NORTHERN ILLINOIS (Adidas) AT MINNESOTA (Nike)
NIU in white jerseys with red numbers and black armpits, and black pants, Gophers in all maroon with yellow numbers and spooge. Both teams are putrid. NIU has better numbers and less spooge.
WINNER: NORTHERN ILLINOIS
OREGON (Nike) AT ARIZONA STATE (Nike)
...and we can just stop right there.
WINNER: ARIZONA STATE
BALL STATE (Nike) AT IOWA (Nike)
Hawkeyes in throwbacks! Game over! Black jerseys with Steeler gold block numbers, similar to Steelers throwbacks, but paired with gold pants and numbered helmets. Cards in all white with black spooge and...who cares? They got owned!
WINNER: IOWA
CENTRAL MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT NORTHWESTERN (Adidas)
Chips in all white with maroon spooge. NU in dark purple jerseys and black pants with white and purple stripes. What's this? Black pants that don't look like garbage? Go fig!
WINNER: NORTHWESTERN
TOLEDO (Under Armour) AT PURDUE (Nike)
Rockets in all white with disgusting numbers and blue and gold spooge. Purdue in all black. Toledo's new unis are the ugliest fuckin' things to come down the pike in years. Whoever designed these should be waterboarded...with AIDS-infected piss.
WINNER: PURDUE
2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 27
Iowa (Nike) 4-0
LSU (Nike) 4-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 4-0
Ohio State (Nike) 4-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 4-0
Auburn (Under Armour) 3-0
Kansas State (Nike) 3-0
Oklahoma (Nike) 3-0
Southern California (Nike) 3-0
Tennessee (Adidas) 3-0
California (Nike) 2-0
Georgia (Nike) 2-0
Kansas (Adidas) 2-0
Kent State (Nike) 2-0
Northwestern (Adidas) 2-0
Oregon State (Nike) 2-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 2-0
SMU (Adidas) 2-0
Baylor (Nike) 1-0
Bowling Green (Adidas) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
Duke (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida Atlantic (Adidas) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Nebraska (Adidas) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
Tulane (Nike) 1-0
Western Kentucky (Russell) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Wyoming (Nike) 1-0
Purdue (Nike) 3-1
UCLA (Adidas) 3-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 2-1
Alabama (Nike) 2-1
Florida (Nike) 2-1
Illinois (Nike) 2-1
Indiana (Adidas) 2-1
Florida State (Nike) 2-2
Arizona State (Nike) 1-1
Georgia Tech (Russell) 1-1
Marshall (Nike) 1-1
North Carolina (Nike) 1-1
Penn State (Nike) 2-2
Arizona (Nike) 1-1
Boise State (Nike) 1-1
Clemson (Nike) 1-1
Houston (Nike) 1-1
Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
North Carolina State (Adidas) 1-1
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
Temple (Under Armour) 1-1
BYU (Nike) 1-2
Stanford (Nike) 1-2
Texas (Nike) 1-2
Air Force (Nike) 1-2
Iowa State (Nike) 1-2
Akron (Adidas) 0-1
Boston College (Under Armour) 0-1
Central Florida (Nike) 0-1
Colorado (Nike) 0-1
Eastern Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Florida International (Adidas) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Kentucky (Nike) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Ohio (Russell) 0-1
Rutgers (Nike) 0-1
San Jose State (Nike) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UAB (Nike) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
UTEP (Nike) 0-1
Vanderbilt (Nike) 0-1
Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1
Washington (Nike) 0-1
Arkansas (Nike) 0-2
Ball State (Nike) 0-2
Central Michigan (Adidas) 0-2
Miami FL (Nike) 0-2
Nevada (Nike) 0-2
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-2
Oregon (Nike) 0-2
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-2
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-2
Wake Forest (Nike) 0-2
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-3
Minnesota (Nike) 0-3
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-3
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-3
TCU (Nike) 0-3
West Virginia (Nike) 0-3
Michigan (Adidas) 0-4
Michigan State (Nike) 0-4
2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 27
Massachusetts (Adidas) 1-0
Northern Colorado (New Balance) 1-0
Samford (Russell) 1-0
South Dakota (Nike) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Southern Illinois (Under Armour) 1-0
Tennessee State (Adidas) 1-0
Austin Peay (Nike) 0-1
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Florida A&M (Russell) 0-1
Illinois State (Nike) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Western Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
ONCE UPON A SCRIBE
After hearing about Google Scribe Labs on Monday's installment of Countdown With Keith Olbermann, I had to check it out myself. I started with "Once upon a time" and kept hitting 'Enter', and any time it began to repeat itself I backed up over the repeated part and just typed in 'a' to nudge it in a new direction (or 'b' if 'a' still repeated). With some other minimal editing, I ended up with the following. Enjoy.
A BEDTIME STORY BY DUXOOP AND GOOGLE SCRIBE LABS
Once upon a time in the future and the future of the world and the world of the living room and dining room with a view to share videos with friends and family to enjoy a good meal and a drink for the first time in their lives and the lives of the people who are not in the same way as the first step to doing all this and more in a unique way to honor and celebrate the life of the author and do not want to be related to the search result can be bookmarked to maintain the filter for future use at any time and without notice to you and your agent will be able to see this on the map or by adding a new direction for the agency to the extent that the law of the land and the animals were killed by the police and the courts have been reluctant to use the same time as the application of the above mentioned problems and keep your language decent and the prices are very reasonable and the service is not available for this item with others in our community and the ability to make a difference in the amount of the loan amount is added to the group of patients with a history of the area of the city of angels soundtrack listing for the album once you play the game and the game is to be used in the present study was to determine the effect of the drug in the treatment of the subject areas below and select the most appropriate way to deal with the problem of the invariant amplitudes are given by the following equation for the reaction of the corresponding gene in the mouse and human protein and amino acid sequences of the invention is to provide a login for this account as well as their own controls and were not included in the study of the effects of the applied voltage is increased to a maximum of two years of the date of the first and second ends of the earth and the sun is shining and the sky is completely dark and the light of these findings is that the two are not the only one who can not afford to pay for the cost of the project is to develop a new generation of protein database search programs and the latest news from the field of view of the fact that the average person and are available in the following languages 1 year ago by the late and great atmosphere to drink it all the time and place of the full range of services to the public domain in these countries and our international network of people who have been in the business of the company and the company is not affiliated with any school or team listed above is provided by the merchants and accuracy of the information contained in this advertisement and any use thereof or reliance thereon or for any future business relationship that you may have to be a member of the Board of Directors of the Company and the Company shall be entitled to a refund of the purchase price of the product or as part of the products name of the person who is not board certified may still be an excellent physician has been practicing law for over twenty years of experience in the area of the anaesthetized rabbit following stimulation of the perforant path in the graph of the function of the number of active users at any given age group and the control of the situation and the particular needs of the community which he reaches out and grabs you by the hand of the artist and the song is called The Word of advice to the Minister of Finance and Personnel Committee meeting held on August 2 and 3 are the same as the one in the afternoon and evening showers and thunderstorms in the morning and evening peak hours despite a change in the way of the blood vessels in the brain and spinal cord injury in the rat brain and adrenal glands of the skin and the respiratory tract of the body and the mind of the reader.
The End
After hearing about Google Scribe Labs on Monday's installment of Countdown With Keith Olbermann, I had to check it out myself. I started with "Once upon a time" and kept hitting 'Enter', and any time it began to repeat itself I backed up over the repeated part and just typed in 'a' to nudge it in a new direction (or 'b' if 'a' still repeated). With some other minimal editing, I ended up with the following. Enjoy.
A BEDTIME STORY BY DUXOOP AND GOOGLE SCRIBE LABS
Once upon a time in the future and the future of the world and the world of the living room and dining room with a view to share videos with friends and family to enjoy a good meal and a drink for the first time in their lives and the lives of the people who are not in the same way as the first step to doing all this and more in a unique way to honor and celebrate the life of the author and do not want to be related to the search result can be bookmarked to maintain the filter for future use at any time and without notice to you and your agent will be able to see this on the map or by adding a new direction for the agency to the extent that the law of the land and the animals were killed by the police and the courts have been reluctant to use the same time as the application of the above mentioned problems and keep your language decent and the prices are very reasonable and the service is not available for this item with others in our community and the ability to make a difference in the amount of the loan amount is added to the group of patients with a history of the area of the city of angels soundtrack listing for the album once you play the game and the game is to be used in the present study was to determine the effect of the drug in the treatment of the subject areas below and select the most appropriate way to deal with the problem of the invariant amplitudes are given by the following equation for the reaction of the corresponding gene in the mouse and human protein and amino acid sequences of the invention is to provide a login for this account as well as their own controls and were not included in the study of the effects of the applied voltage is increased to a maximum of two years of the date of the first and second ends of the earth and the sun is shining and the sky is completely dark and the light of these findings is that the two are not the only one who can not afford to pay for the cost of the project is to develop a new generation of protein database search programs and the latest news from the field of view of the fact that the average person and are available in the following languages 1 year ago by the late and great atmosphere to drink it all the time and place of the full range of services to the public domain in these countries and our international network of people who have been in the business of the company and the company is not affiliated with any school or team listed above is provided by the merchants and accuracy of the information contained in this advertisement and any use thereof or reliance thereon or for any future business relationship that you may have to be a member of the Board of Directors of the Company and the Company shall be entitled to a refund of the purchase price of the product or as part of the products name of the person who is not board certified may still be an excellent physician has been practicing law for over twenty years of experience in the area of the anaesthetized rabbit following stimulation of the perforant path in the graph of the function of the number of active users at any given age group and the control of the situation and the particular needs of the community which he reaches out and grabs you by the hand of the artist and the song is called The Word of advice to the Minister of Finance and Personnel Committee meeting held on August 2 and 3 are the same as the one in the afternoon and evening showers and thunderstorms in the morning and evening peak hours despite a change in the way of the blood vessels in the brain and spinal cord injury in the rat brain and adrenal glands of the skin and the respiratory tract of the body and the mind of the reader.
The End
Sunday, September 12, 2010
COLLEGE FOOTBALL FASHION REVIEW 2010 WEEK 2
by Mr. Coloredwell, sports fashion critic and Duck Pond guest columnist
CENTRAL MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT TEMPLE (Under Armour)
CMU in white jerseys and maroon pants with yellow conehead-shaped spooge. Owls in red jerseys and white pants with their stupid dashed line down the side. Both teams should just go pantless! CMU has better colors, but Owls have regular block numbers, and I have to pick one or the other.
WINNER: TEMPLE
AUBURN (Under Armour) AT MISSISSIPPI STATE (Adidas)
Auburn in all white with blue and orange trim. What's this? An Under Armour uni with no mistakes on it? Will wonders never cease! MSU in maroon jerseys and white pants, again with the pant spooge shaped like an irregular necktie.
WINNER: AUBURN
WEST VIRGINIA (Nike) AT MARSHALL (Nike)
WVU in white jerseys and dark blue pants with yellow Nike-spooge and ugly numbers. Marshall in pretty green jerseys and white pants, block numbers and no spooge. Only problem is sweat shows very prominently in the green.
WINNER: MARSHALL
UTEP (Nike) AT HOUSTON (Nike)
UTEP in white jerseys and orange pants, but with disgusting dark blue Denver Bronco-style Nike-spooge from armpit to knee. Houston in red jerseys and white pants with red Nike-spooge. Lovely shades of orange and red, sadly polluted by all that spooge. Of which, Houston has much less. Of.
WINNER: HOUSTON
SAN JOSE STATE (Nike) AT WISCONSIN (Adidas)
SJSU in all white with a lot of blue and yellow Nike spooge. Badgers in ravishing red jerseys and white pants, now clearly the 3rd best uni in their conference.
WINNER: WISCONSIN
GEORGIA (Nike) AT SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour)
'Dawgs in white jerseys and grey pants with red and black trim. 'Cocks in all dark red with white and black Nike-spooge, a disgrace to cocks everywhere.
WINNER: GEORGIA
FLORIDA ATLANTIC (Adidas) VS MICHIGAN STATE (Nike) (at Detroit)
FAU in blue jerseys and white pants with blue, red and white trim. MSU in all white with green shoulders and pant spooge. Those stupid eyelash numbers fit right in at Ford Field, I guess.
WINNER: FLORIDA ATLANTIC
GEORGIA TECH (Russell) AT KANSAS (Adidas)
The Wreck in all white with blue and gold Nike-spooge down the whole side. Kansas in blue jerseys and white pants, and their usual dorky numbers, which I'll have to overlook because I can't bear GT's spooge. Get some block numbers, Toto!
WINNER: KANSAS
ILLINOIS STATE [FCS] (Nike) AT NORTHWESTERN (Adidas)
ISU in white jerseys with red shoulders, and red pants. Tuck in your jerseys! NWU in dark purple jerseys, black pants and white trim. Not the best shade of purple, and I'm not a fan of black pants, but I'll give them credit for ditching last year's spooge.
WINNER: NORTHWESTERN
WESTERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (Adidas) AT PURDUE (Nike)
WIU in white jerseys with purple and gold trim, and purple pants. Purdue in all black (bleah) with gold and white trim. Well, WIU wins on pants, but the lettering on the front of their jerseys looks hokey. Tough call here.
WINNER: PURDUE
FLORIDA STATE (Nike) AT OKLAHOMA (Nike)
FSU in white jerseys with red and gold trim and gold pants. OU in red jerseys and white pants. FSU loses it with the non-block numbers.
WINNER: OKLAHOMA
MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Michigan in white jerseys with some yellow Nike-spooge on them, and yellow pants. Ugh, the puke-inducing helmets. I'd like to pour paint thinner on them. And set them on fire. And if the whole team burns to death in the process, so be it. ND in blue jerseys and gold pants, unremarkable but no mistakes.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME
MIAMI FL (Nike) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
'Canes in white jerseys with dark green Nike-spooge and ugly numbers, and dark green pants with orange and white Nike-spooge. Buckeyes in scrumptious scarlet jerseys and grey pants. Miami does everything wrong, OSU does everything right. How much more lopsided can you get?
WINNER: OHIO STATE
KENT STATE (Nike) AT BOSTON COLLEGE (Under Armour)
Kent in white jerseys and shiny yellow pants, BC in red jerseys and gold pants. BC's numbers are irregular, italic idiocy. Kent's pants are, fittingly, fabulously flashy!
WINNER: KENT STATE
COLORADO (Nike) AT CALIFORNIA (Nike)
Col in white jerseys and black pants (ugh), Cal in blue jerseys and yellow pants. A mixed bag here. Col has nice shiny helmets, but they have that same dumb Nevada-shaped thing on their pants as UNC. And they need to tuck their jerseys in. Cal has a very bad case of Nike-spooge on the shoulders and pants. Cal has much better numbers than Col. You're kidding, that's the decider?
WINNER: CALIFORNIA
BYU (Nike) AT AIR FORCE (Nike)
Morons, er, Mormons (same thing) in white jerseys and dark blue pants. Air Farce in medium blue jerseys and white pants. Farce has a nicer blue.
WINNER: AIR FORCE
IOWA STATE (Nike) AT IOWA (Nike)
ISU in white jerseys and red pants with yellow stripes, a nice twist on the USC look. But they seem to have a bit of that MSU eyelash thing. Iowa in black and gold. Steelers lookalikes (actually lookbetters) win again.
WINNER: IOWA
PENN STATE (Nike) AT ALABAMA (Nike)
PSU in all white, 'Bama in red jerseys and white pants. Yawn.
WINNER: ALABAMA
OREGON (Nike) AT TENNESSEE (Adidas)
Ducks in all white with dark green trim, the shittiest numbers in existence, and whatever that crap is on their shoulders. Vols in their gorgeous, juicy orange jerseys with white pants. Even in the rain, the orange still looks delicious. THIS is how much more lopsided you can get!
WINNER: TENNESSEE
LSU (Nike) AT VANDERBILT (Nike)
LSU in white jerseys and yellow pants, Vandy in black jerseys and gold pants. No purple socks yet for the Jello 123 effect, but Tigers still look tasty.
WINNER: LSU
SOUTHERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (Under Armour) AT ILLINOIS (Nike)
SIU in white jerseys and maroon pants, UI in dark blue jerseys and white pants, with orange Nike-spooge down the sides. Well, this is an easy pick, isn't it?
WINNER: SOUTHERN ILLINOIS
MISSISSIPPI (Nike) AT TULANE (Nike)
Ole Miss in white jerseys with red numbers and grey pants, NY Giants lookalikes. Tulane in green jerseys and white pants, with a lovely, mesmerizing shade of light blue trim that glues their whole look together.
WINNER: TULANE
STANFORD (Nike) AT UCLA (Adidas)
Stanford in all white with with Cardinal red trim. Bruins in their stunning (and shiny!) light blue jerseys and shiny gold pants. They make the Chargers throwbacks look like household rags!
WINNER: UCLA
VIRGINIA (Nike) AT SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (Nike)
UVA in white jerseys and orange pants, USC in Cardinal red jerseys and gold pants. I was all set to give the nod to VA for the orange pants, but then I saw the dark blue Nike-spooge on them that looks like they all had blue pens in their pockets and all the ink leaked out!
WINNER: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
SOUTH DAKOTA (Nike) AT MINNESOTA (Nike)
SD in all white with red block numbers and helmets. Plain but not screwy. Gophers in maroon jerseys and yellow pants with some maroon Nike-spooge at the knees. I am not a fan of maroon, and it's way overused.
WINNER: SOUTH DAKOTA
2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 12
Iowa (Nike) 2-0
LSU (Nike) 2-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 2-0
Ohio State (Nike) 2-0
Southern California (Nike) 2-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 2-0
Air Force (Nike) 1-0
Alabama (Nike) 1-0
Arizona (Nike) 1-0
Auburn (Under Armour) 1-0
Boise State (Nike) 1-0
California (Nike) 1-0
Clemson (Nike) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida (Nike) 1-0
Florida Atlantic (Adidas) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Georgia (Nike) 1-0
Houston (Nike) 1-0
Indiana (Adidas) 1-0
Kansas (Adidas) 1-0
Kansas State (Nike) 1-0
Kent State (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Northwestern (Nike) 1-0
Oklahoma (Nike) 1-0
Oregon State (Nike) 1-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
SMU (Adidas) 1-0
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Temple (Under Armour) 1-0
Tennessee (Adidas) 1-0
Tulane (Nike) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Marshall (Nike) 1-1
Purdue (Nike) 1-1
UCLA (Adidas) 1-1
Illinois (Nike) 1-1
Iowa State (Nike) 1-1
Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
Penn State (Nike) 1-1
Boston College (Under Armour) 0-1
BYU (Nike) 0-1
Central Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-1
Colorado (Nike) 0-1
Georgia Tech (Russell) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 0-1
Miami FL (Nike) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Carolina (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Oregon (Nike) 0-1
San Jose State (Nike) 0-1
Stanford (Nike) 0-1
TCU (Nike) 0-1
Texas (Nike) 0-1
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-1
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
UTEP (Nike) 0-1
Vanderbilt (Nike) 0-1
Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1
West Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Florida State (Nike) 0-2
Michigan (Adidas) 0-2
Michigan State (Nike) 0-2
Minnesota (Nike) 0-2
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-2
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-2
2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 12
Samford (Russell) 1-0
South Dakota (Nike) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Southern Illinois (Under Armour) 1-0
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Illinois State (Nike) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Western Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1
by Mr. Coloredwell, sports fashion critic and Duck Pond guest columnist
CENTRAL MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT TEMPLE (Under Armour)
CMU in white jerseys and maroon pants with yellow conehead-shaped spooge. Owls in red jerseys and white pants with their stupid dashed line down the side. Both teams should just go pantless! CMU has better colors, but Owls have regular block numbers, and I have to pick one or the other.
WINNER: TEMPLE
AUBURN (Under Armour) AT MISSISSIPPI STATE (Adidas)
Auburn in all white with blue and orange trim. What's this? An Under Armour uni with no mistakes on it? Will wonders never cease! MSU in maroon jerseys and white pants, again with the pant spooge shaped like an irregular necktie.
WINNER: AUBURN
WEST VIRGINIA (Nike) AT MARSHALL (Nike)
WVU in white jerseys and dark blue pants with yellow Nike-spooge and ugly numbers. Marshall in pretty green jerseys and white pants, block numbers and no spooge. Only problem is sweat shows very prominently in the green.
WINNER: MARSHALL
UTEP (Nike) AT HOUSTON (Nike)
UTEP in white jerseys and orange pants, but with disgusting dark blue Denver Bronco-style Nike-spooge from armpit to knee. Houston in red jerseys and white pants with red Nike-spooge. Lovely shades of orange and red, sadly polluted by all that spooge. Of which, Houston has much less. Of.
WINNER: HOUSTON
SAN JOSE STATE (Nike) AT WISCONSIN (Adidas)
SJSU in all white with a lot of blue and yellow Nike spooge. Badgers in ravishing red jerseys and white pants, now clearly the 3rd best uni in their conference.
WINNER: WISCONSIN
GEORGIA (Nike) AT SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour)
'Dawgs in white jerseys and grey pants with red and black trim. 'Cocks in all dark red with white and black Nike-spooge, a disgrace to cocks everywhere.
WINNER: GEORGIA
FLORIDA ATLANTIC (Adidas) VS MICHIGAN STATE (Nike) (at Detroit)
FAU in blue jerseys and white pants with blue, red and white trim. MSU in all white with green shoulders and pant spooge. Those stupid eyelash numbers fit right in at Ford Field, I guess.
WINNER: FLORIDA ATLANTIC
GEORGIA TECH (Russell) AT KANSAS (Adidas)
The Wreck in all white with blue and gold Nike-spooge down the whole side. Kansas in blue jerseys and white pants, and their usual dorky numbers, which I'll have to overlook because I can't bear GT's spooge. Get some block numbers, Toto!
WINNER: KANSAS
ILLINOIS STATE [FCS] (Nike) AT NORTHWESTERN (Adidas)
ISU in white jerseys with red shoulders, and red pants. Tuck in your jerseys! NWU in dark purple jerseys, black pants and white trim. Not the best shade of purple, and I'm not a fan of black pants, but I'll give them credit for ditching last year's spooge.
WINNER: NORTHWESTERN
WESTERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (Adidas) AT PURDUE (Nike)
WIU in white jerseys with purple and gold trim, and purple pants. Purdue in all black (bleah) with gold and white trim. Well, WIU wins on pants, but the lettering on the front of their jerseys looks hokey. Tough call here.
WINNER: PURDUE
FLORIDA STATE (Nike) AT OKLAHOMA (Nike)
FSU in white jerseys with red and gold trim and gold pants. OU in red jerseys and white pants. FSU loses it with the non-block numbers.
WINNER: OKLAHOMA
MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Michigan in white jerseys with some yellow Nike-spooge on them, and yellow pants. Ugh, the puke-inducing helmets. I'd like to pour paint thinner on them. And set them on fire. And if the whole team burns to death in the process, so be it. ND in blue jerseys and gold pants, unremarkable but no mistakes.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME
MIAMI FL (Nike) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
'Canes in white jerseys with dark green Nike-spooge and ugly numbers, and dark green pants with orange and white Nike-spooge. Buckeyes in scrumptious scarlet jerseys and grey pants. Miami does everything wrong, OSU does everything right. How much more lopsided can you get?
WINNER: OHIO STATE
KENT STATE (Nike) AT BOSTON COLLEGE (Under Armour)
Kent in white jerseys and shiny yellow pants, BC in red jerseys and gold pants. BC's numbers are irregular, italic idiocy. Kent's pants are, fittingly, fabulously flashy!
WINNER: KENT STATE
COLORADO (Nike) AT CALIFORNIA (Nike)
Col in white jerseys and black pants (ugh), Cal in blue jerseys and yellow pants. A mixed bag here. Col has nice shiny helmets, but they have that same dumb Nevada-shaped thing on their pants as UNC. And they need to tuck their jerseys in. Cal has a very bad case of Nike-spooge on the shoulders and pants. Cal has much better numbers than Col. You're kidding, that's the decider?
WINNER: CALIFORNIA
BYU (Nike) AT AIR FORCE (Nike)
Morons, er, Mormons (same thing) in white jerseys and dark blue pants. Air Farce in medium blue jerseys and white pants. Farce has a nicer blue.
WINNER: AIR FORCE
IOWA STATE (Nike) AT IOWA (Nike)
ISU in white jerseys and red pants with yellow stripes, a nice twist on the USC look. But they seem to have a bit of that MSU eyelash thing. Iowa in black and gold. Steelers lookalikes (actually lookbetters) win again.
WINNER: IOWA
PENN STATE (Nike) AT ALABAMA (Nike)
PSU in all white, 'Bama in red jerseys and white pants. Yawn.
WINNER: ALABAMA
OREGON (Nike) AT TENNESSEE (Adidas)
Ducks in all white with dark green trim, the shittiest numbers in existence, and whatever that crap is on their shoulders. Vols in their gorgeous, juicy orange jerseys with white pants. Even in the rain, the orange still looks delicious. THIS is how much more lopsided you can get!
WINNER: TENNESSEE
LSU (Nike) AT VANDERBILT (Nike)
LSU in white jerseys and yellow pants, Vandy in black jerseys and gold pants. No purple socks yet for the Jello 123 effect, but Tigers still look tasty.
WINNER: LSU
SOUTHERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (Under Armour) AT ILLINOIS (Nike)
SIU in white jerseys and maroon pants, UI in dark blue jerseys and white pants, with orange Nike-spooge down the sides. Well, this is an easy pick, isn't it?
WINNER: SOUTHERN ILLINOIS
MISSISSIPPI (Nike) AT TULANE (Nike)
Ole Miss in white jerseys with red numbers and grey pants, NY Giants lookalikes. Tulane in green jerseys and white pants, with a lovely, mesmerizing shade of light blue trim that glues their whole look together.
WINNER: TULANE
STANFORD (Nike) AT UCLA (Adidas)
Stanford in all white with with Cardinal red trim. Bruins in their stunning (and shiny!) light blue jerseys and shiny gold pants. They make the Chargers throwbacks look like household rags!
WINNER: UCLA
VIRGINIA (Nike) AT SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (Nike)
UVA in white jerseys and orange pants, USC in Cardinal red jerseys and gold pants. I was all set to give the nod to VA for the orange pants, but then I saw the dark blue Nike-spooge on them that looks like they all had blue pens in their pockets and all the ink leaked out!
WINNER: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
SOUTH DAKOTA (Nike) AT MINNESOTA (Nike)
SD in all white with red block numbers and helmets. Plain but not screwy. Gophers in maroon jerseys and yellow pants with some maroon Nike-spooge at the knees. I am not a fan of maroon, and it's way overused.
WINNER: SOUTH DAKOTA
2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 12
Iowa (Nike) 2-0
LSU (Nike) 2-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 2-0
Ohio State (Nike) 2-0
Southern California (Nike) 2-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 2-0
Air Force (Nike) 1-0
Alabama (Nike) 1-0
Arizona (Nike) 1-0
Auburn (Under Armour) 1-0
Boise State (Nike) 1-0
California (Nike) 1-0
Clemson (Nike) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida (Nike) 1-0
Florida Atlantic (Adidas) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Georgia (Nike) 1-0
Houston (Nike) 1-0
Indiana (Adidas) 1-0
Kansas (Adidas) 1-0
Kansas State (Nike) 1-0
Kent State (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Northwestern (Nike) 1-0
Oklahoma (Nike) 1-0
Oregon State (Nike) 1-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
SMU (Adidas) 1-0
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Temple (Under Armour) 1-0
Tennessee (Adidas) 1-0
Tulane (Nike) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Marshall (Nike) 1-1
Purdue (Nike) 1-1
UCLA (Adidas) 1-1
Illinois (Nike) 1-1
Iowa State (Nike) 1-1
Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
Penn State (Nike) 1-1
Boston College (Under Armour) 0-1
BYU (Nike) 0-1
Central Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-1
Colorado (Nike) 0-1
Georgia Tech (Russell) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 0-1
Miami FL (Nike) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Carolina (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Oregon (Nike) 0-1
San Jose State (Nike) 0-1
Stanford (Nike) 0-1
TCU (Nike) 0-1
Texas (Nike) 0-1
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-1
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
UTEP (Nike) 0-1
Vanderbilt (Nike) 0-1
Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1
West Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Florida State (Nike) 0-2
Michigan (Adidas) 0-2
Michigan State (Nike) 0-2
Minnesota (Nike) 0-2
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-2
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-2
2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 12
Samford (Russell) 1-0
South Dakota (Nike) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Southern Illinois (Under Armour) 1-0
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Illinois State (Nike) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Western Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1
Monday, September 06, 2010
COLLEGE FOOTBALL FASHION REVIEW 2010 WEEK 1
by Mr. Coloredwell, Duck Pond sports fashion critic
Since it's impossible to review every game played, I only count games available on HD channels. Rah rah rah! Let's begin...
[All teams FBS unless otherwise noted]
MARSHALL (Nike) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
Marshall in white jerseys and green pants, Buckeyes in scarlet jerseys and grey pants. Oh, that scarlet looks fabulous under the lights! Same for the sparkly helmets! Let us hope OSU never lets Nike fuck up their look.
WINNER: OHIO STATE
MINNESOTA (Nike) AT MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE (Nike)
Minnesota in all white, Mid Tenn in blue jerseys and silver pants. Both have Nike-spooge on pants. Mid Tenn wins on color, Minnesota's is crap.
WINNER: MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE
SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI (Nike) AT SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour)
So Miss in all white with black and gold trim, So Car in all red with white and black trim. Both have Nike-spooge on pants. (Ugh, I sense a trend.) I like the nickname Gamecocks, natch, but not the bad shade of red head-to-toe. So Miss has slightly weird numbers, but nice trim colors.
WINNER: SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI
PITTSBURGH (Nike) AT UTAH (Under Armour)
Pitt in white with gold pants, Utah in all red. Utes have goofy numbers and pant spooge. Plain Panthers get a gift.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (Nike) AT HAWAII (Under Armour)
USC in white with gold pants, Hawaii in dark green with black trim and white pants with spooge on them. Warriors uni is all-around crap, plus I can never forgive them for dropping the 'Rainbow' from their nickname.
WINNER: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
NORTHERN ILLINOIS (Adidas) AT IOWA STATE (Nike)
NIU in white with black pants and red trim, ISU in maroon with gold pants. Cyclones blatantly rip off USC's look, but subtly improve on it.
WINNER: IOWA STATE
TOWSON [FCS] (Under Armour) AT INDIANA (Adidas)
Towson in white jerseys with yellow sides, black pants with yellow spooge, and pinched numbers. Hoosiers in red jerseys with a hideous, thick blotch of white spooge on the side, and white pants with a hideous, thick blotch of red spooge on the side. Oh dear. Indy had a nice look last year, and they have pissed it away. Sad. What's sadder is they steal a win here due to Towson looking like complete crap. They won't get away with this in the conference.
WINNER: INDIANA
ARIZONA (Nike) AT TOLEDO (Under Armour)
Arizona in white with blue pants, Toledo in all blue with yellow trim. I'm not a fan of 'Zona's numbers or dark pants, but I like how their pant stripes fade out at the top. It's something different. Toledo has EVERYTHING wrong. Head-to-toe dark color, ugly name and number fonts, and yellow and white pant spooge shaped like a deformed necktie. I know we're only a handful of games into the season, but so far Under Armour is out-Nike-ing Nike in the ugly uniform department!
WINNER: ARIZONA
MIAMI OH (Adidas) AT FLORIDA (Nike)
Miami in all white with red trim, Florida in blue with white pants. Both good unis. I like Florida's colors.
WINNER: FLORIDA
WESTERN MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT MICHIGAN STATE (Nike)
WMU in white with black pants and gold trim, MSU in green with white pants. Broncos look good except for the dark pants. What happened to the Spartans? Nike-spooge on the pants now, and it looks like they made a cheap attempt to copy Detroit's stupid 'our numbers have eyelashes' look by taking boxcutters to theirs and making notches in them. And then they didn't even make them all point the same way. Weak. Lame.
WINNER: WESTERN MICHIGAN
SAMFORD [FCS] (Russell) AT FLORIDA STATE (Nike)
Samford in all white with red and dark blue trim, FSU in red with gold pants. Samford has a good, clean, basic look. I like FSU's uni except their numbers are weird.
WINNER: SAMFORD
YOUNGSTOWN STATE [FCS] (Under Armour) AT PENN STATE (Nike)
YSU in all white with red trim and pinched numbers. PSU in their usual blue and white generic government-issue yawwwn-inducing color- flavor- and odor-less white bread and mayonnaizzzzzzzzzzz...Gaah! Band practice! Oops, sorry, their uni is so boring I dozed off. They should go back to black and pink. And yet...
WINNER: PENN STATE
ILLINOIS (Nike) VS MISSOURI (Nike) (at St Louis)
Illinois in all white with orange Nike-spooge on their sides, Mizzou in all black (ugh!) with gold and white Nike-spooge on their sides. Lesser of two evils wins here.
WINNER: ILLINOIS
CONNECTICUT (Nike) AT MICHIGAN (Adidas)
UConn in all white with dark blue trim, Michigan in blue with yellow pants. I like how UConn's number style matches their logo, but they need to lose the pant spooge. Michigan's helmet is the single butt-ugliest thing in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I want to dig up Schembechler's grave, throw all of Michigan's helmets into it, and pour the contents of a few dozen port-a-potties in on top. Oh look, all the trees here in Toledo are swaying to the north, and it's not the wind...Michigan sucks!
WINNER: CONNECTICUT
PURDUE (Nike) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Boilermakers in white with black pants, Irish in blue (instead of the green they should be wearing!) with gold pants. Hard to not like a team named after a drink, but easy to hate black football pants.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME
TEXAS (Nike) AT RICE (Nike)
Longhorns (yeah, right, in their dreams!) in all white with the only ugly shade of orange in existence. Owls in all dark blue. Everything's dumber in Texas.
WINNER: RICE
NORTH TEXAS (Under Armour) AT CLEMSON (Nike)
NT in all white with a nice shiny shade of 'Mean Green' trim, but some black pant spooge. Clemson in orange with white pants. Clemson does orange right.
WINNER: CLEMSON
UCLA (Adidas) AT KANSAS STATE (Nike)
Bruins in white with gold pants, but dark blue numbers instead of light blue. What is this, San Diego? KSU in a pretty purple with silver pants. K-State does purple right.
WINNER: KANSAS STATE
JACKSONVILLE STATE [FCS] (Adidas) AT MISSISSIPPI (Nike)
JSU in all white with red pant spooge. Ole Miss in dark blue with gray pants, looking like an alternate Giants uni.
WINNER: MISSISSIPPI
MEMPHIS (Nike) AT MISSISSIPPI STATE (Adidas)
Memphis in all white with blue trim, MSU in maroon with white pants. Both have bad Nike-spooge. Memphis has an okay shade of blue.
WINNER: MEMPHIS
OREGON STATE (Nike) AT TCU (Nike)
OSU in all white with weird numbers (almost UConn-style), but at least they're orange. TCU...WTF? Black jerseys with purple trim and black/purple pant stripe, but that's not the problem. Their helmets, pants and numbers have some sort of repulsive scaly pattern. They're silver, shiny and sparkly, but in an icky, fishy way. Only a smelt would be caught dead looking like this. And the pants are so gay even I wouldn't wear them!
WINNER: OREGON STATE
LSU (Nike) VS NORTH CAROLINA (Nike) (at Atlanta)
LSU in white with gold pants, UNC in light blue with white pants. LSU just needs some purple socks for a perfect Jello 123 look. UNC uni would be great without that spoogy thing on their pants.
WINNER: LSU
CINCINNATI (Adidas) AT FRESNO STATE (Nike)
Cincinnati in all white with black trim. Horrible number and letter fonts, and they are the poster children for Nike-spooge. Their pants are visual ipecac. Fresno State in all red. "Uh, yes I'm the devil, why do you think I'm all red?" Same shadowed numbers as the Dolphins. No frills, no mistakes.
WINNER: FRESNO STATE
WISCONSIN (Adidas) AT UNLV (Nike)
Badgers in all white with red trim, nice shade of red and no crap. Vegas in red jerseys with grey shoulders, pants and helmets, and white numbers. UNLV is just one possible example of what Ohio State's uni would look like if they let Nike fuck it up.
WINNER: WISCONSIN
EASTERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (New Balance) AT IOWA (Nike)
EIU in all white with some blue Nike-spooge, numbers aren't block but they're okay. Iowa in Steeler-style black and gold, with block numbers like I wish the Steelers had.
WINNER: IOWA
DELAWARE STATE [FCS] (Russell) VS SOUTHERN [FCS] (Russell)(at Orlando)
Delaware State in head-to-toe red with blue Nike-spooge on the sides, which is almost undetectable in wide camera shots. But I can sniff out spooge from a mile away! Southern in all white with blue and gold numbers and no whiff of spooge.
WINNER: SOUTHERN
TULSA (Nike) AT EAST CAROLINA (Nike)
Tulsa in all white with blue Nike-spooge and putrid numbers. ECU in purple jerseys and white pants. I said it before and I'll say it again, those purple Pirates can ransack Mr. C's booty anytime!
WINNER: EAST CAROLINA
SMU (Adidas) AT TEXAS TECH (Under Armour)
SMU Mustang...bang! SMU in all white with red numbers and red/blue trim, slight resemblance to the old New England unis. Texas Tech in red jerseys with white pants, black helmets and Nike-spooge, and shrinky-dink player names. Everything's dumber in Texas. We'll just overlook the fact that SMU blatantly ripped off Calgary's helmet logo.
WINNER: SMU
NAVY (Nike) VS MARYLAND (Under Armour) (at Baltimore)
Navy in white jerseys and gold pants, with a navy blue belt instead of the cute red one they had last year. Maryland in red jerseys and whtie pants, with black Nike-spooge down their sides. As much as I'd like to give it to the Terps on colors, the spooge is a dealbreaker.
WINNER: NAVY
BOISE STATE (Nike) VS VIRGINIA TECH (Nike) (at Landover)
Ugh. Where to begin with this all-around travesty? Boise in grey jerseys and blue everything else, with slight traces of orange. Nice shade of blue, otherwise total garbage. VT in all flat black with orange trim with hints of their ugly shade of purple. WTF is all that crap in their numbers and trim? Is this what happens when you design football uniforms on salvia? I really wish my power had gone out so I wouldn't have seen any of this. Boise's crap uni wins only because that BP oil spill of a uniform on the other side of the field is the worst, saddest, most horrible tragedy in the entire history of Virginia Tech University.
WINNER: BOISE STATE
2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 7
Arizona (Nike) 1-0
Boise State (Nike) 1-0
Clemson (Nike) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida (Nike) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Illinois (Nike) 1-0
Indiana (Adidas) 1-0
Iowa (Nike) 1-0
Iowa State (Nike) 1-0
Kansas State (Nike) 1-0
LSU (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 1-0
Ohio State (Nike) 1-0
Oregon State (Nike) 1-0
Penn State (Nike) 1-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
SMU (Adidas) 1-0
Southern California (Nike) 1-0
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 1-0
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-1
Florida State (Nike) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Marshall (Nike) 0-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Michigan State (Nike) 0-1
Minnesota (Nike) 0-1
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Carolina (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Purdue (Nike) 0-1
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-1
TCU (Nike) 0-1
Texas (Nike) 0-1
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-1
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UCLA (Adidas) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1
2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 7
Samford (Russell) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1
Any teams not listed are 0-0.
by Mr. Coloredwell, Duck Pond sports fashion critic
Since it's impossible to review every game played, I only count games available on HD channels. Rah rah rah! Let's begin...
[All teams FBS unless otherwise noted]
MARSHALL (Nike) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
Marshall in white jerseys and green pants, Buckeyes in scarlet jerseys and grey pants. Oh, that scarlet looks fabulous under the lights! Same for the sparkly helmets! Let us hope OSU never lets Nike fuck up their look.
WINNER: OHIO STATE
MINNESOTA (Nike) AT MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE (Nike)
Minnesota in all white, Mid Tenn in blue jerseys and silver pants. Both have Nike-spooge on pants. Mid Tenn wins on color, Minnesota's is crap.
WINNER: MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE
SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI (Nike) AT SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour)
So Miss in all white with black and gold trim, So Car in all red with white and black trim. Both have Nike-spooge on pants. (Ugh, I sense a trend.) I like the nickname Gamecocks, natch, but not the bad shade of red head-to-toe. So Miss has slightly weird numbers, but nice trim colors.
WINNER: SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI
PITTSBURGH (Nike) AT UTAH (Under Armour)
Pitt in white with gold pants, Utah in all red. Utes have goofy numbers and pant spooge. Plain Panthers get a gift.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (Nike) AT HAWAII (Under Armour)
USC in white with gold pants, Hawaii in dark green with black trim and white pants with spooge on them. Warriors uni is all-around crap, plus I can never forgive them for dropping the 'Rainbow' from their nickname.
WINNER: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
NORTHERN ILLINOIS (Adidas) AT IOWA STATE (Nike)
NIU in white with black pants and red trim, ISU in maroon with gold pants. Cyclones blatantly rip off USC's look, but subtly improve on it.
WINNER: IOWA STATE
TOWSON [FCS] (Under Armour) AT INDIANA (Adidas)
Towson in white jerseys with yellow sides, black pants with yellow spooge, and pinched numbers. Hoosiers in red jerseys with a hideous, thick blotch of white spooge on the side, and white pants with a hideous, thick blotch of red spooge on the side. Oh dear. Indy had a nice look last year, and they have pissed it away. Sad. What's sadder is they steal a win here due to Towson looking like complete crap. They won't get away with this in the conference.
WINNER: INDIANA
ARIZONA (Nike) AT TOLEDO (Under Armour)
Arizona in white with blue pants, Toledo in all blue with yellow trim. I'm not a fan of 'Zona's numbers or dark pants, but I like how their pant stripes fade out at the top. It's something different. Toledo has EVERYTHING wrong. Head-to-toe dark color, ugly name and number fonts, and yellow and white pant spooge shaped like a deformed necktie. I know we're only a handful of games into the season, but so far Under Armour is out-Nike-ing Nike in the ugly uniform department!
WINNER: ARIZONA
MIAMI OH (Adidas) AT FLORIDA (Nike)
Miami in all white with red trim, Florida in blue with white pants. Both good unis. I like Florida's colors.
WINNER: FLORIDA
WESTERN MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT MICHIGAN STATE (Nike)
WMU in white with black pants and gold trim, MSU in green with white pants. Broncos look good except for the dark pants. What happened to the Spartans? Nike-spooge on the pants now, and it looks like they made a cheap attempt to copy Detroit's stupid 'our numbers have eyelashes' look by taking boxcutters to theirs and making notches in them. And then they didn't even make them all point the same way. Weak. Lame.
WINNER: WESTERN MICHIGAN
SAMFORD [FCS] (Russell) AT FLORIDA STATE (Nike)
Samford in all white with red and dark blue trim, FSU in red with gold pants. Samford has a good, clean, basic look. I like FSU's uni except their numbers are weird.
WINNER: SAMFORD
YOUNGSTOWN STATE [FCS] (Under Armour) AT PENN STATE (Nike)
YSU in all white with red trim and pinched numbers. PSU in their usual blue and white generic government-issue yawwwn-inducing color- flavor- and odor-less white bread and mayonnaizzzzzzzzzzz...Gaah! Band practice! Oops, sorry, their uni is so boring I dozed off. They should go back to black and pink. And yet...
WINNER: PENN STATE
ILLINOIS (Nike) VS MISSOURI (Nike) (at St Louis)
Illinois in all white with orange Nike-spooge on their sides, Mizzou in all black (ugh!) with gold and white Nike-spooge on their sides. Lesser of two evils wins here.
WINNER: ILLINOIS
CONNECTICUT (Nike) AT MICHIGAN (Adidas)
UConn in all white with dark blue trim, Michigan in blue with yellow pants. I like how UConn's number style matches their logo, but they need to lose the pant spooge. Michigan's helmet is the single butt-ugliest thing in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I want to dig up Schembechler's grave, throw all of Michigan's helmets into it, and pour the contents of a few dozen port-a-potties in on top. Oh look, all the trees here in Toledo are swaying to the north, and it's not the wind...Michigan sucks!
WINNER: CONNECTICUT
PURDUE (Nike) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Boilermakers in white with black pants, Irish in blue (instead of the green they should be wearing!) with gold pants. Hard to not like a team named after a drink, but easy to hate black football pants.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME
TEXAS (Nike) AT RICE (Nike)
Longhorns (yeah, right, in their dreams!) in all white with the only ugly shade of orange in existence. Owls in all dark blue. Everything's dumber in Texas.
WINNER: RICE
NORTH TEXAS (Under Armour) AT CLEMSON (Nike)
NT in all white with a nice shiny shade of 'Mean Green' trim, but some black pant spooge. Clemson in orange with white pants. Clemson does orange right.
WINNER: CLEMSON
UCLA (Adidas) AT KANSAS STATE (Nike)
Bruins in white with gold pants, but dark blue numbers instead of light blue. What is this, San Diego? KSU in a pretty purple with silver pants. K-State does purple right.
WINNER: KANSAS STATE
JACKSONVILLE STATE [FCS] (Adidas) AT MISSISSIPPI (Nike)
JSU in all white with red pant spooge. Ole Miss in dark blue with gray pants, looking like an alternate Giants uni.
WINNER: MISSISSIPPI
MEMPHIS (Nike) AT MISSISSIPPI STATE (Adidas)
Memphis in all white with blue trim, MSU in maroon with white pants. Both have bad Nike-spooge. Memphis has an okay shade of blue.
WINNER: MEMPHIS
OREGON STATE (Nike) AT TCU (Nike)
OSU in all white with weird numbers (almost UConn-style), but at least they're orange. TCU...WTF? Black jerseys with purple trim and black/purple pant stripe, but that's not the problem. Their helmets, pants and numbers have some sort of repulsive scaly pattern. They're silver, shiny and sparkly, but in an icky, fishy way. Only a smelt would be caught dead looking like this. And the pants are so gay even I wouldn't wear them!
WINNER: OREGON STATE
LSU (Nike) VS NORTH CAROLINA (Nike) (at Atlanta)
LSU in white with gold pants, UNC in light blue with white pants. LSU just needs some purple socks for a perfect Jello 123 look. UNC uni would be great without that spoogy thing on their pants.
WINNER: LSU
CINCINNATI (Adidas) AT FRESNO STATE (Nike)
Cincinnati in all white with black trim. Horrible number and letter fonts, and they are the poster children for Nike-spooge. Their pants are visual ipecac. Fresno State in all red. "Uh, yes I'm the devil, why do you think I'm all red?" Same shadowed numbers as the Dolphins. No frills, no mistakes.
WINNER: FRESNO STATE
WISCONSIN (Adidas) AT UNLV (Nike)
Badgers in all white with red trim, nice shade of red and no crap. Vegas in red jerseys with grey shoulders, pants and helmets, and white numbers. UNLV is just one possible example of what Ohio State's uni would look like if they let Nike fuck it up.
WINNER: WISCONSIN
EASTERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (New Balance) AT IOWA (Nike)
EIU in all white with some blue Nike-spooge, numbers aren't block but they're okay. Iowa in Steeler-style black and gold, with block numbers like I wish the Steelers had.
WINNER: IOWA
DELAWARE STATE [FCS] (Russell) VS SOUTHERN [FCS] (Russell)(at Orlando)
Delaware State in head-to-toe red with blue Nike-spooge on the sides, which is almost undetectable in wide camera shots. But I can sniff out spooge from a mile away! Southern in all white with blue and gold numbers and no whiff of spooge.
WINNER: SOUTHERN
TULSA (Nike) AT EAST CAROLINA (Nike)
Tulsa in all white with blue Nike-spooge and putrid numbers. ECU in purple jerseys and white pants. I said it before and I'll say it again, those purple Pirates can ransack Mr. C's booty anytime!
WINNER: EAST CAROLINA
SMU (Adidas) AT TEXAS TECH (Under Armour)
SMU Mustang...bang! SMU in all white with red numbers and red/blue trim, slight resemblance to the old New England unis. Texas Tech in red jerseys with white pants, black helmets and Nike-spooge, and shrinky-dink player names. Everything's dumber in Texas. We'll just overlook the fact that SMU blatantly ripped off Calgary's helmet logo.
WINNER: SMU
NAVY (Nike) VS MARYLAND (Under Armour) (at Baltimore)
Navy in white jerseys and gold pants, with a navy blue belt instead of the cute red one they had last year. Maryland in red jerseys and whtie pants, with black Nike-spooge down their sides. As much as I'd like to give it to the Terps on colors, the spooge is a dealbreaker.
WINNER: NAVY
BOISE STATE (Nike) VS VIRGINIA TECH (Nike) (at Landover)
Ugh. Where to begin with this all-around travesty? Boise in grey jerseys and blue everything else, with slight traces of orange. Nice shade of blue, otherwise total garbage. VT in all flat black with orange trim with hints of their ugly shade of purple. WTF is all that crap in their numbers and trim? Is this what happens when you design football uniforms on salvia? I really wish my power had gone out so I wouldn't have seen any of this. Boise's crap uni wins only because that BP oil spill of a uniform on the other side of the field is the worst, saddest, most horrible tragedy in the entire history of Virginia Tech University.
WINNER: BOISE STATE
2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 7
Arizona (Nike) 1-0
Boise State (Nike) 1-0
Clemson (Nike) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida (Nike) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Illinois (Nike) 1-0
Indiana (Adidas) 1-0
Iowa (Nike) 1-0
Iowa State (Nike) 1-0
Kansas State (Nike) 1-0
LSU (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 1-0
Ohio State (Nike) 1-0
Oregon State (Nike) 1-0
Penn State (Nike) 1-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
SMU (Adidas) 1-0
Southern California (Nike) 1-0
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 1-0
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-1
Florida State (Nike) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Marshall (Nike) 0-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Michigan State (Nike) 0-1
Minnesota (Nike) 0-1
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Carolina (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Purdue (Nike) 0-1
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-1
TCU (Nike) 0-1
Texas (Nike) 0-1
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-1
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UCLA (Adidas) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1
2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 7
Samford (Russell) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1
Any teams not listed are 0-0.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 4 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell
NEW ENGLAND AT NY GIANTS
Cheaters in white with blue pants, G-men in blue with grey pants. No contest.
WINNER: NY GIANTS
WASHINGTON AT ARIZONA
Burgundyskins in white with burgundy pants, Cards in...what? Black jerseys and white pants, slight traces of red, black spooge on the pants. The Cardinals wearing hardly any cardinal. Yeah, sure, that makes sense.
WINNER: WASHINGTON
SAN DIEGO AT SAN FRANCISCO
Chargers in white with dark blue pants, 49ers in red with gold pants. The dark blue is winless. Take the hint, Bolts! No powder blue = no win for you!
WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO
TAMPA BAY AT HOUSTON
Bucs in all white, Texans in blue with white pants. Tampa's look is solid, even if it's not creamsicle.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY
BALTIMORE AT ST LOUIS
Ravens in all white, Rams in blue with gold pants. Ravens look like crap no matter what. Rams have a nice home look, plus their turf is not as ugly anymore.
WINNER: ST LOUIS
BUFFALO AT DETROIT
Bills in all white, Lions in blue with silver pants. Bills road uni wildly inconsistent. The dark blue rectangle at the top of the jersey is bad enough, and then it doesn't even match the blue of the numbers. The red down the side of the jersey is bad enough, and then it doesn't even match the pant stripe.
WINNER: DETROIT
DENVER AT MINNESOTA
Broncos in all white, Vikings in purple and white. Spooge abounds. Ick. Vikes win on color.
WINNER: MINNESOTA
MIAMI AT DALLAS
Dolphins in aqua and white, Cowboys in white and metallic blue. Not sure why, but the 'Boys look seems off somehow. The pants look silver, and the blue looks dark. Maybe it's their own new stadium making all their colors look dull. Miami's colors, however, really pop here.
WINNER: MIAMI
GREEN BAY AT KANSAS CITY
Biggest uni matchup of the exhibition season. Pack in white with gold pants and green socks, Chiefs in red with white pants and red socks. Two of the best. This is a tough call, and it could have a ripple effect thru the rest of the season. If KC had gold pants...but they don't. GB has the Jello 123 thing happening.
WINNER (BY A THREAD): GREEN BAY
ATLANTA AT JACKSONVILLE
Falcons in all white, Jags in teal and white. Not many things make me gag. Teal does.
WINNER: ATLANTA
CHICAGO AT CLEVELAND
Bears in white with navy pants, Browns in brown with white pants. Pretty orange trim all around. If only Cleveland would go back to orange pants. As it is, the '85 Bears look wins out in a close call.
WINNER: CHICAGO
NY JETS AT PHILADELPHIA
Jets in green with white pants, Eagles in white with green pants. Seeing these teams side by side, you can see just what a crappy shade of green Philly wears.
WINNER: NY JETS
CAROLINA AT PITTSBURGH
Panthers in all white, Steelers in black and gold. Panther blue meets its match.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH
SEATTLE AT OAKLAND
Seahawks in all white, Raiders in black and silver. Shiny pants and sparkly helmets! Whee!
WINNER: OAKLAND
NEW ORLEANS AT TENNESSEE
Saints in white with gold pants, Titans in light blue jerseys and dark blue pants. Actually, with the white helmets, Titans almost have their own differently-proportioned Jello 123 look, but the dark blue shoulders ruin it. And the crap numbers. Oh, and that towel incident.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS
CINCINNATI AT INDIANAPOLIS
Bungles in white with black pants, Colts in blue with white pants. Can't we just burn down the whole city of Cincinnati, just to make sure we destroy all the disgusting football uniforms in that dump?
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS
And with that, we begin our 4-week boycott of the entire NFL, until Ben Roethlisberger's suspension is over. We here at The Duck Pond still believe in DUE PROCESS, a concept that clearly escapes douchebags like Roger Goodell (and for that matter, Duxoop's former place of work). See you in Week 5.
Meanwhile, my review of the first week of college football is coming up in a day or two. No rest for Mr. C!
2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Week 4)
Chicago Bears 4-0
Green Bay Packers 4-0
New Orleans Saints 4-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 4-0
Washington Redskins 4-0
Miami Dolphins 3-1
San Francisco 49ers 3-1
New York Giants 3-1
St Louis Rams 3-1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3-1
Indianapolis Colts 3-1
Kansas City Chiefs 3-1
Dallas Cowboys 3-2
Atlanta Falcons 2-2
Detroit Lions 2-2
New York Jets 2-2
Oakland Raiders 2-2
Cleveland Browns 2-2
Carolina Panthers 2-2
Seattle Seahawks 2-2
Philadelphia Eagles 2-2
Minnesota Vikings 1-3
Buffalo Bills 1-3
Tennessee Titans 1-3
Denver Broncos 1-3
Houston Texans 1-3
Arizona Cardinals 0-4
Baltimore Ravens 0-4
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-4
New England Patriots 0-4
San Diego Chargers 0-4
Cincinnati Bengals 0-5
by Mr. Coloredwell
NEW ENGLAND AT NY GIANTS
Cheaters in white with blue pants, G-men in blue with grey pants. No contest.
WINNER: NY GIANTS
WASHINGTON AT ARIZONA
Burgundyskins in white with burgundy pants, Cards in...what? Black jerseys and white pants, slight traces of red, black spooge on the pants. The Cardinals wearing hardly any cardinal. Yeah, sure, that makes sense.
WINNER: WASHINGTON
SAN DIEGO AT SAN FRANCISCO
Chargers in white with dark blue pants, 49ers in red with gold pants. The dark blue is winless. Take the hint, Bolts! No powder blue = no win for you!
WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO
TAMPA BAY AT HOUSTON
Bucs in all white, Texans in blue with white pants. Tampa's look is solid, even if it's not creamsicle.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY
BALTIMORE AT ST LOUIS
Ravens in all white, Rams in blue with gold pants. Ravens look like crap no matter what. Rams have a nice home look, plus their turf is not as ugly anymore.
WINNER: ST LOUIS
BUFFALO AT DETROIT
Bills in all white, Lions in blue with silver pants. Bills road uni wildly inconsistent. The dark blue rectangle at the top of the jersey is bad enough, and then it doesn't even match the blue of the numbers. The red down the side of the jersey is bad enough, and then it doesn't even match the pant stripe.
WINNER: DETROIT
DENVER AT MINNESOTA
Broncos in all white, Vikings in purple and white. Spooge abounds. Ick. Vikes win on color.
WINNER: MINNESOTA
MIAMI AT DALLAS
Dolphins in aqua and white, Cowboys in white and metallic blue. Not sure why, but the 'Boys look seems off somehow. The pants look silver, and the blue looks dark. Maybe it's their own new stadium making all their colors look dull. Miami's colors, however, really pop here.
WINNER: MIAMI
GREEN BAY AT KANSAS CITY
Biggest uni matchup of the exhibition season. Pack in white with gold pants and green socks, Chiefs in red with white pants and red socks. Two of the best. This is a tough call, and it could have a ripple effect thru the rest of the season. If KC had gold pants...but they don't. GB has the Jello 123 thing happening.
WINNER (BY A THREAD): GREEN BAY
ATLANTA AT JACKSONVILLE
Falcons in all white, Jags in teal and white. Not many things make me gag. Teal does.
WINNER: ATLANTA
CHICAGO AT CLEVELAND
Bears in white with navy pants, Browns in brown with white pants. Pretty orange trim all around. If only Cleveland would go back to orange pants. As it is, the '85 Bears look wins out in a close call.
WINNER: CHICAGO
NY JETS AT PHILADELPHIA
Jets in green with white pants, Eagles in white with green pants. Seeing these teams side by side, you can see just what a crappy shade of green Philly wears.
WINNER: NY JETS
CAROLINA AT PITTSBURGH
Panthers in all white, Steelers in black and gold. Panther blue meets its match.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH
SEATTLE AT OAKLAND
Seahawks in all white, Raiders in black and silver. Shiny pants and sparkly helmets! Whee!
WINNER: OAKLAND
NEW ORLEANS AT TENNESSEE
Saints in white with gold pants, Titans in light blue jerseys and dark blue pants. Actually, with the white helmets, Titans almost have their own differently-proportioned Jello 123 look, but the dark blue shoulders ruin it. And the crap numbers. Oh, and that towel incident.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS
CINCINNATI AT INDIANAPOLIS
Bungles in white with black pants, Colts in blue with white pants. Can't we just burn down the whole city of Cincinnati, just to make sure we destroy all the disgusting football uniforms in that dump?
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS
And with that, we begin our 4-week boycott of the entire NFL, until Ben Roethlisberger's suspension is over. We here at The Duck Pond still believe in DUE PROCESS, a concept that clearly escapes douchebags like Roger Goodell (and for that matter, Duxoop's former place of work). See you in Week 5.
Meanwhile, my review of the first week of college football is coming up in a day or two. No rest for Mr. C!
2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Week 4)
Chicago Bears 4-0
Green Bay Packers 4-0
New Orleans Saints 4-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 4-0
Washington Redskins 4-0
Miami Dolphins 3-1
San Francisco 49ers 3-1
New York Giants 3-1
St Louis Rams 3-1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3-1
Indianapolis Colts 3-1
Kansas City Chiefs 3-1
Dallas Cowboys 3-2
Atlanta Falcons 2-2
Detroit Lions 2-2
New York Jets 2-2
Oakland Raiders 2-2
Cleveland Browns 2-2
Carolina Panthers 2-2
Seattle Seahawks 2-2
Philadelphia Eagles 2-2
Minnesota Vikings 1-3
Buffalo Bills 1-3
Tennessee Titans 1-3
Denver Broncos 1-3
Houston Texans 1-3
Arizona Cardinals 0-4
Baltimore Ravens 0-4
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-4
New England Patriots 0-4
San Diego Chargers 0-4
Cincinnati Bengals 0-5
Friday, September 03, 2010
THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE WATCHING CELEBRITY BOWLING ON ESPN CLASSIC
Wow, that Roy Rogers was one bad-ass kegler. Bob Newhart too. Not surprising. Newhart just *looks* like a bowler.
Rogers is wearing a bolo tie. While bowling. Does that make it a bowl-o tie? That's hilarious!
I'm not sure when this was taped, but Don Adams looks like a porn movie director.
And George Foreman should have stuck to boxing. His mind is not in this. He must be thinking about grilling burgers after the show. And wondering how to better drain the grease away. In fact, perhaps it was during this taping that he got the idea for the grill. Luckily for him Bob Newhart was there to carry the team. Hope he cut him in on the royalties. I imagine Newhart getting a check in the mail once a month from the Foreman Grill company for $1.07.
Man, I think of some weird shit while watching celebrity bowling. Must be the heat. Actually, it must be the heat that has me watching Celebrity Bowling in the first place.
Wow, that Roy Rogers was one bad-ass kegler. Bob Newhart too. Not surprising. Newhart just *looks* like a bowler.
Rogers is wearing a bolo tie. While bowling. Does that make it a bowl-o tie? That's hilarious!
I'm not sure when this was taped, but Don Adams looks like a porn movie director.
And George Foreman should have stuck to boxing. His mind is not in this. He must be thinking about grilling burgers after the show. And wondering how to better drain the grease away. In fact, perhaps it was during this taping that he got the idea for the grill. Luckily for him Bob Newhart was there to carry the team. Hope he cut him in on the royalties. I imagine Newhart getting a check in the mail once a month from the Foreman Grill company for $1.07.
Man, I think of some weird shit while watching celebrity bowling. Must be the heat. Actually, it must be the heat that has me watching Celebrity Bowling in the first place.
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