COLLEGE FOOTBALL FASHION REVIEW 2010 WEEK 1
by Mr. Coloredwell, Duck Pond sports fashion critic

Since it's impossible to review every game played, I only count games available on HD channels. Rah rah rah! Let's begin...
[All teams FBS unless otherwise noted]

MARSHALL (Nike) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
Marshall in white jerseys and green pants, Buckeyes in scarlet jerseys and grey pants. Oh, that scarlet looks fabulous under the lights! Same for the sparkly helmets! Let us hope OSU never lets Nike fuck up their look.
WINNER: OHIO STATE

MINNESOTA (Nike) AT MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE (Nike)
Minnesota in all white, Mid Tenn in blue jerseys and silver pants. Both have Nike-spooge on pants. Mid Tenn wins on color, Minnesota's is crap.
WINNER: MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE

SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI (Nike) AT SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour)
So Miss in all white with black and gold trim, So Car in all red with white and black trim. Both have Nike-spooge on pants. (Ugh, I sense a trend.) I like the nickname Gamecocks, natch, but not the bad shade of red head-to-toe. So Miss has slightly weird numbers, but nice trim colors.
WINNER: SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI

PITTSBURGH (Nike) AT UTAH (Under Armour)
Pitt in white with gold pants, Utah in all red. Utes have goofy numbers and pant spooge. Plain Panthers get a gift.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (Nike) AT HAWAII (Under Armour)
USC in white with gold pants, Hawaii in dark green with black trim and white pants with spooge on them. Warriors uni is all-around crap, plus I can never forgive them for dropping the 'Rainbow' from their nickname.
WINNER: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

NORTHERN ILLINOIS (Adidas) AT IOWA STATE (Nike)
NIU in white with black pants and red trim, ISU in maroon with gold pants. Cyclones blatantly rip off USC's look, but subtly improve on it.
WINNER: IOWA STATE

TOWSON [FCS] (Under Armour) AT INDIANA (Adidas)
Towson in white jerseys with yellow sides, black pants with yellow spooge, and pinched numbers. Hoosiers in red jerseys with a hideous, thick blotch of white spooge on the side, and white pants with a hideous, thick blotch of red spooge on the side. Oh dear. Indy had a nice look last year, and they have pissed it away. Sad. What's sadder is they steal a win here due to Towson looking like complete crap. They won't get away with this in the conference.
WINNER: INDIANA

ARIZONA (Nike) AT TOLEDO (Under Armour)
Arizona in white with blue pants, Toledo in all blue with yellow trim. I'm not a fan of 'Zona's numbers or dark pants, but I like how their pant stripes fade out at the top. It's something different. Toledo has EVERYTHING wrong. Head-to-toe dark color, ugly name and number fonts, and yellow and white pant spooge shaped like a deformed necktie. I know we're only a handful of games into the season, but so far Under Armour is out-Nike-ing Nike in the ugly uniform department!
WINNER: ARIZONA

MIAMI OH (Adidas) AT FLORIDA (Nike)
Miami in all white with red trim, Florida in blue with white pants. Both good unis. I like Florida's colors.
WINNER: FLORIDA

WESTERN MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT MICHIGAN STATE (Nike)
WMU in white with black pants and gold trim, MSU in green with white pants. Broncos look good except for the dark pants. What happened to the Spartans? Nike-spooge on the pants now, and it looks like they made a cheap attempt to copy Detroit's stupid 'our numbers have eyelashes' look by taking boxcutters to theirs and making notches in them. And then they didn't even make them all point the same way. Weak. Lame.
WINNER: WESTERN MICHIGAN

SAMFORD [FCS] (Russell) AT FLORIDA STATE (Nike)
Samford in all white with red and dark blue trim, FSU in red with gold pants. Samford has a good, clean, basic look. I like FSU's uni except their numbers are weird.
WINNER: SAMFORD

YOUNGSTOWN STATE [FCS] (Under Armour) AT PENN STATE (Nike)
YSU in all white with red trim and pinched numbers. PSU in their usual blue and white generic government-issue yawwwn-inducing color- flavor- and odor-less white bread and mayonnaizzzzzzzzzzz...Gaah! Band practice! Oops, sorry, their uni is so boring I dozed off. They should go back to black and pink. And yet...
WINNER: PENN STATE

ILLINOIS (Nike) VS MISSOURI (Nike) (at St Louis)
Illinois in all white with orange Nike-spooge on their sides, Mizzou in all black (ugh!) with gold and white Nike-spooge on their sides. Lesser of two evils wins here.
WINNER: ILLINOIS

CONNECTICUT (Nike) AT MICHIGAN (Adidas)
UConn in all white with dark blue trim, Michigan in blue with yellow pants. I like how UConn's number style matches their logo, but they need to lose the pant spooge. Michigan's helmet is the single butt-ugliest thing in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I want to dig up Schembechler's grave, throw all of Michigan's helmets into it, and pour the contents of a few dozen port-a-potties in on top. Oh look, all the trees here in Toledo are swaying to the north, and it's not the wind...Michigan sucks!
WINNER: CONNECTICUT

PURDUE (Nike) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Boilermakers in white with black pants, Irish in blue (instead of the green they should be wearing!) with gold pants. Hard to not like a team named after a drink, but easy to hate black football pants.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME

TEXAS (Nike) AT RICE (Nike)
Longhorns (yeah, right, in their dreams!) in all white with the only ugly shade of orange in existence. Owls in all dark blue. Everything's dumber in Texas.
WINNER: RICE

NORTH TEXAS (Under Armour) AT CLEMSON (Nike)
NT in all white with a nice shiny shade of 'Mean Green' trim, but some black pant spooge. Clemson in orange with white pants. Clemson does orange right.
WINNER: CLEMSON

UCLA (Adidas) AT KANSAS STATE (Nike)
Bruins in white with gold pants, but dark blue numbers instead of light blue. What is this, San Diego? KSU in a pretty purple with silver pants. K-State does purple right.
WINNER: KANSAS STATE

JACKSONVILLE STATE [FCS] (Adidas) AT MISSISSIPPI (Nike)
JSU in all white with red pant spooge. Ole Miss in dark blue with gray pants, looking like an alternate Giants uni.
WINNER: MISSISSIPPI

MEMPHIS (Nike) AT MISSISSIPPI STATE (Adidas)
Memphis in all white with blue trim, MSU in maroon with white pants. Both have bad Nike-spooge. Memphis has an okay shade of blue.
WINNER: MEMPHIS

OREGON STATE (Nike) AT TCU (Nike)
OSU in all white with weird numbers (almost UConn-style), but at least they're orange. TCU...WTF? Black jerseys with purple trim and black/purple pant stripe, but that's not the problem. Their helmets, pants and numbers have some sort of repulsive scaly pattern. They're silver, shiny and sparkly, but in an icky, fishy way. Only a smelt would be caught dead looking like this. And the pants are so gay even I wouldn't wear them!
WINNER: OREGON STATE

LSU (Nike) VS NORTH CAROLINA (Nike) (at Atlanta)
LSU in white with gold pants, UNC in light blue with white pants. LSU just needs some purple socks for a perfect Jello 123 look. UNC uni would be great without that spoogy thing on their pants.
WINNER: LSU

CINCINNATI (Adidas) AT FRESNO STATE (Nike)
Cincinnati in all white with black trim. Horrible number and letter fonts, and they are the poster children for Nike-spooge. Their pants are visual ipecac. Fresno State in all red. "Uh, yes I'm the devil, why do you think I'm all red?" Same shadowed numbers as the Dolphins. No frills, no mistakes.
WINNER: FRESNO STATE

WISCONSIN (Adidas) AT UNLV (Nike)
Badgers in all white with red trim, nice shade of red and no crap. Vegas in red jerseys with grey shoulders, pants and helmets, and white numbers. UNLV is just one possible example of what Ohio State's uni would look like if they let Nike fuck it up.
WINNER: WISCONSIN

EASTERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (New Balance) AT IOWA (Nike)
EIU in all white with some blue Nike-spooge, numbers aren't block but they're okay. Iowa in Steeler-style black and gold, with block numbers like I wish the Steelers had.
WINNER: IOWA

DELAWARE STATE [FCS] (Russell) VS SOUTHERN [FCS] (Russell)(at Orlando)
Delaware State in head-to-toe red with blue Nike-spooge on the sides, which is almost undetectable in wide camera shots. But I can sniff out spooge from a mile away! Southern in all white with blue and gold numbers and no whiff of spooge.
WINNER: SOUTHERN

TULSA (Nike) AT EAST CAROLINA (Nike)
Tulsa in all white with blue Nike-spooge and putrid numbers. ECU in purple jerseys and white pants. I said it before and I'll say it again, those purple Pirates can ransack Mr. C's booty anytime!
WINNER: EAST CAROLINA

SMU (Adidas) AT TEXAS TECH (Under Armour)
SMU Mustang...bang! SMU in all white with red numbers and red/blue trim, slight resemblance to the old New England unis. Texas Tech in red jerseys with white pants, black helmets and Nike-spooge, and shrinky-dink player names. Everything's dumber in Texas. We'll just overlook the fact that SMU blatantly ripped off Calgary's helmet logo.
WINNER: SMU

NAVY (Nike) VS MARYLAND (Under Armour) (at Baltimore)
Navy in white jerseys and gold pants, with a navy blue belt instead of the cute red one they had last year. Maryland in red jerseys and whtie pants, with black Nike-spooge down their sides. As much as I'd like to give it to the Terps on colors, the spooge is a dealbreaker.
WINNER: NAVY

BOISE STATE (Nike) VS VIRGINIA TECH (Nike) (at Landover)
Ugh. Where to begin with this all-around travesty? Boise in grey jerseys and blue everything else, with slight traces of orange. Nice shade of blue, otherwise total garbage. VT in all flat black with orange trim with hints of their ugly shade of purple. WTF is all that crap in their numbers and trim? Is this what happens when you design football uniforms on salvia? I really wish my power had gone out so I wouldn't have seen any of this. Boise's crap uni wins only because that BP oil spill of a uniform on the other side of the field is the worst, saddest, most horrible tragedy in the entire history of Virginia Tech University.
WINNER: BOISE STATE

2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 7
Arizona (Nike) 1-0
Boise State (Nike) 1-0
Clemson (Nike) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida (Nike) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Illinois (Nike) 1-0
Indiana (Adidas) 1-0
Iowa (Nike) 1-0
Iowa State (Nike) 1-0
Kansas State (Nike) 1-0
LSU (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 1-0
Ohio State (Nike) 1-0
Oregon State (Nike) 1-0
Penn State (Nike) 1-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
SMU (Adidas) 1-0
Southern California (Nike) 1-0
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 1-0
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-1
Florida State (Nike) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Marshall (Nike) 0-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Michigan State (Nike) 0-1
Minnesota (Nike) 0-1
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Carolina (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Purdue (Nike) 0-1
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-1
TCU (Nike) 0-1
Texas (Nike) 0-1
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-1
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UCLA (Adidas) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1

2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 7
Samford (Russell) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1

Any teams not listed are 0-0.