Denver Broncos throwback socks!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
HIS LAST WORDS BEFORE TAKING TO THE ICE WERE "I CAN'T WEAR THIS HELMET, IT TOTALLY CLASHES WITH MY SEQUINED CHAPS!"
Mr. Coloredwell is still working on his 2009 football fashion reviews. Meanwhile, don't expect him to put out a fashion review of Olympic figure skaters, because he's a SPORTS fashion critic, and figure skating is NOT a sport. Any so-called sport that is decided by a panel of judges is not really a sport.
Ironically, Mr. C agrees with me on my first of 4 suggestions to improve figure skating, and maybe even turn it into an actual sport: All the skaters should wear identical outfits. It should not be a fashion show. Clearly the skaters think that they can win part of the crowd over with their outfits, which in turn might sway some of the judges. It shouldn't matter how sparkly or frilly you are dressed.
And I direct that last part specifically at all the gay male figure skaters I saw on the bar TV at karaoke the other night. Way to perpetuate stereotypes, boys! I believe that every 4 years, when this stuff comes on the telly, it sets gay rights back by about 4 years. I doubt it's winning over any of the religious, homophobic douchebags out there opposing same-sex marriage and gays in the military and/or boy scouts.
Plus, for the love of Sonia Heine, talk about a twink-fest! You're looking at more than a few cases of anorexia/bulimia out there. A lot of them probably weigh less than one of my legs! Which brings me to my next idea: different weight divisions, like they have in boxing. Just imagine a heavyweight figure skating division! Let's put a few 300-pounders like me out on the ice. Whoever falls down the fewest times wins.
Which also applies to my next idea, which would actually be the most practical and possible change that could be made to make it an actual sport: put all the skaters on the ice at once, have them just go in a circle around the rink, and have them all do the same moves at the same time, starting with the easiest ones and gradually increasing the level of difficulty. You miss one and fall, you're done. Last one skating wins.
Finally, my favorite idea: Each skater goes out and tries to execute his routine just as they do now, but with 2 new elements to raise the level of difficulty and keep things interesting. First, put a couple of hockey players out there with sticks trying to trip the skater or slam him into the boards. Second, have someone on each side of the rink sliding curling rocks across the ice. I don't know if that would make it a sport, but it would certainly be some highly entertaining shit.
"And now he's about to go for the triple lutz, and...OOH! He gets body-checked into the glass! He's down! And one of the curling rocks hits him in the head and knocks him unconscious! Well, there go his medal hopes. Bob."
Mr. Coloredwell is still working on his 2009 football fashion reviews. Meanwhile, don't expect him to put out a fashion review of Olympic figure skaters, because he's a SPORTS fashion critic, and figure skating is NOT a sport. Any so-called sport that is decided by a panel of judges is not really a sport.
Ironically, Mr. C agrees with me on my first of 4 suggestions to improve figure skating, and maybe even turn it into an actual sport: All the skaters should wear identical outfits. It should not be a fashion show. Clearly the skaters think that they can win part of the crowd over with their outfits, which in turn might sway some of the judges. It shouldn't matter how sparkly or frilly you are dressed.
And I direct that last part specifically at all the gay male figure skaters I saw on the bar TV at karaoke the other night. Way to perpetuate stereotypes, boys! I believe that every 4 years, when this stuff comes on the telly, it sets gay rights back by about 4 years. I doubt it's winning over any of the religious, homophobic douchebags out there opposing same-sex marriage and gays in the military and/or boy scouts.
Plus, for the love of Sonia Heine, talk about a twink-fest! You're looking at more than a few cases of anorexia/bulimia out there. A lot of them probably weigh less than one of my legs! Which brings me to my next idea: different weight divisions, like they have in boxing. Just imagine a heavyweight figure skating division! Let's put a few 300-pounders like me out on the ice. Whoever falls down the fewest times wins.
Which also applies to my next idea, which would actually be the most practical and possible change that could be made to make it an actual sport: put all the skaters on the ice at once, have them just go in a circle around the rink, and have them all do the same moves at the same time, starting with the easiest ones and gradually increasing the level of difficulty. You miss one and fall, you're done. Last one skating wins.
Finally, my favorite idea: Each skater goes out and tries to execute his routine just as they do now, but with 2 new elements to raise the level of difficulty and keep things interesting. First, put a couple of hockey players out there with sticks trying to trip the skater or slam him into the boards. Second, have someone on each side of the rink sliding curling rocks across the ice. I don't know if that would make it a sport, but it would certainly be some highly entertaining shit.
"And now he's about to go for the triple lutz, and...OOH! He gets body-checked into the glass! He's down! And one of the curling rocks hits him in the head and knocks him unconscious! Well, there go his medal hopes. Bob."
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Before we get to the business at hand, I should let you know that Mr. Coloredwell's 2009 football fashion review is coming soon. Also I should pass along his two Super Bowl fashion stats:
1. Including the Saints, teams wearing white jerseys have won the last 6 Super Bowls.
B. Including the Colts, teams wearing blue jerseys are 5-11 overall in Super Bowls.
DUXOOP DOZEN...THE LONG-OVERDUE CONCLUSION
And now, the big 4...
Catch Phrase Of The Year: "Yaaaaay!" (with too-fast clapping) - Bryan Gunn
A narrow victory over Quote Of The Year "No money, no women, no dope, shit", this was originally coined by former karaoke regular Kevin, but was perfectly-copied and subsequently popularized by Bryan (as well as myself), so much so that we have people who have never even MET Kevin imitating him to cheer each other's karaoke turns. Yaaaay Bryan!
Geak Rookie Of The Year: The Bus
There was a very good rookie crop this year, but my trusty steed left all the others in the dust...wait, make that a snow drift. This past Saturday I had an absolute blast driving around the snow-covered parking lot at my workplace before my delayed shift. All-wheel drive + unplowed parking lot = a shitload of FUN!
Album Of The Year: Citizen Cope - "The Clarence Greenwood Recordings"
As you'll see below, Cope snagged a lot of high spots in this year's SOTY standings, thus making this one an easy choice.
Which brings us to the biggie, Song Of The Year. Was there ever any doubt who'd win this one? Here's the top 42 (a nod to Douglas Adams) in the final standings:
1 Barnes & Barnes - Cruising Through Westwood
2 Loscil - Rorschach
3 Citizen Cope - D'Artagnan's Theme
4 Hey Rosetta! - New Goodbye
5 Pearl Jam - Just Breathe
6 Owl City - Fireflies
7 Flight Of The Conchords - The Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room)
8 Blue Rodeo - Hasn't Hit Me Yet
9 Citizen Cope - Pablo Picasso/My Way Home
10 Flight Of The Conchords - Hiphopopotamus Vs. Rhymenoceros
11 Heatmiser - Half Right
12 Pansy Division - Never You Mind
13 Citizen Cope - Nite Becomes Day
14 Barnes & Barnes - Political Statement
15 Flight Of The Conchords - I'm Not Crying
16 Iron Maiden - The Prisoner
17 Rogue Wave - Kicking The Heart Out
18 The Rutles - The Knicker Elastic King
19 Hey Rosetta! - Hospital Beds
20 Barnes & Barnes - Fish Heads (Early Version)
21 Green Day - Last Night On Earth
22 My Morning Jacket - Golden (Acoustic)
23 Kings Of Leon - Notion
24 Madness - The Sun And The Rain
25 Citizen Cope - Son's Gonna Rise
26 Green Day - Peacemaker
27 Weird Al Yankovic - Craigslist
28 Citizen Cope - Sideways
29 Loudon Wainwright III - Good Ship Venus
30 Green Day - ?Viva La Gloria?
31 Pansy Division - Some Of My Best Friends
32 Joe Walsh - Indian Summer (live on the Steve Dahl Show)
33 Green Day - The Static Age
34 Citizen Cope - Bullet And A Target
35 Robert Lund - 99 Words For Boobs
36 Madness - One Better Day
37 The Rutles - Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik
38 Green Day - Last Of The American Girls
39 Pansy Division - It's Just A Job
40 Citizen Cope - Hurricane Waters
41 Barnes & Barnes - Voyeur
42 Weird Al Yankovic - Whatever You Like
(PS: Last year's winner, The Weepies - World Spins Madly On, finished 43rd.)
1. Including the Saints, teams wearing white jerseys have won the last 6 Super Bowls.
B. Including the Colts, teams wearing blue jerseys are 5-11 overall in Super Bowls.
DUXOOP DOZEN...THE LONG-OVERDUE CONCLUSION
And now, the big 4...
Catch Phrase Of The Year: "Yaaaaay!" (with too-fast clapping) - Bryan Gunn
A narrow victory over Quote Of The Year "No money, no women, no dope, shit", this was originally coined by former karaoke regular Kevin, but was perfectly-copied and subsequently popularized by Bryan (as well as myself), so much so that we have people who have never even MET Kevin imitating him to cheer each other's karaoke turns. Yaaaay Bryan!
Geak Rookie Of The Year: The Bus
There was a very good rookie crop this year, but my trusty steed left all the others in the dust...wait, make that a snow drift. This past Saturday I had an absolute blast driving around the snow-covered parking lot at my workplace before my delayed shift. All-wheel drive + unplowed parking lot = a shitload of FUN!
Album Of The Year: Citizen Cope - "The Clarence Greenwood Recordings"
As you'll see below, Cope snagged a lot of high spots in this year's SOTY standings, thus making this one an easy choice.
Which brings us to the biggie, Song Of The Year. Was there ever any doubt who'd win this one? Here's the top 42 (a nod to Douglas Adams) in the final standings:
1 Barnes & Barnes - Cruising Through Westwood
2 Loscil - Rorschach
3 Citizen Cope - D'Artagnan's Theme
4 Hey Rosetta! - New Goodbye
5 Pearl Jam - Just Breathe
6 Owl City - Fireflies
7 Flight Of The Conchords - The Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room)
8 Blue Rodeo - Hasn't Hit Me Yet
9 Citizen Cope - Pablo Picasso/My Way Home
10 Flight Of The Conchords - Hiphopopotamus Vs. Rhymenoceros
11 Heatmiser - Half Right
12 Pansy Division - Never You Mind
13 Citizen Cope - Nite Becomes Day
14 Barnes & Barnes - Political Statement
15 Flight Of The Conchords - I'm Not Crying
16 Iron Maiden - The Prisoner
17 Rogue Wave - Kicking The Heart Out
18 The Rutles - The Knicker Elastic King
19 Hey Rosetta! - Hospital Beds
20 Barnes & Barnes - Fish Heads (Early Version)
21 Green Day - Last Night On Earth
22 My Morning Jacket - Golden (Acoustic)
23 Kings Of Leon - Notion
24 Madness - The Sun And The Rain
25 Citizen Cope - Son's Gonna Rise
26 Green Day - Peacemaker
27 Weird Al Yankovic - Craigslist
28 Citizen Cope - Sideways
29 Loudon Wainwright III - Good Ship Venus
30 Green Day - ?Viva La Gloria?
31 Pansy Division - Some Of My Best Friends
32 Joe Walsh - Indian Summer (live on the Steve Dahl Show)
33 Green Day - The Static Age
34 Citizen Cope - Bullet And A Target
35 Robert Lund - 99 Words For Boobs
36 Madness - One Better Day
37 The Rutles - Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik
38 Green Day - Last Of The American Girls
39 Pansy Division - It's Just A Job
40 Citizen Cope - Hurricane Waters
41 Barnes & Barnes - Voyeur
42 Weird Al Yankovic - Whatever You Like
(PS: Last year's winner, The Weepies - World Spins Madly On, finished 43rd.)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
MORE DUXOOP DOZEN
Let's give a few more of these out...
Breakthrough Of The Year - FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS
I can do their stuff at karaoke now! "Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room)" is especially good for working the ladies in the crowd.
Quote Of The Year - BARNES & BARNES - "NO MONEY, NO WOMEN, NO DOPE, SHIT."
The lyric that stopped me dead in my tire tracks. Almost won Catch Phrase Of The Year too, because there are a couple of distinct ways to say it.
Johnny Carson Award (Corpse Of The Year) - PATRICK MCGOOHAN
The Priz had to be rolling in his grave at that shitty AMC remake. Honorable mention goes to Mark "The Bird" Fidrych. We'll miss you both, guys.
Website Of The Year - YOUTUBE
The 2006 winner comes back for a second trophy. (Honorable mention: Toledo Gas Prices)
Music Video Of The Year - LITERAL MUSIC VIDEOS
We're splitting this one between all the LMV's on my list of a few weeks ago.
Trio Award (Commercial Of The Year) - AMERICAN EXPRESS - "FACES"
Every time I see the boat with the two portholes for eyes and the rope for a mouth, I'm reminded of Taco The Wonder Dog's "You Are A Chef" video. "I am a chef! Hi! Hello!"
Carl Sagan Award (Movie Of The Year) - CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY
A second win in this category for Michael Moore (Fahrenheit 9/11 won in 2004). Marcy Kaptur couldn't ask for a better campaign ad.
Still to come: Catch Phrase, Rookie, Album and Song Of The Year winners for 2009!
Let's give a few more of these out...
Breakthrough Of The Year - FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS
I can do their stuff at karaoke now! "Most Beautiful Girl (In The Room)" is especially good for working the ladies in the crowd.
Quote Of The Year - BARNES & BARNES - "NO MONEY, NO WOMEN, NO DOPE, SHIT."
The lyric that stopped me dead in my tire tracks. Almost won Catch Phrase Of The Year too, because there are a couple of distinct ways to say it.
Johnny Carson Award (Corpse Of The Year) - PATRICK MCGOOHAN
The Priz had to be rolling in his grave at that shitty AMC remake. Honorable mention goes to Mark "The Bird" Fidrych. We'll miss you both, guys.
Website Of The Year - YOUTUBE
The 2006 winner comes back for a second trophy. (Honorable mention: Toledo Gas Prices)
Music Video Of The Year - LITERAL MUSIC VIDEOS
We're splitting this one between all the LMV's on my list of a few weeks ago.
Trio Award (Commercial Of The Year) - AMERICAN EXPRESS - "FACES"
Every time I see the boat with the two portholes for eyes and the rope for a mouth, I'm reminded of Taco The Wonder Dog's "You Are A Chef" video. "I am a chef! Hi! Hello!"
Carl Sagan Award (Movie Of The Year) - CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY
A second win in this category for Michael Moore (Fahrenheit 9/11 won in 2004). Marcy Kaptur couldn't ask for a better campaign ad.
Still to come: Catch Phrase, Rookie, Album and Song Of The Year winners for 2009!
Friday, January 15, 2010
SMOKEOUT FOR HAITI CHALLENGE
I challenge all smokers to the following: quit smoking for however long it takes you to go through one pack, and donate the money you would have spent on that pack to the Haitian relief effort. Just think of the potential impact. Plus if some of you end up quitting in the process, well that would be a damn fine bonus.
I challenge all smokers to the following: quit smoking for however long it takes you to go through one pack, and donate the money you would have spent on that pack to the Haitian relief effort. Just think of the potential impact. Plus if some of you end up quitting in the process, well that would be a damn fine bonus.
Monday, January 11, 2010
2009 DUXOOP DOZEN
Yes, we've gone from the Elite 8 to the Elite 11 to now the Duxoop Dozen. Let's begin with the latest addition to the group, the ALF Award, given to the TV Show Of The Year. This replaces both the Abbie Award for Best Overall Series and the ALF Cup.
The 2009 ALF Cup season fell apart because frankly I couldn't keep up with my latest revamping of the season format. The TV landscape has changed a lot since the ALF Cup competition began way back in 1986. The old 30-week season is now obsolete, and things just got too complicated and labor-intensive for me to maintain year-round scoring and point standings and whatnot, and I simply bailed on it out of frustration. Starting in 2010, I'm just going to keep notes throughout the year, and give out the ALF Awards in pretty much all the same sorts of categories I had in the Abbies, and the winner of Best Overall Series will be crowned official champ.
Since I didn't actually keep such notes during 2009, I'll have to skip all the other categories and just give out the one biggie. This affords me the one-time chance to award it to something other than a regular series. There were a few series that stood out, such as Nitro Circus, Look Around You, Rescue Me, etc., but there was one television event this year, an hour documentary, that IMHO blew away everything else in 2009: an installment of BBC America's 'Strangelove' series that was gloriously weird, disturbing and hilarious. It astonished me, it enthralled me, and most of all it scarred me for life! The 2009 ALF Award for TV Show Of The Year goes to:
MY CAR IS MY LOVER
Check it out for yourself, it's available on YouTube in 6 parts. I've included Part 1 below, and the rest you can get to from there. It is the most delightfully fucked-up hour of TV you will ever see. You'll laugh, you'll gag, and you'll never look at Airwolf quite the same way again! Plus the last words spoken in the end shot, just before the cut to black, will ABSOLUTELY SLAY YOU.
More of the 2009 Duxoop Dozen later this week. Stay tuned.
CLICK HERE FOR PART 3 (Embedding doesn't work for some segments. WTF?!)
CLICK HERE FOR PART 5
Yes, we've gone from the Elite 8 to the Elite 11 to now the Duxoop Dozen. Let's begin with the latest addition to the group, the ALF Award, given to the TV Show Of The Year. This replaces both the Abbie Award for Best Overall Series and the ALF Cup.
The 2009 ALF Cup season fell apart because frankly I couldn't keep up with my latest revamping of the season format. The TV landscape has changed a lot since the ALF Cup competition began way back in 1986. The old 30-week season is now obsolete, and things just got too complicated and labor-intensive for me to maintain year-round scoring and point standings and whatnot, and I simply bailed on it out of frustration. Starting in 2010, I'm just going to keep notes throughout the year, and give out the ALF Awards in pretty much all the same sorts of categories I had in the Abbies, and the winner of Best Overall Series will be crowned official champ.
Since I didn't actually keep such notes during 2009, I'll have to skip all the other categories and just give out the one biggie. This affords me the one-time chance to award it to something other than a regular series. There were a few series that stood out, such as Nitro Circus, Look Around You, Rescue Me, etc., but there was one television event this year, an hour documentary, that IMHO blew away everything else in 2009: an installment of BBC America's 'Strangelove' series that was gloriously weird, disturbing and hilarious. It astonished me, it enthralled me, and most of all it scarred me for life! The 2009 ALF Award for TV Show Of The Year goes to:
MY CAR IS MY LOVER
Check it out for yourself, it's available on YouTube in 6 parts. I've included Part 1 below, and the rest you can get to from there. It is the most delightfully fucked-up hour of TV you will ever see. You'll laugh, you'll gag, and you'll never look at Airwolf quite the same way again! Plus the last words spoken in the end shot, just before the cut to black, will ABSOLUTELY SLAY YOU.
More of the 2009 Duxoop Dozen later this week. Stay tuned.
CLICK HERE FOR PART 3 (Embedding doesn't work for some segments. WTF?!)
CLICK HERE FOR PART 5
Sunday, January 10, 2010
BEEN THROUGH THE DESERT ON A PENIS WITH NO NAME
Okay, maybe that poll question was a bit too personal. But for the most part it seemed to support my long-held theory that naming your genitals is a guy thing. Most male friends I've asked have named theirs, and most female friends I've asked haven't. The poll bore that out, with one exception. Seriously, dude, whomever you are, give that poor thing a name already!
BTW: Almost all the usual year-end awards have been, well, awarded. It's up to 12 now, so I'm calling it the Duxoop Dozen. I'll post those very soon. Also, Mr. Coloredwell will soon reveal his final rankings for this season's best and worst college football uniforms. Stay tuned.
Okay, maybe that poll question was a bit too personal. But for the most part it seemed to support my long-held theory that naming your genitals is a guy thing. Most male friends I've asked have named theirs, and most female friends I've asked haven't. The poll bore that out, with one exception. Seriously, dude, whomever you are, give that poor thing a name already!
BTW: Almost all the usual year-end awards have been, well, awarded. It's up to 12 now, so I'm calling it the Duxoop Dozen. I'll post those very soon. Also, Mr. Coloredwell will soon reveal his final rankings for this season's best and worst college football uniforms. Stay tuned.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Saturday, December 05, 2009
THE COOLEST THING IN THE HISTORY OF EVER
MONNNAAARRRCHS INNN SPAAAAAAAACE!!!
For more info, pics and vids, click here:MONARCHS IN SPACE
MONNNAAARRRCHS INNN SPAAAAAAAACE!!!
For more info, pics and vids, click here:MONARCHS IN SPACE
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
GRENADES DON'T GROW HAIR EITHER
This is exactly why I don't play games like World Of Warfare. Because of the stupid ad of theirs I just saw, in which Mr. T seems to be taking credit for inventing the Mohawk haircut. Seriously???
Mr. T did NOT invent the Mohawk. If he did it would not be called the Mohawk, it would be called the Mr. T. Mr. T doesn't even LOOK like a Mohawk! Well, except for the Mohawk.
If this is how stupid the world has become, fuck it. Let me try something...I hereby claim credit for inventing male pattern baldness. Yep, I thought of that. Totally MY idea. From now on, let's all refer to male pattern baldness as the 'Doug'. (And if you play World of Wartime, you can call your hairless grenades 'Doug-nades'.)
Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to go Doug my scrotum.
This is exactly why I don't play games like World Of Warfare. Because of the stupid ad of theirs I just saw, in which Mr. T seems to be taking credit for inventing the Mohawk haircut. Seriously???
Mr. T did NOT invent the Mohawk. If he did it would not be called the Mohawk, it would be called the Mr. T. Mr. T doesn't even LOOK like a Mohawk! Well, except for the Mohawk.
If this is how stupid the world has become, fuck it. Let me try something...I hereby claim credit for inventing male pattern baldness. Yep, I thought of that. Totally MY idea. From now on, let's all refer to male pattern baldness as the 'Doug'. (And if you play World of Wartime, you can call your hairless grenades 'Doug-nades'.)
Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to go Doug my scrotum.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
DUCKSOUP'S TOP TEN LITERAL MUSIC VIDEOS
There are many other decent ones floating around out there (as well as many lame ones), but Dustin McLean and David Scott are not only the most prolific, but light years ahead of everyone else in terms of consistent LOL moments. These are my faves so far, in alphabetical order:
Head Over Heels--Dustin McLean
Some very good matching of parody lyrics with the lip-synching in places, except at the very end, where 'old guy' would have been a much better fit.
Loser--Dustin McLean
I think this one might actually be an improvement on the original song. It certainly makes more sense!
Love Is A Battlefield--David Scott
Easily one of the most preposterous videos ever, this one fittingly includes one of the most delightfully ridiculous LMV bits during the dance sequence. "Booby shake!"
One Week--David Scott
This one amazes me. There's just so much going on at such a fast pace, it is mind-boggling that everything could be made to fit the song so well. I love the exploding crotch.
Penny Lane--David Scott
As much as I hate to have to use that damn P-word, this one includes what is maybe the funniest moment in any LMV. You'll know it when you see it, it's totally 'random'.
Separate Ways--David Scott
"Steeeeeve...PERRY!"
Take On Me--Dustin McLean
The one that started it all, fittingly this was the first one I did at karaoke.
Total Eclipse Of The Heart--David Scott
This is the first one I saw, thanks to a tip from my karaoke comrade Rivers. One of the most definitive (and popular) LMVs.
Under The Bridge--Dustin McLean
This was going to be the first one I did at karaoke, but to my bumfuzzlement Doug & Micki don't have the video! How could that be?
White Wedding--Dustin McLean
"There is nothing safe in this room."
Honorable mention:
Video Killed The Radio Star--Phil Marriott
An entirely different definition of 'literal music video', this award-winner actually pre-dates all the others.
There are many other decent ones floating around out there (as well as many lame ones), but Dustin McLean and David Scott are not only the most prolific, but light years ahead of everyone else in terms of consistent LOL moments. These are my faves so far, in alphabetical order:
Head Over Heels--Dustin McLean
Some very good matching of parody lyrics with the lip-synching in places, except at the very end, where 'old guy' would have been a much better fit.
Loser--Dustin McLean
I think this one might actually be an improvement on the original song. It certainly makes more sense!
Loser: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos
Love Is A Battlefield--David Scott
Easily one of the most preposterous videos ever, this one fittingly includes one of the most delightfully ridiculous LMV bits during the dance sequence. "Booby shake!"
One Week--David Scott
This one amazes me. There's just so much going on at such a fast pace, it is mind-boggling that everything could be made to fit the song so well. I love the exploding crotch.
Penny Lane--David Scott
As much as I hate to have to use that damn P-word, this one includes what is maybe the funniest moment in any LMV. You'll know it when you see it, it's totally 'random'.
Separate Ways--David Scott
"Steeeeeve...PERRY!"
Take On Me--Dustin McLean
The one that started it all, fittingly this was the first one I did at karaoke.
Total Eclipse Of The Heart--David Scott
This is the first one I saw, thanks to a tip from my karaoke comrade Rivers. One of the most definitive (and popular) LMVs.
Under The Bridge--Dustin McLean
This was going to be the first one I did at karaoke, but to my bumfuzzlement Doug & Micki don't have the video! How could that be?
White Wedding--Dustin McLean
"There is nothing safe in this room."
Honorable mention:
Video Killed The Radio Star--Phil Marriott
An entirely different definition of 'literal music video', this award-winner actually pre-dates all the others.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
DAILY SHOW, 11/5/2009
I've never seen Jon Stewart stay in character this long. Enjoy.
I've never seen Jon Stewart stay in character this long. Enjoy.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| The 11/3 Project | ||||
| ||||
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
HOW TO DO ORANGE RIGHT:
The Miami Dolphins are 3-0 in these unis. You'd think they'd wear them more often!
Our resident sports fashion critic, Mr. Coloredwell, discovered a weird sensory overload trick recently while watching a Tennessee Volunteers game: "The Vols also wear a nice juicy orange uniform, and I was swigging orange kool-aid while looking at those delicious jerseys. My eyes and my taste buds were sending totally harmonious signals to my brain. It was better than dropping orange sunshine acid! Fabulous! I plan to replay that orange Dolphins game while drinking Orange Crush soda. Just imagine what it must have been like to do that during a Broncos game in the 70s."
"The Monday night game just ended a while ago, and ohhhhh what I would give to be in the Dolphins locker room right now, sucking on one of those jerseys! Nummy nummy nummy!"
BTW the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are scheduled to wear their orange 'creamsicle' unis later this season. I hope Mr. C gets a room for that one.
The Miami Dolphins are 3-0 in these unis. You'd think they'd wear them more often!
Our resident sports fashion critic, Mr. Coloredwell, discovered a weird sensory overload trick recently while watching a Tennessee Volunteers game: "The Vols also wear a nice juicy orange uniform, and I was swigging orange kool-aid while looking at those delicious jerseys. My eyes and my taste buds were sending totally harmonious signals to my brain. It was better than dropping orange sunshine acid! Fabulous! I plan to replay that orange Dolphins game while drinking Orange Crush soda. Just imagine what it must have been like to do that during a Broncos game in the 70s."
"The Monday night game just ended a while ago, and ohhhhh what I would give to be in the Dolphins locker room right now, sucking on one of those jerseys! Nummy nummy nummy!"
BTW the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are scheduled to wear their orange 'creamsicle' unis later this season. I hope Mr. C gets a room for that one.
Monday, October 12, 2009
I'M NOT DEAD
I've just been pining for the fjords. Anyway, Mr. Coloredwell insisted that I post something about the Broncos throwbacks.
I'm with Mr. Coloredwell on this, that's an awesome uni. [PS: I've got to get a pair of those socks! Alas, they're sold out for now.]
This of course sets up what might turn out to be the greatest throwback uniform matchup of all time, next Monday night, Denver at San Diego. Hawthorn Hawks lookalikes vs the good ol' powder blues. I cannot wait.
BTW, I'm adding Mr. Coloredwell's National Fashion League standings to the Pond, so's y'all can keep up.
I've just been pining for the fjords. Anyway, Mr. Coloredwell insisted that I post something about the Broncos throwbacks.
I'm with Mr. Coloredwell on this, that's an awesome uni. [PS: I've got to get a pair of those socks! Alas, they're sold out for now.]
This of course sets up what might turn out to be the greatest throwback uniform matchup of all time, next Monday night, Denver at San Diego. Hawthorn Hawks lookalikes vs the good ol' powder blues. I cannot wait.
BTW, I'm adding Mr. Coloredwell's National Fashion League standings to the Pond, so's y'all can keep up.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
RECAP OF MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND ROAD TRIP
Mind you, my birthday was 5 months ago, but judging by the lack of responses to the Andy Kaufman poll question, it seems hardly anyone is reading this blog these days anyway, so I figure I won't get any complaints about the tardiness of this recap.
The first leg was Toledo to South Bend to pick up my longtime pal Willie. Gave him a minor metrosexual makeover with a haircut and some new threads. I couldn't take him to the spy bar in Milwaukee with long gray hair and beard and overalls, looking like a homeless farmer. Went to a big & tall store in SB, found myself some nice new threads as well. Dark shirts with vertical stripes in my size. Hell yeah.
Next it was off to a traffic jam thru Chicago, then to the Red Dot for my second helping of poutine, which frankly wasn't quite as good as the first. Then to the spy-themed bar, the Safe House, in Milwaukee. Finally got to see the ejector seat in action, but had to wait an hour.
Then we checked out Milwaukee's karaoke scene. There doesn't seem to be much of one. Hit 2 very different bars, both stunk (Wisconsin isn't smoke-free yet) and both had hardly any decent singers. If they had been holding contests I would have won by a country mile. The first show was clearly a cheap startup operation run by amateurs, the second was clearly a legit pro operation. Amongst the dozen or so of my aces that I sang that night was "The Dance", which Willie associates with his late grandmother. I'm proud to say I nailed it so well that I made him cry.
Stayed at a motel outside of Milwaukee, then went to the Adler Planetarium in Chicago on Sunday. Paid $50 for the two of us to spend the afternoon checking out most of the featured shows, one of which was supposed to be in 3-D but was horribly out of sync. Complained to no avail. They could have at least given me a $10 refund. Fucking bastards. I will never go back. Wish we had gone to the Science & Industry Museum instead.
We were going to head home after that, but I just couldn't end my birthday on such a sour note. So I figured, since we were already in Chicago, why not head south and take care of some unfinished business from a few years ago?
Back in October 2002, I had to drive 7 hours to find clear, dark skies for the fantastic Leonid meteor storm. Wound up, oddly enough, near Toledo, Illinois. Afterwards I headed north to Chicago, but if I had gone about 60-90 minutes due west, I could have gone to Jack In The Box to see if their tacos were really similar to the BK tacos that came along that same year. I always regretted not doing that.
So here was my chance to right that wrong. It was a long drive through a stiff cross wind, but it was worth it. We arrived at the JITB in Litchfield at around 10pm CST, just in time for me to have JITB tacos for my birthday dinner. But I also had to try a few other things on the menu, because when am I going to get back to JITB again? So I fell way short of the 30 tacos needed to match the total from their "Stoner" ad.
There was only one thing to do: Get a motel room nearby, and go back for breakfast the next morning, combining our efforts to reach the magic number, which we did, and I brought back the 30 used paper sleeves as everlasting proof.
BTW, my final verdict: yes indeed, JITB tacos are almost exactly like the late great BK tacos. And they were worth the trip. But they're still not as good as El Tipico, so the results of the 2002 Taco War still stand. Although Del Taco is pretty damn good too. And cheap.
Spent most of Monday driving home, kept awake by gallons of McDonald's iced coffee and by my fear of wrecking my new wheels. The Bus performed magnificently throughout the entire trip, did everything I asked. He's such a good boy. Who's the Bus?!
On the other hand, my Magellan GPS unit, which I call Jelly for short, is a crazy bitch. She tried to kill me on the way home from South Bend. I asked her for the fastest route home avoiding toll roads, figuring she would send me along Route 20. Instead she kept sending me farther and farther north. Eventually I realized she was sending me to I-94 in Michigan!
About halfway to 94, I cancelled that route and instead asked for the shortest route home. She then sent me on a zigzag route through a maze of back roads in northeast Indiana. It was during this insane excursion in the middle of nowhere that my low fuel light came on! Fearing death at the hands of some insane backwoods redneck Hicksville Indiana rejected-extra-from-the-set-of-Deliverance farmer, I asked her for the nearest gas station. It was only 1.8 miles away to the east. Whew!
No, wait. That's 1.8 miles as the crow flies. In actual driving distance, it's about 6 miles west to the nearest I-80 entrance, then another 8 miles back east. I can only hope for a good time in the sack with the aforementioned psycho-farmer's daughter before he kills me.
Fortunately The Bus gets very good mileage and makes it the 6 miles west where I find a different but more expensive gas station where I get just enough to get to the cheaper one on I-80. From there I stay on the Turnpike and just barely manage to stay awake the rest of the way home.
Mind you, my birthday was 5 months ago, but judging by the lack of responses to the Andy Kaufman poll question, it seems hardly anyone is reading this blog these days anyway, so I figure I won't get any complaints about the tardiness of this recap.
The first leg was Toledo to South Bend to pick up my longtime pal Willie. Gave him a minor metrosexual makeover with a haircut and some new threads. I couldn't take him to the spy bar in Milwaukee with long gray hair and beard and overalls, looking like a homeless farmer. Went to a big & tall store in SB, found myself some nice new threads as well. Dark shirts with vertical stripes in my size. Hell yeah.
Next it was off to a traffic jam thru Chicago, then to the Red Dot for my second helping of poutine, which frankly wasn't quite as good as the first. Then to the spy-themed bar, the Safe House, in Milwaukee. Finally got to see the ejector seat in action, but had to wait an hour.
Then we checked out Milwaukee's karaoke scene. There doesn't seem to be much of one. Hit 2 very different bars, both stunk (Wisconsin isn't smoke-free yet) and both had hardly any decent singers. If they had been holding contests I would have won by a country mile. The first show was clearly a cheap startup operation run by amateurs, the second was clearly a legit pro operation. Amongst the dozen or so of my aces that I sang that night was "The Dance", which Willie associates with his late grandmother. I'm proud to say I nailed it so well that I made him cry.
Stayed at a motel outside of Milwaukee, then went to the Adler Planetarium in Chicago on Sunday. Paid $50 for the two of us to spend the afternoon checking out most of the featured shows, one of which was supposed to be in 3-D but was horribly out of sync. Complained to no avail. They could have at least given me a $10 refund. Fucking bastards. I will never go back. Wish we had gone to the Science & Industry Museum instead.
We were going to head home after that, but I just couldn't end my birthday on such a sour note. So I figured, since we were already in Chicago, why not head south and take care of some unfinished business from a few years ago?
Back in October 2002, I had to drive 7 hours to find clear, dark skies for the fantastic Leonid meteor storm. Wound up, oddly enough, near Toledo, Illinois. Afterwards I headed north to Chicago, but if I had gone about 60-90 minutes due west, I could have gone to Jack In The Box to see if their tacos were really similar to the BK tacos that came along that same year. I always regretted not doing that.
So here was my chance to right that wrong. It was a long drive through a stiff cross wind, but it was worth it. We arrived at the JITB in Litchfield at around 10pm CST, just in time for me to have JITB tacos for my birthday dinner. But I also had to try a few other things on the menu, because when am I going to get back to JITB again? So I fell way short of the 30 tacos needed to match the total from their "Stoner" ad.
There was only one thing to do: Get a motel room nearby, and go back for breakfast the next morning, combining our efforts to reach the magic number, which we did, and I brought back the 30 used paper sleeves as everlasting proof.
BTW, my final verdict: yes indeed, JITB tacos are almost exactly like the late great BK tacos. And they were worth the trip. But they're still not as good as El Tipico, so the results of the 2002 Taco War still stand. Although Del Taco is pretty damn good too. And cheap.
Spent most of Monday driving home, kept awake by gallons of McDonald's iced coffee and by my fear of wrecking my new wheels. The Bus performed magnificently throughout the entire trip, did everything I asked. He's such a good boy. Who's the Bus?!
On the other hand, my Magellan GPS unit, which I call Jelly for short, is a crazy bitch. She tried to kill me on the way home from South Bend. I asked her for the fastest route home avoiding toll roads, figuring she would send me along Route 20. Instead she kept sending me farther and farther north. Eventually I realized she was sending me to I-94 in Michigan!
About halfway to 94, I cancelled that route and instead asked for the shortest route home. She then sent me on a zigzag route through a maze of back roads in northeast Indiana. It was during this insane excursion in the middle of nowhere that my low fuel light came on! Fearing death at the hands of some insane backwoods redneck Hicksville Indiana rejected-extra-from-the-set-of-Deliverance farmer, I asked her for the nearest gas station. It was only 1.8 miles away to the east. Whew!
No, wait. That's 1.8 miles as the crow flies. In actual driving distance, it's about 6 miles west to the nearest I-80 entrance, then another 8 miles back east. I can only hope for a good time in the sack with the aforementioned psycho-farmer's daughter before he kills me.
Fortunately The Bus gets very good mileage and makes it the 6 miles west where I find a different but more expensive gas station where I get just enough to get to the cheaper one on I-80. From there I stay on the Turnpike and just barely manage to stay awake the rest of the way home.
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