I COULD BE ALL CHEERFUL, BUT I'D STILL HAVE TO BUM RIDES OFF PEOPLE

Normally I try to keep the Pond an Xmas-free zone, but if I were ever to sing a holiday song at karaoke, it'd be this one. Sadly, Premiere Karaoke doesn't have the original (yet). It's a parody of "God" by John Lennon, called "Santa". The other day Steve Dahl played it as recorded by Jay Goeppner, formerly of the Beatle Brothers. To hear it go to dahl.com, then "recent shows", then select Monday (Dec. 13) and go about 1:33:33 into the show. Or you can be a lazy ass and just read the lyrics below. I recommend listening to it, because Goeppner does the best John Lennon imitation since...well, since Julian Lennon.

"Santa"
Santa's a concept
By which we commercialize
The holiday
I'll say it again
Santa's a concept
By which we commercialize
The holiday
I don't believe in Rudolph
I don't believe in Frosty
I don't believe in sleigh rides
I don't believe in Tiny Tim
I don't believe in Nutcracker
I don't believe in 34th Street
I don't believe in decking the halls
I don't believe in elves
I don't believe in mistletoe
I don't believe in Jingle Bells
I don't believe in eggnog
I don't believe in Jack Frost
I don't believe in George Bailey
I don't believe in Tannenbaums
I don't believe in Christmas songs
I just believe in peace
Peace throughout the year
Holiday cheer
The holiday is over
What can I say?
The holiday is over
Like any other day
I was excited once
But now I am not
I was all cheerful
But now I'm shot
And so dear friends
We've got 12 more months left to shop
The holiday is over