HAMMERHEAD!
If I ever get around to creating a Corner Gas drinking game, here's the first rule:
Whenever Oscar says "Jackass", you answer "Hammerhead!" and down a Hammerhead cocktail.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
MORE THAN A MOUTHFUL IS A WASTE
I am really, really, REALLY sick of TV commercials for 'male enhancement' products.
Never mind Enzyte, which apparently carries with it the unfortunate side-effect of making the user look like a crazed, grinning zombie idiot, like a reject from Soundgarden's video for "Black Hole Sun". The latest one to piss me off is Extenze, because they keep making reference to "that certain part of the male anatomy".
Now, let's pretend I'm a complete imbecile. Exactly which part of the male anatomy are they talking about? They don't say, so how do I know? Sure, we all THINK we know which part they mean. But what if it's something else? What if it's the prostate? I don't want that enlarged, that would be a bad thing, right? Or what if you take it and wake up the next morning and your Adam's apple is suddenly freakishly huge? "Bloody fucking hell! I look like Randy Johnson!"
I don't need ANY body parts enlarged, in fact, I need several reduced! That "certain part" of MY anatomy is just fine the size it is. To any guys out there who think theirs is not big enough, I say just go ahead and fucking kill yourself already. You're making the rest of your gender look ridiculous.
PS: I forgot the latest annoying thing about Enzyte: They've been running ads in which the grinning zombie idiot is dressed as Santa. IT'S MAY! IT'S FUCKING MAY!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!
I am really, really, REALLY sick of TV commercials for 'male enhancement' products.
Never mind Enzyte, which apparently carries with it the unfortunate side-effect of making the user look like a crazed, grinning zombie idiot, like a reject from Soundgarden's video for "Black Hole Sun". The latest one to piss me off is Extenze, because they keep making reference to "that certain part of the male anatomy".
Now, let's pretend I'm a complete imbecile. Exactly which part of the male anatomy are they talking about? They don't say, so how do I know? Sure, we all THINK we know which part they mean. But what if it's something else? What if it's the prostate? I don't want that enlarged, that would be a bad thing, right? Or what if you take it and wake up the next morning and your Adam's apple is suddenly freakishly huge? "Bloody fucking hell! I look like Randy Johnson!"
I don't need ANY body parts enlarged, in fact, I need several reduced! That "certain part" of MY anatomy is just fine the size it is. To any guys out there who think theirs is not big enough, I say just go ahead and fucking kill yourself already. You're making the rest of your gender look ridiculous.
PS: I forgot the latest annoying thing about Enzyte: They've been running ads in which the grinning zombie idiot is dressed as Santa. IT'S MAY! IT'S FUCKING MAY!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!
UTAH PHILLIPS 1935-2008, DICK MARTIN 1922-2008
Click here for an mp3 of the classic Utah Phillips story, "Moose Turd Pie".
Left pic: Utah Phillips. Right pic: Dan Rowan (1922-1987) and Dick Martin.
Also we mourn the passing of Dick Martin of "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In". Say goodnight, Dick.
Click here for an mp3 of the classic Utah Phillips story, "Moose Turd Pie".
Left pic: Utah Phillips. Right pic: Dan Rowan (1922-1987) and Dick Martin.
Also we mourn the passing of Dick Martin of "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In". Say goodnight, Dick.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
MICE ON LARRY
Cathy Crowell Webb died last week at age 46 after a 6-year battle with breast cancer. She is known for falsely accusing Gary Dotson of rape in 1977, an accusation she recanted 8 years later. Subsequent hearings on the case later resulted in Dotson becoming the first person in U.S. history to be exonerated by DNA evidence. Click here to read an excellent summary of the case.
After that I highly recommend going to Dahl.com where you can hear the classic song Steve Dahl recorded about the case, "11x3" (titled after the size of an underwear stain which you will learn more about in that aforementioned summary). The song was always one of my favorites even though it didn't all make sense to me, since I was never really familiar with the case. Then I read the summary and sure enough, everything mentioned in the song is in there.
Cathy Crowell Webb died last week at age 46 after a 6-year battle with breast cancer. She is known for falsely accusing Gary Dotson of rape in 1977, an accusation she recanted 8 years later. Subsequent hearings on the case later resulted in Dotson becoming the first person in U.S. history to be exonerated by DNA evidence. Click here to read an excellent summary of the case.
After that I highly recommend going to Dahl.com where you can hear the classic song Steve Dahl recorded about the case, "11x3" (titled after the size of an underwear stain which you will learn more about in that aforementioned summary). The song was always one of my favorites even though it didn't all make sense to me, since I was never really familiar with the case. Then I read the summary and sure enough, everything mentioned in the song is in there.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thought my fellow Dahl fans out there would enjoy this...
FROM THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE WEBSITE:
Wednesday, May 14, 10:37 AM: Doughnuts for deputies land reporter in a hole
Brendan Greeley
In the weeks leading up to the R. Kelly trial, it was clear the Cook County sheriff's department was determined to keep a tight rein on the media. But an incident Wednesday morning showed just how seriously they're taking that mission.
Law-enforcement officials threatened to pull the media credential of a radio reporter who brought doughnuts for deputies working outside the building. Brendan Greeley, who works for "The Steve Dahl Show" on WJMK-FM104.3, brought the treats to thank officers who had been kind to him during the first three days of jury selection.
The deputies, among many other helpful actions, typically give reporters and photographers a few minutes' warning before Kelly arrives so they can have their cameras positioned. When Greeley mentioned this to his boss, Dahl suggested he bring two dozen doughnuts on Wednesday as a show of gratitude.
"It was a warm gesture," Greeley said.
Law-enforcement officials said high-ranking officers heard Dahl discussing the doughnuts during Tuesday's show and feared that the public would consider the snacks a bribe for information.
Around 7:45 a.m Wednesday, a Dahl intern showed up with two dozen Dunkin Donuts. Greeley said the treats were "a nice variety: glazed, chocolate dipped, powdered, cinnamon."
Several deputies declined Greeley's treats before an officer approached him and told him he was being a distraction. He told Greeley, who was not on air while passing out the snacks, that his credential would be taken away if he brought doughnuts again.
It's not unusual for reporters to bring treats for deputies during high-profile or prolonged cases. During the Brown's Chicken & Pasta murder trial last year—also held in Cook County Judge Vincent Gaughan's courtroom—reporters brought bagels, cookies and doughnuts throughout the six-week trial.
Gaughan has been aware of past treats and never prohibited the goodwill gesture. It's highly unlikely he knew of Greeley's situation this morning.
To maintain order during the R. Kelly trial, the judge appointed a media committee to voice concerns or address problems that arise during the case. The committee said today that it would have opposed any sanctions against Greeley because there's nothing in the judge's order that prohibits the sharing of doughnuts—chocolate dipped or otherwise.
"I'm just happy to still have my credential," Greeley said. "It was just a gesture."
--Stacy St. Clair
Click here to view one of Brendan's courtroom sketches from the R. Kelly trial.
FROM THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE WEBSITE:
Wednesday, May 14, 10:37 AM: Doughnuts for deputies land reporter in a hole
Brendan Greeley
In the weeks leading up to the R. Kelly trial, it was clear the Cook County sheriff's department was determined to keep a tight rein on the media. But an incident Wednesday morning showed just how seriously they're taking that mission.
Law-enforcement officials threatened to pull the media credential of a radio reporter who brought doughnuts for deputies working outside the building. Brendan Greeley, who works for "The Steve Dahl Show" on WJMK-FM104.3, brought the treats to thank officers who had been kind to him during the first three days of jury selection.
The deputies, among many other helpful actions, typically give reporters and photographers a few minutes' warning before Kelly arrives so they can have their cameras positioned. When Greeley mentioned this to his boss, Dahl suggested he bring two dozen doughnuts on Wednesday as a show of gratitude.
"It was a warm gesture," Greeley said.
Law-enforcement officials said high-ranking officers heard Dahl discussing the doughnuts during Tuesday's show and feared that the public would consider the snacks a bribe for information.
Around 7:45 a.m Wednesday, a Dahl intern showed up with two dozen Dunkin Donuts. Greeley said the treats were "a nice variety: glazed, chocolate dipped, powdered, cinnamon."
Several deputies declined Greeley's treats before an officer approached him and told him he was being a distraction. He told Greeley, who was not on air while passing out the snacks, that his credential would be taken away if he brought doughnuts again.
It's not unusual for reporters to bring treats for deputies during high-profile or prolonged cases. During the Brown's Chicken & Pasta murder trial last year—also held in Cook County Judge Vincent Gaughan's courtroom—reporters brought bagels, cookies and doughnuts throughout the six-week trial.
Gaughan has been aware of past treats and never prohibited the goodwill gesture. It's highly unlikely he knew of Greeley's situation this morning.
To maintain order during the R. Kelly trial, the judge appointed a media committee to voice concerns or address problems that arise during the case. The committee said today that it would have opposed any sanctions against Greeley because there's nothing in the judge's order that prohibits the sharing of doughnuts—chocolate dipped or otherwise.
"I'm just happy to still have my credential," Greeley said. "It was just a gesture."
--Stacy St. Clair
Click here to view one of Brendan's courtroom sketches from the R. Kelly trial.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
THE TREASURE OF THE ARCHIVO ROJO (EPISODE 1)
It figures. Just three days into my new daily blogging policy and I'm already blanking. But not to worry, for I have a healthy stash of archived material to fall back on. I recently recovered my long-lost Red Folder, which contains a buttload of insane song lyrics, short stories, and other assorted weirdness from my younger days.
Today, in our first installment, we'll take a look at a much-talked-about classic: "Fun With Googols", a piece inspired by Carl Sagan's "Cosmos", based on the numbers googol and googolplex. A googol is 10 to the hundredth power, or a one followed by 100 zeros. Here's one now:
10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
And a googolplex is a one followed by a googol zeros (which I will not type out here, let alone write it out on a piece of paper since the amount of paper I'd need to do so could not fit within the known universe), also known as 10 to the power or a googol, or 10 to the 10 to the 100th.
This was as far as Dr. Sagan went on the subject, so I took it upon myself to go further. The next logical step was 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th, or 10 to the power of a googolplex, which would be a one followed by a googolplex zeros. I dubbed this number the 'googolduplex'.
Next there's the 'googolbonanza': 10 to the power of a googolduplex, or a one followed by a googolduplex zeros, or 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th, which can be sung to the tune of the "Bonanza" theme song.
After that was the 'googolcondominium', 10 to the power of a googolbonanza, or 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th.
Then I ramped things up quite a bit...
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = googolherpes simplex
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = googolherpes complex
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = googolherpes duplex
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = googolherpes duplex with a side order of fries and a small Pepsi and thanks for the memories
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = quadri-googol ouch you nasty eat my shorts shit to bed baby fuck me in the dick lick my boody bitch Obi-Wan Kenobi nerf herder in your ass and out your nose and round and round inside your toes gone with the Velveeta down the road changed into a ball of mold and a bacon double cheeseburger with onion rings and good night and good luck and good vibrations
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = quintuple googolot chicken butt turn around and lick it up Charlie Charlie two by four watch him eat the bathroom door if bearded clams make you sick get on your knees and suck my dick lick my boody lick some more lick my dookie off the floor get yourself a sadist whore make her throw you through the door up my asshole your tongue goes while I'm farting in your nose lick my balls ain't that nice now your beard is full of lice lick my great big herpes scabs now your mouth is full of crabs and a seafood platter with Dr. Pepper you selfish porkface now I'll never be satisfied
It's not included on the page I found, but I'm positive there was one more that was twice as long as that last one, and the name included my well-known 'Your mama' rap which gained a life of its own:
Your mama, your daddy, your bald-headed granny
Your two-timing uncle and your three-timing auntie
Your brother and your sister and your whole damn family
And your cross-eyed cousin who I fucked in the fanny
Your mama's a ho, your daddy's a slut
Your bald-headed granny gets fucked in the butt
Your brother's a bastard, your sister's a bitch
And you have the crabs, no wonder you itch!
It figures. Just three days into my new daily blogging policy and I'm already blanking. But not to worry, for I have a healthy stash of archived material to fall back on. I recently recovered my long-lost Red Folder, which contains a buttload of insane song lyrics, short stories, and other assorted weirdness from my younger days.
Today, in our first installment, we'll take a look at a much-talked-about classic: "Fun With Googols", a piece inspired by Carl Sagan's "Cosmos", based on the numbers googol and googolplex. A googol is 10 to the hundredth power, or a one followed by 100 zeros. Here's one now:
10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
And a googolplex is a one followed by a googol zeros (which I will not type out here, let alone write it out on a piece of paper since the amount of paper I'd need to do so could not fit within the known universe), also known as 10 to the power or a googol, or 10 to the 10 to the 100th.
This was as far as Dr. Sagan went on the subject, so I took it upon myself to go further. The next logical step was 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th, or 10 to the power of a googolplex, which would be a one followed by a googolplex zeros. I dubbed this number the 'googolduplex'.
Next there's the 'googolbonanza': 10 to the power of a googolduplex, or a one followed by a googolduplex zeros, or 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th, which can be sung to the tune of the "Bonanza" theme song.
After that was the 'googolcondominium', 10 to the power of a googolbonanza, or 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th.
Then I ramped things up quite a bit...
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = googolherpes simplex
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = googolherpes complex
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = googolherpes duplex
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = googolherpes duplex with a side order of fries and a small Pepsi and thanks for the memories
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = quadri-googol ouch you nasty eat my shorts shit to bed baby fuck me in the dick lick my boody bitch Obi-Wan Kenobi nerf herder in your ass and out your nose and round and round inside your toes gone with the Velveeta down the road changed into a ball of mold and a bacon double cheeseburger with onion rings and good night and good luck and good vibrations
10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 10 to the 100th = quintuple googolot chicken butt turn around and lick it up Charlie Charlie two by four watch him eat the bathroom door if bearded clams make you sick get on your knees and suck my dick lick my boody lick some more lick my dookie off the floor get yourself a sadist whore make her throw you through the door up my asshole your tongue goes while I'm farting in your nose lick my balls ain't that nice now your beard is full of lice lick my great big herpes scabs now your mouth is full of crabs and a seafood platter with Dr. Pepper you selfish porkface now I'll never be satisfied
It's not included on the page I found, but I'm positive there was one more that was twice as long as that last one, and the name included my well-known 'Your mama' rap which gained a life of its own:
Your mama, your daddy, your bald-headed granny
Your two-timing uncle and your three-timing auntie
Your brother and your sister and your whole damn family
And your cross-eyed cousin who I fucked in the fanny
Your mama's a ho, your daddy's a slut
Your bald-headed granny gets fucked in the butt
Your brother's a bastard, your sister's a bitch
And you have the crabs, no wonder you itch!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
18 HOLES AND A DOZEN (MINUS 5) FREAKIES
Some of you already know that I enjoy the occasional round of frisbee golf. (You probably also know that I always refer to it as 'frisbee golf', never 'disc golf', for the same reason most people refer to facial tissues as 'Kleenex' regardless of the brand. Do you know anyone who calls them 'Puffs'? I don't. If you asked someone for a 'Puff', you'd most likely get something other than a facial tissue. Which reminds me of that one Mitch Hedberg joke about how the Pringles company's original intent was to make tennis balls but they got a truckload of potatoes instead and since they're laid-back they said 'Fuck it, cut em up!' Do you think maybe the makers of Puffs originally intended to make rolling papers but they turned out too thin and flimsy and some pothead in the product-testing group sneezed and the rest was history?)
Well today I finally got around to moseying down the street to Highland park to plot out my own frisbee golf course. I managed to lay out a decent 18 holes, I think. And just like the first course I ever made up, at Walbridge Park, the entire course is reversible, meaning you can go around it clockwise or counterclockwise. This is because the immediate area around (almost) every 'hole' acts as the tee-off area for the next 'hole'.
Now, instead of the standard metal basket on a pole you find on an actual course nowadays, when making up my own course I have to use other objects as 'holes': trees, light poles, sign posts, whatever the park has to offer up. One of the 'holes' I picked out was an old, lumpy-looking tree which reminded me of the Freakies tree.
And at this point many of you are now wondering just what the flying French dip is the Freakies tree? For the answer to that, please view the video below.
"We never miss a meal / 'cause we love our cere-eel" has to be the most labored rhyme in commercial jingle history. And yes, I can name all 7 Freakies off the top of my head without the aid of the above video. The one I always have trouble remembering, though, is Hamhose. But how do you forget a name like Hamhose?? Especially when you're me?! Kind of sounds filthy when you think about it. "Hey broad, I got yer hamhose right here!" Perhaps the folks at Ralston Purina were intentionally warping my little 8-year-old mind with that stuff. I love the 70s.
The sad fact, though, is that I never, not once, actually ate Freakies cereal. For whatever reason. I think maybe by the time I got to the point where I went with my mom to the grocery store on a regular basis, Freakies cereal was gone. Always saw the commercials, never got to try it. Same with Koogle. What, you don't remember Koogle either? Twas a peanut butter that came in 4 flavors: chocolate, vanilla, banana, and cinnamon. (For more on Koogle, click here. Or, you could Google Koogle!)
Perhaps it's just as well. Odds are I would have liked both Freakies and Koogle. (I might have even combined them.) But then, with their disappearances, they would have joined a long list of grocery items I absolutely loved that got discontinued. Been happening all my life. It's a conspiracy, I tells ya! Campbell's Meatball Alphabet soup, Snyder's Coney Island Potato Chips (hot dog and mustard flavor!), Zotz (the fizzy candy), Kroger fish cakes, the list goes on and on.
And then add the fact that Pizza Hut still (after more than 2 decades) has yet to bring back the Priazzo, and you can see why I get paranoid about this kind of shit. (You can also see how I got fat.)
Some of you already know that I enjoy the occasional round of frisbee golf. (You probably also know that I always refer to it as 'frisbee golf', never 'disc golf', for the same reason most people refer to facial tissues as 'Kleenex' regardless of the brand. Do you know anyone who calls them 'Puffs'? I don't. If you asked someone for a 'Puff', you'd most likely get something other than a facial tissue. Which reminds me of that one Mitch Hedberg joke about how the Pringles company's original intent was to make tennis balls but they got a truckload of potatoes instead and since they're laid-back they said 'Fuck it, cut em up!' Do you think maybe the makers of Puffs originally intended to make rolling papers but they turned out too thin and flimsy and some pothead in the product-testing group sneezed and the rest was history?)
Well today I finally got around to moseying down the street to Highland park to plot out my own frisbee golf course. I managed to lay out a decent 18 holes, I think. And just like the first course I ever made up, at Walbridge Park, the entire course is reversible, meaning you can go around it clockwise or counterclockwise. This is because the immediate area around (almost) every 'hole' acts as the tee-off area for the next 'hole'.
Now, instead of the standard metal basket on a pole you find on an actual course nowadays, when making up my own course I have to use other objects as 'holes': trees, light poles, sign posts, whatever the park has to offer up. One of the 'holes' I picked out was an old, lumpy-looking tree which reminded me of the Freakies tree.
And at this point many of you are now wondering just what the flying French dip is the Freakies tree? For the answer to that, please view the video below.
"We never miss a meal / 'cause we love our cere-eel" has to be the most labored rhyme in commercial jingle history. And yes, I can name all 7 Freakies off the top of my head without the aid of the above video. The one I always have trouble remembering, though, is Hamhose. But how do you forget a name like Hamhose?? Especially when you're me?! Kind of sounds filthy when you think about it. "Hey broad, I got yer hamhose right here!" Perhaps the folks at Ralston Purina were intentionally warping my little 8-year-old mind with that stuff. I love the 70s.
The sad fact, though, is that I never, not once, actually ate Freakies cereal. For whatever reason. I think maybe by the time I got to the point where I went with my mom to the grocery store on a regular basis, Freakies cereal was gone. Always saw the commercials, never got to try it. Same with Koogle. What, you don't remember Koogle either? Twas a peanut butter that came in 4 flavors: chocolate, vanilla, banana, and cinnamon. (For more on Koogle, click here. Or, you could Google Koogle!)
Perhaps it's just as well. Odds are I would have liked both Freakies and Koogle. (I might have even combined them.) But then, with their disappearances, they would have joined a long list of grocery items I absolutely loved that got discontinued. Been happening all my life. It's a conspiracy, I tells ya! Campbell's Meatball Alphabet soup, Snyder's Coney Island Potato Chips (hot dog and mustard flavor!), Zotz (the fizzy candy), Kroger fish cakes, the list goes on and on.
And then add the fact that Pizza Hut still (after more than 2 decades) has yet to bring back the Priazzo, and you can see why I get paranoid about this kind of shit. (You can also see how I got fat.)
Monday, May 12, 2008
REDISCOVERING MY OWN BLOG
I probably need to start writing for the Pond more often, just in case anyone out there is actually checking it for new content. Who am I to deprive you, dear readers, of the joy of looking at whatever drivel I post here and thinking to yourself "Why do I give two festering donkey turds what Ducksoup has to say about anything?!"
It never fails to astonish me when people I don't know come up to me and know me via the karaoke circuit and think I'm the shiznit. It's a feelgood and all, but something about it just doesn't seem right. At least nobody has asked for my autograph yet. That's when I will know things are really, really screwy.
So, just in case any of these folks are googling me, I am going to try to get myself in the habit of keeping a regular stream of posts coming. These will most likely be like my previous "Random Thoughts" posts. Let's see how long I can keep it up...
I tried to keep the weekly ALF Cup 'Game Balls' going, and we all can see how that went. Doesn't exactly give me hope for this whole 'regular posting' thing, but anyhoo on the subject of the telly, I just finished watching the second season of "Dexter" at watchdexterepisodes.com, after watching the first season on CBS. I can't wait for more. Friggin' awesome show. He's a forensics expert who's also a serial killer, but with a strict moral code: he only kills other killers. I strongly recommend you treat yourself to your own Dexter marathon. All 24 eps are there. Ding!
Ok, that's my TV tout for today, here's a movie tout: "The Legend Of 1900". A quirky film with a great story with plenty of gorgeous music. An amazingly talented piano player is born on a ship in the year 1900 and spends his whole life on board. Lots of cool scenes, like when he befriends the new trumpet player in the ship's band during a rough storm, during which he plays up a storm as they and the piano roll all around the ballroom. Then there's the piano duel with jazz 'inventor' Jelly Roll Morton...let's just say it's smokin' hot. And if you have a good ear, you might notice that his song inspired by 'the girl' walking by the window as he's recording it has the same melody as the song over the end credits, "Lost Boys Calling" by Roger Waters. So do yourself a favor and go find it wherever you get your movies.
That's all for today. Luckily I have a lot of material stockpiled for days when I have nothing new to think up, including the entire contents of my long-lost, just-recovered 'Red Folder' from my days in Grand Rapids at the Job Corps! All the lyrics of songs I wrote in my younger days (yes they are just as f'd up as my recent creations), my brief but classic series of 'Teletypes' (in which I sat with my typewriter channel-surfing and typing in a sentence from each channel until I had a whole page of non-sequiturs from the TV which at times seemed to relate to each other), short stories, the writings of a fellow corpsmember which I copied and archived for posterity, and lots more.
See you tomorrow. Unless I forget.
(PS: Also I probably should post more text and fewer pics just so the page will load faster. But the pics ARE good. Damn good. Just check out the most recent pic just below this. What a whack job. She's like Nathan Thurm now. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!)
I probably need to start writing for the Pond more often, just in case anyone out there is actually checking it for new content. Who am I to deprive you, dear readers, of the joy of looking at whatever drivel I post here and thinking to yourself "Why do I give two festering donkey turds what Ducksoup has to say about anything?!"
It never fails to astonish me when people I don't know come up to me and know me via the karaoke circuit and think I'm the shiznit. It's a feelgood and all, but something about it just doesn't seem right. At least nobody has asked for my autograph yet. That's when I will know things are really, really screwy.
So, just in case any of these folks are googling me, I am going to try to get myself in the habit of keeping a regular stream of posts coming. These will most likely be like my previous "Random Thoughts" posts. Let's see how long I can keep it up...
I tried to keep the weekly ALF Cup 'Game Balls' going, and we all can see how that went. Doesn't exactly give me hope for this whole 'regular posting' thing, but anyhoo on the subject of the telly, I just finished watching the second season of "Dexter" at watchdexterepisodes.com, after watching the first season on CBS. I can't wait for more. Friggin' awesome show. He's a forensics expert who's also a serial killer, but with a strict moral code: he only kills other killers. I strongly recommend you treat yourself to your own Dexter marathon. All 24 eps are there. Ding!
Ok, that's my TV tout for today, here's a movie tout: "The Legend Of 1900". A quirky film with a great story with plenty of gorgeous music. An amazingly talented piano player is born on a ship in the year 1900 and spends his whole life on board. Lots of cool scenes, like when he befriends the new trumpet player in the ship's band during a rough storm, during which he plays up a storm as they and the piano roll all around the ballroom. Then there's the piano duel with jazz 'inventor' Jelly Roll Morton...let's just say it's smokin' hot. And if you have a good ear, you might notice that his song inspired by 'the girl' walking by the window as he's recording it has the same melody as the song over the end credits, "Lost Boys Calling" by Roger Waters. So do yourself a favor and go find it wherever you get your movies.
That's all for today. Luckily I have a lot of material stockpiled for days when I have nothing new to think up, including the entire contents of my long-lost, just-recovered 'Red Folder' from my days in Grand Rapids at the Job Corps! All the lyrics of songs I wrote in my younger days (yes they are just as f'd up as my recent creations), my brief but classic series of 'Teletypes' (in which I sat with my typewriter channel-surfing and typing in a sentence from each channel until I had a whole page of non-sequiturs from the TV which at times seemed to relate to each other), short stories, the writings of a fellow corpsmember which I copied and archived for posterity, and lots more.
See you tomorrow. Unless I forget.
(PS: Also I probably should post more text and fewer pics just so the page will load faster. But the pics ARE good. Damn good. Just check out the most recent pic just below this. What a whack job. She's like Nathan Thurm now. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!)
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