THE LIST

Last week Garry Trudeau's "Doonesbury" comic strip began listing some of the Wall Street lobbyists working for McCain, but since there apparently isn't room there to list them all, I've got them all right here for you.

Quote from the strip: "Hey, folks! Were you surprised to learn McCain has 177 lobbyists working for his campaign? Well, it gets worse...84 of those lobbyists, including his campaign manager, have lobbied for the financial industry McCain now trashes! So who are they? Well, as McCain likes to say about 'pork-barrelers,' let's make 'em famous! From the top..."

Phil Anderson: American Council of Life Insurers, Aetna, AIG, New York Life, MassMutual, VISA

Rebecca Anderson: Aegon, American Council of Life Insurers, Cigna, Barclays, Credit Suisse First Boston, HSBC

Stanton Anderson: The Debt Exchange

David Beightol: Allstate, Amerigroup, Charles Schwab, HSBC

Rhonda Bentz: VISA

Wayne Berman: American Council of Life Insurers, AIG, Americhoice, Shinsei Bank, Blackstone, Carlyle Group, Broidy Capital Management, Credit Suisse Securities, Highstar Capital, VISA, Ameriquest Mortgage, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Fitch Ratings

Charlie Black: JP Morgan, Washington Mutual Bank, Freddie Mac, Mortgage Bankers Association of America, National Association of Mortgage Brokers

Judy Black: Colorado Credit Union League, Genworth Financial, Bay Harbour Management, Merrill Lynch

Kirk Blalock: Credit Union National Association, Financial Executives International, American Insurance Association, Mutual of Omaha, Zurich Financial Service Group, Fannie Mae, Federal Home Loan Bank of San Francisco

Carlos Bonilla: Financial Services Roundtable, Freddie Mac

Christine Burgeson: Citigroup

Mark Buse: Freddie Mac, Goldman Sachs, Manufacturers Life Insurance Company

Nicholas Calio: Citigroup, Managed Fund Association, Fannie Mae, Merrill Lynch, The Investment Company Institute, TIAA-CRE, Securities Industry and Financial Markets Association

Ben Nighthorse Campbell: Amscot Financial Corporation, Community Financial Services Association, Fidelity National Financial

Andrew Cantor: American Insurance Association, Merrill Lynch

Alberto Cardenas: Fannie Mae

James Courter: Goldman Sachs, Donaldson Lufkin & Jenrette, Investment Company Institute, Merrill Lynch

David Crane: Financial Services Roundtable, PriceWaterhouseCoopers, Deloitte & Touche, KPMG, Ernst & Young, Bank of America, Association of Corporate Credit Unions, Freddie Mac

Dan Crippen: Merrill Lynch, National Multi-Housing Council

Arthur Culvahouse: Fannie Mae

Bryan Cunningham: Arch Capital Group

Alfonse D'Amato: AIG, Freddie Mac

Doug Davenport: Federal Home Loan Bank of San Francisco, Goldman Sachs, VISA

Ashley Davis: Prudential Financial, American Financial Group, American Premier Underwriters, Great American Insurance Company

Mimi Dawson: MassMutual

Melissa Edwards: Freddie Mac, National Association of Real Estate Investment Trusts, Access to Capital Coalition

Chris Fidler: American Bankers Association, Milcom Venture Partners, National Association Real Estate Investment Trusts

Samuel Geduldig: American Bankers Association, American Institute of CPAs, America Gains, Berkshire Hathaway, Consumer Bankers Association, Ernst & Young, Financial Services Roundtable, Investment Company Institute, PriceWaterhouseCoopers, Prudential Financial, Sovereign Investment Council, Fidelity Investments, FMR Corp.

Benjamin Ginsberg: Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance, AIG Technical Services

David Girard-Dicarlo: American Financial Group, American Premier Underwriters

Juleanna Glover Weiss: RJI Capital, American Institute of CPAs, BNP Paribas, Ernst & Young, PriceWaterhouseCoopers

Slade Gorton: Allstate Insurance, Hannan Armstrong Capital

Phil Gramm: UBS Americas

John Green: Laredo National Bank, Alternative Investment Management Association, AIG, Blackstone Group, Carlyle Group, Citigroup, Credit Suisse Group, Fannie Mae, Icahn Associates, FMR Corp., AFLAC, VISA

Janet Grissom: American Institute of CPAs, NYSE, Merrill Lynch

Kristen Gullott: San Diego Credit Union

Kent Hance: Stanford Financial Group, Municipal Capital Markets Group, Inc.

Vicki Hart: American Financial Services Association, Citigroup, Investment Company Institute, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, New York Stock Exchange, VISA, Carlyle Group, Credit Suisse, Federal Home Loan Bank of Indianapolis, Goldman Sachs, Stanford Group, Lloyd's of London, National City Corp.

Richard Hohlt: Capmark Financial Group, Fannie Mae, JP Morgan Chase and Co., Student Loan Marketing Association, Washington Mutual, Guaranty Bank & Trust, Peachtree Settlement Funding, Dime Savings Bank of New York

Gaylord Hughey: Heartland Security Insurance Group

Kate Hull: Credit Union National Association, Fannie Mae, Federal Home Loan Bank of San Francisco, Zurich Financial Services, American Insurance Association, Financial Executives International

James Hyland: American Insurance Association, Seattle Home Loan Bank, Self Help Credit Union, National Association of Bankruptcy Trustees, Merrill Lynch, Mortgage Investors Corp., Federal Home Loan Bank of Indianapolis, Freddie Mac, New York Stock Exchange, Citigroup, VISA

Aleix Jarvis: Credit Union National Association, Fannie Mae, Federal Home Loan Bank of San Francisco, Financial Executives International, Mutual of Omaha, American Insurance Association, Zurich Financial Services

Greg Jenner: American Council of Life Insurers, JG Wentworth, UBS, VISA, PriceWaterhouseCoopers

Frank Keating: American Council of Life Insurers

Steven Kuykendall: California Bankers Association

William Lesher: Chicago Mercantile Exchange, Commerce Ventures, Rabobank International

Thomas Loeffler: Citigroup, Fannie Mae, Investment Company Institute, World Savings and Loan Association, United Services Automobile Association (USAA)

Kelly Lugar: RJI Capital Strategies

Peter Madigan: Arthur Andersen, Bank of New York, Broadridge Securities Processing, Charles Schwab, Deloitte and Touche, Goldman Sachs, International Employee Stock Option Coalition, Mastercard, NYSE, Fannie Mae, Merrill Lynch, PNC Bank

Mary Mann: MassMutual

Paul Martino: Morgan Stanley, Baker Tilly

Jana McKeag: Venture Catalyst

Alison McSlarrow: Fannie Mae, Hartford

Mike Meece: Georgetown Partners

David Metzner: Ernst & Young, Harbinger Capital Investments, Prudential, Public Financial Management, Western Union

Susan Molinari: Freddie Mac, American Land Title Association, Association of Consumer Credit Unions, Beacon Capital Partners, College Loan Corp, Coventry First, E-Trade, Financial Services Roundtable, Rent-A-Center

John Moran: Cerberus Capital Management, American Council of Life Insurers, Accenture

John Napier: Freddie Mac

Susan Nelson: AIG, San Antonio Credit Union

Paul Otellini: Ernst & Young, Financial Services Forum

Steve Perry: Charles Schwab, Hoover Partners, HSBC, National Stock Exchange

Nancy Pfotenhauer: American Land Title Association, Mortgage Bankers Association

Elise Pickering-Finley: Credit Suisse, DE Shaw, Hartford Financial Services, Research In Motion, Retail Industry Lenders Association, URL Mutual

James Pitts: Advanced Association for Life Underwriting, AETNA, American Council of Life Insurers, AIG, Council of Insurance Agents and Brokers, Debt Advisory International, Financial Services Coordinating Council, GE Financial Assurance, Hartford Life, Jefferson Pilot Financial, Kenwood Investments, MassMutual, Mutual of Omaha, New York Life, UNUM Provident, VISA, PMI Group

Tim Powers: AP Capital, Genworth Financial, Retail Industry Lenders Association, E-LOAN, General Electric Mortgage Insurance

Walter Price: Wachovia

Sloan Rappoport: Friedman, Billings, Ramsey Group, Inc. (FBR), Trafelet Delta Funds

Hans Rickhoff: Capital One, Investment Company Institute, United Services Automobile Association (USAA)

Kathleen Shanahan: New York Stock Exchange

Andrew Shore: Accenture, Retail Industry Lenders Association, Barclays, Bond Market Association, Credit Suisse, TPG Capital

Katie Stahl: Alliance for Investment Transparency, Ares Management, Fairfax Financial Holdings, Uhlmann Financial Group

Milly Stanges: TIAA-CREF

Aquiles Suarez: Fannie Mae

Don Sundquist: Freddie Mac, The Hartford

Peter Terpeluk: JP Morgan Chase, Ernst & Young, Prudential

Fred Thompson: Equitas

Jeri Thompson: American Insurance Association

John Timmons: National Association of Federal Credit Unions

William Timmons Sr.: American Council of Life Insurers, Citigroup, Dun & Bradstreet, Freddie Mac, Vanguard Group

Vin Weber: Agstar Financial Services, AKT Investment Corp., American Institute of CPAs, Ernst & Young, Freddie Mac, Louis Dreyfus Corp, PriceWaterhouseCoopers

Jeffery Weiss: JP Morgan

Tony Williams: Russell Investment Group, American Life Inc., Northwestern Mutual

Current Duck Pond temperature:
21.2 C / 70.1 F

"CANADIAN GOLD" WINS!

Congratulations to Colin Oberst, winner of CBC's Hockey Anthem Challenge. "Canadian Gold" is the new Hockey Night In Canada theme music. Said HNIC host Ron MacLean to the winner, "You made some money, you made a name for yourself, and you made a difference." (Story from CBC.ca below)

Current Duck Pond temperature:
21.1 C / 69.9 F

ALBERTA ENTRY IS GOLDEN IN HOCKEY NIGHT ANTHEM CHALLENGE
School teacher Colin Oberst takes home $100,000 and half of lifetime royalties

"Canadian Gold" is the new Hockey Night in Canada anthem.

After 14,871 entries flooded in and thousands of voters cast their ballots for each of the two finalists, a Celtic-themed piece by Beaumont, Alta.'s Colin Oberst was chosen to introduce Canada's longest-running television program.

His victory was announced on Saturday's Hockey Night broadcast featuring Toronto hosting Montreal and Vancouver in Calgary.


Colin Oberst, second from left, penned "Canadian Gold", the new Hockey Night in Canada anthem.

Toronto teenager Robert Fraser Burke's "Sticks to the Ice" finished second.

"I'm thrilled that it's an ordinary Canadian whose passion for hockey will be forever associated with the show," said Scott Moore, executive director of CBC Sports. "The process has shown the passion that Canadians have for hockey, Hockey Night in Canada and for music.

"I think it's so appropriate that such a passionate hockey fan is the final winner."

Oberst is an elementary school teacher who also doubles as an avid music writer and member of an Edmonton band.

He takes home the $100,000 top prize and half of the lifetime royalties, with the other 50 per cent invested by the CBC in minor hockey across the country.

Burke, the 13-year-old son of a music teacher, is a pianist who sings in a choir and performs in the school band.

The contest to find new theme music for Hockey Night in Canada was launched June 19 by CBC Sports after it didn't renew the rights to The Hockey Theme, which were subsequently purchased by CTV Inc.

Each of the five semifinalists in the anthem challenge were profiled on The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos and later on the Hockey Night In Canada Anthem Challenge special, when the original compositions — produced by Bob Rock, a multiple Juno Award winner — were played in their entirety.

"You just get this overwhelming sense of pride," Oberst said while working with Rock at the taping of the theme in Toronto. "Everything just jelled into this amazing song that went way over my expectations."

BAGPIPES RULE! VOTE FOR "CANADIAN GOLD"!

Dear Pond readers in Canada...go to CBCSports.ca/AnthemChallenge to vote for the new Hockey Night In Canada theme.

Kudos to 13-year-old Robert Fraser Burke for making the finals, but I strongly urge you to vote for Colin Oberst's entry, "Canadian Gold". It's big, it's bold, it's got a good beat and you can dance to it!

Current Duck Pond temperature:
20.6 C / 69.0 F

THIS JUST IN...

From our pals at This Hour Has 22 Minutes:

"A team of Boston researchers won an award from the Annals of Improbable Research Magazine for proving that Diet Coke is an amazingly effective spermicide. The scientists warn, however, it should never be used in combination with a Mentos diaphragm."

Current Duck Pond temperature:
20.3 C / 68.5 F

SOUNDALIKES

John McCain and Dean Sparks both need better dentures.

Current Duck Pond temperature:
20.0 C / 68.0 F

PLAY IT AGAIN, STEVE

Steve Goodman--"A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request"


Seriously, this picture is just heartbreaking. :(


Current Duck Pond temperature:
19.0 C /66.2 F

ROBERT MURAINE IKEA COMMERCIAL FULL VERSION

This dude is a freak.

MONARCH RELEASE 2008 PICS

Here are my picks for the top ten photos from this year's Monarch release...

#1 Monarch on sunflower (photo by Lori Anderson)

Kudos to my friend Lori for some damn fine butterfly-on-flower pics. I immediately used this one for a puzzle at JigZone.com.

#2 High five (photo by Lori Anderson)

I guess I don't look too hideous here, posing with our little three-legged pal we named after Dale Earnhardt.

#3 They're off! (photo by Lori Anderson)

Snapped plenty of shots of the actual release, but this is my fave. I like how they seem to be contained in that one cloud.

#4 Monarch taking a drink (photo by Lori Anderson)

You gotta look close, but you can see it sipping. This would also make a good puzzle.

#5 What are you doing with that Monarch on your nose? (photo by Lori Anderson)

That's little Earnhardt the Monarch again, here you can tell his right front leg is missing. He sat on my nose for maybe a half hour. After a while, I did feel a bit like Johnny Carson with the marmoset on his head.

#6 Grrr... (photo by Lori Anderson)

Looks like I was growling, but I didn't want to breathe on him and scare him away, so I had to talk out of the side of my mouth.

#7 Another good puzzle pic (photo by Lori Anderson)

Seriously, props to Lori again. JigZone is gonna love these.

#8 Never mind the big guy, look at me! (photo by Lori Anderson)

Little E was a real showoff. Total camera hog. He hung out with us for probably a whole hour striking various poses.

#9 Staring contest! (photo by Lori Anderson)

Not exactly a fair fight. Little E has a lot more eyes.

#10 "I'm the new Berlin Wall, baby...try and tear ME down!" (photo by Lori Anderson)

Okay, truth is I include this one only because it reminds me so much of the opening shot in "Hedwig And The Angry Inch". Case in point:

Hedwig in cape (photo NOT by Lori Anderson)


Current Duck Pond temperature:
23.6 C / 74.4 F

IT'S ABOUT TIME!

The Detroit Lions finally fired Matt Millen. The nightmare is over!

FLAMES ON AN AEROSTAR, PART 2

All that needless fuss over the 'lipstick on a pig' thing...now that I think about it, perhaps if he had said 'flames on an Aerostar' people wouldn't have gotten their panties in a bunch. Well, except perhaps Ford or the UAW. Perhaps a slight variation...how about 'racing stripes on a Yugo'?

Okay, what else? I already used 'whipped cream on dog shit', I'm sure I can think of some others. Maybe I'll send these to Barack, he might find one of them suitable. Or not.

You can put velvet drapes on an outhouse...
You can plant flowers in front of a garbage dump...
You can put gravy on headcheese...
You can put cheese sauce on broccoli... (nah, too much like Bush Sr.)
You can air the Olympics and the Super Bowl on NBC24...
You can have Sir Lawrence Olivier guest star on Gilligan's Island...
You can put a Tuxedo on the Elephant Man... (Variation: You can put an Armani suit on Kid Rock...)
You can build a ballpark and a hockey arena in downtown Toledo... (Variation: You can fix the streets in Tulsa...)
You can have Billie Holliday sing "Before He Cheats"... (Variation: You can have Pavarotti sing "Achy Breaky Heart"...)
You can have Fred Astaire do the Chicken Dance...
You can have Martin Scorcese direct "Joe Dirt"...

That's all I can come up with at the moment. If you can think of any, email them to askduckpond2008@sacbeemail.com

Current Duck Pond temperature:
22.6 C / 72.6 F

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

I don't know if they were decals or painted on, but today I saw flames on a Ford Aerostar. The ugliest minivan ever made (and I can say this because I used to own one).

Flames on an Aerostar...that's like putting whipped cream on dog shit. (Or maybe lipstick on a pig?)

Current Duck Pond temperature:
23.0 C / 73.4 F
(No, that's not my body temperature. I'm not hypothermic. )

HELLOOOOOOOO???

Here's one of those song hooks that will stick to your brain like Velcro. Why should I suffer alone? Enjoy!

George Westerholm--"Trevor"
(from CBC's Winnipeg Comedy Festival)

BABS ASSURES ME I WILL NOT HAVE TO GO GAY

Good thing, too. I have a bad gag reflex.

Streisand to McCain: Women "are not that stupid!"

Current Duck Pond temperature:
22.3 C / 72.1 F

EXTREME UTTER STUPIDITY: TOLEDO EDITION

Oh how I wish I could have "Quantum Leap"-ed into Toledo Mayor Carty Finkbeiner when it was announced that ABC was bringing their inane Extreme Ultimate Roasted Garlic Chipotle Smart Choice Not-So-Much-A-Make-Over-Or-Make-Better-As-Just-Plain-Tearing-Down-And-Replacing Home Improvement Whatever warped-reality show to town, so I could have shocked the entire city with a sudden, shockingly sane and level-headed (at least for Carty) suggestion to the show's producers that instead of building a new fancy-schmancy home for one family, perhaps it would be a neat idea to really do some good for our community, instead of just poser showbiz charity bullshit, by building some halfway-decent low-rent apartment buildings for the 100 or so families displaced by the recent Hunter's Ridge fire.

Just a thought.

Current Duck Pond temperature:
28.0 C / 82.4 F

PS: A follow-up to my post about "Ocho Cinco"...ESPN's Chris Berman said it best this morning when he described the current Cincy team as "Oucho Stinko".

JUST A QUICK RHYME I CAME UP WITH WHILE FIGHTING INSOMNIA

It will not stand, this bullshit,
because we will not stand for it,
because that is not what we stand for,
and we cannot stand it anymore.

Trust me, it's a lot funnier in the generic foreign accent I thought it up in.

Current Duck Pond temperature:
25.6 C / 78.0 F

IT'S OKAY BARRY, I'LL HANDLE THIS

As anyone with a brain knows by now, Barack Obama did not call Sarah Palin a pig.

But I will! I heard her speak last week, and she IS a pig!

In fact, she is what my mom would have called a D.C. The D stands for dumb. I'll let you figure out the C.

Current Duck Pond temperature:
23.7 C / 74.6 F

A CHAD BY ANY OTHER NAME IS STILL AN IDIOT

So Chad Johnson of the Cincinnazi Bungles had his name legally changed to Chad Ocho Cinco, then the NFL made him change the name on his jersey back to C. Johnson, by which I couldn't help but be reminded of that scene in Roots: "Your name is Toby!"



Now I'll defend Chad's right to change his name, but as Steve Dahl has repeatedly pointed out, "Ocho Cinco" translates to "Eight Five". If he wanted to get it right, he would change his last name to "Ochenta y Cinco" ("Eighty-Five").

But even then, what if he gets traded to another team that already has a player wearing 85 who doesn't want to relinquish it? Then he'll have to change his name again, thus becoming the Sean Combs of the NFL.

I COULD REALLY GO FOR A FIVE-STORY-HIGH ENGLISH MUFFIN RIGHT ABOUT NOW

Is it just me, or does the Indianapolis Colts' new home look like a giant toaster?



Instead of Lucas Oil, they should have sold the naming rights to Wonder Bread!

TOO DARK FOR LENO

Actual AP headline in the paper the other day:

EMPTY CARGO PLANE CRASHES IN FIELD; ALL 3 ON BOARD DIE

Current Duck Pond temperature:

24.1 C / 75.3 F

WOW

Well, much as I hate to admit it, despite my previous post, I actually did happen upon a bit of the telethon, but the act I caught absolutely blew my mind.

Click here to check out YouTube clips of Terry Fator. Set aside some time and just WATCH THEM ALL, they're all amazing!

Here's hoping Comedy Central or some other network gives this guy his own TV special. Or two, or three. As many as he wants! For as much money as he wants!

Official Terry Fator website

Current Duck Pond temperature:
27.6 C / 81.6 F