Today, my take on the "50 Worst Shows". Strap yourselves in, here we go. (Or as Ed Silha would say, "SEATBELTS!")

Of course, the folks at TVG have their heads up their asses as usual. You'll recall they left THE greatest show in TV history, "ALF", off the "Best Shows" list.

And now, for the "Worst" list they leave out Gross-anne The Garbage Barge...well, at least they're consistent. Perhaps they couldn't decide which was worse, her crappy sitcom or her crappy talk show.

Anyhoo, allow me to fully dissect the list, one by one...

1. The Jerry Springer Show
This seems to me to encompass the entire trash talk genre. (Certainly they could have included several others if this had been a "100 Worst" list. Why only 50? Budget cuts?) So, if you're going to single out the worst show of the genre, this pick makes sense, though personally I would include Gross-And Large as part of this genre.

2. My Mother the Car
Alright, put the brakes on (and pardon the pun). This is a predictable choice, but still I must protest. This show belongs in the 'so bad it's good' category, sort of like "Rocky Horror" or "Killer Tomatoes" as movies go. Besides, as Shaggy points out, "Knight Rider" used the same premise and you don't see that listed.

3. XFL
No argument here. I'd rather watch the NFL, and that's saying something!

4. The Brady Bunch Hour
No argument here either, but why leave out the original "Brady Bunch"? While we're at it, where's all the other crap Sherwood Schwartz was responsible for? Where's "Gilligan's Island"? (For that matter, where's the cheap Gilligan ripoff, "Dusty's Trail"?)

5. Hogan's Heroes
Now this is the one that stirs most of the debate, and I can understand both sides of the argument. Shag makes a good point about wacky Germans, but first and foremost you have to admire the balls it took to even attempt the premise of a comedy about Nazis. Then again, this is not without precedent; the Nazis have made many notable and lasting contributions to the history of comedy: Mel Brooks' "The Producers", Spike Jones' "Der Fuehrer's Face", the British sitcom "Heil Honey I'm Home" (think Hitler and Eva Braun in place of Lucy and Desi), Jerry Lewis' "The Day The Clown Cried", Charlie Manson's forehead, and, of course, the Volkswagen Beetle. And compared to those, "HH" pales, mostly because, let's face it, it was rather poorly executed. Sorry. I call them as I see them.

6. Celebrity Boxing
It's really just a ripoff of "Celebrity Deathmatch", and a bad one at that, so no argument here.

7. AfterMASH
Frankly, I think the title alone doomed this show from the start.

8. Cop Rock
Just as Springer takes the fall for trash talk, we'll let this one represent all the crap from Steven Bochco, narrowly edging out "Doogie Howser". After he was rightfully criticized for the far-fetched premise of "Doogie", Bochco responded with a thoroughly uncalled for dismissal of "ALF" as "a hand-puppet from Mars". Then the asshole puts out "Cop Rock". Hard to get much stupider than that shithead Bochco.

9. You're in the Picture
Never heard of it.

10. Hee Haw Honeys
Why list this without also listing "Hee Haw"? Damn budget cuts again.

11. The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer
Never heard of it.

12. Hello, Larry
Once again, one show takes the fall for a whole genre. In this case, it's the incredible string of bad sitcoms McLean Stevenson headlined after leaving "M*A*S*H". But this was actually the best of that lot and lasted the longest. I can't even name any of the others.

13. Twenty-One
Which incarnation? They probably mean the original, but I'd go with the Maury Povich version.

14. Baby Bob
Agreed. Babies and animals talking via computer-assisted mouth movements give me the creeps. (And commercials that use that "Matrix"-type suspended-in-air special effects give me a nasty headache. And I'll bet they induce seizures in some cases.)

15. Manimal
Some would put this in the "so bad it's good" category. I don't.

16. The Chevy Chase Show
Agreed. Just the fact that he never donned any makeup to imitate Gerald Ford on SNL suggests he must really be a dick.

17. Casablanca
If it was what the title suggests, then I agree.

18. The Ugliest Girl in Town
Never heard of it. Unless they mean the aforementioned Garbage Barge.

19. The P.T.L. Club
Takes the fall for religious shows, so I agree, with a big BUT: If they're gonna list this show, they should also list "The Jim J. And Tammy Faye Show".

20. The Pruitts of Southampton
Never heard of it.

21. Baywatch
Agreed. Also agree with Shag on the spinoff. Much of the blame for this show popularity lies with those wacky Germans, too.

22. The Powers of Matthew Star
Only vaguely recall it. Must be taking the fall for shows like "Shazam" and "Misfits Of Science". Whatever.

23. Sammy and Company
Never heard of it.

24. One of the Boys
Never heard of the show. The Steve Dahl song of the same title is good.

25. Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?
And this one takes the fall for all the crappy reality game shows.

26. Life With Lucy
I actually remember this one. Thank you for your sympathy.

27. Turn-On
I think it was a "Laugh-In" ripoff. I also think it was cancelled DURING it's premiere. Whoa.

28. Supertrain
Takes the fall for all of Fred Silverman's mistakes.

29. Howard Stern
Never forget, all of Stern's success over the years should really have been Steve Dahl's.

30. Unhappily Ever After
Personally, I think the show it ripped off, "Married With Children", was even worse.

31. Homeboys in Outer Space
Takes the fall for the entire UPN network. Was really a ripoff of "Red Dwarf" if you think about it.

32. Co-ed Fever
Never heard of it.

33. Holmes and Yoyo
Never heard of it. But you should have seen the original idea, "Holmes and Yoko". Yikes.

34. Alexander the Great
Never heard of it.

35. Pink Lady... And Jeff
Oh my lack of god, the horror, the horror. For those of you too young to remember it, the typed word alone cannot describe the horror. Ask me about it sometime, IF YOU DARE!

36. The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo
Another fall-taker, sparing the likes of "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and "Enos".

37. Saturday Night Live with Howard Cosell
Hey! I liked this one. Then again, I did have a rather troubled childhood.

38. Hell Town
Never heard of it. Gee, you'd think someone would have told us they did a show about Jackson, Michigan.

39. Still the Beaver
Bad idea for a show. But a good band name.

40. Makin' It
This one can take the fall for the entire second half of the 70's.

41. The Tom Green Show
Now hold on just an udder-sucking minute! I liked this show. My mom, incredibly, liked this show! And I loved the movie...and screw you. It's a shame the show was done in by its own success. Much like "The Osbournes" will be.

42. The Flying Nun
Horrible. But not as bad as the failed spinoff, "The Groping Pope".

43. Woops!
Never heard of it.

44. She's the Sheriff
TV producers, please make a mental note: Suzanne Somers = crappy show.

45. A.K.A. Pablo
Ripoff of "Chico And The Man". The only thing worse than a show that rips off another show is one that takes 10+ years to do so.

46. Me and the Chimp
Why not "BJ And The Bear"? Oh, right, #36 covered that.

47. Rango
Never heard of it.

48. Bless This House
Never heard of it.

49. The Ropers
Heard of it. Unfortunately. Let this one take the fall for every worse spinoff of a bad show.

50. Barney & Friends
And one more fall-taker, this one for the likes of the "Teletubbies". At least the Teletubbies get big ratings from potheads. Which reminds me, why no "Scooby-Doo" on this list? Really, we should take up a collection so TVG can afford to redo this as a "100 Worst" list.