ROCK AND ROLLER COLA WARS, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE
by Ducksoup

After Shaggy's review of new soda flavors, I took it upon myself to see what would happen when all 4 were combined in various ways to see what hideous mutant creatures would come crawling up out of the flask.

Once I brought home 2 liters of each soda, my brother Snail and I had a soda-tasting session (like a wine-tasting session, only fizzy!), and in a short time, what started out as a calm, well-civilized flavor comparison turned into a no-holds-barred street brawl of carbonated chaos!

In full-blown OCD mode, we arranged the flavors in alphabetical order and drew up a round-robin tournament of two-at-a-time combinations. The schedule was as follows:

Round 1
Dr. Pepper Red Fusion vs Mountain Dew Code Red
Pepsi Blue vs Vanilla Coke
Round 2
Dr. Pepper Red Fusion vs Pepsi Blue
Mountain Dew Code Red vs Vanilla Coke
Round 3
Dr. Pepper Red Fusion vs Vanilla Coke
Mountain Dew Code Red vs Pepsi Blue

Match #1: Red Fusion vs Code Red
The battle of the Reds. In the color department, it was a draw. As for flavor, it was a split decision. Snail agreed with the Doc's prognosis, I did the Dew.
Winner: draw

Match #2: Pepsi Blue vs Vanilla Coke
The heavyweight grudge match. Blue held its own in the color battle, resulting in an intriguing dark green. The Vanilla got off to a strong start, and in Snail's view held off a late charge by Blue. In my view, Blue had too much for Vanilla in the end, especially in aftertaste.
Winner: draw

Match #3: Red Fusion vs Pepsi Blue
The color was an excellent deep purple with just a hint of grey, but overall leaning toward the Blue. And the color didn't lie. Red Fusion's lack of publicity left us wondering just what was going on there in terms of flavor, resulting in a rout.
Winner: Pepsi Blue

Match #4: Code Red vs Vanilla Coke
Nice maroon color, very warm and inviting. But once again, Vanilla started out strong and never looked back. Code Red's light fruitiness was no match for the Vanilla juggernaut.
Winner: Vanilla Coke

Match #5: Red Fusion vs Vanilla Coke
Deeper color than in Match #4, ended up a deep burgundy, much like the traditional Doc can (or Brandie's posts on the old Shagout). And again, the color would prove to be prophetic. Regular Doc has always had a vanilla presence, so here Coke ended up playing to one of Doc's strengths. As Snail put it, "It's like Dr. Pepper plays in a northern climate. 'The frozen tundra of Dr. Pepper Stadium!' Coke is throwing those long Vanilla bombs, but Dr. Pepper keeps intercepting them!" Doc's home-field advantage leads to an upset special.
Winner: Red Fusion

Match #6: Code Red vs Pepsi Blue
Here I was anticipating the best color, but CR is lighter than RF, so here the resulting purple was lighter and greyer, more like grape Kool-aid. A disappointment. As for flavor, Code Red was again too light and no match for the ever-dominant Blue. In this match, it was obvious to all why Mountain Dew has always been Pepsi's bitch.
Winner: Pepsi Blue

So in the round robin, Pepsi Blue came out ahead with a 2-0-1 record, thanks in large part to Red Fusion's upset win over Vanilla Coke. Those two wound up 1-1-1, with Code Red bringing up the rear at 0-2-1.

But we weren't finished yet! It was now time for the big finale, a 4-way slugfest.

LLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!

In the color battle, Blue was ganged up on by the other three. It took all three of the others to cancel out Blue's blue. A similar thing happened in the flavor department, as Blue and the two Reds had to team up to subdue Coke's 800-pound Vanilla gorilla. Eventually, however, we were left with a shocking and stunning result:

Winners: Red Fusion and Code Red

The two world cola superpowers, Pepsi and Coke, were so intent on beating the crap out of each other that they failed to notice, over in the corner, the two underrated, upstart Reds teaming up in an obvious communist plot to topple the two capitalist heavyweights. The Red Menace emerged victorious! The streets ran blue and caramel-color with the blood of the non-believers!

Makes you think.