NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 2 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

NEW ENGLAND AT ATLANTA
Cheaters in road white, with blue pants. Falcons in home red. It's an okay shade of red.
WINNER: ATLANTA

INDIANAPOLIS VS BUFFALO (at Toronto)
Colts in all white regular unis. Not as neato as the throwbacks, but better than Bills in all dark blue. Ick.
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS

PHILADELPHIA AT CINCINNATI
Puke-fest. Eagles in all white, Bengals in black. Only good thing in either uni is Philly's pant stripes. Not only does Cincinnazi make orange look bad, but black as well.
WINNER: PHILADELPHIA

PITTSBURGH AT NY GIANTS
Steelers in road white, Giants in home blue. Other than the non-block numbers, Steelers always look good (espesh when Big Ben starts).
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

GREEN BAY AT SEATTLE
Pack in white with gold pants and green socks, their Jello 123 look. Seahawks in their ugly, shitty color head-to-toe. No-brainer.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

ST LOUIS AT CLEVELAND
Rams in white with metallic gold pants. Not so much Saints-ish as Notre Dame-ish. Not bad, but something is off about it. Browns in brown jerseys, looking better in the rain than the Rams. Plus the orange trim always helps.
WINNER: CLEVELAND

HOUSTON AT NEW ORLEANS
Texans in dark blue with white pants, looking good, but no match for the Saints in white with gold pants.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

NY JETS AT CAROLINA
Jets in green with white pants, Panthers in all white. Panthers have better colors, but that tapered deal on the pants still bugs me. Style wins out.
WINNER: NY JETS

BALTIMORE AT WASHINGTON
Ravens in crap shade of purple, Burgundyskins in white with burgundy pants. Another no-brainer.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

DETROIT AT DENVER
Lions in white with silver pants (shiny!) and blue socks, Broncos in orange with white pants and blue Nike spooge. Both teams have ugly numbers. I like the orange, natch, but Detroit is spoogeless.
WINNER: DETROIT

DALLAS AT SAN DIEGO
Cowboys in white with shiny pants, Chargers in dark blue. Greatest city in the world, Mud, but not their greatest uni. Come on Bolts, try!
WINNER: DALLAS

MINNESOTA AT SAN FRANCISCO
Vikes in all white with purple Vikey spooge. The purple socks are pretty in the sun. 49ers in red with gold pants. I love the 80s.
WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO

OAKLAND AT CHICAGO
Raiders in white with shiny pants, Bears in navy blue with white pants. This is weird: Chicago's trim seemed to keep changing color between orange and white, depending on the camera angle. I don't know whether there was some special Chromalusion-type material involved or if it was just an optical illusion caused by the cameras or the TV, but I'm not complaining. It was just weird.
WINNER: CHICAGO

KANSAS CITY AT TAMPA BAY
Chiefs in red with white pants, always stylish. Bucs in all white, stylish but plain in comparison.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

ARIZONA AT TENNESSEE
Both suck. Cards in all white, Titans in light blue jerseys and dark blue pants. As much as I hate to, I have to pick two-tone blue over Nike spooge.
WINNER: TENNESSEE

MIAMI AT JACKSONVILLE
Fish in white with aqua pants, Jags in teal (ugh!) with white pants. That pencil-thin Nike spooge is very disturbing.
WINNER: MIAMI

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 2)
Chicago Bears 2-0
Green Bay Packers 2-0
Indianapolis Colts 2-0
Kansas City Chiefs 2-0
New Orleans Saints 2-0
Philadelphia Eagles 2-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 2-0
Washington Redskins 2-0
Dallas Cowboys 2-1
Atlanta Falcons 1-1
Cleveland Browns 1-1
Detroit Lions 1-1
Miami Dolphins 1-1
New York Jets 1-1
San Francisco 49ers 1-1
Tennessee Titans 1-1
Carolina Panthers 1-1
Denver Broncos 1-1
Houston Texans 1-1
New York Giants 1-1
Oakland Raiders 1-1
Seattle Seahawks 1-1
St Louis Rams 1-1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-1
Arizona Cardinals 0-2
Baltimore Ravens 0-2
Buffalo Bills 0-2
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-2
Minnesota Vikings 0-2
New England Patriots 0-2
San Diego Chargers 0-2
Cincinnati Bengals 0-3

NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 1 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

A full slate of 16 games...let's get busy! (Games are reviewed in the order I got to see them.)

CAROLINA AT BALTIMORE
I still wish the stripe on Carolina's pants wasn't tapered, but otherwise still perhaps the best all-white uni in the league. I love the whole color scheme, espesh the light blue socks and trim, and the logo is fabulous. Meow. Baltimore's numbers are just putrid, they have too many logos and they all suck (espesh the crest on the field) and the color scheme is all wrong. Even the purple jersey is a bad shade.
WINNER: CAROLINA
PS: WR Armanti Edwards looks very nice in Carolina white, but I still say he could win a few Grey Cups as a CFL QB. Please Armanti, go to Hamilton, my beloved Tiger-Cats need you!

NEW ORLEANS AT NEW ENGLAND
Ah, memories of SB XLIV! The Saints' road uni with gold pants is one of the best looks in football. And with the black socks, Jello 123! The Cheaters home uni, dark blue jerseys and silver pants with their deformed numbers? Hate it! This matchup was never in doubt.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

OAKLAND AT DALLAS
The battle of the shiny pants! This one is tough to pick. Both sport clean, classic looks. Raiders in black always look good, albeit monochrome, and even in a dome their pants are still shiny. Cowboys in home white, same as last week. I guess the one tweak to the Dallas uni I would make is metallic blue helmets to match their pants. In the end, it comes down to me hating Dallas.
WINNER: OAKLAND

BUFFALO AT WASHINGTON
Bills make the dreaded mistake of wearing dark color jerseys and pants together. And it's a bad dark blue. And the red socks, which I like, don't help. Washington correctly combines white (jerseys) with burgundy (pants). (This also works vice versa.) Throw in some gold trim and you've got a tasty color combo. And since they don't wear any red, I'm going to start calling them the Burgundyskins.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

JACKSONVILLE AT PHILADELPHIA
Ugh. Both unis just awful. Jagoffs in teal. I fucking despise teal! And what is with this thin, deli-sliced Nike spooge? Eagles have ugly numbers and a bad color scheme. The green is too dark, and they need less black and more silver. I've never seen Philly in all white before. I'll throw them a bone for the novelty.
WINNER: PHILADELPHIA

KANSAS CITY AT ATLANTA
Chiefs in all white, their only faux pas. They really should wear their red pants with the white jerseys. Falcons in red jerseys need better trim design, the numbers are ugly, and they need to lose the tapered pant stripe.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

TAMPA BAY AT MIAMI
Two teams that look delicious in orange, but rarely wear it. Sigh. (I'm just glad I don't have to launder them after this muddy game!) Fish in aqua jerseys, the numbers have that shadowing thing of which I'm not a fan, looks almost cartoonish. Bucs go all white, blood red trim with just a hint of orange. Actually, they give Carolina's all white look a run for the money.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY

CLEVELAND AT GREEN BAY
Browns in all white, which apparently, and hopefully, means they've ditched the brown pants from last year. (Natch I'd prefer their old orange pants.) Another good all white uni, but not enough to beat the Pack's green jersey/gold pants home uni, one of the best in the game.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

DETROIT AT PITTSBURGH
Lions in road white never look as good as their home blue, and they still have those shitty new numbers. Steelers uni always looks great, except of course for the non-block numbers.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SAN FRANCISCO AT INDIANAPOLIS
Niners in red with their awesome 80s look. Fabulous as always. Colts in very interesting all white 50s throwbacks with dark blue trim and dark blue helmets with white horseshoes at the back. The color scheme is not unlike Toronto (where they play next week). Arrrrrrrrgooooos!!! This is a tough call. Timeless classic or neato novelty? In a close one, novelty ekes it out. I look forward to seeing the blue version.
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS

DENVER AT CINCINNATI
Broncos in blue, Bengals in white. Both hideous. Both make orange look bad. Both have ugly numbers and Nike spooge. Who do I hate more? Denver, I just hate their unis. And that closet case Tebow. CincinNazi, I hate the unis, the whole team, and the whole stupid city.
WINNER: DENVER

CHICAGO AT SAN DIEGO
Bears in white jerseys and navy pants, just like 1985. Non-block numbers and dark pants are usually a no-no, but the Bears are the exception that proves the rule. Chargers in dark blue jerseys, which aren't necessarily bad, but they certainly aren't anywhere near as good as the powder blues. When will the Bolts learn?
WINNER: CHICAGO

MINNESOTA AT ST LOUIS
Vikes in all white with lots of purple Nike spooge. Ick. Rams in dark blue jerseys, white pants, and metallic gold trim. Not as good as their L.A. look, but certainly better than Vikey spooge.
WINNER: ST LOUIS

TENNESSEE AT SEATTLE
Titans in white jerseys and, yes, Columbia blue pants. Hey, that's Argentina's color scheme! How dare they disgrace it so! Plus their numbers suck, I'm still pissed about the towel-stomping incident, and Nate Washington is a traitor! Seahawks still need to go back to some real colors and ditch the stupid head-to-toe "gun metal blue" eyesore. It's not even consistent from helmet to jersey to pants. Doesn't it rain a lot in Seattle? Why do they need an artificial wet look? Bleah. At least they have block numbers and no spooge. Plus, they're not the Titans. So style beats color.
WINNER: SEATTLE

NY GIANTS AT NY JETS
Ah yes, the new stadium (the players got tired of tripping over Jimmy Hoffa) that they forgot to put a roof on but get to host a Super Bowl anyway. WTF? G-Men in road white with grey pants and red socks/trim. The Heat...er, I mean, the Jets in home green with white pants. Both good classic looks. G's unis just more colorful.
WINNER: NY GIANTS

HOUSTON AT ARIZONA
Texans in white with dark blue pants and red trim. Dark pants? Non-block numbers? Yet somehow, inexplicably, they make it work. Thus they are exempt from the same two rules as Chicago. Cardinals in red with white pants, still have shrinky-dinked numbers and a bad case of Nike spooge.
WINNER: HOUSTON

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 1)
Carolina Panthers 1-0
Chicago Bears 1-0
Denver Broncos 1-0
Green Bay Packers 1-0
Houston Texans 1-0
Indianapolis Colts 1-0
Kansas City Chiefs 1-0
New Orleans Saints 1-0
New York Giants 1-0
Oakland Raiders 1-0
Philadelphia Eagles 1-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 1-0
Seattle Seahawks 1-0
St Louis Rams 1-0
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-0
Washington Redskins 1-0
Dallas Cowboys 1-1
Arizona Cardinals 0-1
Atlanta Falcons 0-1
Baltimore Ravens 0-1
Buffalo Bills 0-1
Cleveland Browns 0-1
Detroit Lions 0-1
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-1
Miami Dolphins 0-1
Minnesota Vikings 0-1
New England Patriots 0-1
New York Jets 0-1
San Diego Chargers 0-1
San Francisco 49ers 0-1
Tennessee Titans 0-1
Cincinnati Bengals 0-2

[Duxoop here, letting you know that the Duck Pond's resident sports fashion critic, Mr. Coloredwell, is back from vacation and ready to rock ya with his usual style and finesse. Take it away, Mr. C...]

MR. COLOREDWELL'S WEEKLY FOOTBALL FASHION REPORT

Hi there, sweeties! I have returned, and I am mostly over the quarterfinal loss of my beloved Argentina in the World Cup. And most of the tinnitus brought on by those retarded vuvuzelas has finally subsided. Time to launch ourselves into this fall's football fashions!

Yes, I am including exhibition games (and yes, I know the NFL prefers to call them 'preseason' games, but screw them, I'm an exhibitionist!). No, I am not including any games played during Ben Roethlisberger's undeserved suspension. (Innocent until proven guilty. Ever hear that phrase, Roger Goodell? You would have made a great judge...in the Salem witch trials!)

I think all 32 NFL teams are wearing Reebok, so unless noted otherwise they get the credit or the blame as the case may be. And away we go...

DALLAS vs CINCINNATI at Canton (Hall Of Fame Game)
Cowboys in white jerseys, metallic blue pants and royal blue socks. Bengals in black jerseys and socks, and white pants. Two teams I despise.

But at least the 'Boys know how to dress. Classic uni. Frankly it's a wonder an owner like Jerry Jones hasn't fucked it up. Yet. I love the shiny pants, and the pretty blue socks that match their block numbers really bring their whole look together. Dallas is one of those teams that do a good job sporting what I like to call the Jello 123 look: Dark color socks, light color pants, and a white jersey.

I can safely say this already, the Bungles are the worst-dressed team in the league. I simply cannot stand those varicose pumpkins on their heads, their numbers are crap, the white down the side of the jersey doesn't work, nor do the helmet-matching shoulders, and the striped Nike spooge on the pants should be punishable by death. In fact, I wish whoever designed these unis would fall from the back of a pickup truck and die!

WINNER: DALLAS

That of course is the only game this week. I'll see you next week here on the Pond for a full slate of exhibitionism!

'APPY BASTILLE DAY!

Today for breakfast I made French roast coffee with a French press and French toast using French bread, for lunch I had French fries and French onion soup, for dinner I had a French dip with French dressing, and for dessert I had French vanilla ice cream with French's mustard.

Then I played the French horn, watched "The French Connection", visited French Lick and the French Quarter, got a French kiss from a French maid, put on a French tickler and did the French Mistake.

NOT THAT I REALLY GIVE 23 SHITS, BUT...

As a Buckeye and Buckeye fan, I would have liked to see Lebron James go to Ohio State. Wouldn't that have thrown everyone for a loop?

But again, I couldn't care less. I more or less gave up on the NBA after Detroit's "Bad Boys" era ended.

I did, however, sing "The Heat Is On" at karaoke right after the announcement was made. Never let it be said I'm not topical.

Now to sit back and watch the rioting begin in Cleveland. They'll probably set that river on fire again!

ANAGRAM OF THE MONTH: MAHUT-ISNER = HUMANS TIRE

But when it comes to long sporting contests, Mahut vs. Isner was nothing compared to Roberts vs. Huron:

BREAKING NEWS!

MR. COLOREDWELL: "I'M OUT!"

Well, okay, that's not exactly breaking news, but...

Duxoop here, with an important message for all my loyal, regular readers (yeah right, excuse me for a moment while I laugh at my own delusion).

So, yeah, just in case there's anyone out there who's actually been reading this blog on a regular basis, you'll notice that all of Mr. Coloredwell's posts about the World Cup have been deleted, upon his request.

Frankly, we shouldn't have started in the first place. We almost cancelled the whole thing during the first weekend due to all those retarded vuvuzela-blowing douchebags.

The deal should have been, either the vuvuzelas go, or we go. The deal ended up being, if Argentina goes, we go. The Argentinians (and their beautiful uniforms) were eliminated today, thus Mr. C, in tears, asked me to pull the plug, and I obliged.

Shame on FIFA for not banning vuvuzelas. They have completely ruined the entire tournament. I am not watching another second, and neither is Mr. C. We must take a stand. And shame on South Africa and their soccer fans, for the worst sound created by humans since disco!

Hopefully come 2014 in Brazil, intelligence will somehow prevail and vuvuzelas will be banned. Then we'll try all of this again.

Also it is my sincere hope that Mr. Coloredwell will gracious agree to do a weekly feature here on the Pond when football season starts. If so, he will be covering college football froom the get-go, but he would of course join me in boycotting the NFL season for the duration of Ben Roethlisberger's undeserved suspension.

One last message from Mr. C.: "See you in September!"

"PARKAY..."

I was quite amused to learn Big Butter Jesus was hit by lightning and destroyed. Good riddance! But what really shocked me was when I learned that it was actually made of styrofoam and fiberglass, etc.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!

SEPARATED AT BIRTH, THROWBACK EDITION

Due to my previous post, I thought I'd re-post a similar one I did a few years ago:

Marilyn Manson and Chief Blue Meanie

SEPARATED AT BIRTH:

Sen. Robert Byrd (D-WV) and Yoda

HERE'S TO YOUR FUCK, FRANK...


DENNIS HOPPER
1936-2010

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE

After hearing Buzz Kilman talk about it on the Steve Dahl podcast last week, I had to make the hour-long drive to the Main Art Theatre in Royal Oak (near Detroit) to see this movie. It was well worth the drive. This film is gloriously fucked-up! Those of you with weak constitutions will probably want to take a pass on it. (Wusses!)

Those of you who can handle it, just take your sense of humor in with you and keep in mind it's just a movie, it's not really happening. Mind you I'm not really a horror movie enthusiast, but there are quality kills here, and pity the poor girl who ended up being the 'middle piece' of the 3-person centipede. Oh, the fresh hell that is visited upon her by the end! But that's what you get for trying to escape.

One guy sitting near me had apparently seen it already, and brought 5 of his friends to see it. During the particularly disturbing "Feed her! Feed her!" scene, which isn't even really graphic, all it took was the mere IMPLICATION of what was happening to send at least 3 of this guy's friends running out of the theatre! I am not kidding. He high-fived me and everyone else within reach. It was an awesome moment.

A sequel is due next year, with a 12-person centipede! I can't wait. In the meantime, I strongly recommend you make the trip (however far) to GO SEE THIS MOVIE. Enjoy your popcorn. And keep the empty bag handy when you're finished!

FLAVOR FLAV

Let me ask you a couple of questions. And by you I mean those of you who eat ramen noodles. And by that I mean those of you who prepare them the same way I do, since these questions may not apply otherwise. (Por ejemplo, I don't of anyone who eats them in soup form.) I crush the block of noodles before cooking, I drain them and eat them dry, adding the full flavor packet plus a little butter (and by butter I mean any butter-like substance) to help distribute the flavor evenly.

So the first question is, do you experience the same fleeting moment I do in the middle of preparing/eating ramen, where the word "MAGGOTS" flashes in your brain? It's very brief, it passes, and you continue. But let's all face the hard truth here. At some point, ramen resembles maggots. Usually right after you drain them. Frankly, it's the slimy quality that really sells it IMHO. (Of course many of you may not have had the same experience I had many years ago when I had a neighbor who didn't keep house too well and I offered to wash the heap of dirty dishes in their long-abandoned sink and at a certain point I picked up one dish and saw a tiny little party going on in the dish underneath and ran away screaming.)



Now the second and more important question I have about ramen noodles (and I ask for your feedback on this one especially at ducksoup2009@yahoo.com) is this:

Can you tell the different flavors apart?

I can't. I've tried just about every flavor there is (well, not mushroom, that would be disgusting) and I simply cannot discern any diff. Am I the only one? But what do you expect for 20 cents? Whatever profit Maruchan is making is clearly not going into flavor development. They just make them varying shades of brown or yellow and screw any further effort.

Their role model on this point? Two words. Froot Loops.



How many of you were weird kids like me? Well, okay, nobody's as weird as me, but were you at least weird enough to do what I did at least once and go through an entire box of Froot Loops separating the colors so you could then have a bowl of just the orange ones and then a bowl of yellow and then a bowl of red? (And yes, I know there's more colors now, you spoiled little brats, shut up!)

Yeah, you know you did it. You know you got bored one rainy day and segregated your Froot Loops, admit it. Cereal racist!

And could you tell any difference in flavor between the different Froot Loop colors? Neither could I. Oh, sure, Toucan Sam led us to believe we could. That lying son of a cunt. "Orange, lemon, and cherry!"

BULLSHIT!

But I suppose there was a valuable lesson there for all of us. It doesn't matter what color or flavor your flavor packet is, you can help feed people for cheap or just be a slimy maggot. And no matter what color of the rainbow, you can be just as frooty as the next loop.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've been sitting here typing too long. I need to separate my Crunch Berries.

***

PS: Back in the day when TV shows would try to avoid any product placement, and would cover up any brand names, I remember some pretty lame attempts at such. (Like we wouldn't be able to tell it was a can of Pepsi just because they covered up the word "Pepsi" but not the rest of the logo!) By far the lamest attempt I ever saw was on some sitcom in a scene at the breakfast table: A big box of "ROOT OOPS".

OOPS!

THE CURSE OF MISTER ED CONTINUES

UNNECESSARY, UNWARRANTED, AND INEXCUSABLE

CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO

FOUR DEAD IN OHIO



(The poem below is by my dear friend and fellow NWOPC member Terry Lodge)

Looking down from the brusque, black marble memorial
Grave reminder
Of a dark chapter
I'm halfway between Blanket Hill and the valley of
death of May 4, 1970
At an observation post above a field of green
Today dressed up as thousands of war crimes
On May 3, 2006.

It is May
And the semi-shade of the black oak branches
And their celadon new-leaves
Wreath the distant, orderly rows
Of white spring petals
Fallen from the Tree of Death.
Tears water this chiaroscuro of whitewash nestled
Implacably in shadow.
From a distance, a palette worthy of Manet
Choreographed by Rumsfeld,
Or is it Kissinger? Or Gates? The blood is the same color
No matter how far back I look.

These petals will produce no fruit
Nor beauty nor poetry
Neither will they produce
leaves; only leave-takings.

We listen
For some hopeful spring noise
That their blood might have nurtured
Silently, met by silence.

- Terry Lodge, 2006 and 2010

BOLF

I had one of those "Eureka!" moments today at work. I call it "Bolf".

It's a very simple concept, really. It's just bowling, but scored like golf. You bowl 10 frames, or 12 or 18 or whatever, and try to knock down all the pins in as few throws as possible. (A strike would then equal a hole-in-one, and also there would be no open frames, because in each frame you would continue to throw until you knock down all 10 pins.)

Granted, I'm a genius, but I have a hard time believing I am the first person to think of this. A brief search of the internet turned up one instance of golf being scored like bowling (well, sort of), but as far as I can tell, no idea like mine. But then, I have a hard time finding things on the internet, plus, like I say up top, the internet sucks. So if anyone knows of anyone thinking of this before me, so be it. Until then, I will go ahead and take credit for it. Not that it matters, I highly doubt there's any way for me or anyone else to make a dime from it.

Two major questions remain: First, it will require the ability to switch from automatic to manual resetting of the pins, and the willingness of the bowling alley to let you do so, which should not be a problem if you are paying for a certain amount of time on the lanes instead of a certain number of games, like some bowling alleys do for, say, glow bowling nights.

Second, does anyone have a problem with the name "Bolf"? Because I also considered "Bowlf". Or if you like, we could get silly and call it "Beowulf"!

PS: No, THIS is NOT what I'm talking about.

BEST BAND NAMES PLAYING THE TOLEDO AREA THIS WEEK

Grape Smugglers Lite--Friday at Cousino's Steak House
SeeAlice--Friday at Bronze Boar
Sexy Roast Beef--Saturday at Dog House
The Infernal Names--Saturday at Longhorn Saloon, Sunday at Frankie's Inner City
Lame-O--Sunday at Frankie's Inner City
Hating Hollywood--Wednesday at Pub 51
Beaver Fever with the Village Idiot All-Stars--Wednesday at Village Idiot

BRACE YOURSELF FOR...


by Bruce Maiman, Populist Examiner, April 25, 2010

In a science experiment that will surely delight teenage boys the world over, thousands of women have promised to show a little more skin than usual tomorrow.

Following the pronouncement of Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi that "women who do not dress modestly" cause moral decay that "increases earthquakes," Jenn McCreight created an indignant Facebook group:

"I have a modest proposal," she wrote. "Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically ... Time for a Boobquake."

McCreight called on women to wear their skimpiest tops ("or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty") on Monday. If the combined power of all that exposed female flesh doesn't trigger some teeth-rattling earthquakes, Sedighi will have been proven wrong!

Almost as amusing as the idea of Boobquake is that its creator didn't intend for it to be an actual event. McCreight, a self-described "liberal, geeky, nerdy, scientific, perverted atheist feminist," wrote a jokey blog entry about "Boobquake" and forgot about it. Then the Internet got a hold of it. "Holy crap," she wrote two days (and 96,000 Facebook fans) later. "To be honest, it started as silly joke that I hurriedly fired off since I was about to miss the beginning of House."

"House" will have to wait for McCreight's attention; she's busy going on the radio, arranging interviews for the BBC, and calming the concerns of worried scientists.

It's the Cleric vs the Cleavage, 2010! The Boob vs the Boobs! (Order now!)

Don't worry," she says. "I fully plan on doing some statistics after the event."

LIFE IS BETTER...OR AT LEAST IT WOULD BE...

...if medical science would catch up with Buckeye Cable's remote control exchange policy. If your remote starts going bad on you, you can take it in and swap it out for a new one, no questions asked. I hope I live to see the day when I can do the same with my body! "This thing has gone to shit, can I get a new one?" "Sure, here you go. Have a nice day."