GOOD NEWS FOR FANS OF MR. COLOREDWELL...

...with the end of our NFL boycott, the start of the MLB playoffs and the NHL season, as well as the NBA starting up in a few weeks, Mr. C is about to kick things into overdrive, reviewing all that plus continuing his college football coverage. He might even throw in college hoops. I'd spin him off to his own blog, but I like having him on the team and holding down the fort here in the Pond.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL FASHION REVIEW 2010 WEEK 5
by Mr. Coloredwell, sports fashion critic for The Duck Pond

TEXAS A&M (Adidas) AT OKLAHOMA STATE (Nike)
Aggies in white jerseys and maroon pants with a thin crooked white line down the side. Cowboys in all black with white spooge and armpits, and not nearly enough orange trim. The squiggly line is weird but not spoogy.
WINNER: TEXAS A&M

BYU (Nike) AT UTAH STATE (Nike)
BYU in white jerseys and dark blue pants. USU in all blue with white spooge everywhere. This whole state sucks.
WINNER: BYU

NORTHWESTERN (Adidas) AT MINNESOTA (Nike)
NU in all white with purple and black trim. Gophers in maroon jerseys and yellow pants with maroon spooge.
WINNER: NORTHWESTERN

MIAMI FL (Nike) AT CLEMSON (Nike)
'Canes in white jerseys with dark green spogge and ugly numbers, and dark green pants with orange and white spooge. Clemson in all orange with purple and white trim, looking fabulous in the sun.
WINNER: CLEMSON

LOUISIANA-MONROE (Adidas) AT AUBURN (Under Armour)
ULM in all white with maroon spooge all over and ugly numbers. Just horrible. Auburn in blue jerseys, white pants and orange trim.
WINNER: AUBURN

KANSAS (Adidas) AT BAYLOR (Nike)
Kansas in white jerseys with goofy numbers and blue pants with a red stripe. Baylor in green jerseys with block numbers and gold pants with green spooge. A mixed-bag matchup all around. Baylor Bear-ly wins on color.
WINNER: BAYLOR

OHIO STATE (Nike) AT ILLINOIS (Nike)
No-brainer. OSU in white jerseys and grey pants. Illini in blue jerseys with orange pants and spooge. They do orange wrong.
WINNER: OHIO STATE

NAVY (Nike) AT AIR FORCE (Nike)
Navy in white jerseys and gold pants. Farce in blue jerseys and white pants, and some added red trim including a big splat of red on the front of the helmet. Supposed to be a nod to the Thunderbirds. Looks more like they flew into birds!
WINNER: NAVY

TENNESSEE (Adidas) AT LSU (Nike)
Vols in orange jerseys and white pants. LSU in white jerseys, yellow pants and purple trim. Orange Kool-Aid vs. grape lemonade. What a delicious matchup!
WINNER: TENNESSEE

WISCONSIN (Adidas) AT MICHIGAN STATE (Nike)
Badgers in all white with red trim. MSU in green jerseys and white pants. Ugh, that eyelash crap.
WINNER: WISCONSIN

MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT INDIANA (Adidas)
UM in white jerseys with yellow spooge and pants. Hoosiers in red jerseys and white pants. Ugh, I can't believe I have to type this again, but...
WINNER: INDIANA

VIRGINIA TECH (Nike) AT NC STATE (Adidas)
Well I'll be go to the market, VT is actually dressed well in HD for once! All white with purple numbers and purple/orange pant stripes. NC State...yes they're the devil, why do you think they're all red?
WINNER: VIRGINIA TECH

TEXAS (Nike) VS OKLAHOMA (Nike) at Dallas
Texas in all white with...I'm not even going to insult orange anymore by calling this a shade of orange, so let's call it puke-colored trim. OU in red jerseys and white pants, an easy win.
WINNER: OKLAHOMA

TCU (Nike) AT COLORADO STATE (Russell)
Frogs in all white with purple numbers. CSU in all dark green with gold spooge and goofy numbers.
WINNER: TCU

GEORGIA TECH (Russell) AT WAKE FOREST (Nike)
GT in all white with blue and gold spooge. WF in all black with gold and white spooge. GT's spooge is slightly less disgusting.
WINNER: GEORGIA TECH

FLORIDA (Nike) AT ALABAMA (Nike)
Gaytebows...er, Gators in white jerseys and blue pants. Tide in red jerseys and white pants. Maybe orange pants would have won? Instead...
WINNER: ALABAMA

NOTRE DAME (Adidas) AT BOSTON COLLEGE (Under Armour)
ND in white jerseys and gold pants. BC in red jerseys and gold pants, and one of the ugliest number fonts in the game.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME

PENN STATE (Nike) AT IOWA (Nike)
PSU in all white, Iowa in Steeler black and gold. Duh.
WINNER: IOWA

WASHINGTON (Nike) AT USC (Nike)
Huskies in all white, Trojans in maroon and gold. Color.
WINNER: USC

STANFORD (Nike) AT OREGON (Nike)
Stan in all white, Oregon in all green. Bile.
WINNER: STANFORD

Meanwhile, ESPN's policy of not showing black college games in HD continues. WHY?

2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF OCT 3
Iowa (Nike) 5-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 5-0
Ohio State (Nike) 5-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 5-0
Auburn (Under Armour) 4-0
Oklahoma (Nike) 4-0
Tennessee (Adidas) 4-0
USC (Nike) 4-0
Kansas State (Nike) 3-0
Northwestern (Adidas) 3-0
Baylor (Nike) 2-0
California (Nike) 2-0
Georgia (Nike) 2-0
Kent State (Nike) 2-0
Navy (Nike) 2-0
Oregon State (Nike) 2-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 2-0
SMU (Adidas) 2-0
Bowling Green (Adidas) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
Duke (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida Atlantic (Adidas) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Nebraska (Adidas) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
Texas A&M (Adidas) 1-0
Tulane (Nike) 1-0
Western Kentucky (Russell) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Wyoming (Nike) 1-0
LSU (Nike) 4-1
Purdue (Nike) 3-1
UCLA (Adidas) 3-1
Alabama (Nike) 3-1
Indiana (Adidas) 3-1
Georgia Tech (Russell) 2-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 2-1
Clemson (Nike) 2-1
Kansas (Adidas) 2-1
BYU (Nike) 2-2
Florida State (Nike) 2-2
Stanford (Nike) 2-2
Arizona State (Nike) 1-1
Marshall (Nike) 1-1
North Carolina (Nike) 1-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 1-1
Arizona (Nike) 1-1
Boise State (Nike) 1-1
Houston (Nike) 1-1
Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
Temple (Under Armour) 1-1
Florida (Nike) 2-2
Illinois (Nike) 2-2
Penn State (Nike) 2-3
Iowa State (Nike) 1-2
NC State (Adidas) 1-2
TCU (Nike) 1-3
Texas (Nike) 1-3
Air Force (Nike) 1-3
Akron (Adidas) 0-1
Central Florida (Nike) 0-1
Colorado (Nike) 0-1
Colorado State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Florida International (Adidas) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Kentucky (Nike) 0-1
Louisiana-Monroe (Adidas) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Ohio (Russell) 0-1
Oklahoma State (Nike) 0-1
Rutgers (Nike) 0-1
San Jose State (Nike) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UAB (Nike) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
Utah State (Nike) 0-1
UTEP (Nike) 0-1
Vanderbilt (Nike) 0-1
Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Arkansas (Nike) 0-2
Ball State (Nike) 0-2
Boston College (Under Armour) 0-2
Central Michigan (Adidas) 0-2
Nevada (Nike) 0-2
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-2
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-2
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-2
Washington (Nike) 0-2
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-3
Miami FL (Nike) 0-3
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-3
Oregon (Nike) 0-3
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-3
Wake Forest (Nike) 0-3
West Virginia (Nike) 0-3
Minnesota (Nike) 0-4
Michigan (Adidas) 0-5
Michigan State (Nike) 0-5

2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF OCT 3
Massachusetts (Adidas) 1-0
Northern Colorado (New Balance) 1-0
Samford (Russell) 1-0
South Dakota (Nike) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Southern Illinois (Under Armour) 1-0
Tennessee State (Adidas) 1-0
Austin Peay (Nike) 0-1
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Florida A&M (Russell) 0-1
Illinois State (Nike) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Western Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1

BRAND STANDINGS AS OF OCT 3
Adidas 35-27
Nike 82-82
Russell 5-5
New Balance 1-1
Under Armour 8-16

COLLEGE FOOTBALL FASHION REVIEW 2010 WEEK 4
by Mr. Coloredwell, sports fashion critic for The Duck Pond

MIAMI FL (Nike) AT PITTSBURGH (Nike)
'Canes in white jerseys and orange pants with green and white spooge. Pitt in blue jerseys and gold pants. Miami does orange wrong.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

TCU (Nike) AT SMU (Adidas)
FU. Anyhoo... Frogs in all white with purple numbers and helmets. 'Stangs in red jerseys and white pants, again looking like Patriots throwbacks. Nothing wrong with that.
WINNER: SMU

CENTRAL FLORIDA (Nike) AT KANSAS STATE (Nike)
UCF in white jerseys with gold pants, numbers and spooge. White/light gold a bad color combo, numbers are hard to read, and the spooge doesn't help. K-State in purple jerseys and silver pants. Purple/silver a great color combo, and they have it all to themselves. Why?
WINNER: KANSAS STATE

NORTH CAROLINA STATE (Adidas) AT GEORGIA TECH (Russell)
NC State in all white with red numbers. Yawn. GT in gold jerseys with white trim and dark blue numbers, and white pants with a gold stripe. GT makes white/light gold combo work with a dark 3rd color for the numbers. Hey UCF, it's called contrast!
WINNER: GEORGIA TECH

NORTHERN COLORADO [FCS] (New Balance) AT MICHIGAN STATE (Nike)
NC in all white with navy blue numbers, gold trim and helmets. MSU in green jerseys and white pants. Spartans, please pluck your eyelashes!
WINNER: NORTHERN COLORADO

BOWLING GREEN (Adidas) AT MICHIGAN (Adidas)
BG in all white with orange helmets and numbers and brown pant stripe. Number font is a little strange and there's a bit of brown spooge on the jersey, but they're playing UM (in their home blue), so Falcons get a gift.
WINNER: BOWLING GREEN

FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL (Adidas) AT MARYLAND (Under Armour)
FIU in all white with dark blue numbers and deformed pant stripe, and blue and gold spooge on the jersey. Terps in red jerseys and white pants, with black spooge from armpit to knee and hint of yellow trim. Terps have better looking numbers and a nice shade of red.
WINNER: MARYLAND

AUSTIN PEAY [FCS] (Nike) AT WISCONSIN (Adidas)
AP in white jerseys and bright red pants, numbers and helmets. A nice red, but the overall design has a cheap feel. Badgers in home red jerseys and white pants. Solid, clean, classic look. Badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom SNAKE!
WINNER: WISCONSIN

EASTERN MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
EMU in all white with green trim, a bit boring but no errors. Buckeyes in home scarlet jerseys and sparkling helmets are simply unbeatable.
WINNER: OHIO STATE

ALABAMA (Nike) AT ARKANSAS (Nike)
Tide in all white with crimson trim. Arkansas in red jerseys and white pants. Arky uni better than last year, but they need to lose the white armpits and the tacky 'Razorbacks' down the leg.
WINNER: ALABAMA

STANFORD (Nike) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Stan in all white with cardinal trim. Irish in blue jerseys and gold pants. No surprises in South Bend (except for that billboard). Color decides it. Besides Stan needs to pay for their 'blackout' last week.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME

FLORIDA A&M [FCS] (Russell) VS TENNESSEE STATE [FCS] (Adidas) at Atlanta
FAMU in all white with goofy green numbers and orange trim. Fugly numbers can ruin an entire uniform. TSU in blue jerseys with white block numbers and red trim, and white pants with some blue spooge. Numbers decide it.
WINNER: TENNESSEE STATE
BTW, kudos to Versus for airing this game in HD. I had to toss out the Grambling-Prairie View game. Why is it ESPN never airs black college games in HD? Hmm?? Anyone???

NORTH CAROLINA (Nike) AT RUTGERS (Nike)
Heels in all white with light blue helmets, numbers and trim. The Nevada-shaped spooge still bugs me, otherwise a great uni. Rutgers in scarlet jerseys and white pants. They do scarlet wrong, due to goofy numbers.
WINNER: NORTH CAROLINA

TEMPLE (Under Armour) AT PENN STATE (Nike)
Owls in all white with dark red helmets, numbers, and that annoying crosswalk down the leg. Lions in home blue. PSU uni strategy is simple: do nothing wrong by doing nothing, and get a win only because other team does something stupid like a crosswalk down their leg.
WINNER: PENN STATE

UAB (Nike) AT TENNESSEE (Adidas)
Blazers in white jerseys with gold sides and green numbers, and gold pants and helmets. Vols in the juicy orange jerseys with white pants. Oh so quenching! Can't beat the creamsicles.
WINNER: TENNESSEE

WAKE FOREST (Nike) AT FLORIDA STATE (Nike)
Wake in white jerseys and black pants and we can just stop right there and give this one to the red and gold.
WINNER: FLORIDA STATE

AIR FORCE (Nike) AT WYOMING (Nike)
Farce in all white with blue trim. Wyoming in brown jerseys, yellow pants, and white helmets and numbers. We'll just ignore the brown spooge on the pants, because this color scheme works for the Hawthorn Hawks, it worked for the Broncos throwbacks, and it works for the Cowboys.
WINNER: WYOMING

UCLA (Adidas) AT TEXAS (Nike)
Bruins in white jerseys with dark blue numbers and dark blue and gold trim, and shiny gold pants. Shorthorns in patchy, ugly shade of orange jerseys and white pants. Would prefer light blue instead of dark, but it sure beats Texas orange, which looks like Tennessee orange if it were left to soak in Swan Creek. A disturbing thought.
WINNER: UCLA

OKLAHOMA (Nike) AT CINCINNATI (Adidas)
Sooners in all white with red trim. Cinci...and we can just stop right there.
WINNER: OKLAHOMA

NEVADA (Nike) AT BYU (Nike)
Nevada in all white with dark blue spooge all over and ugly numbers. BYU in blue jerseys and white pants. They're just Penn State slightly gussied up.
WINNER: BYU

AKRON (Adidas) AT INDIANA (Adidas)
Zips in white jerseys with dark blue pants, spooge and ugly numbers. Hoosiers in red jerseys and white pants. Indy would be just fine if not for those huge blotches of spooge on their sides. But they steal another win thanks to an uglier opponent.
WINNER: INDIANA

KENTUCKY (Nike) AT FLORIDA (Nike)
KY (two of my favorite letters!) in all white with blue trim. Gay Tebows...er, I mean, Gators in blue jerseys and white pants, orange helmets and trim. No big mistakes. Color decides it.
WINNER: FLORIDA

SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour) AT AUBURN (Under Armour)
Gamecocks in all white with red and black trim including spooge. Auburn in blue jerseys, white pants and orange trim. The only uni Under Armour hasn't totally fucked up.
WINNER: AUBURN

OREGON STATE (Nike) AT BOISE STATE (Nike)
Beavers in all white, Broncos in all blue. The rest of the details don't matter because I cannot look at that barf-inducing blue rug another second.
WINNER: OREGON STATE

WEST VIRGINIA (Nike) AT LSU (Nike)
WVU in all dark blue with yellow spooge and ugly numbers. LSU in white jerseys, yellow pants and purple trim. Total mismatch.
WINNER: LSU

NORTHERN ILLINOIS (Adidas) AT MINNESOTA (Nike)
NIU in white jerseys with red numbers and black armpits, and black pants, Gophers in all maroon with yellow numbers and spooge. Both teams are putrid. NIU has better numbers and less spooge.
WINNER: NORTHERN ILLINOIS

OREGON (Nike) AT ARIZONA STATE (Nike)
...and we can just stop right there.
WINNER: ARIZONA STATE

BALL STATE (Nike) AT IOWA (Nike)
Hawkeyes in throwbacks! Game over! Black jerseys with Steeler gold block numbers, similar to Steelers throwbacks, but paired with gold pants and numbered helmets. Cards in all white with black spooge and...who cares? They got owned!
WINNER: IOWA

CENTRAL MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT NORTHWESTERN (Adidas)
Chips in all white with maroon spooge. NU in dark purple jerseys and black pants with white and purple stripes. What's this? Black pants that don't look like garbage? Go fig!
WINNER: NORTHWESTERN

TOLEDO (Under Armour) AT PURDUE (Nike)
Rockets in all white with disgusting numbers and blue and gold spooge. Purdue in all black. Toledo's new unis are the ugliest fuckin' things to come down the pike in years. Whoever designed these should be waterboarded...with AIDS-infected piss.
WINNER: PURDUE

2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 27
Iowa (Nike) 4-0
LSU (Nike) 4-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 4-0
Ohio State (Nike) 4-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 4-0
Auburn (Under Armour) 3-0
Kansas State (Nike) 3-0
Oklahoma (Nike) 3-0
Southern California (Nike) 3-0
Tennessee (Adidas) 3-0
California (Nike) 2-0
Georgia (Nike) 2-0
Kansas (Adidas) 2-0
Kent State (Nike) 2-0
Northwestern (Adidas) 2-0
Oregon State (Nike) 2-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 2-0
SMU (Adidas) 2-0
Baylor (Nike) 1-0
Bowling Green (Adidas) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
Duke (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida Atlantic (Adidas) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Nebraska (Adidas) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
Tulane (Nike) 1-0
Western Kentucky (Russell) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Wyoming (Nike) 1-0
Purdue (Nike) 3-1
UCLA (Adidas) 3-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 2-1
Alabama (Nike) 2-1
Florida (Nike) 2-1
Illinois (Nike) 2-1
Indiana (Adidas) 2-1
Florida State (Nike) 2-2
Arizona State (Nike) 1-1
Georgia Tech (Russell) 1-1
Marshall (Nike) 1-1
North Carolina (Nike) 1-1
Penn State (Nike) 2-2
Arizona (Nike) 1-1
Boise State (Nike) 1-1
Clemson (Nike) 1-1
Houston (Nike) 1-1
Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
North Carolina State (Adidas) 1-1
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
Temple (Under Armour) 1-1
BYU (Nike) 1-2
Stanford (Nike) 1-2
Texas (Nike) 1-2
Air Force (Nike) 1-2
Iowa State (Nike) 1-2
Akron (Adidas) 0-1
Boston College (Under Armour) 0-1
Central Florida (Nike) 0-1
Colorado (Nike) 0-1
Eastern Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Florida International (Adidas) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Kentucky (Nike) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Ohio (Russell) 0-1
Rutgers (Nike) 0-1
San Jose State (Nike) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UAB (Nike) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
UTEP (Nike) 0-1
Vanderbilt (Nike) 0-1
Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1
Washington (Nike) 0-1
Arkansas (Nike) 0-2
Ball State (Nike) 0-2
Central Michigan (Adidas) 0-2
Miami FL (Nike) 0-2
Nevada (Nike) 0-2
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-2
Oregon (Nike) 0-2
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-2
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-2
Wake Forest (Nike) 0-2
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-3
Minnesota (Nike) 0-3
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-3
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-3
TCU (Nike) 0-3
West Virginia (Nike) 0-3
Michigan (Adidas) 0-4
Michigan State (Nike) 0-4

2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 27
Massachusetts (Adidas) 1-0
Northern Colorado (New Balance) 1-0
Samford (Russell) 1-0
South Dakota (Nike) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Southern Illinois (Under Armour) 1-0
Tennessee State (Adidas) 1-0
Austin Peay (Nike) 0-1
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Florida A&M (Russell) 0-1
Illinois State (Nike) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Western Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1

OK WILLIE, SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO CONTACT ME ASAP...

...I just KNOW you're behind this:

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

ONCE UPON A SCRIBE

After hearing about Google Scribe Labs on Monday's installment of Countdown With Keith Olbermann, I had to check it out myself. I started with "Once upon a time" and kept hitting 'Enter', and any time it began to repeat itself I backed up over the repeated part and just typed in 'a' to nudge it in a new direction (or 'b' if 'a' still repeated). With some other minimal editing, I ended up with the following. Enjoy.

A BEDTIME STORY BY DUXOOP AND GOOGLE SCRIBE LABS

Once upon a time in the future and the future of the world and the world of the living room and dining room with a view to share videos with friends and family to enjoy a good meal and a drink for the first time in their lives and the lives of the people who are not in the same way as the first step to doing all this and more in a unique way to honor and celebrate the life of the author and do not want to be related to the search result can be bookmarked to maintain the filter for future use at any time and without notice to you and your agent will be able to see this on the map or by adding a new direction for the agency to the extent that the law of the land and the animals were killed by the police and the courts have been reluctant to use the same time as the application of the above mentioned problems and keep your language decent and the prices are very reasonable and the service is not available for this item with others in our community and the ability to make a difference in the amount of the loan amount is added to the group of patients with a history of the area of the city of angels soundtrack listing for the album once you play the game and the game is to be used in the present study was to determine the effect of the drug in the treatment of the subject areas below and select the most appropriate way to deal with the problem of the invariant amplitudes are given by the following equation for the reaction of the corresponding gene in the mouse and human protein and amino acid sequences of the invention is to provide a login for this account as well as their own controls and were not included in the study of the effects of the applied voltage is increased to a maximum of two years of the date of the first and second ends of the earth and the sun is shining and the sky is completely dark and the light of these findings is that the two are not the only one who can not afford to pay for the cost of the project is to develop a new generation of protein database search programs and the latest news from the field of view of the fact that the average person and are available in the following languages 1 year ago by the late and great atmosphere to drink it all the time and place of the full range of services to the public domain in these countries and our international network of people who have been in the business of the company and the company is not affiliated with any school or team listed above is provided by the merchants and accuracy of the information contained in this advertisement and any use thereof or reliance thereon or for any future business relationship that you may have to be a member of the Board of Directors of the Company and the Company shall be entitled to a refund of the purchase price of the product or as part of the products name of the person who is not board certified may still be an excellent physician has been practicing law for over twenty years of experience in the area of the anaesthetized rabbit following stimulation of the perforant path in the graph of the function of the number of active users at any given age group and the control of the situation and the particular needs of the community which he reaches out and grabs you by the hand of the artist and the song is called The Word of advice to the Minister of Finance and Personnel Committee meeting held on August 2 and 3 are the same as the one in the afternoon and evening showers and thunderstorms in the morning and evening peak hours despite a change in the way of the blood vessels in the brain and spinal cord injury in the rat brain and adrenal glands of the skin and the respiratory tract of the body and the mind of the reader.

The End

COLLEGE FOOTBALL FASHION REVIEW 2010 WEEK 2
by Mr. Coloredwell, sports fashion critic and Duck Pond guest columnist

CENTRAL MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT TEMPLE (Under Armour)
CMU in white jerseys and maroon pants with yellow conehead-shaped spooge. Owls in red jerseys and white pants with their stupid dashed line down the side. Both teams should just go pantless! CMU has better colors, but Owls have regular block numbers, and I have to pick one or the other.
WINNER: TEMPLE

AUBURN (Under Armour) AT MISSISSIPPI STATE (Adidas)
Auburn in all white with blue and orange trim. What's this? An Under Armour uni with no mistakes on it? Will wonders never cease! MSU in maroon jerseys and white pants, again with the pant spooge shaped like an irregular necktie.
WINNER: AUBURN

WEST VIRGINIA (Nike) AT MARSHALL (Nike)
WVU in white jerseys and dark blue pants with yellow Nike-spooge and ugly numbers. Marshall in pretty green jerseys and white pants, block numbers and no spooge. Only problem is sweat shows very prominently in the green.
WINNER: MARSHALL

UTEP (Nike) AT HOUSTON (Nike)
UTEP in white jerseys and orange pants, but with disgusting dark blue Denver Bronco-style Nike-spooge from armpit to knee. Houston in red jerseys and white pants with red Nike-spooge. Lovely shades of orange and red, sadly polluted by all that spooge. Of which, Houston has much less. Of.
WINNER: HOUSTON

SAN JOSE STATE (Nike) AT WISCONSIN (Adidas)
SJSU in all white with a lot of blue and yellow Nike spooge. Badgers in ravishing red jerseys and white pants, now clearly the 3rd best uni in their conference.
WINNER: WISCONSIN

GEORGIA (Nike) AT SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour)
'Dawgs in white jerseys and grey pants with red and black trim. 'Cocks in all dark red with white and black Nike-spooge, a disgrace to cocks everywhere.
WINNER: GEORGIA

FLORIDA ATLANTIC (Adidas) VS MICHIGAN STATE (Nike) (at Detroit)
FAU in blue jerseys and white pants with blue, red and white trim. MSU in all white with green shoulders and pant spooge. Those stupid eyelash numbers fit right in at Ford Field, I guess.
WINNER: FLORIDA ATLANTIC

GEORGIA TECH (Russell) AT KANSAS (Adidas)
The Wreck in all white with blue and gold Nike-spooge down the whole side. Kansas in blue jerseys and white pants, and their usual dorky numbers, which I'll have to overlook because I can't bear GT's spooge. Get some block numbers, Toto!
WINNER: KANSAS

ILLINOIS STATE [FCS] (Nike) AT NORTHWESTERN (Adidas)
ISU in white jerseys with red shoulders, and red pants. Tuck in your jerseys! NWU in dark purple jerseys, black pants and white trim. Not the best shade of purple, and I'm not a fan of black pants, but I'll give them credit for ditching last year's spooge.
WINNER: NORTHWESTERN

WESTERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (Adidas) AT PURDUE (Nike)
WIU in white jerseys with purple and gold trim, and purple pants. Purdue in all black (bleah) with gold and white trim. Well, WIU wins on pants, but the lettering on the front of their jerseys looks hokey. Tough call here.
WINNER: PURDUE

FLORIDA STATE (Nike) AT OKLAHOMA (Nike)
FSU in white jerseys with red and gold trim and gold pants. OU in red jerseys and white pants. FSU loses it with the non-block numbers.
WINNER: OKLAHOMA

MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Michigan in white jerseys with some yellow Nike-spooge on them, and yellow pants. Ugh, the puke-inducing helmets. I'd like to pour paint thinner on them. And set them on fire. And if the whole team burns to death in the process, so be it. ND in blue jerseys and gold pants, unremarkable but no mistakes.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME

MIAMI FL (Nike) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
'Canes in white jerseys with dark green Nike-spooge and ugly numbers, and dark green pants with orange and white Nike-spooge. Buckeyes in scrumptious scarlet jerseys and grey pants. Miami does everything wrong, OSU does everything right. How much more lopsided can you get?
WINNER: OHIO STATE

KENT STATE (Nike) AT BOSTON COLLEGE (Under Armour)
Kent in white jerseys and shiny yellow pants, BC in red jerseys and gold pants. BC's numbers are irregular, italic idiocy. Kent's pants are, fittingly, fabulously flashy!
WINNER: KENT STATE

COLORADO (Nike) AT CALIFORNIA (Nike)
Col in white jerseys and black pants (ugh), Cal in blue jerseys and yellow pants. A mixed bag here. Col has nice shiny helmets, but they have that same dumb Nevada-shaped thing on their pants as UNC. And they need to tuck their jerseys in. Cal has a very bad case of Nike-spooge on the shoulders and pants. Cal has much better numbers than Col. You're kidding, that's the decider?
WINNER: CALIFORNIA

BYU (Nike) AT AIR FORCE (Nike)
Morons, er, Mormons (same thing) in white jerseys and dark blue pants. Air Farce in medium blue jerseys and white pants. Farce has a nicer blue.
WINNER: AIR FORCE

IOWA STATE (Nike) AT IOWA (Nike)
ISU in white jerseys and red pants with yellow stripes, a nice twist on the USC look. But they seem to have a bit of that MSU eyelash thing. Iowa in black and gold. Steelers lookalikes (actually lookbetters) win again.
WINNER: IOWA

PENN STATE (Nike) AT ALABAMA (Nike)
PSU in all white, 'Bama in red jerseys and white pants. Yawn.
WINNER: ALABAMA

OREGON (Nike) AT TENNESSEE (Adidas)
Ducks in all white with dark green trim, the shittiest numbers in existence, and whatever that crap is on their shoulders. Vols in their gorgeous, juicy orange jerseys with white pants. Even in the rain, the orange still looks delicious. THIS is how much more lopsided you can get!
WINNER: TENNESSEE

LSU (Nike) AT VANDERBILT (Nike)
LSU in white jerseys and yellow pants, Vandy in black jerseys and gold pants. No purple socks yet for the Jello 123 effect, but Tigers still look tasty.
WINNER: LSU

SOUTHERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (Under Armour) AT ILLINOIS (Nike)
SIU in white jerseys and maroon pants, UI in dark blue jerseys and white pants, with orange Nike-spooge down the sides. Well, this is an easy pick, isn't it?
WINNER: SOUTHERN ILLINOIS

MISSISSIPPI (Nike) AT TULANE (Nike)
Ole Miss in white jerseys with red numbers and grey pants, NY Giants lookalikes. Tulane in green jerseys and white pants, with a lovely, mesmerizing shade of light blue trim that glues their whole look together.
WINNER: TULANE

STANFORD (Nike) AT UCLA (Adidas)
Stanford in all white with with Cardinal red trim. Bruins in their stunning (and shiny!) light blue jerseys and shiny gold pants. They make the Chargers throwbacks look like household rags!
WINNER: UCLA

VIRGINIA (Nike) AT SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (Nike)
UVA in white jerseys and orange pants, USC in Cardinal red jerseys and gold pants. I was all set to give the nod to VA for the orange pants, but then I saw the dark blue Nike-spooge on them that looks like they all had blue pens in their pockets and all the ink leaked out!
WINNER: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

SOUTH DAKOTA (Nike) AT MINNESOTA (Nike)
SD in all white with red block numbers and helmets. Plain but not screwy. Gophers in maroon jerseys and yellow pants with some maroon Nike-spooge at the knees. I am not a fan of maroon, and it's way overused.
WINNER: SOUTH DAKOTA

2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 12
Iowa (Nike) 2-0
LSU (Nike) 2-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 2-0
Ohio State (Nike) 2-0
Southern California (Nike) 2-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 2-0
Air Force (Nike) 1-0
Alabama (Nike) 1-0
Arizona (Nike) 1-0
Auburn (Under Armour) 1-0
Boise State (Nike) 1-0
California (Nike) 1-0
Clemson (Nike) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida (Nike) 1-0
Florida Atlantic (Adidas) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Georgia (Nike) 1-0
Houston (Nike) 1-0
Indiana (Adidas) 1-0
Kansas (Adidas) 1-0
Kansas State (Nike) 1-0
Kent State (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Northwestern (Nike) 1-0
Oklahoma (Nike) 1-0
Oregon State (Nike) 1-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
SMU (Adidas) 1-0
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Temple (Under Armour) 1-0
Tennessee (Adidas) 1-0
Tulane (Nike) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Marshall (Nike) 1-1
Purdue (Nike) 1-1
UCLA (Adidas) 1-1
Illinois (Nike) 1-1
Iowa State (Nike) 1-1
Mississippi (Nike) 1-1
Penn State (Nike) 1-1
Boston College (Under Armour) 0-1
BYU (Nike) 0-1
Central Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-1
Colorado (Nike) 0-1
Georgia Tech (Russell) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 0-1
Miami FL (Nike) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Carolina (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Oregon (Nike) 0-1
San Jose State (Nike) 0-1
Stanford (Nike) 0-1
TCU (Nike) 0-1
Texas (Nike) 0-1
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-1
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
UTEP (Nike) 0-1
Vanderbilt (Nike) 0-1
Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1
West Virginia (Nike) 0-1
Florida State (Nike) 0-2
Michigan (Adidas) 0-2
Michigan State (Nike) 0-2
Minnesota (Nike) 0-2
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-2
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-2

2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 12
Samford (Russell) 1-0
South Dakota (Nike) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Southern Illinois (Under Armour) 1-0
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Illinois State (Nike) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Western Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1

COLLEGE FOOTBALL FASHION REVIEW 2010 WEEK 1
by Mr. Coloredwell, Duck Pond sports fashion critic

Since it's impossible to review every game played, I only count games available on HD channels. Rah rah rah! Let's begin...
[All teams FBS unless otherwise noted]

MARSHALL (Nike) AT OHIO STATE (Nike)
Marshall in white jerseys and green pants, Buckeyes in scarlet jerseys and grey pants. Oh, that scarlet looks fabulous under the lights! Same for the sparkly helmets! Let us hope OSU never lets Nike fuck up their look.
WINNER: OHIO STATE

MINNESOTA (Nike) AT MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE (Nike)
Minnesota in all white, Mid Tenn in blue jerseys and silver pants. Both have Nike-spooge on pants. Mid Tenn wins on color, Minnesota's is crap.
WINNER: MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE

SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI (Nike) AT SOUTH CAROLINA (Under Armour)
So Miss in all white with black and gold trim, So Car in all red with white and black trim. Both have Nike-spooge on pants. (Ugh, I sense a trend.) I like the nickname Gamecocks, natch, but not the bad shade of red head-to-toe. So Miss has slightly weird numbers, but nice trim colors.
WINNER: SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI

PITTSBURGH (Nike) AT UTAH (Under Armour)
Pitt in white with gold pants, Utah in all red. Utes have goofy numbers and pant spooge. Plain Panthers get a gift.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA (Nike) AT HAWAII (Under Armour)
USC in white with gold pants, Hawaii in dark green with black trim and white pants with spooge on them. Warriors uni is all-around crap, plus I can never forgive them for dropping the 'Rainbow' from their nickname.
WINNER: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

NORTHERN ILLINOIS (Adidas) AT IOWA STATE (Nike)
NIU in white with black pants and red trim, ISU in maroon with gold pants. Cyclones blatantly rip off USC's look, but subtly improve on it.
WINNER: IOWA STATE

TOWSON [FCS] (Under Armour) AT INDIANA (Adidas)
Towson in white jerseys with yellow sides, black pants with yellow spooge, and pinched numbers. Hoosiers in red jerseys with a hideous, thick blotch of white spooge on the side, and white pants with a hideous, thick blotch of red spooge on the side. Oh dear. Indy had a nice look last year, and they have pissed it away. Sad. What's sadder is they steal a win here due to Towson looking like complete crap. They won't get away with this in the conference.
WINNER: INDIANA

ARIZONA (Nike) AT TOLEDO (Under Armour)
Arizona in white with blue pants, Toledo in all blue with yellow trim. I'm not a fan of 'Zona's numbers or dark pants, but I like how their pant stripes fade out at the top. It's something different. Toledo has EVERYTHING wrong. Head-to-toe dark color, ugly name and number fonts, and yellow and white pant spooge shaped like a deformed necktie. I know we're only a handful of games into the season, but so far Under Armour is out-Nike-ing Nike in the ugly uniform department!
WINNER: ARIZONA

MIAMI OH (Adidas) AT FLORIDA (Nike)
Miami in all white with red trim, Florida in blue with white pants. Both good unis. I like Florida's colors.
WINNER: FLORIDA

WESTERN MICHIGAN (Adidas) AT MICHIGAN STATE (Nike)
WMU in white with black pants and gold trim, MSU in green with white pants. Broncos look good except for the dark pants. What happened to the Spartans? Nike-spooge on the pants now, and it looks like they made a cheap attempt to copy Detroit's stupid 'our numbers have eyelashes' look by taking boxcutters to theirs and making notches in them. And then they didn't even make them all point the same way. Weak. Lame.
WINNER: WESTERN MICHIGAN

SAMFORD [FCS] (Russell) AT FLORIDA STATE (Nike)
Samford in all white with red and dark blue trim, FSU in red with gold pants. Samford has a good, clean, basic look. I like FSU's uni except their numbers are weird.
WINNER: SAMFORD

YOUNGSTOWN STATE [FCS] (Under Armour) AT PENN STATE (Nike)
YSU in all white with red trim and pinched numbers. PSU in their usual blue and white generic government-issue yawwwn-inducing color- flavor- and odor-less white bread and mayonnaizzzzzzzzzzz...Gaah! Band practice! Oops, sorry, their uni is so boring I dozed off. They should go back to black and pink. And yet...
WINNER: PENN STATE

ILLINOIS (Nike) VS MISSOURI (Nike) (at St Louis)
Illinois in all white with orange Nike-spooge on their sides, Mizzou in all black (ugh!) with gold and white Nike-spooge on their sides. Lesser of two evils wins here.
WINNER: ILLINOIS

CONNECTICUT (Nike) AT MICHIGAN (Adidas)
UConn in all white with dark blue trim, Michigan in blue with yellow pants. I like how UConn's number style matches their logo, but they need to lose the pant spooge. Michigan's helmet is the single butt-ugliest thing in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I want to dig up Schembechler's grave, throw all of Michigan's helmets into it, and pour the contents of a few dozen port-a-potties in on top. Oh look, all the trees here in Toledo are swaying to the north, and it's not the wind...Michigan sucks!
WINNER: CONNECTICUT

PURDUE (Nike) AT NOTRE DAME (Adidas)
Boilermakers in white with black pants, Irish in blue (instead of the green they should be wearing!) with gold pants. Hard to not like a team named after a drink, but easy to hate black football pants.
WINNER: NOTRE DAME

TEXAS (Nike) AT RICE (Nike)
Longhorns (yeah, right, in their dreams!) in all white with the only ugly shade of orange in existence. Owls in all dark blue. Everything's dumber in Texas.
WINNER: RICE

NORTH TEXAS (Under Armour) AT CLEMSON (Nike)
NT in all white with a nice shiny shade of 'Mean Green' trim, but some black pant spooge. Clemson in orange with white pants. Clemson does orange right.
WINNER: CLEMSON

UCLA (Adidas) AT KANSAS STATE (Nike)
Bruins in white with gold pants, but dark blue numbers instead of light blue. What is this, San Diego? KSU in a pretty purple with silver pants. K-State does purple right.
WINNER: KANSAS STATE

JACKSONVILLE STATE [FCS] (Adidas) AT MISSISSIPPI (Nike)
JSU in all white with red pant spooge. Ole Miss in dark blue with gray pants, looking like an alternate Giants uni.
WINNER: MISSISSIPPI

MEMPHIS (Nike) AT MISSISSIPPI STATE (Adidas)
Memphis in all white with blue trim, MSU in maroon with white pants. Both have bad Nike-spooge. Memphis has an okay shade of blue.
WINNER: MEMPHIS

OREGON STATE (Nike) AT TCU (Nike)
OSU in all white with weird numbers (almost UConn-style), but at least they're orange. TCU...WTF? Black jerseys with purple trim and black/purple pant stripe, but that's not the problem. Their helmets, pants and numbers have some sort of repulsive scaly pattern. They're silver, shiny and sparkly, but in an icky, fishy way. Only a smelt would be caught dead looking like this. And the pants are so gay even I wouldn't wear them!
WINNER: OREGON STATE

LSU (Nike) VS NORTH CAROLINA (Nike) (at Atlanta)
LSU in white with gold pants, UNC in light blue with white pants. LSU just needs some purple socks for a perfect Jello 123 look. UNC uni would be great without that spoogy thing on their pants.
WINNER: LSU

CINCINNATI (Adidas) AT FRESNO STATE (Nike)
Cincinnati in all white with black trim. Horrible number and letter fonts, and they are the poster children for Nike-spooge. Their pants are visual ipecac. Fresno State in all red. "Uh, yes I'm the devil, why do you think I'm all red?" Same shadowed numbers as the Dolphins. No frills, no mistakes.
WINNER: FRESNO STATE

WISCONSIN (Adidas) AT UNLV (Nike)
Badgers in all white with red trim, nice shade of red and no crap. Vegas in red jerseys with grey shoulders, pants and helmets, and white numbers. UNLV is just one possible example of what Ohio State's uni would look like if they let Nike fuck it up.
WINNER: WISCONSIN

EASTERN ILLINOIS [FCS] (New Balance) AT IOWA (Nike)
EIU in all white with some blue Nike-spooge, numbers aren't block but they're okay. Iowa in Steeler-style black and gold, with block numbers like I wish the Steelers had.
WINNER: IOWA

DELAWARE STATE [FCS] (Russell) VS SOUTHERN [FCS] (Russell)(at Orlando)
Delaware State in head-to-toe red with blue Nike-spooge on the sides, which is almost undetectable in wide camera shots. But I can sniff out spooge from a mile away! Southern in all white with blue and gold numbers and no whiff of spooge.
WINNER: SOUTHERN

TULSA (Nike) AT EAST CAROLINA (Nike)
Tulsa in all white with blue Nike-spooge and putrid numbers. ECU in purple jerseys and white pants. I said it before and I'll say it again, those purple Pirates can ransack Mr. C's booty anytime!
WINNER: EAST CAROLINA

SMU (Adidas) AT TEXAS TECH (Under Armour)
SMU Mustang...bang! SMU in all white with red numbers and red/blue trim, slight resemblance to the old New England unis. Texas Tech in red jerseys with white pants, black helmets and Nike-spooge, and shrinky-dink player names. Everything's dumber in Texas. We'll just overlook the fact that SMU blatantly ripped off Calgary's helmet logo.
WINNER: SMU

NAVY (Nike) VS MARYLAND (Under Armour) (at Baltimore)
Navy in white jerseys and gold pants, with a navy blue belt instead of the cute red one they had last year. Maryland in red jerseys and whtie pants, with black Nike-spooge down their sides. As much as I'd like to give it to the Terps on colors, the spooge is a dealbreaker.
WINNER: NAVY

BOISE STATE (Nike) VS VIRGINIA TECH (Nike) (at Landover)
Ugh. Where to begin with this all-around travesty? Boise in grey jerseys and blue everything else, with slight traces of orange. Nice shade of blue, otherwise total garbage. VT in all flat black with orange trim with hints of their ugly shade of purple. WTF is all that crap in their numbers and trim? Is this what happens when you design football uniforms on salvia? I really wish my power had gone out so I wouldn't have seen any of this. Boise's crap uni wins only because that BP oil spill of a uniform on the other side of the field is the worst, saddest, most horrible tragedy in the entire history of Virginia Tech University.
WINNER: BOISE STATE

2010 FASHION BOWL SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 7
Arizona (Nike) 1-0
Boise State (Nike) 1-0
Clemson (Nike) 1-0
Connecticut (Nike) 1-0
East Carolina (Nike) 1-0
Florida (Nike) 1-0
Fresno State (Nike) 1-0
Illinois (Nike) 1-0
Indiana (Adidas) 1-0
Iowa (Nike) 1-0
Iowa State (Nike) 1-0
Kansas State (Nike) 1-0
LSU (Nike) 1-0
Memphis (Nike) 1-0
Middle Tennessee State (Nike) 1-0
Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Navy (Nike) 1-0
Notre Dame (Adidas) 1-0
Ohio State (Nike) 1-0
Oregon State (Nike) 1-0
Penn State (Nike) 1-0
Pittsburgh (Nike) 1-0
Rice (Nike) 1-0
SMU (Adidas) 1-0
Southern California (Nike) 1-0
Southern Mississippi (Nike) 1-0
Western Michigan (Adidas) 1-0
Wisconsin (Adidas) 1-0
Cincinnati (Adidas) 0-1
Florida State (Nike) 0-1
Hawaii (Under Armour) 0-1
Marshall (Nike) 0-1
Maryland (Under Armour) 0-1
Miami OH (Adidas) 0-1
Michigan (Adidas) 0-1
Michigan State (Nike) 0-1
Minnesota (Nike) 0-1
Mississippi State (Adidas) 0-1
Missouri (Nike) 0-1
North Carolina (Nike) 0-1
North Texas (Under Armour) 0-1
Northern Illinois (Adidas) 0-1
Purdue (Nike) 0-1
South Carolina (Under Armour) 0-1
TCU (Nike) 0-1
Texas (Nike) 0-1
Texas Tech (Under Armour) 0-1
Toledo (Under Armour) 0-1
Tulsa (Nike) 0-1
UCLA (Adidas) 0-1
UNLV (Nike) 0-1
Utah (Under Armour) 0-1
Virginia Tech (Nike) 0-1

2010 FASHION CHAMPIONSHIP SUBDIVISION STANDINGS AS OF SEP 7
Samford (Russell) 1-0
Southern (Russell) 1-0
Delaware State (Russell) 0-1
Eastern Illinois (New Balance) 0-1
Jacksonville State (Adidas) 0-1
Towson (Under Armour) 0-1
Youngstown State (Under Armour) 0-1

Any teams not listed are 0-0.

NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 4 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

NEW ENGLAND AT NY GIANTS
Cheaters in white with blue pants, G-men in blue with grey pants. No contest.
WINNER: NY GIANTS

WASHINGTON AT ARIZONA
Burgundyskins in white with burgundy pants, Cards in...what? Black jerseys and white pants, slight traces of red, black spooge on the pants. The Cardinals wearing hardly any cardinal. Yeah, sure, that makes sense.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

SAN DIEGO AT SAN FRANCISCO
Chargers in white with dark blue pants, 49ers in red with gold pants. The dark blue is winless. Take the hint, Bolts! No powder blue = no win for you!
WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO

TAMPA BAY AT HOUSTON
Bucs in all white, Texans in blue with white pants. Tampa's look is solid, even if it's not creamsicle.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY

BALTIMORE AT ST LOUIS
Ravens in all white, Rams in blue with gold pants. Ravens look like crap no matter what. Rams have a nice home look, plus their turf is not as ugly anymore.
WINNER: ST LOUIS

BUFFALO AT DETROIT
Bills in all white, Lions in blue with silver pants. Bills road uni wildly inconsistent. The dark blue rectangle at the top of the jersey is bad enough, and then it doesn't even match the blue of the numbers. The red down the side of the jersey is bad enough, and then it doesn't even match the pant stripe.
WINNER: DETROIT

DENVER AT MINNESOTA
Broncos in all white, Vikings in purple and white. Spooge abounds. Ick. Vikes win on color.
WINNER: MINNESOTA

MIAMI AT DALLAS
Dolphins in aqua and white, Cowboys in white and metallic blue. Not sure why, but the 'Boys look seems off somehow. The pants look silver, and the blue looks dark. Maybe it's their own new stadium making all their colors look dull. Miami's colors, however, really pop here.
WINNER: MIAMI

GREEN BAY AT KANSAS CITY
Biggest uni matchup of the exhibition season. Pack in white with gold pants and green socks, Chiefs in red with white pants and red socks. Two of the best. This is a tough call, and it could have a ripple effect thru the rest of the season. If KC had gold pants...but they don't. GB has the Jello 123 thing happening.
WINNER (BY A THREAD): GREEN BAY

ATLANTA AT JACKSONVILLE
Falcons in all white, Jags in teal and white. Not many things make me gag. Teal does.
WINNER: ATLANTA

CHICAGO AT CLEVELAND
Bears in white with navy pants, Browns in brown with white pants. Pretty orange trim all around. If only Cleveland would go back to orange pants. As it is, the '85 Bears look wins out in a close call.
WINNER: CHICAGO

NY JETS AT PHILADELPHIA
Jets in green with white pants, Eagles in white with green pants. Seeing these teams side by side, you can see just what a crappy shade of green Philly wears.
WINNER: NY JETS

CAROLINA AT PITTSBURGH
Panthers in all white, Steelers in black and gold. Panther blue meets its match.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SEATTLE AT OAKLAND
Seahawks in all white, Raiders in black and silver. Shiny pants and sparkly helmets! Whee!
WINNER: OAKLAND

NEW ORLEANS AT TENNESSEE
Saints in white with gold pants, Titans in light blue jerseys and dark blue pants. Actually, with the white helmets, Titans almost have their own differently-proportioned Jello 123 look, but the dark blue shoulders ruin it. And the crap numbers. Oh, and that towel incident.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

CINCINNATI AT INDIANAPOLIS
Bungles in white with black pants, Colts in blue with white pants. Can't we just burn down the whole city of Cincinnati, just to make sure we destroy all the disgusting football uniforms in that dump?
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS

And with that, we begin our 4-week boycott of the entire NFL, until Ben Roethlisberger's suspension is over. We here at The Duck Pond still believe in DUE PROCESS, a concept that clearly escapes douchebags like Roger Goodell (and for that matter, Duxoop's former place of work). See you in Week 5.

Meanwhile, my review of the first week of college football is coming up in a day or two. No rest for Mr. C!

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Week 4)
Chicago Bears 4-0
Green Bay Packers 4-0
New Orleans Saints 4-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 4-0
Washington Redskins 4-0
Miami Dolphins 3-1
San Francisco 49ers 3-1
New York Giants 3-1
St Louis Rams 3-1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3-1
Indianapolis Colts 3-1
Kansas City Chiefs 3-1
Dallas Cowboys 3-2
Atlanta Falcons 2-2
Detroit Lions 2-2
New York Jets 2-2
Oakland Raiders 2-2
Cleveland Browns 2-2
Carolina Panthers 2-2
Seattle Seahawks 2-2
Philadelphia Eagles 2-2
Minnesota Vikings 1-3
Buffalo Bills 1-3
Tennessee Titans 1-3
Denver Broncos 1-3
Houston Texans 1-3
Arizona Cardinals 0-4
Baltimore Ravens 0-4
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-4
New England Patriots 0-4
San Diego Chargers 0-4
Cincinnati Bengals 0-5

THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE WATCHING CELEBRITY BOWLING ON ESPN CLASSIC

Wow, that Roy Rogers was one bad-ass kegler. Bob Newhart too. Not surprising. Newhart just *looks* like a bowler.

Rogers is wearing a bolo tie. While bowling. Does that make it a bowl-o tie? That's hilarious!

I'm not sure when this was taped, but Don Adams looks like a porn movie director.

And George Foreman should have stuck to boxing. His mind is not in this. He must be thinking about grilling burgers after the show. And wondering how to better drain the grease away. In fact, perhaps it was during this taping that he got the idea for the grill. Luckily for him Bob Newhart was there to carry the team. Hope he cut him in on the royalties. I imagine Newhart getting a check in the mail once a month from the Foreman Grill company for $1.07.

Man, I think of some weird shit while watching celebrity bowling. Must be the heat. Actually, it must be the heat that has me watching Celebrity Bowling in the first place.

NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 3 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

INDIANAPOLIS AT GREEN BAY
Colts in all white, Pack in green with gold pants. Colts are still a tad too Penn State-ish.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

ST LOUIS AT NEW ENGLAND
Rams in all white, Cheaters in blue with silver pants. Thought I detected that Chromalusion-type effect in the Rams' gold pant stripe, but I'm not sure.
WINNER: ST LOUIS

SAN DIEGO AT NEW ORLEANS
Chargers in dark blue, Saints in white with gold pants. No powder blue is a no-no. Gold pants is a yes-yes.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

PHILADELPHIA AT KANSAS CITY
Eagles in all white, Chiefs in red. Philly's ugly numbers no match for KC's delicious cherry red.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

ATLANTA AT MIAMI
Falcons in all white, Dolphins in aqua. The aqua socks are a nice accent. Atlanta's uni an inconsistent mess.
WINNER: MIAMI

WASHINGTON AT NY JETS
Burgundyskins in white with burgundy pants, Jets in green with white pants. Jets, like Colts, need another color.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

DALLAS AT HOUSTON
Cowboys in white, Texans in dark blue. Hate Dallas, love their pants. Metallic blue beats dark blue.
WINNER: DALLAS

SEATTLE AT MINNESOTA
Seahawks in all white, Vikings in purple. In the color department, purple wins easily over an ugly fictional shade of blue that actually looks like an ugly shade of green. However, in the style department, Vike-spooge is a death sentence.
WINNER: SEATTLE

CLEVELAND AT DETROIT
Browns in all white, Lions in home blue with silver pants. Lions would win on color if not for their goofy numbers.
WINNER: CLEVELAND

TENNESSEE AT CAROLINA
Titans in white with Columbia blue pants, Panthers in "Panther blue" with silver pants. Whatever you call it, it's a good look, and it certainly beats Tennessee's shitty numbers.
WINNER: CAROLINA

NY GIANTS AT BALTIMORE
Giants in white, Ravens in purple. G-men in a no-brainer. Baltimore's numbers are just awful.
WINNER: NY GIANTS

ARIZONA AT CHICAGO
Cards in all white, Bears in navy blue. No contest. I'm not seeing as much of the Chromalusion effect this week. (Maybe I've just sniffed too many poppers from the Bijou Theatre.)
WINNER: CHICAGO

PITTSBURGH AT DENVER
Steelers in white with gold pants, Broncos in blue with orange Nike spooge. Take a wild guess.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SAN FRANCISCO AT OAKLAND
49ers in white with gold pants and red socks, Raiders in black with shiny silver pants. Jello 123 edges out monochrome.
WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO

JACKSONVILLE AT TAMPA BAY
Jags in teal (gag), Bucs in all white. The mother of the designer of Jacksonville's uni should have had an abortion.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY

CINCINNATI AT BUFFALO
Bengals in all white, Bills in all dark blue. Cincinnati has the uncanny ability to make the uni of any team they play look better than it actually is.
WINNER: BUFFALO

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 3)
Chicago Bears 3-0
Green Bay Packers 3-0
Kansas City Chiefs 3-0
New Orleans Saints 3-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 3-0
Washington Redskins 3-0
Dallas Cowboys 3-1
Cleveland Browns 2-1
Miami Dolphins 2-1
San Francisco 49ers 2-1
Carolina Panthers 2-1
New York Giants 2-1
Seattle Seahawks 2-1
St Louis Rams 2-1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2-1
Indianapolis Colts 2-1
Philadelphia Eagles 2-1
Buffalo Bills 1-2
Atlanta Falcons 1-2
Detroit Lions 1-2
New York Jets 1-2
Tennessee Titans 1-2
Denver Broncos 1-2
Houston Texans 1-2
Oakland Raiders 1-2
Arizona Cardinals 0-3
Baltimore Ravens 0-3
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-3
Minnesota Vikings 0-3
New England Patriots 0-3
San Diego Chargers 0-3
Cincinnati Bengals 0-4

SPIKE JONES WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS

Mywifenosevrything vs. Thewifedoesntknow...place your bets!

NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 2 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

NEW ENGLAND AT ATLANTA
Cheaters in road white, with blue pants. Falcons in home red. It's an okay shade of red.
WINNER: ATLANTA

INDIANAPOLIS VS BUFFALO (at Toronto)
Colts in all white regular unis. Not as neato as the throwbacks, but better than Bills in all dark blue. Ick.
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS

PHILADELPHIA AT CINCINNATI
Puke-fest. Eagles in all white, Bengals in black. Only good thing in either uni is Philly's pant stripes. Not only does Cincinnazi make orange look bad, but black as well.
WINNER: PHILADELPHIA

PITTSBURGH AT NY GIANTS
Steelers in road white, Giants in home blue. Other than the non-block numbers, Steelers always look good (espesh when Big Ben starts).
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

GREEN BAY AT SEATTLE
Pack in white with gold pants and green socks, their Jello 123 look. Seahawks in their ugly, shitty color head-to-toe. No-brainer.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

ST LOUIS AT CLEVELAND
Rams in white with metallic gold pants. Not so much Saints-ish as Notre Dame-ish. Not bad, but something is off about it. Browns in brown jerseys, looking better in the rain than the Rams. Plus the orange trim always helps.
WINNER: CLEVELAND

HOUSTON AT NEW ORLEANS
Texans in dark blue with white pants, looking good, but no match for the Saints in white with gold pants.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

NY JETS AT CAROLINA
Jets in green with white pants, Panthers in all white. Panthers have better colors, but that tapered deal on the pants still bugs me. Style wins out.
WINNER: NY JETS

BALTIMORE AT WASHINGTON
Ravens in crap shade of purple, Burgundyskins in white with burgundy pants. Another no-brainer.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

DETROIT AT DENVER
Lions in white with silver pants (shiny!) and blue socks, Broncos in orange with white pants and blue Nike spooge. Both teams have ugly numbers. I like the orange, natch, but Detroit is spoogeless.
WINNER: DETROIT

DALLAS AT SAN DIEGO
Cowboys in white with shiny pants, Chargers in dark blue. Greatest city in the world, Mud, but not their greatest uni. Come on Bolts, try!
WINNER: DALLAS

MINNESOTA AT SAN FRANCISCO
Vikes in all white with purple Vikey spooge. The purple socks are pretty in the sun. 49ers in red with gold pants. I love the 80s.
WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO

OAKLAND AT CHICAGO
Raiders in white with shiny pants, Bears in navy blue with white pants. This is weird: Chicago's trim seemed to keep changing color between orange and white, depending on the camera angle. I don't know whether there was some special Chromalusion-type material involved or if it was just an optical illusion caused by the cameras or the TV, but I'm not complaining. It was just weird.
WINNER: CHICAGO

KANSAS CITY AT TAMPA BAY
Chiefs in red with white pants, always stylish. Bucs in all white, stylish but plain in comparison.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

ARIZONA AT TENNESSEE
Both suck. Cards in all white, Titans in light blue jerseys and dark blue pants. As much as I hate to, I have to pick two-tone blue over Nike spooge.
WINNER: TENNESSEE

MIAMI AT JACKSONVILLE
Fish in white with aqua pants, Jags in teal (ugh!) with white pants. That pencil-thin Nike spooge is very disturbing.
WINNER: MIAMI

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 2)
Chicago Bears 2-0
Green Bay Packers 2-0
Indianapolis Colts 2-0
Kansas City Chiefs 2-0
New Orleans Saints 2-0
Philadelphia Eagles 2-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 2-0
Washington Redskins 2-0
Dallas Cowboys 2-1
Atlanta Falcons 1-1
Cleveland Browns 1-1
Detroit Lions 1-1
Miami Dolphins 1-1
New York Jets 1-1
San Francisco 49ers 1-1
Tennessee Titans 1-1
Carolina Panthers 1-1
Denver Broncos 1-1
Houston Texans 1-1
New York Giants 1-1
Oakland Raiders 1-1
Seattle Seahawks 1-1
St Louis Rams 1-1
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-1
Arizona Cardinals 0-2
Baltimore Ravens 0-2
Buffalo Bills 0-2
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-2
Minnesota Vikings 0-2
New England Patriots 0-2
San Diego Chargers 0-2
Cincinnati Bengals 0-3

NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE - EXHIBITION WEEK 1 IN REVIEW
by Mr. Coloredwell

A full slate of 16 games...let's get busy! (Games are reviewed in the order I got to see them.)

CAROLINA AT BALTIMORE
I still wish the stripe on Carolina's pants wasn't tapered, but otherwise still perhaps the best all-white uni in the league. I love the whole color scheme, espesh the light blue socks and trim, and the logo is fabulous. Meow. Baltimore's numbers are just putrid, they have too many logos and they all suck (espesh the crest on the field) and the color scheme is all wrong. Even the purple jersey is a bad shade.
WINNER: CAROLINA
PS: WR Armanti Edwards looks very nice in Carolina white, but I still say he could win a few Grey Cups as a CFL QB. Please Armanti, go to Hamilton, my beloved Tiger-Cats need you!

NEW ORLEANS AT NEW ENGLAND
Ah, memories of SB XLIV! The Saints' road uni with gold pants is one of the best looks in football. And with the black socks, Jello 123! The Cheaters home uni, dark blue jerseys and silver pants with their deformed numbers? Hate it! This matchup was never in doubt.
WINNER: NEW ORLEANS

OAKLAND AT DALLAS
The battle of the shiny pants! This one is tough to pick. Both sport clean, classic looks. Raiders in black always look good, albeit monochrome, and even in a dome their pants are still shiny. Cowboys in home white, same as last week. I guess the one tweak to the Dallas uni I would make is metallic blue helmets to match their pants. In the end, it comes down to me hating Dallas.
WINNER: OAKLAND

BUFFALO AT WASHINGTON
Bills make the dreaded mistake of wearing dark color jerseys and pants together. And it's a bad dark blue. And the red socks, which I like, don't help. Washington correctly combines white (jerseys) with burgundy (pants). (This also works vice versa.) Throw in some gold trim and you've got a tasty color combo. And since they don't wear any red, I'm going to start calling them the Burgundyskins.
WINNER: WASHINGTON

JACKSONVILLE AT PHILADELPHIA
Ugh. Both unis just awful. Jagoffs in teal. I fucking despise teal! And what is with this thin, deli-sliced Nike spooge? Eagles have ugly numbers and a bad color scheme. The green is too dark, and they need less black and more silver. I've never seen Philly in all white before. I'll throw them a bone for the novelty.
WINNER: PHILADELPHIA

KANSAS CITY AT ATLANTA
Chiefs in all white, their only faux pas. They really should wear their red pants with the white jerseys. Falcons in red jerseys need better trim design, the numbers are ugly, and they need to lose the tapered pant stripe.
WINNER: KANSAS CITY

TAMPA BAY AT MIAMI
Two teams that look delicious in orange, but rarely wear it. Sigh. (I'm just glad I don't have to launder them after this muddy game!) Fish in aqua jerseys, the numbers have that shadowing thing of which I'm not a fan, looks almost cartoonish. Bucs go all white, blood red trim with just a hint of orange. Actually, they give Carolina's all white look a run for the money.
WINNER: TAMPA BAY

CLEVELAND AT GREEN BAY
Browns in all white, which apparently, and hopefully, means they've ditched the brown pants from last year. (Natch I'd prefer their old orange pants.) Another good all white uni, but not enough to beat the Pack's green jersey/gold pants home uni, one of the best in the game.
WINNER: GREEN BAY

DETROIT AT PITTSBURGH
Lions in road white never look as good as their home blue, and they still have those shitty new numbers. Steelers uni always looks great, except of course for the non-block numbers.
WINNER: PITTSBURGH

SAN FRANCISCO AT INDIANAPOLIS
Niners in red with their awesome 80s look. Fabulous as always. Colts in very interesting all white 50s throwbacks with dark blue trim and dark blue helmets with white horseshoes at the back. The color scheme is not unlike Toronto (where they play next week). Arrrrrrrrgooooos!!! This is a tough call. Timeless classic or neato novelty? In a close one, novelty ekes it out. I look forward to seeing the blue version.
WINNER: INDIANAPOLIS

DENVER AT CINCINNATI
Broncos in blue, Bengals in white. Both hideous. Both make orange look bad. Both have ugly numbers and Nike spooge. Who do I hate more? Denver, I just hate their unis. And that closet case Tebow. CincinNazi, I hate the unis, the whole team, and the whole stupid city.
WINNER: DENVER

CHICAGO AT SAN DIEGO
Bears in white jerseys and navy pants, just like 1985. Non-block numbers and dark pants are usually a no-no, but the Bears are the exception that proves the rule. Chargers in dark blue jerseys, which aren't necessarily bad, but they certainly aren't anywhere near as good as the powder blues. When will the Bolts learn?
WINNER: CHICAGO

MINNESOTA AT ST LOUIS
Vikes in all white with lots of purple Nike spooge. Ick. Rams in dark blue jerseys, white pants, and metallic gold trim. Not as good as their L.A. look, but certainly better than Vikey spooge.
WINNER: ST LOUIS

TENNESSEE AT SEATTLE
Titans in white jerseys and, yes, Columbia blue pants. Hey, that's Argentina's color scheme! How dare they disgrace it so! Plus their numbers suck, I'm still pissed about the towel-stomping incident, and Nate Washington is a traitor! Seahawks still need to go back to some real colors and ditch the stupid head-to-toe "gun metal blue" eyesore. It's not even consistent from helmet to jersey to pants. Doesn't it rain a lot in Seattle? Why do they need an artificial wet look? Bleah. At least they have block numbers and no spooge. Plus, they're not the Titans. So style beats color.
WINNER: SEATTLE

NY GIANTS AT NY JETS
Ah yes, the new stadium (the players got tired of tripping over Jimmy Hoffa) that they forgot to put a roof on but get to host a Super Bowl anyway. WTF? G-Men in road white with grey pants and red socks/trim. The Heat...er, I mean, the Jets in home green with white pants. Both good classic looks. G's unis just more colorful.
WINNER: NY GIANTS

HOUSTON AT ARIZONA
Texans in white with dark blue pants and red trim. Dark pants? Non-block numbers? Yet somehow, inexplicably, they make it work. Thus they are exempt from the same two rules as Chicago. Cardinals in red with white pants, still have shrinky-dinked numbers and a bad case of Nike spooge.
WINNER: HOUSTON

2010 NATIONAL FASHION LEAGUE STANDINGS (thru Exhibition Week 1)
Carolina Panthers 1-0
Chicago Bears 1-0
Denver Broncos 1-0
Green Bay Packers 1-0
Houston Texans 1-0
Indianapolis Colts 1-0
Kansas City Chiefs 1-0
New Orleans Saints 1-0
New York Giants 1-0
Oakland Raiders 1-0
Philadelphia Eagles 1-0
Pittsburgh Steelers 1-0
Seattle Seahawks 1-0
St Louis Rams 1-0
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1-0
Washington Redskins 1-0
Dallas Cowboys 1-1
Arizona Cardinals 0-1
Atlanta Falcons 0-1
Baltimore Ravens 0-1
Buffalo Bills 0-1
Cleveland Browns 0-1
Detroit Lions 0-1
Jacksonville Jaguars 0-1
Miami Dolphins 0-1
Minnesota Vikings 0-1
New England Patriots 0-1
New York Jets 0-1
San Diego Chargers 0-1
San Francisco 49ers 0-1
Tennessee Titans 0-1
Cincinnati Bengals 0-2

[Duxoop here, letting you know that the Duck Pond's resident sports fashion critic, Mr. Coloredwell, is back from vacation and ready to rock ya with his usual style and finesse. Take it away, Mr. C...]

MR. COLOREDWELL'S WEEKLY FOOTBALL FASHION REPORT

Hi there, sweeties! I have returned, and I am mostly over the quarterfinal loss of my beloved Argentina in the World Cup. And most of the tinnitus brought on by those retarded vuvuzelas has finally subsided. Time to launch ourselves into this fall's football fashions!

Yes, I am including exhibition games (and yes, I know the NFL prefers to call them 'preseason' games, but screw them, I'm an exhibitionist!). No, I am not including any games played during Ben Roethlisberger's undeserved suspension. (Innocent until proven guilty. Ever hear that phrase, Roger Goodell? You would have made a great judge...in the Salem witch trials!)

I think all 32 NFL teams are wearing Reebok, so unless noted otherwise they get the credit or the blame as the case may be. And away we go...

DALLAS vs CINCINNATI at Canton (Hall Of Fame Game)
Cowboys in white jerseys, metallic blue pants and royal blue socks. Bengals in black jerseys and socks, and white pants. Two teams I despise.

But at least the 'Boys know how to dress. Classic uni. Frankly it's a wonder an owner like Jerry Jones hasn't fucked it up. Yet. I love the shiny pants, and the pretty blue socks that match their block numbers really bring their whole look together. Dallas is one of those teams that do a good job sporting what I like to call the Jello 123 look: Dark color socks, light color pants, and a white jersey.

I can safely say this already, the Bungles are the worst-dressed team in the league. I simply cannot stand those varicose pumpkins on their heads, their numbers are crap, the white down the side of the jersey doesn't work, nor do the helmet-matching shoulders, and the striped Nike spooge on the pants should be punishable by death. In fact, I wish whoever designed these unis would fall from the back of a pickup truck and die!

WINNER: DALLAS

That of course is the only game this week. I'll see you next week here on the Pond for a full slate of exhibitionism!

'APPY BASTILLE DAY!

Today for breakfast I made French roast coffee with a French press and French toast using French bread, for lunch I had French fries and French onion soup, for dinner I had a French dip with French dressing, and for dessert I had French vanilla ice cream with French's mustard.

Then I played the French horn, watched "The French Connection", visited French Lick and the French Quarter, got a French kiss from a French maid, put on a French tickler and did the French Mistake.

NOT THAT I REALLY GIVE 23 SHITS, BUT...

As a Buckeye and Buckeye fan, I would have liked to see Lebron James go to Ohio State. Wouldn't that have thrown everyone for a loop?

But again, I couldn't care less. I more or less gave up on the NBA after Detroit's "Bad Boys" era ended.

I did, however, sing "The Heat Is On" at karaoke right after the announcement was made. Never let it be said I'm not topical.

Now to sit back and watch the rioting begin in Cleveland. They'll probably set that river on fire again!

ANAGRAM OF THE MONTH: MAHUT-ISNER = HUMANS TIRE

But when it comes to long sporting contests, Mahut vs. Isner was nothing compared to Roberts vs. Huron:

BREAKING NEWS!

MR. COLOREDWELL: "I'M OUT!"

Well, okay, that's not exactly breaking news, but...

Duxoop here, with an important message for all my loyal, regular readers (yeah right, excuse me for a moment while I laugh at my own delusion).

So, yeah, just in case there's anyone out there who's actually been reading this blog on a regular basis, you'll notice that all of Mr. Coloredwell's posts about the World Cup have been deleted, upon his request.

Frankly, we shouldn't have started in the first place. We almost cancelled the whole thing during the first weekend due to all those retarded vuvuzela-blowing douchebags.

The deal should have been, either the vuvuzelas go, or we go. The deal ended up being, if Argentina goes, we go. The Argentinians (and their beautiful uniforms) were eliminated today, thus Mr. C, in tears, asked me to pull the plug, and I obliged.

Shame on FIFA for not banning vuvuzelas. They have completely ruined the entire tournament. I am not watching another second, and neither is Mr. C. We must take a stand. And shame on South Africa and their soccer fans, for the worst sound created by humans since disco!

Hopefully come 2014 in Brazil, intelligence will somehow prevail and vuvuzelas will be banned. Then we'll try all of this again.

Also it is my sincere hope that Mr. Coloredwell will gracious agree to do a weekly feature here on the Pond when football season starts. If so, he will be covering college football froom the get-go, but he would of course join me in boycotting the NFL season for the duration of Ben Roethlisberger's undeserved suspension.

One last message from Mr. C.: "See you in September!"